development i'll settle for the ghost of you ;; departing.

[hyacinthbreath]

♚ Her paws are dragging as she makes her way through the dark tunnel-den, collecting all of the little nick-nacks she had kept safe in their cubby holes. A feather and flower from Periwinklepaw, smushed beneath a rock to keep them straight and beautiful despite their degrading colors. A wheat stalk she had stolen from Dandy's collection, a decayed piece of heather to remind her of her home. A wingbone, from the hawk that had caused the death of Rosepaw. It looked a bit like clutter, but Hyacinth kept it a well-hidden secret that she was just as materialistic as other cats. Memories in the form of items, in the scents that kept so familiar to her.

"I can feel you staring at me," Hyacinthbreath speaks aloud to whoever was at the mouth of her tunnel, finally finished wrapping all of her small little belongings up in a big leaf. She lifts it up in her teeth, padding uphill to gently push past whoever was staring down the small hole. Jaggedoak was tasked with making sure she left the territory, and it was bittersweet- her friend, the big lug, would have to chase her out if necessary. He had a heart of gold.. But he was a good Warrior. Brave, bold, kind. "What's with that frown on your face? You're acting like you'll never see me again." She hums softly, trying her best to hide her own sorrow under a lighthearted tone. She wasn't happy with Sootstar's decision, but she wouldn't be able to fight against the Queen of the Moors. Not when so many believed in her, obeyed her orders. Hyacinth only had one life, and she planned to keep it burning like a flame in the night. Even when the wind was harsh, threatening to blow it out.

She settles the leaf satchel down onto the ground, wincing as cold wind flicks against her wounded ear. A soft sniffle, clearing her throat against the cold. A bit sore. She looks up, and more cats are gathering. Guilt bites at her, and Hyacinthbreath looks down at her paws. "I didn't break my promise to you all. I am WindClan, through and through. Protecting you all is my duty.. I apologize for.. Letting my emotions take hold of me. One day, if you all will have me, I will return to this place. My home."

// obligatory tag for @spiritpaw since she's taking her with her!​

 

[Irispath]

After all she had done for the clan....She was being exiled over being angry about her child being put in danger and smacking Juniperfrost for having a big mouth.

Yewberry felt bitter. Why wasn't Weaselclaw in the same boat? He practically started a war! Well, Yewberry was sure one was imminent, anyways.

"H-hyacinthbreath...." He spoke, voice wavering.

He stepped closer to press his head against her shoulder.

"It's not fair...." He said. He wanted to cry. "Please stay safe....Wherever you go... You'll always be loved by your friends and family here."

He could feel his eyes watering and he squeezed them shut.

It's not fair.


​

 

[VULTUREMASK]

Silently he had been watching from a distance unsure if he should even approach or not. He had been there when she had attacked Weaselclaw but he had done nothing about it, just letting it happen. Losing yourself to your own emotions was something he was familiar with but he had never seen a mother getting so angry in the name of their own child before. He too thought Waseclaw had done an unjustified thing when someone as young like Aspenpaw had been alongside them. No matter how hungry they all were a rabbit shouldn't be more importand than the life of a kit... Leechpaw felt furious just thinking about if Periwinklepaw had been the one on that patrol and not his sibling.

Hyacinthbreath had the right to feel the way she did but what had that brought her in the end?. Ript apart from her own children. Leaving them behind to clean up after her mess. Was this what love between a mother and a child was supposed to be like?. If so did it meant he not needed to control his own emotions in the end after all?. If it was...his mom did have right. Love was only supposed to hurt. Hyacinthbreath was no better than his own mother who did selfish decisions in the name of 'love'. Or had he all of it wrong?. In truth...he was confused trying to make a sence out of all of this. Leechpaw had no idea what a family was even suppose to be like but he wanted to know if he now was gonna have young siblings to look out after. He wanted them to have the best in life...to give them the right love.

So he stept forward, following Yewberry but stopt at the tunnels entrance. " How are you suppose to protect anyone anymore if you're not gonna be here for them?." there was no anger in his voice, no judgement only a tom who was seeking for answers to try to understand why Hyacinthbreath had done what she had done when she was gonna lose everything in the end. " You ruined everything for yourself here by losing yourself to your emotions." It might be harsh words but he was speaking the truth without judgement. He was trying to make a sense of all of this and from his point of view this was how the reality of the situation had unfold itself. " Is this how you love someone Hyacinthbreath?." By sacrificing everything and leaving cats who needed her behind?. Was this love. If he did the same for Periwinklepaw or his unborn siblings would that make him a good brother?. Would that make them understand that he loved them?. If he used his own emotions to reach to them. Would that be the right way of loving them?. He just wanted to understand what love was before his unborn siblings arrived into this world so he could love them correctly.

He wanted to know if his mom was the right one or not.
​

 

[Galeforce]

↞ RACE THE WINDS

Galeforce approached in order to see Hyacinthbreath for potentially the final time, and he did so with a heavy heart. The young warrior wished that things hadn't come to this and he believed that Sootstar was wrong in her decision. Then again he was coming to disagree with many of her choices as of late. Though he kept his thoughts private, too afraid of what might happen if they got out.

The tom swallowed roughly before he dared to step a little closer. "Hyacinthbreath, I want to thank you... for everything. You taught me much, and I'm glad that you have helped so many during your time here. You will be missed... I will miss you." More than anything he was glad that she could help Sunsetbreeze find their true self. He exhaled softly to steady himself before he offered up a gentle smile. "May I walk with you to the border?"
​

 

[Coldsnap]

IM SCARED TO GET CLOSE AND I HATE BEING ALONE
I LONG FOR THE FEELING TO NOT FEEL AT ALL
THE HIGHER I GET, THE LOWER I SINK
I CAN'T DROWN MY DEMONS, THEY KNOW HOW TO SWIM

---

Struggling. Coldsnap was always struggling these days. All the black and white had shifted to shades of grey he didn't understand, and he found it harder and harder to stick to codes he couldn't see the point in anymore. He didn't hate Sootstar like the rest of them did, could still find value in her leadership and even agreed with much of what she did, but there was some new kind of understanding that had settled over him at seeing Hyacinth exiled. Should she have been punished for fighting like that? Sure. But Exiled? Thrown out like unwanted garbage? Having emotions didn't make you disloyal. Put her on apprentice duty, claw her ears for fucks sake, but, exile?

Hyacinth wasn't wrong. Sootstar had showed time and time again that she would abandon them the moment they provided even the slightest inconvenience to her.

And still, he didn't hate her, not yet at least, but he could no longer ignore the fact that his priorities had changed.

He was done building walls.

He made his way over to the small group lingering outside of Hyacinths tunnel, watching as Yewberry mourned the loss of their friend and listening as Leechpaw spoke. The lanky black tomcat wasn't wrong, and the bitter words they spoke were ones Coldsnap had thought himself on several occasions in the past. Emberfang and Honeytwist were good examples, two shecats whose emotions had gotten them exiled from the very clan they'd claimed to love, torn away from their family and friends. If they'd only listened to Sootstar, if they'd only obeyed the rules, no ill fortune would have befallen them. So many Windclan cats were unharmed and unbothered simply because they didn't let their emotions get in the way, and Coldsnap had been one of them.

Somewhere though, he'd crossed a line. Between his mentorship with Hyacinthbreath, the steady company of Rosepaw, and unwavering determination of Dandelionwish, Coldsnap had started to care. And now he was so far over the line he couldn't even tell where it had been drawn in the first place. And maybe back on the other side of that line his head had ruled his heart, had kept his blisfully apathetic toward his clanmates unhappiness, but here, on this side of the line? Where Hyacinth, and Dandelion, and Yew, and Coal all stood? His heart had to rule here. He just had to stop fighting it.

It was only when the shecats exchange with the other two was done that Coldsnapspoke.

"I'll walk with you to the border, if you want." he offered, the only thing he had left to show her he wasn't angry with her anymore. The demotion, the advice she'd given him that he'd been quick to reject, none of that mattered to him anymore.

---

windclan warrior - male - 12 months - a large, dark grey tabby with yellow eyes​

​

 

[SUNSETBREEZE]

And then there was Sunsetbreeze who didn't know how to approach any of this. Hyacinthbreath was a cat he had complicated feelings towards, of late he had anyway. He hadn't been special fond over her at first but after she had helpt him to discovery who he really wanted to be...it would be a lie to say his opinion not had changed about them. When he had come out she had been there praising him for it, even saying she was proud over him. Meanwhile Weaselclaw and Sootstar the two cats he respected and looked up to the most had given nothing but an indifferent respond to it. Of course.. none of them probably understood how much of a big deal it was to come out (at least for him) since none of them had struggled with thier own identity as young so for them it might not be that big of a deal since they never had been forced to live as someone who wasn't them.

That was what he only could assume though, his own thoughts about that matter. But Hyacinthbreath understood and maybe that was why she was able to give a more proper response to it. Even if he had been fine with Sootstar and Weaselclaws reactions prefering for it not to be treated like a big deal...he still had appreciated Hyacinthbreath and Galeforce reaction more, and for that he would forever feel grateful towards thier former lead warrior who soon would go into exile.

He had been thinking if it would be appropriate for him to approach or not, if Sootstar would mind it. Sunsetbreeze was left to hesitant until he saw Galeforce took the step to walk over to the silver lynx. That seemed to be enough for the young warrior to make his own decision. Sunsetbreeze slowly made his way over as well and stopt by Galeforce side his head held up proudly like usual. In a time like this he had to show confidence in himself. " Your name and what you did for this clan will not be forgotten." he would assure them, his words being carefully picked. Sunsetbreeze couldn't allow himself to become too emotional involved in this but he could at least say this much.

" I wish you safe travel and...let starclan forbid we ever cross each other in battle." His words were heavier than he had intended them to be, an almost sorrowful smile would be present on elegant lips but his voice remained steady, clear from emotions. He had never thought a decision Sootstar made would bring such a loss to him. Yes, he truly meant what he had said. He truly hoped he never had to cross path with Hyacinthbreath as a enemy.







​

 

[BUMBLEBREEZE.]

bumblebreeze didn't know what to say. ever since his mother left... he barely felt a connection to windclan, either. but he couldn't leave. he couldn't. his siblings were here. leech was still here. he couldn't leave. not now. not until they did. and if they didn't, neither would he. walking near leechpaw, the one eyed tom cat pressed himself to his side, torn ear twitching back and forth with a look of only sorrow. hyacinth was leaving. so much change was happening here. but nothing was like the day his mother left.

"bon voyage, hyacinthbreath."

there wasn't anything more he could say. he only turned his body slightly to press against leech and take in his scent, for some kind of comfort. he could provide it, right? he was the only one bumblebreeze would try and seek it from, anyways.
​

[ WISH I COULD TURN YOU BACK INTO A STRANGER ]​

 

[Dandelionwish]

He wanted to say something, the entire ordeal had been watched in silent horror from his den and he had not intervened because frankly he was not about to be clawed for stepping into conflict. That Hyacinthbreathe had lashed out so sudden and so violently had kept him frozen in place and though he understood her rage and her agonies he could not comprehend why any cat might shed blood unecessarily. It had been scary, he was glad it didn't escalate but...it was one more wound to tend, one more thing to place gingerly upon his already weary shoulders.

Out of the corner of his eye he spotted the silvery frame of Wisteriapaw glowering from the other end of camp; the ex-lead warrior's own son watching her depart and not speaking a word or even attempting to follow. He always knew they had a rocky relationship but he was not aware the severity until now.
Dandelionwish took a deep breath and strode forward to give the molly a friendly headbutt, mismatched eyes upturned and uneasy. He wished he had more to say, he wished he could do something else, but-if he was being honest this was probably for the best. The medicine cat had watched her slowly struggle to overcome her old ideals to be a new cat and being in WindClan would not give her the breathing room she needed to keep growing. He felt like an old soul having the thought, but it was true.

"Ye take care of yerself now." Was all the sepia point said, twirling his wheat stem between his teeth to tuck to the corner of his mouth, "Will miss ye."
Who would leave him next, he wondered. One by one the cats he cared for and trusted were slipping past his paws and he worried one day he would wake up alone in a clan of heartless soldiers who only desired power above all else.

​

 

[POLLENFUR]

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮​

Pollenfur is strangely quiet, watching the cats offer to walk Hyacinthbreath to the border. Half-lidded amber eyes smolder, settled on the silver she-cat with unbridled sorrow. The scenario is frighteningly familiar. Exiled by Sootstar for violence against another, leaving her kits behind after losing what remained of her sanity -- Hyacinthbreath has unwittingly fallen into the same trap Honeytwist has, and she almost feels as though she'd caught in a dream like a spiderweb.

Dandelionwish goes to Hyacinthbreath last, gives her his goodbye, and Pollenfur almost turns tail without saying a word.

Is she disappointed? Is she angry? No, not quite. The chocolate calico watches her closest friend saying her proud goodbyes with a tearful look of resignation. Tired. Lines drawn upon a face still too young to feel so old.

What's stopping you from leaving, something whispers in her ear. Honeytwist's kits are nearly grown, aren't they? Go, go, and never return.

Her paws remain rooted to the earth. It's not Lemonpaw and Melonpaw that prevent her from going; nor is it Hyacinthbreath's own kits, whose mother remains here in WindClan. Her kin, belly bulging, days from giving birth to her own blood in WindClan, under Sootstar's watchful eyes and sharp claws.

Pollenfur can't go with Hyacinthbreath. And what's worse, she -- yet again -- hadn't been asked.

After the other cats have drawn back, Pollenfur walks with painful dignity towards the cat she's come to develop feelings for. "Oh, Hyacinthbreath..." Her eyes mist with sorrow. "Who's going to keep me company on those late nights, hmm? Who's going to--" She falters, her voice cracking. "Please be safe," she whispers.

She draws her tongue over Hyacinthbreath's cheek before stepping back with the other WindClanners. Her tail is close to her body, her heart heavy as stone. Goodbye, Hyacinthbreath. Goodbye.

- ,,​

 

[hyacinthbreath]

♚ Emotions simmered below the surface, reminding her that she was alive and yet in constant suffering. Everything she did, everything she lived for, was always for others. To keep her family safe, she made decisions that hurt them. To keep her clan safe, she spoke out against those who were cruel. Reputation meant nothing to the molly, but the reality of her situation was slowly beginning to don on her as the seconds ticked by. She was no traitor, she knew. But she wouldn't stand for disrespect of herself or her family, or the rest of her Clan. Juniperfrost didn't understand true loyalty to ones Clan, and it seemed, neither did Weaselclaw.

I did this for you, She could still remember the words that left his mouth when Sootstar yowled at her mate, scolding him for getting into a fight with RiverClan. Ruining whatever alliance they could have had. There were reasonings, good ones in the eyes of those who believed in the birthplace of prey. But to Hyacinth, nobody could know where that rabbit was truly born. And even though they were born in one place, did that mean they didn't belong in another Clan? The contradictions didn't make sense. Especially not from an ex-barn cat not born in WindClan's lands. Either way, he should have sent the apprentices off for backup instead of sending them into a battle where they could die. A useless battle.

Yewberry's presence was wilting in front of her, Hyacinth lifting a paw up to gently brush her pad over his eyes to wipe the tears that threatened to fall. Regret filled her heart, making it heavy- though she musters a small little smile for her friend. Friends. She enjoyed the thought of having them, of people trusting her- it was a warmer feeling, to be loved by people. To truly belong amongst a group of individuals. His face is pushed into her fur, and Hyacinthbreath breathes in the tom's scent to memorize it. It would be a little bit before she could see him again, she knew RiverClan wouldn't be too keen to let her leave camp without proving herself. She knew what would be expected of her, undying loyalty to the river-swimmers. Her heart will always belong to WindClan, and she knew she would feel homesick without her friend nearby. Without Yewberry to keep her warm at night. It's not fair.. He whines out, and Hyacinth's heart twinges at the sorrow in his voice. She pulls the man close, hugging him tightly in her arms. "I should be saying that to you.. Don't go roaming the territory by yourself, okay? If I find out you got hurt again, I'll have to run all the way here to rescue you, ja?" And Sootstar would hate that. She thought to herself with a chuckle, moving away from the tom when another voice graces her ears. Leechpaw.

How are you suppose to protect anyone anymore if you're not gonna be here for them? It's a good question, brought on with his own doubt. His own inexperience in understanding what love was, in what it was like to have a mother who truly cared about him. Truly loved him. You ruined everything for yourself here by losing yourself to your emotions. Had Hyacinth felt bad about her outburst, she might have flinched at his words. But he spoke words of brutal truths, and Hyacinthbreath sighs softly. Is this how you love someone Hyacinthbreath? "Loving your child means keeping them safe, nurturing them. Teaching them to do the right thing when nobody else does. Making sure they don't get hurt." She couldn't speak for romantic love; with all of her mates, she still didn't quite understand it herself. Her children.. Familial love, however, was something she understood quite well now. "I will admit that I lost myself to emotion, but I do not regret speaking my mind. Hoffnung, Leechpaw. Hope. I can only hope change will come soon for WindClan, since I failed my duty to you all." She mutters softly, taking a step towards Leechpaw. She didn't try to touch him, didn't move to hug him- instead, Hyacinth gives him a gentle smile. Loving, trust. "I'm.. I'm so sorry, Leechpaw. I'm sorry that I used your name in such a cruel manner back then. It was wrong of me. I hope you'll come to forgive me, some day." She musters out her apology, tears welling up in her eyes. He had made her see the truth of who she was back then; insensitive, cold, distant. He didn't deserve the cruel treatment. "You are far more WindClan than you think. A Warrior, through and through. And I couldn't be more proud of you. You'll become a strong tom in the days to come. Protect your clanmates, your family. Then, you will come to know what love is." Hyacinthbreath exhales a shaky breath, stepping back as more faces came to bid her goodbye. The more people came, the more Hyacinthbreath wanted to break down and cry.

A deepening, yet boyish voice speaks up- calls her by name. He steps closer, and Hyacinth does as well, a paw raising up to ruffle the fur atop his head playfully. He thanks her, a small little thing- but it makes Hyacinth's heart leap with pride that she'd done something right. That she had left on mark on so many cats, especially young ones like Galeforce. Then, he offers to walk her to the border. She shakes her head sadly, giving him a sorrowful smile. "Out of respect for Sootstar's wishes as she let me gather my things before my exile, it'll only be Jaggedoak escorting me to the border. You all may come with me to the edge of camp, but that's it." She meows firmly, trying to fight back the tears. Wanting to see them longer, wanting to be in their presence. It should have been easier, but she finds that her attachment to these cats would never waver. WindClan was her home.

Next was Coldsnap, who stood so calmly behind her friends. He looked like his mind was swimming with thoughts, lost in them- only coming back to reality when she was done speaking. His offer to escort her was already answered, and yet she couldn't find the words to remind him that he was loved by everyone here. "You were a pain in my ass the moment you were assigned to me," She begins slowly, a look of amusement in her eyes. Hyacinth leans in then, a paw gently resting on the tom's cheek. She stares him dead in the eyes, a serious look on her face. "..But I wouldn't have it any other way. You were always like a son to me, Cold. I just wish I could have done better for you." She meows sadly, though recovers to lean in to whisper in his ear. "You belong, Cold. You are loved, and appreciated by everyone here. Do your best to protect them all for me, okay?" She pulls back then, wiping away tears from her eyes. "I couldn't be more proud of you than I am now. This is your home, too."

Like Galeforce, Sunsetbreeze shows confidence as he walks- and Hyacinth grins towards the tom. Expecting a smart remark she could banter with. But she's met with words that shakes her to her core instead. Your name and what you did for this clan will not be forgotten. "You make me seem like some saint, Sunny. Don't tell me you're a fan now?" She teased the tom with a sniffle, wiping her tears once more. Her chest swells with adoration for these cats, with love for them- this was her home, and now she had to leave it soon. I wish you safe travel and...let starclan forbid we ever cross each other in battle. The thought of meeting any of her clanmates in battle shakes her, terrifies her; but she's accepted how things are now. If they went to battle, and Sootstar commanded them to fight, would they? She only hoped they wouldn't do anything to threaten their own positions. "I bid you good luck if you ever have to, my friend." She mutters softly, a paw gently ruffling the tom's head just as she did with Galeforce. Soft, below her breath, she speaks calm. Her words only for Sunsetbreeze's ears. "Stay true to yourself. Never let anyone make you feel bad for being who you are. Do you understand me?" Thick, accented tune hums as she pulls away from him, though two more voices catch her attention. Man, she's got a whole parade here to send her off, doesn't she?

He bids her farewell and safe travels, the accented words making her smile. Bumblebreeze reminds her of his mother in all the good ways. She's thankful Leechpaw had this tom by his side. "You can become your own tom. Fall in love, protect those you cherish. All you have to do is keep looking forward, never back." She offers the tom a gentle smile, her lips parting in her own bout of germanic tongue. "Gib dein Bestes, Bumblebreeze. Your mum would be proud of you and your siblings."

Dandelionwish, her precious Dandy- the little pale stem in his lip twisting with his own sadness. He'd learned to cover up his own emotions well, something Hyacinth hoped he'd never have to do. "Aw, come over here you little bugger!" She cried out, paws launching out to allow her to pull the medicine cat in for a big hug. Tight, intense- man, she'd miss this sassy little man. "You're going to go through a lot in the next few months. Keep your head up, ja? You might not think it, but you are the light of our Clan. You took on a great duty when Honeytwist was exiled, so young- but you'll serve your Clan well. Take care of yourself, Dandy."

As she finally stops her sniffling and bawling, Hyacinth can't seem to find the strength to leave anymore. She doesn't want to leave her family behind, doesn't want anyone to cry over her. She was.. She was WindClan, body and soul; leaving felt like stripping a part of herself away. The silvery molly was so busy, so comfortable in the presence of her friends and clanmates, that when she hears that silken voice she's become so accustomed to in the cold night, she nearly melts in place. Pollenfur.. "Schöne Blume.." Hyacinth calls out in return, a longing in her step as she quickly carries herself over to meet Pollenfur halfway. A lick to her cheek, and Hyacinth feels the familiar thump in her squeezing heart. Who's going to keep me company on those late nights, hmm? Who's going to- "My offer still stands.. You could come with me. We could- we could go together." She whispers, barely audible; words spoken only to Pollenfur. Only for her in this moment. But instead, the words Pollen speaks are broken, croaked. Please be safe, Hyacinth nods numbly, feels as if she's pulling away from fate in this moment. "The moon is always pretty when you're under it." She mutters sheepishly, moving to press her forehead to Pollen's own- to breathe in her scent. She didn't want to forget it. She didn't want to lose those eyes ever again. Then, as if rasping her tongue behind the molly's ear, Hyacinth whispers to her. "My heart belongs to you. Even if you may not keep it, even if we are across the river from each other. It is yours. You were my closest friend when I needed you most. And I'll.. I'll still be that, and more, if you'll have me. We can make it work, somehow. I want to believe we can." Hyacinthbreath presses her cheek to Pollenfur's own, rubbing her cheek against the molly's affectionately. So little time, she was able to spend with Pollenfur. She wished she had more, that the mottled molly could come with her to RiverClan and never look back- but she had a duty, and Hyacinthbreath wouldn't let her stray from it. Family meant everything.

As Hyacinthbreath picks up her little satchel of memoirs and begins to walk, she spots Wisteriapaw at the other end of camp- glowering, glaring at her. Hate is a strong emotion to feel when you're so young. She thought to herself, and for once, Hyacinthbreath blinks towards the small tom. She settles down her satchel, lips parting to speak. "I.." She hesitates, worried he would lash out. "I love you, son. I'm.. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that sooner. Please, take care of your siblings and mother." She speaks calmly, though her voice wavers in the field of anxiety. She wished things had been different. That she would have been there for the kits' birth, that she would have told the truth. She only had herself to blame for that. However, her eyes search around for five faces that have grown familiar.

Cloudpaw, Aspenpaw, Periwinklepaw, Moonshadow, Spiritpaw..

She could wait a little longer, couldn't she?​

❝ there are wounds inside me, gaping holes of disconnect.
can you drown inside your own body? can you suffocate within this mind? ❞

 

[coalfoot]

———————————————【 coalfoot | windclan | male 】——————————————

【◈】As more and more cats gathered around to bid her a farewell, the more he found himself fighting the tears in his eyes and the tightness of his throat. Coalfoot felt like a kit. On some level deep down, he hoped that if he simply didn't acknowledge it, then it wouldn't happen. He knew. He knew he couldn't. There was no more time. She was beginning to leave.

Choking back a sob with a swallow, the marbled warrior slowly plodded his way through the throng of cats, pausing once he saw Hyacinthbreath's face. He sucked in a shaking breath and bit on his quivering lip, rushing forward and nearly headbutting the tunneler with the force of pressing his head against hers, rubbing his face along her cheek. If he spoke, he would break, and he knew it; but he couldn't let her go in silence. He would never forgive himself.

"I'm sorry," he managed, and his voice cracked. Hyacinthbreath was one of few cats he felt he could be close to in WindClan anymore. He couldn't imagine her being gone. Wishful thinking, but he said it anyway. "Please don't go." He had never truly considered what kind of a friend he had in her, but she was leaving, and Coalfoot choked on his next breath. "Hyacinthbreath, I love you so much. Ple- please stay safe."

[penned by its_oliverr].

​

 

[CLOUDPAW !]

I'LL BE THERE FOR THE HIGHS AND LOWS
GIVE YOU MINE IF YOUR HEART GETS BROKE​

---

The tears had not stopped since the news was broken. He didn't sob, didn't break down crying because he'd promised he'd be strong, but there was no stopping the quiet, free flowing tears that slid down his face as he made his way over to the growing crowd. Cloudpaw wanted to go with Hyacinth, would have followed the shecat to the ends of the earth after everything she'd done for him, but with her final request she had asked only, 'stay'. With Moonshadow, with his new siblings. He didn't understand why Spiritpaw got to go and not him, but he didn't have any had feelings toward either of the shecat, knowing that there were reasons even if he didn't yet understand them himself.

He wants to run up to her, to cling to her and tell her he he'll be strong for the family, but even in his grief he can't bring himself to be rude and shove past those already gathered. Coalfoot is in tears as he speaks to her, and Cloudpaw knows this isn't just hard for him and their family, but for every cat that Hyacinth had known and loved.

So he waits, quiet and patient, amber eyes glistening all the while.

---

cloudpaw - windclan - single - a small, brown and white tabby with amber eyes​

 

[JaggedOak]

"THEY SAY THAT IM RECKLESS BECAUSE I'M RELENTLESS"​

Everything around him was slowly falling to pieces. Each and every day, there seemed to be more struggles piling up on the clan closest to the sky: prey burrowing beyond their reach, the cold bringing sickness, apprentices getting mauled while fissures formed between the warriors in camp. To top it all off, there was now an active threat of war hanging over their head. While he understood the reasons Weaselclaw had pursued the prey over the border, he still wished he would have let it go, seeing as it was Riverclan's claws that had delivered the killing blow. He wanted to voice his own protest, to tell the lead warrior that lives weren't worth prey killed by another's claws, but the entire camp was already on him by the time he noticed the commotion, with words echoing his own thoughts. So he had stayed off to the side.

He regretted doing the same thing later though. Maybe if he had stepped in when Hyacinthbreath had started the confrontation, had reminded her of where she was and the possible consequences of her hostility in the public of camp, maybe she would have stopped. Maybe she would have realized that she was threatening her own right to live here. To be with her family and friends. But the crowd surrounded her, and the exile came quick. Exile. Hyacinthbreath was being exiled and all he could do in that moment was offer to be the escort. To make sure that she wasn't stroke down by an unknown animal or rogue while she was on their land.

After that, the large brown tabby seemed to be giving Hyacinthbreath space. The others would want to say their goodbyes and he would have the treck through the territory to share his thoughts with her. So he decided to wait by the edge of the gorse bush near the entrance. Once again, he found him disagreeing with Sootstar's decision to exile a clanmate. It just meant less able paws to help them with the leafbare, less cats who had been with them from the beginning, fighting through their hardships together. Hyacinth had helped form Windclan. With him, and Soot, and Juniper, and all the others from the marsh colony. It hurt to see her go and he wanted to fight his life long friend on her decision but couldn't bring himself to...

Was he afraid of being tossed to the moors, left to fend for himself? Maybe...

When Jaggedoak spotted Hyacinthbreath come out of the tunnel with a leaf in tow, he moved to stand and slowly make his way over. He didn't rush, each step methodically slow as he watched the cats cry for their friend, apologizing for a decision they weren't a part of. When he made it a few tail lengths away, the brown tabby spoke, soft compared to his usual social banter. ❝ Are you ready to go? Do you...need me to carry anything for you? ❞ A paw was motioned towards her leaf bundle before he forced a small smile. ❝ Don't you worry, I'll make sure you get wherever you want to go, safe and sound. Although I'm sure you can take on any threat that might dare to mess with you, right? ❞

Amber gaze flitted to the cats gathered around the ex-lead warrior and he resisted the urge to let his ears fall back. He tried to stay positive, to show that their friend would be okay, even if she wasn't with them. Hyacinth was strong. She was able to find her way to Windclan all on her own and she'd be able to find her way some place new all on her own. ❝ Do you know which way you'd like to go? The horseplace might be a good option... The two leg dens could provide protection from the wind and the barn cats may be able to help... ❞ It wasn't the best option but he hated the thought of leaving her out where the coyotes could rip into her fur.

​

⊱ ♞ ⊰​

 

[Periwinklebreeze.]

IS IT OVER YET - CAN I OPEN MY EYES?​

periwinklepaw | 04 months | demi-boy | he/they | physically easy (pacifist) | mentally easy | attack in bold #ccccff​

---

He can't bring himself to join those gathered at the edge. Can't stand to hear the bitter words he knows leechpaw will be spitting out, the thank you's from those his mother has helped, the goodbyes that makes everything feel real. Its too much... too little... his mind is a jumbled maddened mess and e watches with unseeing eyes until she finally emerges once more. Slowly, cautiously, as though she's going to snap at him next, he slips forwards, eyes watering. He may not have known she was his family for very long, but somehow his chest still hurts now that it's being ripped away. Like his heart is breaking. Maybe it is.

He stops a before her, just out of reach, jaws parting. "g-g-g..." goodbye he almost says. But the words wont come, only a whine and a chitter and a garbled noise that slip past his aching jaw. Before he knows it, he's throwing himself at her, tears streaming down dark cheeks, dampening his fur. be safe - go and don't come back - take me with you part of him wishes he could go - but the thought of leaving the others behind... of leaving leech, and dust, and dandy.... of leaving moonshadow and aspen and even wist - it hurts worse than watching hyacinthbreath leave. feels that choosing makes it more like a betrayal than circumstances, than being exiled without a say.

Please don't leave me. he thinks selfishly.

And then there's no more tears left to cry, no more quiet sobs - the boy peels himself away from his mother and turns his back. There's nothing left to do or say. It's out of his paws. He hides away in the medicine den instead - dandy will have to pry him away from the shelter because the boy cant, wont be out in the emptiness of camp. H feels hollow, fragile, and he just wants to be alone - away from watchful eyes, from pitying glances and spiteful glares. He just wants this to be over - wants to curl up and hide. Wants to forget.

Why couldn't you just stay?

 

[ASPENPAW_]

( ♬ ) It still doesn't feel real, not even with all her clanmates gathered to send Hyacinthbreath off one last time. Everything else, it's all too real, the ache of claw marks across her back keeping Aspenpaw grounded, but this? So quickly tensions had risen past an unthinkable point, and it feels as if one moment she was watching Hya leap at Juniperfrost and in the next breath she's watching as her mother leaves. Her mother. She was only just getting used to the idea, getting used to calling both Moonshadow and Hyacinthbreath mother, and now it's as if it's all for nothing, having to say goodbye like this. It's not fair, she thinks - there's hardly been enough time to know her, not enough time for Aspenpaw to sort out all of her feelings, and now she's losing that chance. All this over a rabbit, one they hadn't even caught...it just feels so pointless, all this strife, though it's long past time to take any of it back. She can only wish that things had been different, only hope that things will begin to calm after this, but Aspenpaw knows that it won't ever be the same, whether they go to war with Riverclan or not.

Just like Periwinklepaw, she hangs back at first, not even sure where to begin. Everybody else is saying their goodbyes, exchanging their parting words, but Aspenpaw feels at a loss. A part of her wants to tell everyone to stop, wants to cry that this is all just some big misunderstanding, that Hya isn't supposed to leave, but instead she's silent, watching everyone else move forward without really seeing them. Is this really the last time she's going to see Hyacinthbreath here, in Windclan's camp? It hits her suddenly that there were so many other 'lasts' that she had missed without knowing - the last time she had watched Hya come back from a patrol, the last time Hya would supervise chores around camp, the last time she had seen Hya and Moon together - and it feels silly, focusing on these meaningless little interactions she had always taken for granted, but all the same she's now acutely aware of just how much she's missed, and how much she's going to continue to miss out on. A damp sensation begins to grow upon her face - tears, she realizes lamely - and as she starts to sniffle Aspenpaw can no longer hang back and try to find her words for fear of missing out on this last, too.

For a moment, she just stares at Hya, desperately trying to memorize every last detail even as her vision blurs from tears, melding together white and silver patterned fur. It's almost familiar, this swirl of emotion, of confusion and hurt, and it reminds her of the day Hya had revealed their parentage, though she feels markedly worse this time. Back then, Hya had said that she kept the truth from them in order to protect them, but this time it doesn't feel like protection, getting exiled for attacking a clanmate. Leaving them all behind, even it wasn't by choice. Seconds drag on, and still Aspenpaw doesn't know what to say, doesn't know what to do anymore. She doesn't want to just say 'goodbye' and leave it at that - she doesn't want to say goodbye at all, really, doesn't want to lose her mother so soon after learning the truth, and the thought of this being their last time together sends a fresh wave of overwhelming emotion through her.

"I-I'll miss you," she finally manages, tongue feeling leaden in her mouth. There's so many other things she wants to say, so many questions she wants to ask, but they're all lost somewhere inside her turmoil as she instead buries her face into Hya's fur, eyes screwed tightly shut. None of this is right, not the skirmish or the attack or the exile, but it's all real, no matter how much she wishes it wasn't. Aspenpaw wants to stay there all day, if only to prolong the inevitable just a little bit longer, but finally she pulls away, gaze drifting up to face Hya. She can't say goodbye - she just can't, as irrational as it might seem, so instead she falls silent once again. Around her, she's distantly aware of others coming and going, but she pays them no mind as she can feel the seconds ticking down until Hyacinthbreath will be gone for good. It's not fair, she thinks once again, but she's coming to realize that 'fair' doesn't really mean much, at the end of the day. Fairness doesn't seem to stop or fix anything, only leaves bitterness behind in its wake.​

( WE'RE ALL JUST SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING ☾ )

 

[Moonshadow]

( ♬ ) Moonshadow watches the entire display from a shadow in front of the warrior's den. Dark blue eyes glitter with intense yet unreadable emotion as the black smoke silently walks forward and stops to watch all the others say their goodbyes. She, truthfully, doesn't know what to say.

They were co-parents, yes, but was there really anything else between them that warranted a tearful goodbye? Her gaze narrows slightly when Pollenfur steps forward and the soft and intimate moment between them seems to settle something within the molly's stomach. No, they shared a litter because of a night Hyacinthbreath always regretted. She did not doubt that the silver lynx loved their kits, but there had never been any affection for her, she could see that clearly now.

When her kits had a chance to say goodbye, Moonshadow would finally step forward, looking Hyacinthbreath over before nodding once and meowing in her usual monotone voice, "Be careful out there." There was so much more Moonshadow wanted to say. So many things that she wished she had done differently, but now it seemed all of that was lost forever.

It dawned on Moonshadow then, that once Hyacinthbreath was gone, she would be alone in this place. Of course, she had her children, but they were all leading their own lives and making their own paths in this world, and she would be left with nothing. She stares at Hyacinthbreath for a long, intense, moment. Everything she had ever wanted to say was swimming within her dark optics before the molly suddenly turned and stalked away without another word. There was nothing left between them after all, so what could she even possibly say that wouldn't dig up more unneeded drama? ​

( TELL ME THE REASONS; FOR ME TO TRUST YOU )

 

[hyacinthbreath]

♚ // Last post with her in WindClan for a good bit! Thank you guys for the fun plots and interesting environment. Hyacinthbreath loves each and every one of her WindFam intensely, and she'll miss them every day that she's gone. Ilysm!! /p

Hyacinthbreath is haunted by the sadness in her friend's voice, and tears seem to bubble up against her will- pouring from her lilac-kissed eyes and down her cheeks. Had it not been for the markings already there, she'd be a sobbing mess of tear-stains anyways. Her tail twitches as Coalfoot reminds her that he loves her, to make sure that she stays safe. Begs her not to leave. Hyacinth presses her face to his own, dragging her cheek against his with a loud purr. A friend she'd never thought she'd make, many moons ago. "You have a friend in me, Coalfoot. If you ever need me, I'll be there." She murmurs softly, stepping away from the tom to look over his shoulder. Cloudpaw, the tearful little tom- Hyacinthbreath feels her chest ache in longing to lick the tears away and never make him cry like this again.

She gently brushes her tail against Coalfoot's side as she moves past him, lightly touching her nose to Cloudpaw's forehead. Nuzzling him. "I know it's not fair." She whispers softly, achingly- "But you will see me again soon. I won't be too far." She resolves her own ideals then. If they needed her, she would do anything she could to make sure they got her. Hyacinth would move StarClan to protect her children, to protect her friends. When nobody else believed in her, they did. "Aspenpaw, Periwinklepaw, and Wisteriapaw are great siblings. They will keep you close, as will Moonshadow." She hums, touching her nose to his again. "I love you, little cloud. When I came upon you moons ago, I was.. So startled. So nervous. But you've grown into a strong apprentice. I couldn't be more proud of you, honey."

Jaggedoak asks if she's ready, and Hyacinthbreath shakes her head. "Just.. Just one more moment, Jag. They're.. They're going to come. I know they are." She mutters softly, pushing her side against her friend. He promises her safety, asks where she wishes to go. Hyacinth leans her head on his shoulder. "RiverClan border. I'll walk from there." She decides after some thought, ears perking at the sound of clumsy little paws sifting through snow. Periwinklepaw. He stutters through a goodbye, and Hyacinthbreath nuzzles his cheek affectionately, pulling him closer. Aspen is soon to join, confliction and emotion mixing in her eyes. She's sad.

"It's never goodbye, little ones." She hums out thoughtfully. "Only 'see you soon', yes? This separation isn't forever." She meows, touching her nose to both of her children. "I'm.. I'm so sorry, my dears.. My precious babies.. I'm so sorry.. Aspen, I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you then.. I should have followed Weaselclaw, should have-" She shakes her head, biting her lip. "No.. It's already over now, the past is behind us. Just know that you're still a child, both of you. Never look down on the joys of childhood, of the adventures of apprenticeship. You must face that, experience that first, before you can call yourself a Warrior. Do you understand me?" She calmly reminds the kits. "You are mine and your mother's. Blood of my blood. Never forget that WindClan runs thick in your veins, no matter the Leader."

She moves to stand, prepared to leave- prepared not to face Moonshadow, still too conflicted over her reaction. Aspenpaw was no Warrior, and if it were up to Moonshadow, Weaselclaw would be removed as Aspen's mentor. Not that Hyacinth would complain. But yet, Moonshadow makes her way over anyways- there's a moment of awkward silence between the two, Hyacinthbreath taking in a steady breath before she exhales it- smiling softly at the molly. "Take care of them. If you ever need anything, you know where to find me. I won't be too far." She wants to say more, to promise the world to her friend; but instead, she's left with nothing. She tells her to be careful out there, and Hyacinth chuckles at her stoicism. "I hope.. I hope you can find someone who makes you smile. It's a very pretty smile, you know." She hums, hesitantly leans in to brush her cheek against Moonshadow's own, only to stop midway. Instead, she pulls the molly in for a hug. "I'm sorry. Please take care of yourself, Moonshadow. I'll.. I'll see you soon." She mutters, then steps away.

Finally, Hyacinthbreath falls back in beside Jaggedoak- he asks her if he can carry anything for her. Hyacinth chuckles softly. "No, Spiritpaw is waiting for me. We must leave now before the cold gets worse." She mutters softly to her friend, turning back to look at the WindClan cats she had grown to love and adore after so long. "WindClan is a Clan made from the ideal of freedom. What you choose to do with that information is up to all of you." She speaks calmly, nodding towards the group of friends and family. Then, she turns to begin walking with Jaggedoak. "Until we meet again, WindClan." She promises the ground beneath her paws, whispers to the sleeping grass below. The heathers decayed by snow. The wind that graced her face. Home. She would return someday.

With that, Jaggedoak and Hyacinthbreath disappear through the gorse tunnels, and Hyacinthbreath doesn't look back.

Someday.​

❝ there are wounds inside me, gaping holes of disconnect.
can you drown inside your own body? can you suffocate within this mind? ❞