- May 5, 2023
- 484
- 199
- 43
✿—— as soon as they'd made their first stop to eat and dry their pelts after every cat had made it across the river, bobbie had slipped off to think. her lilac fur is still heavy with water, thick and without the gloss of the riverclanners' to shed the droplets. remembering how she'd fallen, the way her ears had flamed with humiliation at being pulled out by an apprentice as though she were a wayward kit, settles her mood low and unhappy, weighed down by mingled embarassment and gratitude to the ginger riverclanner. even as she locates a tree and hauls herself into its branches, an activity that typically clears her mind, emotions clog her throat like coagulated blood and she doesn't know why.
that's a lie. she does know why - knows why her mind remains dark as night and thick as muck, why she'd slunk away from the group like a petulant child, why she'd fallen at all. damp fur washed over by a gentle breeze that lifts the heavy mop of lilac laying across her back, she rests on the branch, curled close against the trunk, trying to avoid the last dregs of her thoughts before she'd fallen. the way the mere sight of dark fur and deep green eyes had unbalanced her so, the shard of ice it had lodged into her chest, leaving her heart dark, aching, angry.
jealousy. she knows it well, remembers the adolescent moons where venom flooded her throat with bile as her first mate-to-be called over the fence at the pretty she-cats. this is more than that, though, and somehow that is worse—it had been so much more than beauty that drew blazestar's moonset eyes to little wolf like a moth to a flame. she remembers how her paws had gone numb and slack at the memory, the water rushing up to meet her, but more than anything she remembers the raw visceral hurt in her chest at the memory, as though someone had torn their claws through her ribs as easily as a leaf blown in the wind, leaving behind an aching brand of fire pulsing where her heart should be.
bobbie knows these feelings. she knows them far, far too well, and she cannot pretend they are anything else, not anymore.
she is in love with blazestar, and she hates herself for it.
-
ooc: retro to the rockslide >:-)
- nothing here, have a nice day :-)
-
— bobbie
— she/her ; warrior of skyclan ; 40 ☾s
— "speech" ; thoughts ; attacks
— chibi by its_oliverr
— penned by dejavu
