NO AIR IN GRAVITY'S ERASE ♡ FERNDANCE

[MIRESTAR]

For the second time in a surprisingly short timeframe, Mirepurr calls for Ferndance again. This time, they invite her into the leader's den — their den now, by all accounts, but it definitely does not feel like that, even though they've now gently cleaned up the mess they've made of the old nest. There is no replacement... Mirepurr sits in the very middle with nothing to warm their paws. The coldness of the ground is something to stabilize them.

"Snowypaw is alive," they say, though there is no need. Ferndance has definitely met her daughter. "Or, rather... Splashdance." There is a pleased smile plastered over their maw; joy radiating from their eyes instead of the pity from before. How earth-shatteringly good it must have felt to have your little dove's status confirmed — alive, no less.

Any other mother might feel furious of such a decision on their daughter's part. Splashdance has chosen to take refugee in RiverClan... and by the looks of it, she seems happy enough with that choice.

Mirepurr fears some of their Clanmates' possibly opposing reactions.

Paws shift as Mirepurr regards Ferndance. "You've talked to her, I reckon? I bet... you must be over the moon." It is genuine, the way they court her attention; even if something else hangs in the air between them, something Mirepurr will have to address sooner rather than later, they first want to witness light-heartedness upon Ferndance's features. Smogstar might not be so pleased with the way they go about this... but he is not here to dictate that, and with a frustrated flick of their tail that is hidden from Ferndance's view, Mirepurr wills his ghost to go away.

@FERNDANCE

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[FERNDANCE]

The Leader's den was one unexplored by Ferndance for several moons and as her eyes adjusted to the light (or lack thereof) of the oak tree's hollow, she couldn't help but gaze at the root walls and soft earth. The last time she'd seen it, the leader's nest had been cluttered with rocks, now, it almost seemed barren, untouched. Mirepurr's scent was strong, almost suffocating within the small space, and with a mournful twitch of her tail, she realised it was as if Smogstar had never lived there at all.

There was little time to dwell on the old leader. Mirepurr mentioned Snowypaw (Splashdance) and the she-cat's emerald eyes fluttered onto the chimera's figure, her breaths accentuated with delighted purrs at the way in which the Deputy said her daughter's name.

She was not stupid, not all the time. RiverClan choosing to reveal Splashdance only meant one thing for the tawny tabby who'd have to explain why her daughter had chosen the fishing clan, but, Mirepurr was the first to ask about it. The Clan had bigger things to worry about, and though callous to a point of guilt and grief within the she-cat, Smogstar could not have picked a better time to go missing for Ferndance.

But Mirepurr hadn't forgotten, not if they were willing to bring it up.

Yet the cinnamon tabby smiled like she'd never smiled before, a fresh wave of elation washing over her at the memory of seeing her daughter again. Many things could be taken from her for this, but not that joy. Not seeing how much healthier Splashdance looked, how easily she'd settled into life across the river. Some things were worth more than one's reputation.

"We talked the entire gathering. She looks so well-fed - I never knew her fur could shine so brightly." 'It was the best decision for her.' To love one's clanmates meant letting them go when they wanted to, but such an opinion felt too revolutionary, too treacherous. For now, she was happy to consider it just for Splashdance alone - her daughter deserved no less than to find a place she belonged. "She's so... joyous. It's not a side to her I've seen much of before, I..." She stumbled over her words, trying not to besmirch ShadowClan while praising RiverClan - she knew they weren't perfect either.

"I got my closure." Whatever came next could not break that high.

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[MIRESTAR]

Just as they expect, Ferndance's face lights up; it reminds them of daybreak, of the new sun's rays shining through the slowly-departing clouds. It is a needed pause from the gloom and doom that has always been an underlying feature of ShadowClan.

"I'm really happy to hear," they say with usual sincerity glimmering within the blue of their gaze. In an ideal world, Splashdance would have stayed Snowypaw, and would have found this happiness at home... but her decision has sensible basis, and it would be impossibly cruel to force her back solely on principle. Ferndance is lucky — and so are her Clanmates — that her daughter had not picked a neighbor. Would she remain loyal if Splashdance is on the other side of battle? Surely not. Not if she had found a sire from outside the shadows.

Mirepurr does not have it in them to snap at her.

Still... something must be done.

"I'm afraid this means I... I know more than I did before." Smogstar had been so frustrated. RiverClan had lied — concealed the truth from them for moons, while search party after search party had been sent. "Lichenstar told us Splashdance is half-RiverClan."

Mirepurr's gaze drops; averts in the reveal of such truth. They do not yet bear the title of leader... it does not feel fitting to demand an explanation, an apology, a declaration. They are in perfect equilibrium now: Mirestar might have to choose law over emotion, but that is still in the future, and Mirepurr picks their heart first. "Ferndance, do you want to stay in this Clan?"
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[FERNDANCE]

'I'm afraid I know more than I did before.' The top of Ferndance's brows twitched, but as she'd promised herself, her optimism did not wane. It couldn't wane - she was a mother first and a ShadowClanner second, if a daughter you believed you had forsaken turned up alive, who wouldn't remain drunk on relief? But then, the elephant in the room was spoken, and StarClan was it ever a massive elephant. Splashdance is half-RiverClan. "No.... really?" Her eyes widened in faux alarm, and her ears swiveled forward as if met with revolutionary news. Then, they settled awkwardly by the sides of her face. Now wasn't the time for joking. She could see it in their face that Mirepurr almost seemed disappointed, in her or the circumstances the fallow she-cat could not say. She dipped her head apologetically and sat back on her haunches.

"Sorry... yeah... yeah that's true. When we didn't know if the clans would cease to exist and when they all camped upon the territory, I wanted to see my brother, and I found a RiverClanner instead who just... made me feel seen. It wasn't supposed to happen... but it did... I do things like that you know, make choices. He was funny, pretty, very weird... but in a good way. I haven't seen him in almost twelve moons. I thought he might just be a memory by now... but I guess Splashdance didn't want that. It was my choice to follow my heart that day, I can't be mad at my baby for doing the same." Travelling was in her daughter's veins, even if the cinnamon tabby had suppressed her own wanderlust, her kittens were too young and too marshbound to know how to do it too.

Do you want to stay in this clan? The question hit like a badger's claws and Ferndance had to suck in air through her teeth. Her paws kneaded the cold earth below, but her answer came without hesitation. "You said you want to change ShadowClan for the better. I want to be here to see that, and I want to help in any way I can." For the kittens that remained and for the love of her life, both who deserved a home they could be proud of. If she had to move mountains to see that done then all she had to hope was that Mirepurr had the strength to push alongside her. "I can't change the past, but if I can make the future better... would you still let me live here?"

Chilledstar had kept her borderline-captive once. Anxiety tugged at her heart at the thought of it happening again as a consequence of her actions, but she swallowed a bidding lump in her throat and stared sincerely at Mirepurr. She wouldn't run away.
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[MIRESTAR]

Ferndance reacts with humor — as expected. Mirepurr does not flare with frustration, not when they now understand the source of it, not when she has something to be this happy for.

For what it's worth, she launches into an explanation right after. Explanation, not excuses; she is not the type of cat who would attempt to kick sand over her decisions and try to make sense of them for those who had not been there to experience the very same thought process and emotions. Idly, Mirepurr wonders how Lichenstar had dealt with her own codebreaker. Is she as sympathetic as they are?

She speaks of certain wanderlust that Mirepurr had never quite understood. They cannot imagine allowing their heartstrings to be pulled elsewhere, away from the Clan they've been born into, away from what they've been taught their entire life. Some might deem that to be some sort of prison; no chance to explore outside the five Clans' bounds.

Mirepurr sees it as a comfortable safety net.

"...I don't judge you for what you've done," they say, and involuntarily, their eyes flick to the space behind Ferndance, where the light seeps in and where they hope is no eavesdropper. "I mean it. I might not understand it necessarily, but... like you said, you only followed your heart." If what she says is true — and Mirepurr doesn't have it in them to doubt her —, then there is no loyalty felt for whoever fathered her kits. That has to count for something.

Their chest heaves with an exhale of relief. Ferndance does not say no.

She believes in Mirepurr enough to harbor a wish to stay; to see them rebuild. There is no greater comfort than that. "Yes." It comes without hesitation, like her own answer. Mirepurr had time to mull it over before this... and the sincerity within her gaze is enough to deem it the most merciful of choices. "I want you to stay in ShadowClan, provided your wires won't get crossed... no double loyalty."

Perhaps it is too much to ask for. Would Mirepurr be able to not bat an eye over a daughter in a rival Clan?

Then, it's their own paws' time to shuffle. "I will keep this a secret, if you do as well, and if you prioritize ShadowClan. The others might not be so... lenient."

It is an admission. Mirepurr lays themself bare — entirely vulnerable in the wake of a decision made with emotion. They are choosing Ferndance instead of spilling the truth to their Clanmates like they would deserve. They are actively choosing to tie themself to her, so if one goes down, so does the other...

Eyes remain soft, but Mirepurr's words suggest something else: don't make me regret this.
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[FERNDANCE]

It did not feel like a conversation with a ShadowClanner, she noticed. Mirepurr spoke of a lack of judgment, almost as if they had once been a rogue themselves, perhaps still was one - but it wasn't so simple. Almost all the other had known was ShadowClan, she'd watched them grow up amidst the misery and turmoil that often came with the group. Another entire settled within her brain, that Mirepurr was simply... at peace with the past, that what she had done was negligible compared to the crimes of others.

It was her way of trying to reason like a ShadowClanner and not like a cat - the two could be so different sometimes, it was difficult to remember they could be the same thing.

"I won't make you try to understand me." Her blinks fluttered slowly, her voice soft with promise - how could Mirepurr understand her if she didn't even understand herself? "I just... am. Getting to know him was what I wanted to do, and so I did it... I don't do very well with foresight." Her head craned towards the apprentice's den, where six of seven rested soundly. They were the best impulsive choices she'd ever made, but if she had the chance to do it all over again, would she make the same mistake of testing ShadowClan's ire? Would she find comfort in someone who wasn't a ShadowClanner?

Yes. Because if there was even a slither of a chance that she'd end up kittens as perfect as the ones she had in this reality, then it was worth the fear of being caught.

But luckily, it was all hypothetical. There would be no finding non-ShadowClanners again (not intentionally, at least). Mirepurr's ultimatum was softer than she'd have expected from another leader, and she repeated their name: Mirepurr. They were equal entities in StarClan's eyes, two lives between two cats, and the other commits to that mutually assured destruction with words that make Ferndance's tail tip twitch. She leaned forward, a tautness to her throat as she tried to gauge the other. Even if she were more skeptical of the Deputy, what choice did she have but to believe? "Bloodpaw, Bonepaw and Shadepaw all know who their papa is. They haven't met him... but they know he is RiverClan. They have known since before they were apprentices... but more than that, they know they are ShadowClan."

She hoped Mirepurr knew what she was getting at and how much trust it took to implicate her kittens in this conspiracy. It raised the stakes for them all, but maybe the tortoiseshell would be the one to feel it most. "I'll eat the faces of anyone who says otherwise, about them or me. I know where my loyalties lie, and they're in this marsh." Perhaps she did not have the right to be a face-eater, not when it was herself who had committed sin, but the sentiment was there - she would fight to prove that she had a place in ShadowClan. "Thank you for giving me the chance to show that."

With a swish of her tail, she quietly tilted her head towards Mirepurr, waiting to see if that would be all from the defacto leader.
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