development A DAY AT A TIME - first catch

[Starlingheart]

// small TW for mentions of death and descriptions of killing + anxiety

She is 11 moons, nearly on the cusp of adulthood but not quite yet. Soon though. Its creeping up on her, that time where no one would consider her a child anymore. Her apprenticeship had been short lived. Both her warrior apprenticeship and her medicine cat one. Thus, she hadn't been able to learn like the others had, had no one to guide her paws other than herself. Back in leaf-bare she had been too busy trying to keep everyone alive, trying to make sure she had enough of everything in order to treat them, to heal them. She had little to no time to learn other things, to do other things. But today, she had left camp on a mission.

She does everything she had seen the mentors teach their apprentices. She lifts her head to the air, catches the scent and follows, creeping along on silent paws until she finds it. A squirrel sits at the base of a tree, foraging for food of its own. For a moment, she feels bad. She has no reason to be hunting other than to prove something to herself. She could turn away now, pretend like she hadn't seen it. But then she is moving forward, assuming a hunters crouch and drawing closer and closer to the creature and the suddenly she is flying through the air. She lands on top of it and for a split second she panics. The creature wriggles beneath her and she has a moment of panic. She had never killed anything before. Had never taken a life on purpose. Her eyes fill with tears for a moment but she does the deed. It's life is extinguished with a squeal. She takes a moment to thank StarClan for the prey, takes a moment to wipe the tears from her eyes. When its over she feels pride, really she does, but she feels something else as well.

Sick.

She takes a seat near her kill, forcing herself to breathe steadily. She had killed something. Taken a life. Sure, it was prey, but still, it felt wrong. She had dedicated her whole life to healing, to think her paws are capable of killing is a strange thought, one she hadn't thought would bother her. It's just prey. Or rather it was. Past tense. There is no bringing back the dead, no undoing what she had just done.

She steadies herself and turns to look at it. She is glad she had accomplished this, glad she had done it, but in her mind it only solidified for her that she was on the right path.

She was meant to be a medicine cat.

​

 

[Magpiepaw]

He was not supposed to follow Starlingheart, nest ridden and tail fractured, but when she leaves camp he is behind her at a distance and stumbling along on uneven paws. She is not in the den to tell him no, she is out here. Out here doing something he had only begun to learn from Rainecho who struggled with his inability to balance yet continued to push him. She is hunting. His mind reels in confusion, he had only ever known the medicine cat and so he had never thought she was taught these things or capable of such or even, really, if she wanted to. To Magpiepaw's surprise she is successful, proving him immediately wrong on his assumptions of her skill; apparently healers were able to do many things. Assist life into the world, maintain it and even end it.
As the horrifying realization strikes him he hears the soft, quietly frantic breathes he is wholey unfamiliar with. A sound like sobbing without sobbing, a hush and sharp intake; its like drowning without water. He dislikes it, the noise of it, the way it makes his fur prickle in unease and it is enough to bolster him into outing his presence.
Black as night paws inch him forward until he is weaving toward her, one step and another; a pause to correct his path, to catch his wobbling head and focus, before he is next to the other dark cat with eyes wide and luminous; strikingly violet in the light.
Most of their clanmates might make a comment congratulating her on her catch. It was prey, after all. Feeding the clan was important. But Starlingheart looked like she'd stained her claws red and regretted it. Did the one who killed Pitchstar feel this way? Was their spotted leader prey to be slaughtered or was it for the sport of it all? Questions he would never have answers to, but he did know one thing. He didn't want to hear Starlingheart suffocate like that again.
"...I left the den." Magpiepaw mewls plainly, directly. It was an obvious statement but maybe scolding him would be prefered to dwelling on what had shaken her so. Was it that squirrels, like cats, were far more delicate than they expected. "You should make someone else eat that. The hair bristles. Gets stuck in teeth. It's unpleasant. Give it to me."
​

 

[GHOSTPAW]

When Ghostpaw finds her, she is sitting still. The kill is cold and strange at her paws. Her face is fixed into something indescribable. ( To him, at least, but was that the end all be all? ) She looks at it as if it was still alive, but it wasn't. It certainly wasn't... It is stiff and worn, bloody. Starlingheart doesn't look much better than it. Ghostpaw frowns. He doesn't understand. " Your... first? " He doesn't think he's seen Starlingheart bring anything home. Not then, not ever. The first should be a good thing, right? Then why did she look so sad? " Wipe your face... " His own tears had budded often in the nursery, and his mom would always wipe them for him...

Starlingheart didn't have a mom anymore. Not an aunt, either. It's not fair to her – it clicks. There's the slightest slump of his shoulders as he tunes into the miserableness of Starlingheart's life. It grates on his nerves, twitches his lips into a frown. Why hadn't he be there? He can't be – Couldn't have been.

If he was a medicine cat apprentice too... He could keep her company every day. Wouldn't that be nice.

Ghostpaw blinks, pondering. Was that something she could do?

Magpiepaw is here too, and Ghostpaw doesn't think he's supposed to be. The young apprentice announces his leave. They could see – could tell, but Ghostpaw appreciates it still, the shirking of any potential worries. One slow blink is afforded in his direction. Ghostpaw doesn't think he should scold... He's not worthy of it. Ghostpaw doesn't know what he's saying...

Ghostpaw comes to stand beside the medicine cat – his friend. He thinks so. He hopes. Who would want to be friends with him, though? He doesn't get too close, doesn't deserve to, he doesn't think... " Starling... Why are you... sad? "​

 

[Starlingheart]

She hears movement rustling in the foliage nearby and all of her senses are on alert, afraid, nervous. The logical part of her brain tells her it's okay, the rogue that killed her brother was gone according to SkyClan's words at the last gathering, but still, she cannot help the chill that runs up her spine, makes her stand on edge until a familiar face reveals itself. She lets all the tension go from her wound up muscles as her green eyes rest on Magpiepaw's face. Then he draws closer, Starlingheart feels paralyzed still, but she watches, unsure if this is her imagination playing a trick on her or not. Until he speaks. "..I left the den" he says and she blinks, confused. His voice brings her back though, it draws her out of wherever she had went within her own head and she swallows hard, trying her best to blink the tears away, to hide that she had been upset so greatly by something that any normal cat should be able to do.

Apparently she doesn't do a good enough job though because now Ghostpaw is there along with Magpiepaw and they are looking at her the way she had been looked at nearly her whole life. With pity in their eyes. She turns her attention to Magpiepaw first "Y-you should be resting" she says quietly. He says that she should make someone else eat the catch and she nods, grateful for the suggestion. It was an out, if she had ever seen one. "I'll g-give it to Pearl-Pearlwhisker" the NPC elder would more than likely appreciate the offering. if she tried to eat it she thinks she might be sick.

"I-I'm okay" she tells them, but she does wipe her face again for good measure. Ghostpaw then asks her why she is sad and for a moment she considers brushing the concern away, burying her feelings like she had her whole life but when she looks at his face, at Magpiepaw's, she cannot help the words from spilling out her mouth "My- my whole life I've- I've d-ded-dedicated myself to saving lives, it-it just feels- feels not right- wrong- to-to take one" she had started her medicine cat apprenticeship at a young age, had become one too soon. She had such little guidance in anything else, had only one training session with Pitchstar before being pulled onto the path she was now. She had not been raised or taught to be violent. She had not been taught to inflict wounds or kill, though she knows she has the capability to if she wanted.

She had been looking at the ground while she had spoken, a spot stained with blood, but she looks up now, at her friends. "Th-thanks guys- thanks for li-listening and- and being there" she gently bumps Ghostpaw's shoulder with her own, closing her eyes for a moment as she does. Truly, she is grateful for both of them.

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