sensitive topics I WAS MISTAKEN, SO I HUNG MY HEAD AND I CRIED | VIGIL

[Periwinklebreeze.]

// TW for mentions of death and a dead body; also goes over the aftermath of the invasion

LIKE A PICTURE IN A FRAME
WISH WE COULD'VE STAYED THE SAME ​

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periwinklebreeze ❀ 23 moons ❀ demi-boy ❀ windclan queen ​

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Tongue rasps against silver fur, again and again, as though any amount of grooming might take away this pain. As though he can hide the truth of what has happened - that his sister is only sleeping. Nightingalecry can't be dead - she can't be, because that would mean he is alone again. It would mean six little kittens without a mother, three more without an aunt. But starclan has never answered his prayers before, and they certainly don't bother to do so now - there is no peaceful rise and fall of his sisters chest, only an unnatural stillness.

Blue eyes blinks slowly, watering, and yet the tears never come. Because he cannot cry - he's always shed his tears, in the midst of battle with jaws wrapped tight around a golden throat, blood coating his tongue. As ebonylight had struck down his mate, as Frightkit had curled up in a puddle of her mothers blood. And now? now, he must stay strong. For himself, for them - because if he doesn't, he might actually break. " Sh-she didn't - she d-didn't deserve this, " comes choked up whisper as he turned to the blue-furred molly who helps him, weaves lavender into her fur as though it can mask what has happened.

But it doesn't the stench, the rot? It lingers, if not in truth then at the very least in his mind. Star-cursed, he's always known they must be, but somehow he'd hoped that it hadn't applied to her. They've taken her from him - stolen her, just as duskclan has stolen his son, and now all he can do is mourn in silence. Pray that she is safe in the stars, alongside the mother who'd once visited her in dreams upon her sickbed. " I'm sorry - I'm so sorry, " comes quiet whisper as he breathes into her fur - thinks of purple petals, thinks of silver and black tufts of he hoarded like a treasure, now lost to time and battle. He has nothing left of them - of his brothers and his sister, except bittersweet memories.

Shoulders draw back stiffly as he sits up at last, eyes narrowing as they trace the figures of those gathered. He will be strong, and he will do this right, for her if nothing else - and then when she is burried beneath the soil, alongside the empty graves of their parents and the too-small one of their brother, he can retreat back into his shell, to grieve and to mourn. " Nighting-g-galecry - sh-she rests with starclan now, " he says, words slow and stiff as he focuses on stuttering as little as possible. " She- she died protecting h-her kits, and I'm certain she j-joined them proudly, "

━ actions & " speech, " & 'thoughts/quotes' ━

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I ' V E - A L W A Y S - B E E N - R E A L - B A D - W I T H - C H A N G E

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// @cottonpaw but no need to wait

 

[SCORCHSTAR]

༄༄ Another vigil. Another long night that the deputy will surely spend sleepless, separated from the departed clanmates who now linger above—it is an unexpected downside to her return to her nest of dirt and darkness. It is a necessary change, however. Lying in an empty, cold nest beneath stars that will never answer her prayers… it is a miserable existence. So selfishly she will still choose the tunnel that shields her from StarClan's gaze at nighttime. But that is another matter to weigh down her heart. She will settle it some other time, when the clan is not grieving yet another deceased clanmate. Periwinklebreeze wavers, a thin blade of grass trembling under the force of a stiff breeze, as he announces his sister's death to the rest of WindClan. It is a difficult sight to see, but Scorchstreak has grown used to swallowing down the acidic taste of bile. In a voice dried with exhaustion, she rasps, "She was as good a warrior as WindClan could have. An admirable mother, as well."

Parenting six kits who were not her own flesh and blood must have been difficult enough, but the silvery warrior had done so without question. Without complaint. She, like Cygnetstare, will never see her kits grow to be apprentices soon, and later warriors. Not only have her kits been robbed of a mother, but surely the she-cat grieves from her place high above. She is gone now, snuffed from life as easily as a flame by a thunderstorm, but the calico knows that Nightingalecry still watches. They all do—from Weaselclaw and Tigerfrost so long ago, to the more recent Nightingalecry and Bluepool. And so as Scorchstreak tips her head to press her nose respectfully into silvered fur, she offers up a silent wish to the stars above. May your kits carry on your legacy.

☽♰☾ IT WAS WAR, IT WASN’T FAIR

• ooc: —
• 
  SCORCHSTREAK ❯❯ she/they, deputy (tunneler) of windclan
  ༄ small, slim flame-streaked calico with fiery golden eyes. cold and closed-off, ferociously protective of her clanmates. rarely seen aboveground.
  ༄ mate to bluepool ; sibling to rattleheart & rabbitclaw
  ༄ mentor to pinkpaw
  ༄ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted
  ༄ penned by foxlore

​

​

 

[FEATHERSPINE]

It had always been training for Featherspine- focusing on being the best warrior that she could be for WindClan, brave and hard-eyed, with an ice-gleam glare. That focus had never settled upon the nursery. It was a place he had no love, no place for... he had not even been raised in there, instead weaned and reared in the perfumed comfort of the medicine cat's den. Seeing Nightingale cry now, laid upon the dirt, tears sodden into once-breathing pelts, Featherspine felt the creeping rime of regret spear quickly through his heard.

A sigh heaved into the night. Take care of each other. A small, wistful thought sent waltzing to the stars with the squeeze of his eyelids, hopefully reaching the swivelled ears of Bluepool and Bearflight. Featherspine swallowed against a dry throat.

"You stand p-p-puh... p-proud and tall in the stars, Nightingalecry." Nothing that had not already been said. He had never been too good with words... and with no friendship to speak of, how could she? I wish I had known you well. And this was stinging loss, that there had been something unsaid. Something unexplored. Perhaps Nightingalecry could have quirked a rare smile across his lips... perhaps they might have laughed.

Featherspine dared not to say any more. She dared not, even, pad a pace closer. No, she would let regret swell in the distance between them. ​

✦ penned by pin​

 

[BLUEFROST]

Another life torn from WindClan's camp, this time from their nursery, and all Bluefrost can do is think of what her mother has taken from them. Sootstar had done this, inadvertently, her claws reaching like shadows from where she lies dead. Granitepelt acted under her banner, however false Firefang and Sootspot claims it to be; Ebonylight had done this with her mother's name branded on his heart. She will be buried, at least. That is more than Shrikethorn got. It is more than Larkfeather or Lilacfur received.

Her green eyes hang on silver tabby fur, on Periwinklebreeze bowed over his sister's broken body. She bows her head, letting the breeze stir the lush tufts of her coat. Featherspine and Scorchstreak offer their prayers, and she does the same. "May your hunts be plentiful in StarClan. We will avenge your death, one way or another." Her murmur is quiet, disturbed by a wind that buffets her face and breaks the prayer into pieces, scattered.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Bluekit . Bluepaw . Bluefrost, she/her w/ feminine terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 16 moons old, ages realistically on the 14th.
  — mentored by Sootstar ; mentoring Brackenpaw ; previously mentored n/a.
  — windclan warrior. sootstar x weaselclaw, gen 2.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  lh blue smoke she-cat with white and emerald eyes. aloof, dignified, poised, haughty, composed, distant.

​

 

[Frightpaw]

*+:｡.｡ Frightkit, from wherever she's left to linger, watches.

She watches as Periwinklebreeze sobs, grooming Nightgalecry's fur despite watering it back down with his tears. She watches him open his mouth, blubbering words that sound like a foreign language. I'm sorry must not mean what she thought they did, because what did Periwinklebreeze have to apologize for? She didn't deserve this he says, but then why is she dead? Why couldn't it have been anyone else - why couldn't she have just gone with 'Appa, why couldn't 'Appa just still his claws? Why? Why, if she didn't deserve this - who did? Who deserved this fate in her mamma's stead and how could Frightkit possibly right the wrong?

Did it even matter to think about?

The breeze kicks up, ruffling her mamma's silver-speckled fur. Frightkit feels her own pelt rise against the cold touch of wind and she thinks about how their spotted stripes are so similar. She rests with starclan Periwinklebreeze continues, but he's wrong. Another lie, fib, exaggeration, rat-shit on top of everything else. Because she's not sleeping in Starclan-
She's right here.
She's right here, and she isn't sleeping.

Or is it true that whoever is in Starclan is the real Nightingalecry, and the one before Frightkit now is no one at all? After all, only Nightingalecry grooms Frightkit's fur, cuddles her to sleep, gently reprimands her for playing with her food, tells her her name should've been Boldkit, cries silently at night when she thinks no one is listening, tells Fry stories, kisses her scrapes even when Fry doesn't feel the pain her mamma thinks she should, tells Fry she's special, tells her she's loved, tells her she's wanted.
Only the real Nightgalecry promises never to leave.

So then what does that make of the body that shares Frightkit's colors? The one that kept the promise, is the one that can't speak, talk, eat, cry, sing, dance, play. The one that keeps the promise, is the one that no longer looks at Frightkit. Doesn't see her. Doesn't love her.

Is the real Nightingalecry the one that abandoned Frightkit for the stars, or the one that doesn't look at her at all anymore?

"I'm sorry "
The words escape her, wooden and empty. She remembered when Ferretkit said it to Grasskit after making him cry. I'm sorry and then they were friends again. I'm sorry and the bad things you did go away and everything is back to normal. That's how that works, right? Is that why Periwinklebreeze is apologizing? To make the bad go away so everything goes back to the way they were?
Back to when Nightgalecry smiled at the sky, blinked pale eyes down at her daughter, laughed at Frightkit, swung her tail to cover her mouth when she said something stupid, playfully batted at her ears to get her to refocus, led them through the grass to meet 'Appa, held her tighter than ever after, whispered sweetly when Frightkit couldn't sleep, licked her fur cool when she was too hot, fussed over her when she couldn't stop coughing after the fire, stroked her cheek when the pain of missing Spotpaw got too great-
Promised never to leave.

"I'm sorry " Frightkit repeats, a little louder this time. Because Nightgalecry didn't break the promise on her own, surely? Not when Frightkit drove her to it. It was Frightkit's fault Nightingalecry was torn in two. Frightkit's fault that the one that stayed behind hates her so much she looked at her for the last time with dull, empty eyes.

Would a sorry fix it?

"I'm sorry " she mewls more desperately. But only the wind ruffles Nightgalecry's fur. Her belly, once warm and soft, doesn't rise. Her tail doesn't so much as twitch to protect Frightkit, her ears to flick to listen to her daughter's every word, her eyelids don't even flutter.
She's dead.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry " she's blubbering, voice muffled only when tears slip into the corners of her babbling maw. The salty taste reminds her of the blood she accidentally licked off Nightgalecry's collar when she'd buried her face into her scruff for the last time. It tasted like death.
"I'm so sorry, mama, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please, I'm so so sorry mamma, " she hiccups, pressing her paws hard against her lips to keep the scream that threatens to escape her at bay. Don't throw a tantrum, don't disappoint her, you've done enough. Be sorry, be sorry enough and she'll come back. Say it as calmly as Ferretkit did, and she'll forgive you. Be good, and she'll finally be able to keep her promise.
Just be good, be good, Frightkit!.

But she can't. She doesn't - she doesn't know how!
"I'm sorry! " I don't know how!
I'm sorry! " for being too loud
I'm sorry! " for biting you!
I'm sorry! " for not staying back when you told me to!
I'm sorry! " for hurting you and yelling at you!
I'm sorry! " for not being better!

I'm sorry " for doing this to you.

Nightgalecry is still dead.

The last apology slips from her lips and dies at her paws, leaving only that insufferable salty taste on Frightkit's tongue.
There isn't anything else to say, is there?

And still, her intense moonlight eyes linger, blurred from tears and edged black with denial, she waits for Nightgalecry's chest or stomach, her ears or eyelids, to move, flutter, even a twitch is all Frightkit requires. Please.

Frightkit, from wherever she's left to linger, resumes watching.

*+:｡.｡ Updated 6/7/24

• " Speech "
  
  
  GENERAL:
  ☾ Frightkit
  ☾ DFAB— She/Her — Unsure
  ☾ 6 moons — Ages 1 moon every month real-time
  ☾ Windclan Kit
  ☾ Sister to Deathkit, Witherkit, Grasskit, Whitekit and Midnightkit
  
  
  
  COMBAT:
  ☾Physically very easy | mentally very easy
  ☾ Attack in bold #1b1e21
  injuries: None

 

[hollyhockpurr]

Nightingalecry, even in the face of so much treachery, was a calm and gentle being in Hollyhockpurr's eyes. She was a formidable warrior and a hard worker.. and not to mention, a competent mother. To lose a sibling, to lose a mother - it is something Hollyhockpurr is familiar with, but not one that she can empathize with due to the circumstances of her loyalist-split family. Still, it is the least she can do to offer solace to the cats gathered tonight.

She sits a few tail-lengths away from Periwinklebreeze, watching him groom his littermate's fur with deep sorrow, so much so that Hollyhockpurr feels as if she can drown in it, too. No, she didn't she thinks pitifully. She didn't deserve this. No cat as generally good as NIghtingalecry deserves loss after loss, even of her life. At least, she thinks, the pain is over now - but not for the cats that were left behind.

She finds herself agreeing with the send-off offered by the others; a good warrior, mother, proud and tall. "StarClan will receive her warmly. May she hunt well," they offer their own sentiment quietly. Even the thought of vengeance proposed by Bluefrost sounds appealing..

​

CHARACTER INFORMATION — ♡ ˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ ♡ — OUT OF CHARACTER

• hollyhockkit hollyhockpaw HOLLYHOCKPURR
  ━━ MOOR-RUNNER WARRIOR of WINDCLAN
  ━━ 24 MOONS,, ages every 1st
  ━━ NPC xx NPC
  ━━ MATE to none | PARENT to none
  ━━ MENTOR to NONE
  ━━ HEALTH ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎ | generally healthy​
• base credits to velvtreill on th
  
  
• speech is #87B3E0​

 

[ferretpaw]

Ferretpaw is troubled by all this death. All these vigils she must attend, as a loyal Clanmate should for their own kind. Much like Cygnetstare's vigil only a mere week ago, the apprentice mourns in silence while Nightingalecry's closest relatives and friends pay their respects. What else is she supposed to do? It's not that she doesn't care, but.. the vulnerability that comes with comforting another is daunting.

But then, there is a soft blabbering from where she sits that seeps of an undeniable melancholy. Ferretpaw's eye flicks over to Frightkit, and for the first time, surprisingly so, they are round with concern. Frightkit is apologizing profusely, and Ferretpaw can't seem to figure out.. why? She can't hear you, the molly wants to say. She wants to want to reprimand her for crying and blubbering, like she did last time Frightkit had a tantrum - she wants to want to barrel her over and tell her to grow up.

Ferretpaw wants to hate Frightkit, as she always does, to bring back a sense of normalcy. To bring them both back into reality. But she can't, now - she can only feel sympathy in the form of a rock in her throat, as if she might just cry as well. She can feel it in the pit in her stomach, watching this poor thing mourn her parent in her untimely death.

So, instead of scolding her and cuffing her ear like she did last time Frightkit cried so loud, Ferretpaw begins her slow, awkward shuffle over, as if trying to remain as subtle as possible. "I'm -" she begins, but only chokes out, once she is close enough to the kitten.

"I'm sorry too." Sorry that she, and all her siblings, lost her mom. Sorry that Gravepaw lost her mom, too. Sorry that Ferretpaw couldn't stop it from happening to either of the queens. Maybe, even, sorry that she's been so mean, and thought about being mean even now.

Ferretpaw sits in quiet for a few moments, before moving forward to touch her nose to Frightkit's, just as she did last week with Gravepaw. It's awkward, but it's genuine this time. She can only hope that Frightkit doesn't tear her nose off for her unasked gesture of comfort, right here and now.
​

CHARACTER INFORMATION — ♡ ˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ ♡ — OUT OF CHARACTER

• 

  ferretkit FERRETPAW ━━ penned by ixora
  ━━ TUNNELER APPRENTICE of WINDCLAN
  ━━ 6 MOONS,, ages every 31st
  ━━ NPC xx NPC
  ━━ SIBLING to GORSEKIT
  ━━ MATE to none | PARENT to none
  ━━ MENTOR to none | MENTORED by MARMOTBITE
  ━━ HEALTH ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎ | ferretpaw is healthy.​
• 
• speech is #d98b54​

 

[Grasspaw]

𓆝 . ° ✦ Grasskit could be mistaken for a statue of himself. He sat off to the side, watching cats crowd his mother's body. It felt wrong. He felt wrong. All parts of him felt wrong. Like they moved independently of each other, he stood, awkward and lanky in his recent growth spurt. It had been long enough, he should probably go over there. What are we all apologizing for? he wondered to himself numbly. She's dead. That's it,

Nonetheless he dragged himself closer, paws like boulders he couldn't bare to lift. Each shuffling step bringing him ever closer to the scent of death. Frightkit's wailing faded like static into the background. Before he knew it and before he really wanted to be, he was stood next to his uncle. Still. Quiet. From the outside probably looking an eerie calm. Just staring down at his mother. His mind felt fuzzy, struggling to rationalize and take in the truth laid bare before him. What was he supposed to do that night? Just go back to the nursery and lay in the nest that still smelled like her? Curl up and pretend she'd join them if they just waited long enough? What was he supposed to do?

✧ ° . ✶ . ° ✧​

ooc Information

• ooc: —
• 

  NAME — HE/HIM ･ 6 MOONS ･ KIT & WINDCLAN ･ PENNED BY TWITCHTAIL

  Small fawn tabby with pale green eyes.
  "speak" thoughts action
  — peaceful, healing, and minor injury powerplay allowed

 

[Midnightpaw]

Unlike her siblings, Midnightkit did not watch the vigil from the sidelines. She was there, sitting next to Periwinklebreeze, mindlessly staring at her mother's body. Words echoed around them, apologies and sympathies. Her uncle's wavering speech, her clanmates' kind remembrances, Frightkit's blubbering wails. She ignored them all. None of that mattered. Their words didn't change anything, didn't bring Nightingalecry back. Didn't ease the insufferable ache in her chest. Her mother was gone, taken from them by the claws of a coward who never loved any of them. She had nothing left, now. Even Frightkit had Ebonylight out there somewhere, as treacherous and murderous as he was. What did she and Grasskit have left?

She knew now that Nightingalecry wasn't even her real mom, and Frightkit wasn't her real sister. But that didn't matter, she didn't care if Nightingale wasn't her real mom. She was still her mom. The only one she'd ever had, and now there was no one. No one to look out for her, no one to praise her, no one to comfort her when her words failed to express how she felt like they always did. Words were useless, stupid things and they never did her any good; except when they came on the lyrical voice of the silver queen who now lay dead before her paws. Her words were the only ones that ever mattered, and she'd never hear them again.

Tears sprang into dull blue eyes, hot and heavy, and she lifted a paw to angrily wipe them away. Crying never did her any good either. She was never going to stop missing her mother, and she was convinced that this pain in her heart would never lessen. It didn't matter, nothing mattered now. She would grow up and become an apprentice and do all the important things that everyone else her age was so excited about, but Nightingalecry wouldn't be there to see any of it. Silent, violent sobs began to squeeze her lungs shut, making it impossible to do anything more than lay her frail body down onto the earth beside her momma, stretching out little black paws to bury into familiar tabby fur one last time.

---

‎‎ooc ♡ info

• [ so sorry for the late reply </3 ]

• 

• 
  MIDNIGHTPAW ✦ she / her, apprentice of windclan, 6 moons
  ⭃ short-hair black tabby with low-white, vitiligo and blue eyes. petite and fragile.
  ⭃ hollowcreek x harbingermoon // littermate to whitepaw and grasspaw
  ⭃ adopted by nightingalecry // adopted sister to frightpaw, witherpaw and deathpaw
  ⭃ single, crushing on no one // currently mentored by redheart
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted // underline and tag when attacking.
  ⭃ penned by limerence ↛ @limericks. on discord, feel free to dm for plots.