A MOTHER'S LOVE | PREGNANCY

[BRIARSTAR]

Over a quarter of a moon had passed since the battle and Briar hadn't really noticed any of the strange things happening to her body. She was too overcome by guilt and grief, blaming herself for the lives that had been taken and grieving the loss of her mate, Amber. She had been pregnant before, a little over twenty moons ago with her first litter, so the experience was not new to her. However, she chalked up the irritability, the nausea and lack of appetite, the change in sleep patterns, and weight gain to the indescribably painful emotions she was facing since the war. However, things changed today when a passing queen made a comment about her swollen abdomen. Briar had taken to her den for the remainder of the afternoon as she contemplated her symptoms and the striking similarity it bore to when she had been pregnant the first time.

No, it couldn't be. This could not be happening.

The last time she had been pregnant and raised kits, Amber was there to help her every step of the way. He helped her care for the kits when she was too tired to do it on her own. He played with them so she could take an afternoon nap. He taught them how to laugh and smile when she was otherwise too serious to do so. But now, if what she suspected was true, she would have to do it alone. She'd not been leader of a Clan the last time she had given birth - Hare Whiskers still led the marshes then. She would have to juggle the responsibilities of being a leader on top of beinga single mother. She would have to do this alone, without Amber. Her kits would never know their father. Sure they would have the stories that Briar, Bone, and their siblings told them, but it wasn't the same as having him there. She didn't know if she could do this by herself. She was still grieving the loss of her mate, and now she was supposed to have his kits soon too?

As the reality dawned on her, Briar hurried out of camp to get some true alone time in the marshes. "Oh, Amber, I wish you were here now..." she murmured quietly, her head hanging low as she walked along the muddy ground. "I don't think I can do this without you."​

 

[TWILIGHTFALL]

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ She hasn't slept. Has barely ate, though kind Clanmates have brought her prey. She'd attended Briar's post-gathering meeting, and she's listened to the best of her ability. She'd come away frightened.

She can't contribute. Her last hunting excursion with Bone had devolved into a shaking, tearful breakdown. She can barely take care of herself right now, and the guilt gnaws at her every day.

But the atmosphere of ShadowClan's camp is suffocating to her right now. Memories claw at her brain from every corner, lay waste to her mind and her heart, and she flees her companions into the dark thickets of the marsh beyond.

Twilight is lost somewhere in the recent past, in her head, but she catches her leader's scent. She pauses, listens. "Oh, Amber, I wish you were here now..." Grieving. The black and white she-cat can understand, though Briar has been rather stoic in comparison. "I don't think I can do this without you."

At first, Twilight does not comprehend--do what without him? Lead the Clan? She'd been more or less doing that alone for forever, so what was Briar's issue now?

Live without him? Her lower jaw trembles. A thought that keeps her awake at night. One she returns to again and again for comfort, the thought of being made of starlight and being able to nuzzle her son again.

But then it dawns on her, and Twilight's ears flatten. She knows Briar would not have wanted just anyone to hear her, would not appreciate comfort from most cats, probably... but she can't help it. Her heart is heavy for the black queen.

She approaches softly, ruffling the earth with her paws to announce her presence. She steps close to Briar and brushes her tail against her flank. A gesture not from a subordinate to a leader, but from a grieving mother to a grieving mate.

"You aren't alone," she murmurs. "You have all of ShadowClan. I'm... I'm not much use to the Clan right now, but I'll help you with whatever you need." She pauses, realizes she has nothing more to say.​

✦ PENNED BY MARQUETTE.​

 

[Shimmerkit]

Sage listened silently to Briar's words. The young molly frowned, worry clouding her gaze. She was quiet for a few moments, for what could she really offer? She had experienced the loss of her mother, and she wished her mother could be with her now, but she had never lost a mate, never had to raise a family alone. She didn't know what to say.

So she didnt say anything, instead choosing to pick a small purple flower from the grass and tuck it into the leader's spiky tail fur. She sat down beside Briar, tucking her paws beneath her chest and brushing her fluffy tail against the ebony she-cat's side before softly squeaking out an "I'm sorry."

 

[TANTOMILE]

Tantomile was not old enough to know the depth of love, nor what losing it could leave you with. Sure, she had loved Bingo- he was the boss, the gentle giant who cared for her when she had writhed her way into the kennel. And she had lost Bingo- she'd been with him when he gave his last breath to the world, while Sweenie and Banjo had whimpered and cried beside him. That had been the first sadness she had felt- but Bingo's death had inspired her, rather than left her to pick up the pieces of a shattered heart. Tantomile had wanted to live the life he had once lived, to become a great, brave presence as he had. Grief of lost love for her had spurred her on toward adventure- but perhaps the love of a mate was different.

The condolences, the swell of a sorrowful atmosphere... it was telling. There was something here that had been lost- someone who had been torn from the pages of ShadowClan's history and cast to a world beyond seeing. And though Tantomile had heard not the name, and did not know that he had left Briar in a star-trodden wake, she felt like aiding nonetheless in any way she could. So the lizard that she was about to eat was swept up in her angular maw and carried over to the shadow-soaked leader, an unfamiliar glint of uncertainty flittering within Tantomile's eyes.

Briar had been kind, allowing her to live amongst them while still learning to contribute. And she would, be it with food or a shoulder to weep upon. Today she was the latter, laying the lizard at the leader's paws and looking up at her with a subdued smile. ​

[ PENNED BY PIN ]​

 

[PITCHSTAR]

He's numb but furious, fire and ice warring inside of him. Pitch doesn't understand this inner turmoil, nor how to deal with them... So he pushes it down. Pretends that they do not exist. His father is dead, yes. He's come to this earth-shattering realization. But the world will not stop turning. Life carries on even after death, and Pitch must do so as well. Pick up the pieces and reconstruct. He cannot focus on the tidal wave of grief without losing his mind, so he focuses instead on the tasks that need to be accomplished. Reinforcing the camp walls. Hunting for his family. Scouting the territory for threats.

The rosette tabby is heading back to camp with a lizard dangling from his mouth by it's tail when he spots his mother. She's hurrying from the camp, and Pitch's brows furrow. I wish you were here now. It doesn't take a genius like Pitch to figure out that she means Amber. He pads over to her, blinking at her. He's unaware of the little lives she's carrying, unfamiliar with the visible signs of pregnancy. But there is concern, barely evident on his stony expression. Tantomile lays a lizard at her paws, and Pitch nods approvingly to the vibrant molly before setting down his own quarry to speak. "You need to eat; ShadowClan needs you to be strong." He would not offer emotional support, he wouldn't even know where to begin. To him, I'm sorry does not suffice. "Twilight's right; you have all of us behind you, every step of the way. Whatever you need done, I'll handle it." He's always been a workaholic.​