sensitive topics 30 UNDER 30 FOR ANOTHER YEAR &. dizziness/not eating

[DROWSYNOSE]

STILL DON'T KNOW MY NAME​

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// tw for grief / implied not eating . feel free to be the cats on the patrol he is supposed to be going on

it couldn't have been surprising to those who may have been paying attention to the tom cat, but what about those who were? the ones who were absolutely notably watching the rapid decline in certain things that drowsynose does. he hopes there's no one like that. he just wants to go on about his day and not have to sit and be the center of everyone's attention– especially when they don't know the real truth behind why drowsynose is the way he is right now. it easily can be chalked up to he lost a friend but falcongaze never was a friend to him. hes always been more– he'd always be more. but none of that seemed to matter now that he was gone, and the guilt of having survived, of not being there to save his love, eats away at him like a caterpillar might do to a leaf. it leaves him hollow, filled with holes and wilted.

he spends so much time staring at the empty nest, a small part of him unable to face the reality of the situation that falcongaze isn't coming back. he's not. and there's nothing that can be said to soften that blow. there is nothing anyone can do to soothe him, either, especially when they don't even know that falcongaze was his mate. he was a widow, now. that's never gonna feel any more real. he stands from his nest, whispering a quiet promise that he will be back eventually. he's got things to do, now, doesn't he? a patrol to join, or something. his eyes squeezed shut as he sighs, before he just turns and goes out of the warriors den.

his pace is slow as he looks around, brows furrows and eyes narrowed. it's hard enough to see out of his bad eye but somehow it's increasingly hard to see out of his other eye, too. he finds himself rather unsteady on his paws, gaze darkening as he struggles to find his footing before he just clenches his jaws and puffs a breath through his nose. he takes a moment, steadying the way air moves through his lungs as he paces himself, slowly but surely standing up.

"...ugh."

a shake of his head makes him more dizzy, as he tries to shake it off. he can't. he feels sick, barely able to hold onto the little bits of consciousness he does have. he shouldn't have gotten out of his nest. guess that was just another thing to add to his list of regrets. he falls back onto his haunches, claws softly digging against the cold ground, lowering his head to try and keep himself from falling over completely.

i don't feel good. but... his ears twitch in thought. no need to bother anyone. too much was happening for him to want to get help. he has to shake it off. he will. he's gotta go on his patrol.

"just a second... d-dont leave without me. im coming."
​

 

[Cherryblossom]

Cherryblossom had been cooped up in the elders' den when Falcongaze died. She saw his body when they bore it back to camp, half his guts falling out, the other half plain missing. It'd been just as bad at Dawnglare and Mallowlark's deaths; she'd wanted to puke right then and there, all over the den walls and the nests. She'd barely recognized him.

She hadn't crawled out to pay her respects, and she definitely hadn't kept vigil for him. She was sick, of course. But past that—she shouldn't have been doing any of those things anyway. Dawnglare, at least, had treated her when she was ill. Falcongaze had never done anything for her. Likely because she had never done anything for him.

Cats died all the time. Sweetnose, Flowercloud, Oakrumble—all in one moon. The warrior had still seized the day she was let out of her quarantine, still held her head high on patrols. Yet the emptiness lingered in her, like her chills had crept in underneath tortoiseshell fur and cozied itself in between her stomach and her heart. The nest that she used to "accidentally" kick in a little now screams at her as she picks her way past it, a yawning shadow carved into the very floor of the warriors' den.

Drowsynose's constant presence had something to do with it, in part. She knows they were close. Maybe not like her-and-Lupinesong-close, but close enough to sleep next to one another every night. The calico warrior doesn't bother him about his catatonic-ness. She would, normally. But he's just so torn up about Falcongaze being gone, and, well. She just can't bring herself to aim another kick at a dead guy's face, no matter how indirectly. He can't defend himself or Drowsynose now, after all.

So when the smoke-pelted warrior is called for a patrol, she doesn't bother him about it until he nearly falls back into his nest, like the air itself had cuffed him over the head. Cherryblossom draws nearer, ears twisting backwards with concern. "Are you sure? You seem, like, really out of it," the sleek tortoiseshell meows, almost hesitantly.​

 

[FIGFEATHER]

This was Figfeather's third leafbare. She had learned not even into a quarter of her first one why all cats in the forest collectively feared this time of year. If the cold, hunger, or illness didn't kill you something else was bound to. Falcongaze was among the first of their pawful of deaths to occur; the young warrior had been unrecognizable by the time they managed to drag him back to camp.

She was not as close with Falcongaze as Drowsynose or Cherryblossom had been- or at least hadn't had a complicated relationship with him like the former. He had been her brother's apprentice, a young and capable warrior of SkyClan. Not anymore. Just like that the cruel jaws of leafbare clamped its jaws around him and took him away.

Drowsynose is called for a patrol and can barely get up. He insists to wait for him yet one look at the dark-pelted warrior will tell you he's in no condition to go patrolling. His eyes are heavy, barely strong enough to fight off the heavy weight of sleep threatening to crash down. Figfeather is certain one good gust of leafbare wind will send him tumbling over.

"Ugh…" She grumbles the complaint as she rises from her nest. She's not upset with Drowsynose, but she's exhausted mentally; how could one not be when your Clan and its cats were struggling to catch a break? Even staying warm was proving a tiresome task.

"Drowsynose isn't going anywhere—'side from a trip to Fireflyglow." She meows to Cherryblossom, only glancing at the tom in question, meaning she wasn't giving him any say over this. "I'll tell Twitchbolt I'll take his place on the patrol. Get him to Fireflyglow, if you can." The orange she-cat asks Cherryblossom with tired, flattened ears.

 

[TWITCHBOLT]

Like Figfeather- and it was a reminder of how old they were now, really, even without a bunch of grey furs to prove it- Twitchbolt had lived through a handful of leafbares. He'd been made an apprentice before his first, and having to train in such harsh conditions had probably made him hardier toward them. For that, he was almost grateful to his parents for having him when they did ... it meant he'd been able to know the worst so intimately that it would be impossible not to prepare well enough for it. But, but ... there was a chance that maybe he might have been better off without quite the amount of worry he'd been saddled with...

He knew at the very least his worry wasn't sourceless here. Drowsynose could barely walk, it was clear for anyone to see... even with his erratic twitching being no indication of his own health, Twitchbolt felt he could tell pretty well when others weren't fit to do their duty. Even in leafbare, when they needed all paws on deck ... there was even less of an excuse to ignore a problem, he thought. Figfeather's assertiveness was appreciated- he gave her a nd of thanks as he neared.

"Drowsynose, thhh-there are a thousand squirrels out there that anyone can find. There's only one of you. If you don't feel up to going on this patrol, you don't have to." Wasting his talent would only be in carelessly damaging himself - not in skipping one hunting patrol. Twitchbolt felt the tickings of rage at any lack of self preservation, truly ... pity and annoyance raging both. It blossomed into an adamant need for Drowsynose to care for himself. ​

penned by pin ✧​