camp 心という名の不可解 — nightmare

[SPIDERLILY]

to be reborn , you have to die first .
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Panic-stricken, Spiderlily had stumbled out of the nursery in a haze, chest heaving with choppy breaths. He had only been asleep for a short while, succumbing to his body’s wishes to rest burning eyelids that dragged like thick tar. He had done little to take care of himself, simply wishing for his kits to remain healthy as he stood guard in a camp where he shouldn’t have to. Oddly, it wasn’t even the fear of monsters taking away his kits, but that of bitter memories of broken promises and shadowed squeals of pain.

He laughed bitterly, willing the fur along his spine to lie flat as soft wheezes fell from a parted maw. He wished for his mate but was unwilling to seek the other out. He had done this more times than he could count on his own. The ghostly tom didn’t need another, even if their presence would soothe the achings in his chest like a balm to burns. He couldn’t afford to wake others, not in this pathetic state that befell him. He hoped his actions didn’t disturb his slumbering kits to breach the unwelcoming cold that settled heavily over his frame.

Chest rattling in tandem with the palpitating bursts of his heart, Spiderlily fell silent, dead hues staring ahead while thoughts swirled with no mercy. It was troublesome, having emotions that battled for dominance within a rampaging mind like his own, dark lips curling into a prominent scowl. “Emotions.” He began. “Fickle, aren’t they?” He muttered with a breathless laugh, tiredness weighing heavily on a grieving soul. Death could not escape such things, then how would he ever hope to survive? He sighed, pressing a paw against aching eyes, hoping to quell the familiar burn from sleepless nights. ​

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[WILDHEART]

"Emotions suck, don't they?" Wildheart spoke up from where he had been sitting in the shadows of the camp's clearing where the moonlight had failed to reach. The calico tom gave a slow blink before he willed himself to wander closer to Spiderlily, ultimately sitting not far from them but still maintaining some space of his own. He didn't wish to have the other see just how ruffled he was himself. Unfortunately there was no Patch to seek comfort from now and he had to learn how to manage his demons alone.

Usually he wouldn't bother getting mixed up in the emotions of others but he supposed that every great leader had to learn how to care for others sooner or later. This was a chance to practice. "So... do you want to talk about what's happening in your head, or would you prefer to sit here and mutter to yourself?"
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[SPIDERLILY]

to be reborn , you have to die first .
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Burning hues flickered to Wildheart’s form, hidden amongst the shadows he appeared with words of confirmation, drawing a tired snort from the queen. If only emotions weren’t traitorous, to live in utter bliss was a dream he couldn’t dare to hope for himself. “Traitorous, yes.” He sighed, with a paw against tender hues, claws curling into the mesh of smokey, albino fur when he pulled away, glancing up with weary hues to observe the blanketing sky, frown present on dark lips.

Truly a wonder, what happens after death when bodies decompose while minds travel elsewhere. Spiderlily grinned, bittersweet and filled with melancholy. “When you become a parent perhaps.” He mused, tired hues drifting to stare at the young warrior. He had no intentions of speaking his woes to him, not even his mate was privy to such thoughts and bitter emotions, playing along as he normally did, grumpy and dull of life, watching his kits grow. “Why not a third option?” He hummed, tail gliding lazily against the cold ground. “Sitting in silence, or perhaps you’d like to speak of your woes keeping you up?” He glanced at the other through his peripheral. ​

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thought speech​

 

[RACCOONSTRIPE]

Raccoonstripe recognizes the haunted, empty look in Spiderlily’s amber eyes. The tom lurches from the nursery, spiked fur forced into submission along his spine, gaze haunted and fixed upon some unknown point in the distance. There’s a bitter wheeze that escapes between trapped teeth, clenched tight enough to shatter. Wildheart is already outside of the warriors’ den, already cloaked in shadow and moon; Raccoonstripe’s former apprentice, in a rare show of camaraderie, approaches the scarred queen on deft paws, offering an ear and a warm body if nothing else. A momentary flash of something that almost feels like pride warms the tabby’s toes, though he says nothing initially, joining the other toms and swishing the salt from his mouth.

He, too, had awakened in a startled rush, his heart hammering behind his scarred chest. Raccoonstripe had risen shakily from his nest, thinking he’d stumble into an empty clearing alone to clear his head, but tonight he’s joined by other restless souls. He eyes Spiderlily, then Wildheart, before forcing his mouth to work into clearing his throat. “What did you mean by that—when you become a parent?” He thinks of his sister, mother to seven kits and cold under the earth. He thinks of the tortoiseshell queen who’d wailed over her child’s body, whose blood had coated his teeth.

, ”​

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[WILDHEART]

The calico felt a prickle of irritation with Spiderlily's choice of words. Why did becoming a parent matter at all in such a situation? It wasn't like he would ever be one given that he would never see a mate at his side, at least he didn't believe that he would ever find another love. All the same he didn't understand why it would potentially hinder his ability to understand and reason with the other's emotions and thoughts. He longed to make a foul remark but he bit it back and tried to look sympathetic, though his sympathy-look still seemed more like a scowl.

The third option is presented and it caused the tom to scoff. "I guess it's gonna be silence then, I won't be sharing unless you do too." If he was going to be made to open up then he expected something in return. However, the night was not to remain just between the two of them as Raccoonstripe joined them. His former mentor seemed to zero in on Spiderlily's parent remark and he finds himself eyeing the pair with further curiosity. Though he had a burning question on his tongue that needed to be said. "Why are you up, Raccoonstripe?"
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[SPIDERLILY]

to be reborn , you have to die first .
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

He snorted, grinning wearily up at the blanket of stars that hung haphazardly across the darkening sky, dark ears flickering with a rumbling hum that rattled the queen’s chest. His tail curled even tighter around his paws, grounding himself with a light-hearted laugh bubbling up and out of his throat. “Silence it is.” His grin returned, even more tired than before, allowing his shoulders to unwind and droop further into himself.

Racconstripe approached. Another lost soul, no doubt. It seemed the nightmares were most popular tonight. How dreadful. He thought with a drawn-out sigh. He grinned at the other’s question, tilting his head toward the other with shadowed hues. “Death.” He rumbled, tone eerily calm despite the turbulence of emotions running wild throughout the far reaches of his mind, burrowing his nightmare further into his skin until it finally found a home in his rotting corpse.

A parent’s fear, he guessed, or was it just him? Spiderlily never paid much mind to it, obsessed with bones and all things that others found strange. He was a peculiar cat, that much he had accepted. How many would they send to die? So soon after they leave the nursery. His thoughts tricked back to things he dared not admit. Things he had tucked away to collect cobwebs, far out of sight, but it seemed he couldn’t escape them during rest. He hummed bitterly, pinkish hues sliding over to watch Racconstripe, ears swerving at Wildheart’s question. “It seems we all share something in common.” He uttered with a slow swish of his tail, not bothering to add more to his statement, falling silent with a gentle breath. ​

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thought speech​