sensitive topics welcome to the panic room // loampaw

[✧ Siltcloud.]

THERE'S A HOLE IN MY SOUL ( CAN YOU FILL IT ? )
siltcloud | 13 months | female | she/her | physically medium | mentally hard | attack in bold #905d5d

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She's dead - poppypaw is dead. Ginger and white fur is cold and still and silent. 'No - it can't be, she cant-.'

Mind is a mess as skeletal frame stumbles through the undergrowth, green eyes wide and terrified. The bears have long fled the scene, having had their fill of flesh and blood, but paranoia and panic have her on edge anyways. She hardly recalls the walk back to camp, hardly notices where her paws carry her until she is already deep within the darkness, dust hued pelt still stained with all manner of muck.

When she finds him, safe and sound and whole, she can no longer stand - can no longer hold herself upright. She simply falls - collapsing into a heap, quiet sobs slipping past her lips, the muffled sound echoing endlessly through the damp tunnel. "Your safe your safe... you're safe..." she mumbles mindlessly, green eyes locked onto hazel even thorough the pouring tears.

Siltcloud hadn't know she could feel like this - oh, how little she'd felt when sparkkit had died, only hollow and empty. She'd not even had that little to muster for sandras leaving, for flickerfires betrayal and sudden end. Had felt only concern for her brother when she'd seen pitchstars lifeless corpse and nothing more. But poppypaw - her friend, one of her only friends - the pain shakes her to her core. "P-p-poppypaw is dead - the bears - hic," she can't breathe, why can't she breathe?

With head pressed against black fur, she clings tight to her only remaining friend - no, more than that. She can't lose him too - she doesn't care to lie to herself anymore. Green eyes go cold in the darkness, hollow and empty - something dark and possessive she'd been keeping under lock and key finally set free. She doesn't care what it takes, will fight, will kill, will lie - anything to see loampaw safe. She wont let him leave her too.

// this got... a bit darker than I expected ngl
tw: death, bodies, violent thoughts, murder, etc.
@loampaw
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[loampelt]

Worry cuts deep into Loampaw's chest the moment his eyes find Siltcloud. She isn't herself, not when she stumbles into camp and certainly not when she comes to the ground, sobbing about something Loampaw cannot even begin to understand. He's safe — he's safe. Loampaw doesn't have the words for it; saying it out loud feels like a lie, and so instead he tries to meet Siltcloud halfway, presses close and prays for the strength he needs to fix this.

There isn't anything Loampaw can do to fix this.

Poppypaw is dead. Loampaw's blood turns to ice, his ears roar with an unknown sound. Poppypaw is dead but — that can't be right, can it? Stupidly, Loampaw almost asks. He swallows the urge before he can gather his words. Ants on a hill refusing to walk in a line, and for once Loampaw is grateful for that. Siltcloud wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't true. That overwhelmed feeling fades as swiftly as it had come, chased away by Siltcloud's weight against his flank.

"'M here," Loampaw reassures. If only he were better with his words, if only he could will those scattered ants into a row, "'M here, uh-uh-and you are here t-tuh-too."

Loampaw does the impossible and presses closer. The wave of protectiveness is near all encompassing; he could drown in it. He wants to tuck Siltcloud away so that she'd never be upset again, as if he could stand as a barrier between her and the rest of the world.

"We're safe here," He rests his chin atop her head as if he could press the reassurance into her skull. Loampaw will be calm for her if he must — even if his mind brings him with such thoughts as Poppypaw will never get her warrior name and I'll never see Poppypaw again. The grief will catch him later, when he has time enough to stop barricading the shock of it behind whispered reassurances and instead let it pass.

He hasn't stopped talking, he realizes. Voice low and words fumbled as clumsily as ever, Loampaw had continued on with a manta of I'm here, you're here, we're both here.

"I-ee-uh w-wuh-want you here with muh-me," Loampaw says, because he suspects Siltcloud is in her head — he knows the feeling well, "Just listen t-tuh-to me — and breathe, th-thuh-that's all you need t-tuh-to do." ​

tags ∘ shadowclan apprentice ∘ solid black with hazel eyes ∘ curled front foot ∘ 12 moons​

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