private ˚☾˚.⋆ LET THE BYGONES GO BYE-BYE ⟡ LOSTPAW ⋆˚࿔

[Amberhaze]

AMBERHAZE

HE/HIM SHADOWCLAN LEAD WARRIOR

He couldn't sleep again. It wasn't uncommon for him to lose precious hours of slumber once the sun had cast it's final dimming light against the muddied marshland, and yet tonight seemed... worse somehow. Maybe because of the battle. Maybe because they had lost so much again. Maybe because the only trophy they came back with was their survival. Maybe because of Sharpshadow's accusation. Maybe because his trust in his leader was compromised in a way he never would have thought possible before. Maybe it was everything. All of this and more. He tried not to dwell on what was past, what could not be changed, and yet as he sat here alone on the outskirts of camp... he couldn't help himself. He wished that he could change it, despite the fact that he knew it was an impossibility. If they had some something differently, would the outcome have been better? Maybe they could have convinced Ternstar to just let Thunderclan lay claim to what was originally theirs, even if perhaps it would have been seen as cowardly. But wouldn't they have been seen as such a thing regardless? They had retreated, and not only did they retreat, but it wasn't even Ternstar who had called for it. It had been Sharpshadow, her underling, one who was seen as lesser than her... what would that look like to the other clans, to Thunderclan? He sighed, the realization that they would have lost no matter what path they had chosen to walk weighing heavily upon taut shoulders.

His mulling was interrupted by the prickling of his spine, the sensation that he was being watched, though perhaps not in a way that could have been perceived as a threat. No, the thrumming of paws was too delicate, too hesitant to be malicious. With the flick of a heavy ear and the tilt of an angular head, he would turn to meet the eyes of his apprentice as she approached with uncertainty. "Lostpaw, um..." Rising to his paws, he attempted to regain even an ounce of composure in her presence. How embarrassing it would be for her to think her mentor was some kind of... well, loser. Not that he wasn't, but he could at least try to fake being anything more. "What are you d-doing awake? It's- It's late."

ooc:

@lostpaw

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Amberhaze is a black oriental shorthair crossed with a cornish rex. He has a sickly looking build with a rat-like tail and unnaturally wide ocher eyes.

npc x npc / sibling to wormwatcher / other kin unknown
mentored by wormwatcher / mentoring lostpaw
21 moons old as of 02/21/2025

penned by sloane

 

[lostpaw]

lostpaw had been beyond excited for her first gathering as an apprentice, though admittedly quite anxiousas well considering the recent tensions with thunderclan. still, she had enjoyed learning about the other clans when amberhaze had taken her around the border, and most of the other cats she had seen at the gathering had been quite nice despite her quiet, nervous demeanor at meeting them. no, that part of the gathering had gone alright. the part that was keeping her up...

"All cats must accept the existence of StarClan. To deny them is to deny the code itself."

it had been struck down by the other leaders -- that made sense, lostpaw knew that skyclan was filled with cats like hers, ones the clans considered outsiders -- but it still made her think. growing up, the only ones she could believe in were her and her mother. fathers rarely stuck around the motley families she had seen around, and more often than not, the loners were, well, loners. the concept of ancestors, watching...she wondered if her ancestors existed in the same sense that these clanborn cats believed theirs did. she couldn't even begin to fathom the thought, of knowing a grandmother or aunt or other close connection that would watch over her in their death.

her paws wandered with her mind, careful to keep to the outskirts of camp so as to not disturb anyone, but maybe starclan was guiding them tonight, because she spotted a familiar shadow as she padded silently around a pile of discarded moss balls.

she wasn't surprised that her mentor was awake, knew that more often than was healthy he haunted the corners of their camp with his own insomnia. lostpaw didn't try to mask her presence, but amberhaze's reaction to her presence came much sooner than she expected, an awareness of his surroundings that the apprentice hoped would be passed on to her with time.

"Lostpaw, um...What are you d-doing awake? It's- It's late."

he didn't sound upset, more surprised at her presence. which was fair -- lostpaw tried not to make a habit of skulking around at night. she sat not far from her mentor, tail twitching as she glanced upwards. what was she doing awake, really?

"silverpelt looks brilliant tonight," she murmured, almost to herself instead of amberhaze. it was as much an observation as a reason, as a quote, a callback to lichenstar's words a few night ago. lostpaw looked over to amberhaze, cool blue-green eyes peering at the older tom. "does it make me a bad warrior -- a bad member of shadowclan -- if --" her voice caught, an invisible stone digging into her throat. she exhaled sharply, tried again. "if it's...difficult, to believe, sometimes?"

｡:ﾟ.°✧ PLEASE DONT LET THEM SEE ME

• ooc.

• LOSTPAW (she/her) is a six moon old shadowclan apprentice with shorthair cream tabby fur with low white and blue-green eyes. she is the gen1 daughter of two rogue npc's and is being mentored by amberhaze.
  
  TAGS. penned by riyue. dm me on discord (xriyue) for plots.​

​

 

[Amberhaze]

AMBERHAZE

HE/HIM SHADOWCLAN LEAD WARRIOR

As the smaller figure settled down beside him, he would shift his weight nervously as he attempted to make room for her. Not that he needed to move much, kitten-fluff still visibly clinging to her coat which had yet to fill out- fill out as much as a Shadowclanner could, anyways- a testament to her youth, an innocence that she still managed to retain. It scared him, her fragility. It was such a fleeting thing, something that only grows hardened with the experience of simply being alive, and yet... he hoped she would not lose it entirely. He hoped that she would continue to see good in the world, in others, in herself. But not too much. Too much kindness, too much compassion, a heart too tender was a danger in of itself.

Her question caught him off guard, and he would swallow hard as he realized what this was. Oh, man. Memories of his talks with Talonstrike flashed through his mind- his shortcomings, his failures- the way that nothing he ever said to the younger tom ever seemed to reach him. He would try, and when he did, venom would be spat back into his face. He figured he deserved it, the way he always seemed to say the wrong thing, the way he wasn't really there for him the way he may have wanted him to be. The way he needed him to be. Would he make the same mistake again now, with Lostpaw? He was sure it would be worse if he did, for Talonstrike had always had thick skin... too thick, even. Lostpaw was on an end so far away from that they wouldn't have been able to see one another from their positions on either side. His heart began to race, his flesh growing so hot it seemed as though it were boiling, his breath catching in his throat which threatened to close itself off entirely, his head spinning, his teeth grinding, his-

He had to do this.

A shuddering breath. Ochre eyes would bear down into his apprentice's, that of which were much more soft, that of which would plead for something. Anything. To his own surprise, he did not need to wrack his frazzled brain for an answer. It came naturally, and it felt right as it slipped from his drying tongue. "No." It seemed obvious, really, but perhaps he was biased. Perhaps he understood only because he was not Shadowclan born, the stars being mere flecks that littered the sky without any true meaning besides beauty being tied to them. It was not until he was taught that perhaps there could be more beyond that veil that he began to consider it... and he didn't like to, not often. "There are a l-lot of things in life th-that are difficult to b-believe. Sometimes I h-have a hard time believing it, m-myself. Um... I-I wasn't born here. In- In Shadowclan. I used to live on a- a barn, before..." He trailed off, his claws unsheathing at the memory. "Uh- B-Before I came here. Chilledstar l-let me stay, gave me the c-chance to become a w-warrior... I don't regret m-my decision to stay even f-for a second, but- ...Y-You don't always feel Shadowclan sometimes." There was more to being a clan cat than mere blood, mere chance. So long as you proved your worth and gave yourself to your clan, that was what counted the most. But there would always be things that an outsider could never understand, could never really grasp the concept of. Starclan was only one of the multitude of these things, and it alienated you. He hoped she didn't yet bear the burden of being aware of everything that made her different, especially because it was entirely out of her control.

ooc:

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Amberhaze is a black oriental shorthair crossed with a cornish rex. He has a sickly looking build with a rat-like tail and unnaturally wide ocher eyes.

npc x npc / sibling to wormwatcher / other kin unknown
mentored by wormwatcher / mentoring lostpaw
21 moons old as of 02/21/2025

penned by sloane