sensitive topics walking the line between panic and losing my mind // scuffle

[✧ Siltcloud.]

NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD
THEY WAY YOU LAID YOUR EYES ON ME ​

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siltcloud & 19 moons & female & she/her & shadowclan exile ​

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In the end, Siltcloud has many regrets. That she'd trusted granitepet. That she'd gone along with his foolish plan to send the kittens to windclan. That she'd allowed herself to care for lilacfur knowing well how painful it'd been when she'd lost loampelt. What she doesn't regret, however, is taking matters into her own paws. Her life is her own now - and she wants her revenge.

Spilling shadowclan blood comes easily now - as easy as it'd been to pounce upon grey-furred figure the moment they'd crossed the thunderpath. As easy as it'd been to look lilacfur in the face and lie through her sharp white teeth about how she'd 'found' pitchstars body. As easy as it'd been to slaughter basilwhisker where he lie, wheezing and half-dead from yellowcough. She thinks little of it as she darts across the thunderpath, the sound of roaring echoing in her ears as she crouches low against the ground, tail twitching and ears on high alert.

Time pasess, but siltcloud is content to lie in wait, the feel of the leaf-bare sun on her pelt and the movement of the shadows around her the only sign of the passing time - she is a patient cat after all. And then, at last, someone is stupid enough to stray her way. Of course, she knows that she can't be so lucky as to have found someone alone - but the moment she has between now and then is more than enough. The moment ashenpaw steps into view, siltcloud leaps, hoping to barrel him over despite her small size. teeth and claws lash blindly for a moment, simply hoping to cause as much damage in that moment as she can.. She's running out of time after all - who knows how far away his mentor is?

━ actions & " speech, " & 'thoughts/quotes' ━

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A N D ━ S O ━ I T ━ S E E M S ━ I ━ B R O K E ━ Y O U R ━ H E A R T

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@ASHENPAW

 

[ASHENFALL]

˚⊹₊‧ 𖦹 One would think that all of Ashenpaw's agonizing over the ever-looming threat of being violently murdered out of the blue would make him more vigilant in his daily life. Unfortunately, it seems that all that fear wanted to manifest as was incomprehensible thought-spirals that fuzzed up his external senses.

The wind is knocked out of him as he's tackled into the snow and all he can think is, I'm going to die. Finally the vultures have had enough fun mocking him day in and day out and decided to finally descend upon him. He thinks he can hear their oily feathers and clicking beaks over the sound of blood in his ears, heart pounding like prey.

Ashenpaw feels teeth and claws dig into his shoulder, only a few hairs-length away from his neck and the panic sets in, I'm going to die, Siltcloud will kill me and I'll die. Air fills his lungs in a shallow gasp and he uses it to make a horrified shriek, "SMOGMAW!!!"

His father had to be close by, and Ashenpaw was going to get himself killed despite it. I'm so stupid and I'm going to die.

"Get off of me!" he hisses at his assailant from the ground, hardly seeing her ugly mug and predator-sharp-gaze through his panic. He rolls through the snow in a flurry of blind, desperate claws, hopefully slipping out of her reach and away from her murder-jaws.

YOU'LL ASK, 'WHAT CAN I DO?' ˚⊹₊‧ 𖦹 AND THERE WILL BE NO ANSWER

• OOC: yelling for @smogmaw
• 
• 
  — ashenkit . ashenpaw
  — ftm transmasc. he/him. 9mo apprentice of shadowclan. mentored by smogmaw
  — muted blue torbie w/ pale blue and amber eyes
  — smells of rainsoaked fern and swamp milkweed
  — all ic opinions!
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — icon by nya, fullbody by tropics, sticker by saturnid
  — penned by eezy
  

​

 

[✧ Siltcloud.]

NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD
THEY WAY YOU LAID YOUR EYES ON ME ​

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

siltcloud & 19 moons & female & she/her & shadowclan exile ​

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Ashenpaw puts up more of a fight than she expects - silent curses and swears flashing through minds eye as they tumble and roll across the ground, ears echoing from his shout for his fathers help. She tastes blood, but it isn't enough - he won't die here to day. She's not given a second chance though, as a stray root slams painfully into her shoulder sending teeth clattering and a hiss of pain through her jaws - it's only a moment, but she loses focus, lets the apprentice wriggle free from her grasp.

By the time vision clears, she watches soot-splotched frame dart out of her grasp, and this time the curses she sends the stars are audible. " Fox-dung, " she spits, even as back arch's and fur bristles, she knows it's done. The moment the sound of pawsteps reach cinnamon and white ears she's moving - only a moment of eye contact shared with whoever arrives first before she flees, through thickets and snow and mud until paws meet blackened path.

She is no coward, but she is no fool neither - this is not a fight she'll win.

━ actions & " speech, " & 'thoughts/quotes' ━

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A N D ━ S O ━ I T ━ S E E M S ━ I ━ B R O K E ━ Y O U R ━ H E A R T

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// this is now open! silt is currently fleeing, y/c are welcome to attempt to pursue but she will be escaping across the thunderpath and not be getting caught (yet)

 

[Garlicheart]

Garlicpaw prefers to hunt rather than fight. But today, as she stalks a lizard through the reeds, the chilling sound of her brother crying for Smogmaw chills her blood and makes her lose her prey. She feels her heart beating harder every second as she bolts in Ashenpaw's direction. Tears already form in her eyes as she runs, terrified of what she may find when she arrives.

"ASHENPAW!!" She calls her brother's name as she draws close, eyes widening as she sees Siltcloud, even meeting her gaze for a moment before the older molly makes a run for it. Something new bubbles up inside her. Something hot and uncomfortable that needs to be let out before it suffocates her.

"SILTCLOUD!!!" She shouts, her expression turning angry. Anger, that's what she was feeling. She doesn't remember if she's ever felt this way before. Had she ever been truly angry before?? Well, she is now.

"YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY BROTHER, YOU WEENIE!!" She shouts again as she takes off after her. "I'LL BEAT YOU INTO MUSH!!"

Perhaps what she feels is anger mixed with fear. If she lost anyone else in her family, she'd never recover. It's been hard enough trying to get back on her feet after Halfshade's death. Losing a sibling may as well kill her too. And that is why she chases Siltcloud with claws unsheathed and teeth bared. For this moment, she isn't silly little Garlicpaw. She is a furious sister ready to protect her brother no matter what.


((@MIREPURR mentor tag )))​

 

[APPLEJAW]

The scream is distinctly Ashenpaw's, and at that, she would bolt. Weaving between tall pines, uncaring of mud that splashed onto her fur, her hunt is swiftly dropped, in order to chase after her brother. Somewhere along the line, while she had ran. While clumps of reeds whizzed past her, she would catch a smattering of cream - and - grey, Garlicpaw, moving with an energy Applepaw hadn't thought she had for anything that mattered.

And perhaps it was better to yell. Better to yell so that they would know they were coming. " Ashenpaw! " her voice is a rumbling hiss, one punched hard from her lungs as they work. When she skids to a halt, teeth bared, the traitor is already gone, nothing but the scent of blood and betrayal letting her know she was ever there.

Applepaw curls her lip, tail lashing in her fury. Trying to control her panting, she spits, " Fox - dung! " and jerks to the form of her brother, a heap on the ground. Are you okay? ...It's a question that Garlicpaw would surely ask for her.

She blinks away the dust from her eyes. Specks of dirt, is all it was. Caught in her mouth and in her whiskers. Her heart thuds in her chest. Her mentor presumably not far behind, Applepaw lets a weak word follow from her maw. A breath, " ...was it Siltcloud? " Have threats within the few pieces of prey they had evolved into attacking former clanmates, now? Granitepelt had claimed she had no blood on her paws... Was exile really all it took to break that false morality? Or perhaps she had to fight her own battles, now that she didn't have another to lean on... " Which way did she go? "

( one track mind, one track heart ) ༊ ( if i fail i'll fall apart )

• ooc: mentor tag @CHILLEDSTAR. ! && edited according to timeline . . .
  

• 

• ( CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M THE WORST, SO I ALWAYS ACT LIKE I'M THE BEST ) APPLEPAW. apprentice of shadowclan. eldest sister to swanpaw, ashenpaw, and garlicpaw. ( + thornpaw, halfpaw & laurelpaw )
  —— she / her; confused by the use of others.
  —— currently 9 moons old as of 12.20.23. ages every 17th.
  
  longhaired blue torbie with a white chest, paws, and underbelly. A young cat you would describe as " bossy, " Applepaw is quick to take charge of any situation she sees herself as the probable head of. Naturally talented, and for the most part, a rule - follower. She thinks herself better than the majority of her peers. Not ignorant enough to think herself above a warrior, but seeks to gain that status as quickly as possible. Intensely self - motivated to be the best in a mixture of blind, childish desire, and wanting to fix what has been broken. Intensely closed off to close emotional connection and outwardly cold to most.

​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

DON'T YOU GIVE ME UP, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP​

---

damn it, damn it, damn it! they couldn't take this anymore! whatever weird damned grudge siltcloud held with the cats of shadowclan hardly made any sense to them, personally. she made her own grave. she dug it so deep, while helping dig the very graves of the cats that her brother had murdered for whatever sick ideal he was upholding. their teeth gritted as they nodded in the direction of her scent, looking over at screechpaw, and then to applepaw.

"both of you go help ashenpaw back to camp. now. i'll go see if i can catch up to that rat."

they growled, before taking off in the direction of siltcloud.

// @SCREECHPAW second apprentice tag
​

 

[smogstar]

The day bears witness to horror-stricken squeals, and at once the deputy's bloodstream is brought to a swelter. Stillness had reigned in the marshlands since sunrise, giving way to a peaceful wintry solstice; now, it is mired with the acrid stench of blood. His son's blood, certainly, evident in Ashenpaw's strained yelps that'd resounded along the skeletal treetops.

Auxiliary hollers of the apprentice's name helped Smogmaw orient himself closer to whatever ruckus was unfolding. Or, rather, had unfolded. Having carved a wild and erratic imprint through the snowy terrain, the trail ends at a dour display. Crimsonized snow, the bloodied and prostrate figure of Ashenpaw, and his siblings and leader looming above.

In a fortunate stroke, it would appear as though the violence reached a swift termination, before the skirmish became an atrocity. All the same, choler comes to supplant the tom's apprehension upon hearing his clanmate's observations. Siltcloud orchestrated and executed this attack, and by all indications, he'd just missed her. "Oh my days, that wretch," he snaps then. Chilledstar's form is sidestepped in favour of his young ones', severity burning in his amber pools as he inspects for outward wounds. "How do we keep missing her? We must be doing something wrong." The musings pour forth while a forepaw sweeps through bi-coloured strands.

His apprentice's shivering frame provokes worry and stoked wrath in equal measures, and his tone hardens on behalf of the victim. "Listen to your leader, get Ashenpaw back to camp," he instructs Applepaw and Screechpaw. "You'll be alright, son. I'll check in on you when I return."

Not a beat missed, the deputy becomes the third ShadowClan cat to tear after the fleeing assailant. His sights aren't so much set on Siltcloud as they are on Garlicpaw, though; hightailing after a loner who has a murderous agenda isn't wise (or very safe) in any given circumstance. Between her mother's shrewdness and her father's cunning, it's safe to say that, after nine moons, Garlicpaw hadn't inherited either. ​

 

[ASHENFALL]

˚⊹₊‧ 𖦹 For a minute or so, Ashenpaw remains a heap in the dirt, shivering and useless as a pile of rotten leaf-litter as he's swarmed by clanmates. He thinks he must be a corpse, for how useless and cold his limbs were, and for the tunneled, unclear apparitions of appearing before him. It must be a nightmare, he supposes, as he watches Garlicpaw charge after the perpetrator with a gusto he's never witnessed from her before. Applepaw is there too suddenly, kicking up snow and cursing and looking at him like... she was worried. He blinks again and she's barking out questions, ones he should answer, he thinks distantly, but then Smogmaw is nearby so he can only blink once more.

Was he not dead? All of this attention had the air of a funeral procession. They, the honored mourners, and He, the body, waxy and glass-eyed.

"She was going to kill me..." he mutters dumbly, watching Smogmaw's face but speaking to neither him nor to anyone in particular. A plain observation, it was. Shadowclan refrained from snapping the necks of the rats they'd raised, and now they were paying for it in blood. Ashenpaw was lucky to have been slippery enough to dart out of the beast's grasp this once — though not unscathed, as felt by the warmth of blood trickling down his arm and into the snow. The sting of wind against the wound brought his mind out of the sluggish fog, replaced by a piercing ring sounding incessantly in his ears.

Just another grim reminder, then? There was no reprieve to be had for him, the vultures would circle until they were thoroughly entertained.

His father and Chilledstar run off after Garlicpaw and the predator, and he has the wits to shout at his sister half-heartedly, "Mousebrain! Come back!" Ashenpaw stands but makes no moves to follow, afraid to summon a monster to swerve around and flatten the lot of them all should he approach the Thunderpath bearing his jinx. Instead, he turns to trudge — alive, yet defeated in all other aspects —back toward Shadowclan camp.

YOU'LL ASK, 'WHAT CAN I DO?' ˚⊹₊‧ 𖦹 AND THERE WILL BE NO ANSWER

• OOC: this is hella late but i wanted to make sure i did another reply hehe.. out unless stopped for whatever reason !
• 
• 
  — ashenkit . ashenpaw
  — ftm transmasc. he/him. 9mo apprentice of shadowclan. mentored by smogmaw
  — muted blue torbie w/ pale blue and amber eyes
  — smells of rainsoaked fern and swamp milkweed
  — all ic opinions!
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — icon by nya, fullbody by tropics, sticker by saturnid
  — penned by eezy
  

​