private IN A DIFFERENT LIFE &. marbleleaf

[CATERPILLARFUZZ.]

DAYS SEEM SOMETIMES AS IF THEY'LL NEVER END​

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"marbleleaf can i ask you something? i... I don't want to sound... I mean i..."

caterpillarfuzz ducks her head as she enters the medicine cat den. she's not desire to bother the younger cat but... there is always guilt in her stomach when she talks to the daughter of her former mentor– a cat she still saw as a mother. a cat that she... killed. it was an accident, as much as it could be, and thought chilledstar tried to ease her worries about it, it still hung over her head like a dark and heavy cloud. even siltcloud had said she was happy for her and not upset. but... how much of that was true? and did... did marbleleaf hate her, too?

"does siltcloud visit you, sometimes? when you sleep? you can tell me to go away or something, I dunno. i just... I miss her. she's... I know she's your mom, and everything and everyone kept telling me that i... did something good but I've never felt that way. never. she was... the closest thing I had to a mom snd she taught me so much and the... the fact that... it's my fault... i... does she... I'm sorry I took her from you. if I could have... i... I'm sorry. I shouldn't make you think about any of this, you have so much going... how are you holding up with everything?"

silly question after silly question. she just wants marbleleaf to know she's in her corner, and she always would be. she made a promise to herself to look after the young medicine cat the day she accidently killed her mother. she would do her best to remain true to her word, even if maebleleaf hated her.

// @MARBLELEAF
​

 

[MARBLELEAF]

MARBLELEAF

SHE / THEY ◆ SHADOWCLAN MEDICINE CAT

Marbleleaf's paw pads feel swollen; she's been on her feet almost without ceasing since Moltface's collapse. She pours over the herbs in her stock again and again, her mind racing and stilling with misplaced adrenaline. The chickweed is my best bet, she thinks again. Starlingheart, what do I do for bellyache? For sickness? I could treat her like a pregnant queen, but I fear she'll sicken and waste anything I try to shove down her throat…

Her thoughts are interrupted by a soft, searching voice. "Marbleleaf? Can I ask you something?" She turns, sees a shape outlined in pale afternoon light. The medicine cat's gaze darkens with immediate concern. "You're feeling alright, aren't you?" She abandons her herbs, stepping carefully around the sickbeds littering her den. She evades each one with quiet guilt.

Caterpillarfuzz has a guarded expression, her voice trembling. The question she asks Marbleleaf has the pale tabby completely dumbfounded. "Does Siltcloud visit you, sometimes? When you sleep?" She studies the warrior, ensnared in the only memory she has of her mother's death—a patrol returning, quietly victorious, splashed with a traitor's blood. She had recognized the scent, had demanded to know what had happened, but they had all just… looked at her. Through her. Unwilling—unable?—to confess to their sins.

Marbleleaf blinks the thought away. "She… used to," she murmurs, evading the other she-cat's gaze. "But it's been awhile. Why? What do you… does she… visit you?" And there's something impossible about that, she knows—warriors do not dream with StarClan, not the way she had. Sycamorebloom had, but… he'd been Siltcloud's son…

Caterpillarfuzz keeps going. Rambling. Why is she telling me all this? Why is she asking me all this now? Marbleleaf feels the exhaustion in her bones, hollowing her skeleton, souring her stomach. She licks her lips, exhales through her nose. I shouldn't be upset. There must be some reason she's sought me out.

"I loved my mother," she mews simply. "But she betrayed her Clan, and she was a killer. I'll never not miss her… but you… I don't blame you. For what happened." Marbleleaf manages a shrug, one ear flicking to listen to the rattled breathing of her newest patient.

I don't have time to miss her, really. The death of her mother is a long-healed wound, scabbed over and flecked away… in reality, it's Starlingheart she really misses, who she really mourns. But she has the luxury of walking in the spirit world, the gift of communing with ghosts—and Caterpillarfuzz does not. Marbleleaf can imagine how much more difficult it is to cope with death when you could wait a lifetime to meet your loved ones again.

"I'm…" A guilty, evasive glance is sent Moltface's way. "I'm okay. Thank you. For asking."

ooc:

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accordion

Marbleleaf is the ShadowClan medicine cat. She is thin, with a short fawn tabby pelt; the base color is a dull, almost-gray slate, and the whorling classic stripes are deeper shades of wet sand. She has white facial markings, chest, and paws, an angular face and build, and moss-colored eyes.

Lilacfur x Siltcloud / sibling to Sycamorebloom / mate to none / parent to none
mentored by Starlingheart / mentoring none
14 moons old as of 02/01/2025

penned by Marquette

 

[CATERPILLARFUZZ.]

DAYS SEEM SOMETIMES AS IF THEY'LL NEVER END​

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"she... does. or she... did, i guess. i don't... know. i think maybe she just... was my imagination."

there is nothing telling her otherwise. she doesn't want to keep stressing out marbleleaf, however, and she can tell she is. her ears twitch as she quietly shuffles her paws beneath her, ears perking right up when she says she doesn't blame her. she guesses she's happy for that but... did it really matter if she would always blame herself? it didn't matter how evil... how fucked up siltcloud was. she was the first cat to teach her anything... and to believe in her. she doesn't think she's ever had that before, and so it stuck, even if some parts of her realize that she was simply being manipulated.

"...thank you for saying that."

she whispers before she turns her head towards the patients in the den. they sounded bad, from what she could hear. but she knows nothing of medicine and will not pretend to either.

"you don't have to be okay but i understand. just... try to take care of yourself, too. and if you need anything you can always ask me. i can't heal the way you can but i can... i can tell a joke. or perhaps, change your nest. or even... make sure you don't have any fleas or anything. you deserve to be able to... just take a moment. cant take care of us if you're not at your best, too. okay?"

ugh. she doesn't mean to sound like she's lecturing them about self care. far from what she means to do. she just wants marbleleaf to be okay.

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