DARK BLUE, DARK BLUE, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ALONE IN A CROWDED ROOM?
""I'm not- I'm not gonna unfriend you, man. I just...I thought you'd... lied."
"It felt like you were going to." he admitted rather bluntly, a hint of betrayal in his voice.
That's all it had felt like, since the day he'd announced he and Bananasplash were a pair.
"As long as your happy, dude."
He was happy. He was going to be able to have a proper future now, where someone gave a shit about him enough to share their life with him. It was more than he ever could have asked of any cat, and he had no right to not be happy.
But the way Twitches smile failed to properly reach his eyes, faltering at every turn, left him feeling like something sickly was curling in his gut.
"I- I am." he replied, swallowing down whatever the feeling clawing its way up his throat was.
He hadn't expected any of this to be difficult- beyond maybe keeping Banana interested in him, of course. The shecat had a lot of options in the clan, and the chimera was well aware that she could probably have her choice of most of the toms, able to change her mind at a moments notice. But Twitch? Their friendship was set in stone, was a fucking mountain that Quillstrike hadn't even considered moveable, let alone breakable.
This sudden, unexpected fracture between them had proven otherwise though, had planted the seeds that maybe Twitch wasn't as happy with Quill as the chimera had assumed. And maybe, like Bananasplash, Twitch would choose to leave him for something better, too. Such similar situations, and yet where one only brought a sense of disappointment and self-deprecation, the other brought twisted, curling fear that lurched about in his gut anxiously.
The softer tone that was taken with him next, far more akin to the casual banter thrown back and forth, was a much needed relief in that moment despite the uncertainties still swirling within the oceanic depths of his heart, and he forced broad shoulders to shrug in that all-too familiar way before answering in his most uncharismatic voice yet. "Just another part of my winning personality."
He knew he didn't do things right. Most of it was simply because he didn't give a shit if he was doing things the conventional or socially acceptable way, but he'd be a liar if he said a part of it wasn't also a sheer lack of experience. Quills world had been so condensed for so much of his life that the only things he'd cared about were living to see the next day and then not getting kicked out his clan. All of the social developments that others went through as kids had been completely bypassed by the tomcat, and it showed in the way he spoke and acted and had difficulty connecting.
He wasn't entirely unaware though. Twitchbolt said he was fine with it and that he understood, but if he expected Quill to buy that he was sorely mistaken. The last week had revealed to the chimera warrior an issue he hadn't realized was there, and just because his friend had covered wound up didn't mean the tabby hadn't seen it. Twitchbolt had clearly expected him to communicate something like this to him, had expected to be privy to the decision, and now that he realized this was an aspect of their friendship he'd tread more carefully around it.
He could do that. Easy. And then things would really be okay between them again.
"I'm sorry if I confused you. But to be fair, it's not like I've ever been in love before." he defended, a small smirk tugging at his lips, desperate to repair and lighten things. "Kinda fits that my dumbass wouldn't recognize it until someone said it to me."
After all, it wasn't like he had people lining up to tell him how loveable he was- hell, even his own parents couldn't stomach doing it, be it out of disgust or fear of the consequences. The latter was probably worse, knowing he wasn't worth the pain even to his own mother. He couldn't imagine himself being a father, but surely Bananasplash would never treat their kits like that, right?
He shifted then to stand beside the other then, knocking their shoulders together fondly. "Come on. Let's do something. I want to hang out with you." he said, not caring what they did as long as they could do it together.
skyclan - male - 14 months (Feb 17th) - bisexual - homoromantic - single - a very tall, dark chimera tomcat with mismatched eyes and several scars. has bluejay feathers woven like spikes along his spine and neck. 
