private FOLLOW YOU TO THE END [peri]

[GRAVELSNAP]

➴➴ The black-patched warrior’s mood has been worse than ever as of late, their disposition prickly and closed-off. They feel as though they should be happy for the clan’s recovery, but instead ask that they can think about is just how wrong the past month has been. Slateheart is gone, and his disappearance has ignited concern within the black-patched warrior. They worry for their brother’s safety—it would be unlike him to leave the territory of his own accord. Something must have happened to him, perhaps something terrible. In his mind’s eye a spray of blood flashes, and Gravelsnap winces as they bite their own tongue in shock.

They feel set adrift amidst the clan’s most recent struggles, and their recent distance from their closest friends has not helped their situation. Firefang wants nothing to do with them—and they have similarly pushed the she-cat away. Bluefrost is Bluefrost, unemotional and stoic just as her mother had been. She is a good friend, but Gravelsnap has found it difficult to speak with her as of late. The icy tension that lies between themself and Periwinklebreeze has been the hardest to deal with, however. There is not a moment of the day wherein they do not think about their friend, of soft fur and a softer smile. Today, they have returned to camp with a hare caught by chance, a difficult catch that nearly escaped their grasp in the first place. They had not considered delivering it themself when they had captured it, but as they duck through the heather tunnel into camp, hazel eyes flutter to a hardly-familiar den.

The nursery stands as a place to be avoided, filled with too-bold kits and too-fussy queens. But… there is one good thing in the nursery, now. They had judged the other for it at first, but even Gravelsnap must admit that Periwinklebreeze’s destiny has always been parenthood. Their steps are awkward as they shuffle their way into the den, eyes settling on the other tom before depositing the hare at his paws. They know the monochrome queen’s troubles with sleep, and they can only assume that he neglects himself in other ways as well, in favor of his kits. "You should eat. Prey is scarce, but… kits and queens first." Their voice wavers as they speak. I’ve missed you, they want to say, why did you do this? But instead, what comes out of their mouth is, "We should talk."

➼ maybe i’ve done enough

• ooc: @Periwinklebreeze.
• 
  GRAVELSNAP ❯❯ they/he, moor runner of windclan
  ⭃ average-sized black and white warrior who seems smaller than he is. speaks rarely and quietly.
  ⭃ sibling to slateheart
  ⭃ mentoring sheeppaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted
  ⭃ penned by foxlore

​

​

 

[Periwinklebreeze.]

PLAY US LIKE PAWNS AND RELENTLESSLY CONFINE
INTO LIVING UP TO GENDER ROLES AND HAVING ABSENT MINDS ​

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

periwinklebreeze ❀ 22 moons ❀ demi-boy ❀ windclan queen ​

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Gravelsnap is not wrong in his assumptions - for all that he's taken to his new role with relish, Periwinklebreeze has never been one to remember himself. And somehow, it has in fact slipped his notice that it isn't just his kits who eat first now, no, but himself. Without hunting and patrols to worry about, one would think he'd have a break, a well earned moment to himself - but no, he seems just as determined to run himself into the ground if only for different reasons. Owlish eyes blink, startled by the sudden presence - they've been... avoiding each other, to say the least, and the nursery has never been a place Gravelsnap frequented. There's that ever present hurt when he speaks, and yet he can't find it within himself to truly be mad. The anger, that fiery heat, it never rears its head - eyes dulling instead, and he has to fight that lifelong urge to run, to flee, to let his paws carry him away from this awkward situation as fast as they can. He is a coward through and through, no matter how hard he fights to be anything else.

What Gravelsnap says however is enough to still is paws, to keep from doing more than flinching when prey is placed before him. Hare - and oh, isn't that enough to have him feeling flushed again, even if he knows he hadn't meant it that way... probably. " Th-thank you, " his voice is warmer, more honest than he means it to be. Bringing him his favorite food - how could Peri not soften, even in the face of what he expects to be a terrible, horrible, awful conversation. Ears fold back nervously when he continues - 'We should talk.' he says, and doesn't that just tell him everything he needs to know? Anxiety coils in his belly, thrashing about like a trapped rabbit, heart all but pounding in his worry. But still, he takes a moment to eat - the bite of fresh kill is delicious, for all it feels like stone as he swallows it, painfully self-aware.

Shoulders roll, joints crackling painfully as he shores himself up - for what, exactly, he's not sure. Another argument? An apology? From whom - for what? He still can't seem to wrap his tired mind around Gravelsnaps anger, can't fathom why he'd been so upset. He'd been expecting it of course, the other had never seemed to like kits, barely tolerating even sootstars own - but not to this extent. And yet... he would, he'd apologize until he's blue in the face, if only to stay by the toms side. If only he knew what for. " Okay..... let's talk, " he agrees quietly, and for all that he's been sleeping lately he suddenly feels tired. " ... h-here or... or somewhere else, " He offers, uncertain. surely, Mintshade won't manage to destroy the nursery if he steps away for a moment, and with Rattleheart now taking up residence alongside Nightingalecry he's not to worried about the kits getting into too much trouble.

And he's not sure this is a conversation for little ears to overhear... or any ears, to be honest. There is too much between the two of them - sickbed confessions and warmth and love and pain and hurt and so much more all jumbled together, so much so that it threatens to burry him every time he thinks of it. A deep breathe - jolting and stilted, as he tries to bury his nerves. There's no need to work himself up now, he reminds himself - it'll only make things... worse.

━ actions & " speech, " & 'thoughts/quotes' ━

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Don't you think it's funny how they tell us how to live?​

Don't you think it's funny how we're all delinquent kids?​

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

 

[GRAVELSNAP]

➴➴ They had expected to keep their anger, to hold it close to their chest—to wield it as a weapon in the face of whatever Periwinklebreeze may throw at them. Because if they are angry, then they can’t feel hurt. But then their friend thanks them earnestly, and the anger they’ve worn falls right off of their shoulders. They feel almost… happy, truly, as Periwinklebreeze takes an appreciative bite of food. Something warm settles in their chest, a satisfaction that grows at the sight of their friend eating a meal caught with their own paws. "Don’t mention it," they respond smoothly, tail flickering behind them. But all too soon, the moment is broken, and they are forced to face the reality of the situation they’ve found themself in. They do not want to have this conversation. They fear the answers to all their questions. They know what’s coming—a blow to their pride, and a horrible new crack in their heart.

Here, or… Gravelsnap resists the urge to scoff. Of course "Elsewhere." Without awaiting the other warrior’s confirmation, they turn and stalk away, eel-black tail lashing behind them. They first lead Periwinklebreeze toward a corner of camp, but then they make a sharp turn in the direction of the heather tunnel. No one should listen to whatever conversation is about to follow—not even the clanmates closest to each of them. Were Slateheart to hear this, they would certainly be mortified; they cannot imagine a clanmate who isn’t related to them overhearing such a conversation.

At last, they turn back to the other tom, hazel eyes narrowed. "Your kits. Who…" They bite off the words that were meant to follow, because that is perhaps too invasive a question. It is also one that they don’t particularly care for the answer to. Who has replaced me? "Did you love their other parent, at least?" Their attempt to keep bitterness out of their tone falls flat. They know that any explanation given for those kits’ existence is a lie. It must be. Why else would they all look just like him? Each of them is a miniature of their father. It may be none of their business, after all—but they have to know. They had told him, so long ago… but have they slipped from his favor so easily?

➼ maybe i’ve done enough

• ooc: —
• 
  GRAVELSNAP ❯❯ they/he, moor runner of windclan
  ⭃ average-sized black and white warrior who seems smaller than he is. speaks rarely and quietly.
  ⭃ sibling to slateheart
  ⭃ mentoring sheeppaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted
  ⭃ penned by foxlore

​

​

 

[Periwinklebreeze.]

PLAY US LIKE PAWNS AND RELENTLESSLY CONFINE
INTO LIVING UP TO GENDER ROLES AND HAVING ABSENT MINDS ​

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

periwinklebreeze ❀ 22 moons ❀ demi-boy ❀ windclan queen ​

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The tom is content to follow behind in silence - sparing only one last parting glance at his prey. Surely, the kittens will find it far before he returns, he muses mournfully. It's hard enough to keep mischievous paws away from things they can't eat, there will be no prying them away from his prey either. Still, it'd been the gesture that mattered, and despite his anxiety and mounting anticipation he tried to hold onto that flash of warmth.

Gravelsnap leads him away from camp, and the queen only feels sicker. Though... perhaps its for the best. They've had their fair share of fights, some far more public than he'd like them to have been, and whatever problems they have shouldn't be anyone's business but theirs. Your kits' they ask, and Periwinklebreeze cant hide his wince. It's a sore subject between them after all - and not one wholly unexpected. But its his friends next words that have him freezing.

It takes far longer than it should for mind to wrap around the meaning, to understand what is being asked of him. " Wha-? " comes confused cry, only for him to visibly recoil, paws shuffling back as Gravelsnaps accusation finally registers. Hurt flashes through mismatched eyes, before the queen pulls himself to his full height, anxiety replaced by a sudden wave of anger. Face is blank as he speaks, each word snapped with venom - and stars, if words could kill - " L-love them? Love them? The k-kits aren't mine - n-not by b-blood - they were my f-friend nothing more! St-stars, they c-couldn't feed th-themselves - should I have let innocent k-kits suffer too? " he hisses - revealing far more of the truth than he means to in his righteous fury. For all that he'd been amicable towards Michael, truthfully it was the other toms bumbling that had driven him to make the offer. Michael could not care for kits - they'd die, with a father who could hardly feed himself and seemed to stumble into harms way with an ease that put his own bad luck to shame.

" Th-they we're pregnant before we ever crossed p-paths - you- you- " he wants to spit more vitriol, call Gravelsnap names, do something (anything) to hurt him as much as he's hurting in that moment. But the words fail him, tail lashing as tone quiets - pained and mournful. " What d-does it matter to y-you anyways? They're mine, my kits - stars, I d-didn't ask you to help me! You m-made it m-more than c-clear you wanted n-nothing t-to do with them - with me, anymore. " laws sink into the ground under paw as he struggles to understand - it's been moons since he'd returned, and Gravelsnap had done nothing. Said nothing. Sure, they hadn't run away or turned to immediate denial of the topic as Snailstride had... but surely, he's been rejected either way? Nothing more than friend, no matter how much he wished for more.

━ actions & " speech, " & 'thoughts/quotes' ━

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Don't you think it's funny how they tell us how to live?​

Don't you think it's funny how we're all delinquent kids?​

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

 

[GRAVELSNAP]

➴➴ Their gaze remains distant as they stare intently at the other tom, awaiting his response. What will he say? What can he say? In Gravelsnap’s eyes, there is nothing that Periwinklebreeze can say to bridge the gorge that divides them. They have caught him in a trap, a snare that tightens around his throat with each word he speaks. Each lie he is thinking of telling right now.

His cry of confusion comes out strangled, as though the snare digs into skin, and hazel eyes narrow. They’ve got him now. He has no way out. He must admit the truth—that he doesn't love Gravelsnap as they love him, that he not only sired kits, but that he did so with an outsider. They lean forward as their friend scrambles back, satisfaction gleaming in their eyes, but then they catch the surprised hurt in Peri’s gaze. They pause, breath hitching. Had they been wrong? Just as they consider it, fury clouds mismatched pale eyes and they are left staring, caught off guard, as the black-pointed warrior rises to his full height. Their friend slashes right through the rabbit trap they had sprung on him, and turns on them with an incredulous sort of anger. The kits aren’t his by blood, he says, drawing a disbelieving scowl from the black-patched warrior, and then he asks if he should have left them to starve.

Turn around. Leave. Don’t say anything. You’ll only make things worse, they think, but their mouth continues on unbidden. "You’re softhearted as any queen. You would never leave them to die—I never said that. But you took them as your own and disappeared to the nursery with them. What… was I supposed to think?" Their words are clipped, drawn out along with a short cough. That the kits truly belong to this supposed friend of his is lost on Gravelsnap, and they stumble on past the facts that Peri lays at their feet with all the grace of a newborn deer.

What does it matter to you anyways, the other asks, and they are so taken aback that they freeze. The rest of the queen’s outburst passes by quickly, each word as cutting as if Periwinklebreeze had drawn their claws across Gravelsnap’s face themself. "You know that I-" love you. Say it. Say it, just say it! Their muzzle snaps shut, cutting off the words that they wish they could say. For a few heartbeats they sit in silence, shoulders drawn tight and head dipped low. Why does it matter to you…

At last, they snap, "I told you already." Their jaw clicks, teeth gnashing together painfully. Why do they feel so… confused? This should be simple. "Moons ago—seasons ago. I told you why. And then… you left." Something they mean to keep quiet breaks through the surface, shattered glass revealing emotions they’ve held onto silently since they had watched Periwinklebreeze leave for the mountains. "I thought you’d come back and say something… I waited for you." They didn’t want to impose. They didn’t want to keep chasing their friend’s tail, if he’d found someone else to pad after whilst they lay in their nest delirious with illness.

➼ maybe i’ve done enough

• ooc: —
• 
  GRAVELSNAP ❯❯ they/he, moor runner of windclan
  ⭃ average-sized black and white warrior who seems smaller than he is. speaks rarely and quietly.
  ⭃ sibling to slateheart
  ⭃ mentoring sheeppaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted
  ⭃ penned by foxlore

​

​

 

[Periwinklebreeze.]

PLAY US LIKE PAWNS AND RELENTLESSLY CONFINE
INTO LIVING UP TO GENDER ROLES AND HAVING ABSENT MINDS ​

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

periwinklebreeze ❀ 22 moons ❀ demi-boy ❀ windclan queen ​

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It's as though the world freezes - time stands still. And then the fight all but leaves him, dying as though flames doused by the rain.' I waited for you' Gravelsnap says, and somehow its everything he didn't know he wanted to hear. Eyes water, and Periwinklebreeze slump's - sitting heavily upon the ground as he just stares. Jaw twitches - once, twice, thrice; opening and closing in silence and confusion as he struggles to get the words out. Because despite harsh words shared and everything they've just said, he feels only relief. " St-still? " he echoes quietly, though its more an attempt to seek reassurance than true disbelief.

" ...I was w-waiting to, you know " because he is not brave. Periwinklebreeze had always been a coward. To scared to confess once, turned down another. And he'd decided never again, hadn't he? Better to stand by and wait, then to stop being friends and find gravelsnaps body lying cold when they are little more then strangers. But... maybe he should have.

" I-, " he says tiredly, voice faltering and tongue coming out to scrape across his fangs anxiously. Because this time, he thinks, he needs to be the one to say it. Maybe that's been the problem the whole time. " I love you, " he says - gently, quietly. Brutally honest. Another pause, a struggle to find the right words to say. " ... you're th-the only one, f-f-or a l-long time... " and its surprisingly true. Once, Peri was at the whims of his emotions and affections, more heads than one turning his. But not anymore, not now. He can't even recall when it started, but it'd been just Gravelsnap for him for a long time. " I'm not... I'm a c-coward, " he admits quietly. " So I j-j-j-just waited for you t-to... to say something, " Anything.

━ actions & " speech, " & 'thoughts/quotes' ━

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Don't you think it's funny how they tell us how to live?​

Don't you think it's funny how we're all delinquent kids?​

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

 

[GRAVELSNAP]

➴➴ Wretchedly, they stare at their friend until he speaks. Until he confirms their fears, tells them to leave, anything. Gravelsnap couldn’t bear any of it—and thankfully, they don’t have to. The black-pointed queen stands stiff and angry for only a heartbeat more, and then slumps, like he doesn’t have the energy to raise his voice at them anymore. Periwinklebreeze sits there for a long few moments, voiceless, unresponsive, and Gravelsnap watches on. Their tail flickers about anxiously; if this doesn’t go well, they don’t know how they’ll recover. They can’t be friends with Peri anymore if he rejects them, can they? They wait a heartbeat longer, and at last the queen speaks up, making it clear that he’s confused by their conviction. Still, he asks, and Gravelsnap nods once, plainly. But then… I was waiting, too.

Gravelsnap wants to leap into the river rather than face the emotions welling up inside them. This is horrible. This is amazing. This is… everything they’ve ever wanted. "You were waiting?" Their voice is strained, desperation flooding each word. Something hysterical threatens to surface, the heavy weight of relief forcing their shoulders to slump just the same as Peri’s do. But they still continue to stare at the other for a long, tense moment, and then they crack.

At last, a laugh leaves their mouth. It’s small, but it’s filled with a humor that they haven’t known in months. "All this time, you waited for me to say something…" It’s a fragile thing, a butterfly captured gently in shaking paws, as they smile at the queen. They can say it now, lay everything out before them. They can strip the truth from their hide and bare it all to the scrutinizing gaze of their friend. The knot within their chest loosens, and Gravelsnap takes a stiff step forward. “Well, this is me saying something." Face to face with him now, they square their shoulders, and regard him with perhaps the softest look that’s ever touched their face. What does this mean? They don’t know, but they’re willing to find out. "I love you. I have for… a long time. I would do anything for you. And I want to be with you. As friends, as… more, as anything." It’s… probably the most they’ve ever said to their friend in one breath.

➼ maybe i’ve done enough

• ooc: —
• 
  GRAVELSNAP ❯❯ they/he, moor runner of windclan
  ⭃ average-sized black and white warrior who seems smaller than he is. speaks rarely and quietly.
  ⭃ sibling to slateheart
  ⭃ mentoring sheeppaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted
  ⭃ penned by foxlore

​

​