sensitive topics sitting on a throne of bones // waking up

[Periwinklebreeze.]

❀​❀ I NEED YOU HERE 'CAUSE I'M A MESS ❀❀​
periwinklepaw | 10 months | demi-boy | he/they | physically easy (pacifist) | mentally easy | attack in bold #ccccff

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Perhaps it is best that the boy does not wake until he is safely returned to camp - back in the medicine den, back in his nest. Eyelids flutter for a moment before blue eyes finally open - blinking blearily. It takes a moment for the situation to catch up to his mind - for periwinklepaw to really understand what has happened. Face feels like fire as he flushes, curling in on himself for a moment in sheer embarrassment. His muzzle still stings a bit as he moves, but a probing touch finds him not permanently marred - a small relief at least. "e-er... wh-what happened?" he braves asking, voice hushed. Is vulturemask there? Oh - and the patrol! Oh starclan, he'd passed out in front of both some of his favorite and least favorite felines - why had he moved so fast? The dizzying sensation had simply been too strong - a rush of blood to sudden. He wants to vanish in shame, but his stomach has woken once more, rolling and churning angrily.

// TW: this thread is likely to focus on topics pertaining to food avoidance / eating disorders / starvation
@VULTUREMASK med cat ping
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[GRAVELSNAP]

Gravelsnap does not linger around the healer's den for good reason. They have avoided the den since they'd grown old enough to recognize it for what it is: a crowded prison of illness and injury. The fact that they have remained inside the den, perched in a corner to silently stare at the unconscious form of their friend, for more than a couple heartbeats is evidence enough of their panic. They don't dare move from their position, paws frozen against the den's floor. They are concerned, yes—but they would also hate to get in the way of the black-furred healer.

At long last, Peri's eyes open, and the flood of relief that Gravelsnap feels is entirely unwarranted. "You fainted," they say flatly. They had thought their friend was surely dead for a few tense moments—but just because the apprentice has awoken, that doesn't mean they're okay. Recalling the younger cat's avoidance of food, the way they had dropped the rabbit they'd taken from the prey pile, Gravelsnap leans forward. They balance their weight carefully upon their front paws, eel-black tail flicking.

"Are you hungry?" What can they do to help? They look to the healer once more, hoping—pleading—for Vulturemask to speak up, to tell them what to do. Even if it's only to banish Gravelsnap from the den.
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[ DEATH OF A DREAM ]​

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[Badgermoon]

Sootstar clearly blamed Periwinklepaw himself for his gaunt figure, while Vulturemask and Bluepool had thrown jabs at each other, pointing fingers for who was to blame for the apprentice's malnourished state. Badgermoon personally felt there was no one to blame - anything which made a cat mad enough to not eat while prey was plentiful was clearly too powerful to have been caused by any mentor or acquaintance's obliviousness. Wasting away while rabbits practically leapt out of the gorse and cotton-grass into one's paws...that was a different sort of sickness entirely, perhaps one Vulturemask could not do anything about. The broad-shouldered deputy didn't much care for the medicine den, mostly because he wasn't a fan of confined spaces - though the intense herbal reek didn't appeal, either - but he was willing to deal with it for long enough to try to help.

Badgermoon slunk into Vulturemask's den and stood alongside Gravelsnap, watching as Bluepool's apprentice awoke from his unintentional slumber. A slender hare was clutched between his jaws, and he deposited it unceremoniously in front of the point tom. "I don't care if he's hungry or not. I'm not letting him take one single pawstep out of this den until he eats." his yellow eyes narrowed, concern coexisting with irritation as he fixed Periwinklepaw with a glower. "You don't have to eat all of it. I know from experience that eating a big meal after not eating much can make you sick. But you're eating something, by StarClan." he'd had enough of this foolishness, or sickness, or whatever it was.​

 

[Periwinklebreeze.]

❀​❀ I NEED YOU HERE 'CAUSE I'M A MESS ❀❀​
periwinklepaw | 10 months | demi-boy | he/they | physically easy (pacifist) | mentally easy | attack in bold #ccccff

---

The first face the boy sees is gravelsnap, and while it certainly makes him happy the reality of the situation is anything but. A frown tugs on his face, wide eyes sad and full of shame - had he really fainted again? Perhaps it wouldn't sting so much had it been caused by anything else - but no, this time the blame was wholly on him. He can only hunker down, uncertain - what is there to say? It's not that he isn't hungry but - can he really stomach something without visions of blood flashing by his minds eye.

He never gets to make that choice, never gets to answer his friend, for the deputy himself comes striding in. And oh - he's made badgermoon mad too. He nods stiffly, ears flattened back as he's given his orders, though the words that follow certainly soften the blow. He stares down at the hare, vision swimming with panic, but he can only swallow the lump in his throat. He - he doesn't want to make anyone worry, he doesn't want them to be mad at him. Doesn't want them to hate him.

Making the first move is hard - what feels like an eternity passes by before his neck dips down, sharp teeth nipping the smallest of bites from the freshkill, barely more than flesh and fur. It tastes acid and ash upon his tongue, and he swallows it stiffly without even chewing. Stomach churns restlessly, and he already wants to stop - wants to give up. Just thinking about what he's done leaves him wanting to hurl, but the doesn't. He only takes another bite - wincing as the taste of prey-blood finally hits his senses. He wants to spit it back out, wants to give up. But... he's so hungry. Jaw works on autopilot even as mind stutters to a halt, and the second bite is gone before he even realizes it. Guilt and nausea and horror war within him but only one thought lingers in his mind.

...perhaps this wouldn't be so bad after all.

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[BLUEFROST]

She's heard stories about how thin her Clanmates had become during leafbare, how the cold drove the rabbits so far underground that even the tunnelers had trouble finding enough food. That, coupled with the sickness, had left WindClan hardly more than bone and fur. She'd been born in the very last of the cold months, close enough to newleaf to where she is completely unfamiliar with the worst of those hardships.

They have plenty of prey now. It's puzzling to Bluepaw, but hearing the chatter around camp after his fall, it's become clear that he's chosen not to eat. She watches with wide green eyes as Gravelsnap brings his friend a rabbit, as Badgermoon demands he take a bite. Periwinklepaw looks ill as he does his best to eat, but... she doesn't understand.

She pads forward, though she has no intentions of crowding the den. "Why won't he eat?" She asks Gravelsnap. She blinks. Prey is a gift from StarClan, is it not? Why would he choose to be hungry when he didn't have to be?​

[ PENNED BY MARQUETTE ]​

 

[GRAVELSNAP]

Thankfully, Badgermoon is next to stroll in, and he is much more assertive than Gravelsnap. The deputy orders Periwinklepaw to eat, and hazel eyes practically sparkle as they look upon the older tom. The black-pointed apprentice seems to have resigned himself to eat at Badgermoon's demand, but then he's scarfing down two bites without even chewing. Gravelsnap takes a solid step closer, worry rising in his chest. "Peri, slow down—you'll make yourself sick." And isn't it awful, how afraid he sounds? It's nearly sickening.

Bluepaw asks why Peri won't eat, and the question isn't directed toward Peri themself—it's directed toward him. Gravelsnap blinks, momentarily stunned. It dawns on him, then, that he… doesn't know. He doesn't know exactly why Periwinklepaw won't eat, why they look ill even now. Does it have something to do with that punishment months ago now, that discipline that Tigerfrost had laid upon Periwinklepaw, Azaleapaw, and Dazzlepaw? Is it the fact that Tigerfrost and Dazzlepaw both lie dead now, both clanmates gone too soon? Is it the fox cub? He wishes he knew.

The monochrome warrior shakes his head, shoulders slumping. "I don't know." He looks to Periwinklepaw, hoping for an answer to reveal itself.
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[ DEATH OF A DREAM ]​

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[SNAILSTRIDE]

Suddenly, Snailstride appeared at the Medicine Den, skidding to a halt at its mouth and nearly colliding into a passerby as he struggled to turn in time. Their fur stuck up in every direction and the whites of their eyes showed as they peered into the dim room, their heaving pants stilling as they finally found the familiar point amidst the crowd. "Oh thank the stars, you're awake." He sighed in relief, walking into the busy place with a gait that spoke of great exercise. They'd been on the other end of WindClan's territory when a passing patrol told them of what happened, their flippancy motivation enough for the tabby to leave their station and check on their friend themselves. Past the ringing in their ears, they tried to pay attention to what their clanmates were saying, trying to gain some sort of story whilst their mouth was too busy searching for air. A familiar word popped up several times and the warrior tilted their head. "Eat?" Sapphire eyes hovered downwards as they furrowed their brow toward Peri. He's not eating? Snail had never found it odd that they rarely ate together, or that Peri was on the lighter side, now that they stared, perhaps they should've paid more attention to it.

Their mouth twisted into a concerned frown, guilt chewing at their belly for having not noticed a problem sooner. They were a terrible friend, but they could self-flagellate later; for now, Periwinkle was more important. They lowered themselves to the earth as their fur pooled around them like a mop, they didn't care if they were blocking anyone, they weren't moving until the point was out of the den. "How long has this been going on for?" They asked softly, a side-eyed glance to Badgermoon causing their head to withdraw to between their paws. 'Don't answer if the company's wrong,' they wanted to say, but found their voice had once again withered into nothingness. It'd only been days since they'd lost Tigerfrost, they didn't want to think about Periwinklepaw joining their former mentor, but sickness was a dangerous thing in WindClan and if Periwinkle had one, they didn't want to think of how the clan would treat them. The last thing the son of a 'traitor' needed was a prolonged stay in the medicine den, what Snailstride would call care the others might call a drain of precious resources.

For Peri's sake, they hoped it was fixable with rest and some food.

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[Periwinklebreeze.]

❀​❀ I NEED YOU HERE 'CAUSE I'M A MESS ❀❀​
periwinklepaw | 10 months | demi-boy | he/they | physically easy (pacifist) | mentally easy | attack in bold #ccccff

---

The most embarrassing part of this scenario, the boy realizes, is the fact he has now become a spectacle. Bluepaw strides in, speaking to gravelsnap as though he isn't even there - and he's already irritated at the she-cat enough, tail lashing irritably as a rather out of place glare upon his face is flicked her way. He knows there's nothing going on between the two of them but it certainly doesn't stop the bitter taste from filling his mouth. An emotion he steadfastly ignores coils within his chest, leaving him aching. "I-i-i'm right h-here you know, i-i'm n-n-not d-deaf," he says, though his voice is to hushed to have any real bite.

Why isn't he eating - how long has it been - does he know why. question after question pelted his way, and though he is touched by his friends concern, the creeping feeling of discomfort will not leave. He stares down at the hare listlessly, trying to find the will to take another bite - it feels like his belly is full of nothing but rocks - and he thinks it over. "J-j-j-just... didn't f-feel hun-gry, i s-s-suppose," he says slowly, the half-truth falling from his lips easily.

Gravel probably knows there is more to it than that, but he hopes the warrior will not push - and snailstride... blue eyes meet green, catching every little motion and matching it with the smallest shake of his head. He will not give them any more ammunition - perhaps he'll share the story with his friend later, the only cat here who would, perhaps, understand the issue. A few more bites are slowly taken, chewed more fully, and he actually manages to swallow it properly all on his own. But each bite he takes only leaves him feeling hungrier than before - leaves him more aware of all the things he'd been steadfastly ignoring. He can't eat anymore, and pushes the prey away - he's done.

"... i-it won't h-happen ag-gain," he says slowly, as though perhaps that is what everyone is waiting to hear. He hopes it is - the den is growing much to crowded, and he'd rather wallow in shame without an audience.

// out, can be assumed peri just ignores everyone to go back to sleep

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[VULTUREMASK]

Vulturemask knew all too well the feeling of not wanting to eat. He had been suffering with the same condition since kithood. But he had learned to eat just enough to survive through another day. He had always been eating away from the preying eye. No one had ever seen him eat for what they knew he could just be surviving by pure air alone. Yet, his eating problem might be different from Periwinklepaw. He could not really tell. He was there watching but unusual silent for once. Vulturemask felt like he couldn't help someone who did not wish to be helpt. He had for a moment lose to his own emotions and blamed Bluepool for what had happened although he deep inside knew she was just as powerless to what had happend like he was. Periwinklepaw was no kit anymore and he had done his best to make them thrive in this clans enviroment. But he wasn't sure what else he could do beside just being there.

" Gravelsnap you may stay the rest of you should leave. Periwinklepaw needs to rest." he finally spoke after Badgermoon had succeedfully forced the apprentice to eat which the medicine cat had mixed feelings about but he had not spoken up against it. Even himself wished for that scrawny apprentice to eat above anything else right now. But they had done their part and should leave for now only allowing Gravelsnap to stay if he wished. He might not be a fan of that warrior and how he was treating Peri with that sharp tongue of his but he could tell Hyacinthbreaths son cared for them and right now that was what he needed. A friend.

Leechpaw had needed one back then.



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[BLUEFROST]

Bluepaw tilts her head curiously to one side, locks of silvery-gray cheek fur shifting across delicate features. Gravelsnap admits he doesn't know why Periwinklepaw wouldn't eat. She assumes there's no real good reason, then, if the warriors don't know why. She finds herself mystified that some cat would choose not to consume prey. And it's clear their deputy is upset about it.

Snailstride doesn't know, either, and it's clear from the look in their worried green gaze that he hadn't realized it'd been happening, either. Bluepaw watches the concern the two warriors show for their friend with a blank expression. She likes Gravelsnap, and she would be concerned if her siblings were doing something foolish like not taking prey for themselves, but she does not understand the depth of feeling in the den.

Periwinklepaw reacts with reproach. Bluepaw's gaze hardens as she detects something in his voice, in the glint of his pale eyes. "Fine," she says in a soft but haughty voice as Vulturemask orders her out. "Hope you feel better." She doesn't know if she really cares or not. Why show concern for someone who doesn't want it? Lush gray and ivory tail lifts into the air and disappears into the bustle of camp.

// out, don't mind her lmao
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[ PENNED BY MARQUETTE ]​