a willow dancing / Flycatcher

[ROEFLAME .]

ROEFLAME — break the air to feel the fall.
While sharing meals with her former mentor had not been an uncommon event in the past, the silence that had settled over them in the early dawn was uneasy for Roeflame. Things were so different from the last time they had eaten together, and while her near-death experience had shaken her more than she could ever truly put into words, the initial shock was gone, and settled in its place was the silvery silhouette of Dewfrost, of Roeflame spitting venom to her face and swearing her downfall.
She chews silently, eyes flickering from the prey to Flycatcher rhythmically. He was older than her, wiser- surely he had felt loss, grief? Could he be feeling those things now, with his mate and daughter gone away on their journey?
Roeflame had managed to keep her maw shut on the subject of her heritage, but when her eyes fixate on him once more, the urge to shift the heavy weight to another is burning. Roeflame is selfish, an acknowledgment made frequently to herself.
She pushes their breakfast to him, ears flicking uncomfortably. "Can I ask you something?" Finally she speaks, head tilted.
Whatever is answer would be, Roeflame’s reputation for her unbitten tongue would remain intact.
"How do you… uhm. How do you cope? When something so…big happens it flips you upside down?" Her question is ominous, but her gaze is expectant, confident that her former teacher surely had all the answers she was so desperate for.
"How do you move on?"


@Flycatcher
"speech"

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[Flycatcher]

Sharing a meal with one of his former apprentices was not an uncommon occurrence for Flycatcher. He cared deeply for his former students and even though both Roeflame and Burnstorm were warriors now he still tried to spend some time with them when he could, in between his training with Shinepaw and duties as deputy.

Things had slowed down as of late what with Yellowcough going around but now that Roeflame was recovered, he was glad for the chance to catch up and see how she was feeling. He could tell something was on their mind as they ate but decided not to pry too hard beyond some small talk. When she asks if she can ask him something he studies her carefully for a moment before nodding and allowing her to speak.

How do you… uhm. How do you cope? When something so…big happens it flips you upside down? How do you move on?

Flycatcher sits silently for a moment, considering her question. "That is a complicated question," He admits, chuckling faintly. "Alas, it's not one I think I can give you a right answer to. Ask any other cat and they'll probably give you a different answer to the one I'm about to give you." The deputy pauses briefly to look at his former apprentice. Roeflame had been a true warrior for some moons now but occasionally he could still see the young apprentice she had once been. "When I was around your age my whole life changed. My parents and two of my elder sisters died fighting in the Great Battle. Although one of my sisters still lived, albeit in the twolegplace, in a matter of one night everything changed for me. My family was gone, my home was changing as the clans began to be formed and I had nothing," Flycatcher began, speaking of his past. "I threw every little bit of myself into becoming a strong and loyal warrior of ThunderClan. It was the only thing I had left to cling on to. Over time I have come to accept those losses and the ones that came after. But moving on...I don't think I ever did, not fully at least. Not a day goes by that I miss my family, my kits, the home I once had. But you have to accept that the past is the past, you can't change it no matter how much you might wish to and it is up to you to decide how your future will look."

Silence falls over them for a moment and Flycatcher looks at Roeflame again, this time concern creased his brows. "May I ask why you asked such a question? Has something happened?"​

 

[ROEFLAME .]

ROEFLAME — break the air to feel the fall.
Flycatchers reply is lengthy but Roeflame takes in every word, attention-span she was rarely so focused, but something like this was too important to her.
She frowns as the older tom begins to speak of losing his family, a haunted expression subconsciously forming on her features when the Great Battle is mentioned, the infamous battle that had been enough to spook her birth mother enough to leave her children. Roeflame blinks, not letting herself get hung up too long on the bitter thought.
Flycatcher claims that the past is the past, to accept it and look forward.
Roeflame thought she had been doing just that before the plague struck her down, but her return to the conscious world was dimmed by the silver Shadowclanners shadow, her confession playing on repeat in the back of the cinnamon warriors mind whenever Roeflame let herself be alone.
When muted green optics turn back to her, this time creased with concern, the tabby knew what her former mentors question would be before he even began to speak, her eye contact already breaking to look at her paws.
There is a lull of silence before Roeflame can bring herself to answer, lips pursing as if they wanted to frown, but she was too busy thinking.
"Uhm yeah…I found something- somebody I kinda wish I hadn’t." She speaks vaguely at first before forcing herself to look back towards Flycatcher. Am I really ready to admit it?
"My birth mother. She’s alive, she’s been alive this whole time." Her words falter halfway through her sentence, the last words coming out in a shaky breath. "I haven’t told anyone, I didn’t know how to." Shame burns at her cheekbones, and she can feel her ear instinctively flick back, as if she could shrug the discomfort away. "I haven’t been okay about it, not really, I don’t think. "

"speech"

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[Flycatcher]

Although his response is lengthy, Roeflame listens quietly and he hopes she's absorbing what he was saying. After his question about what was wrong, he gives her time to speak not wanting to push her because he could sense that whatever was on her man was clearly something big.

When she first tells him she has found someone she wished she hadn't, his brow raises. For a brief moment, his mind jumps to Cinderfrost, though he doesn't think she'd be so hesitant if that was the case, regardless of the complicated feelings she had towards her adoptive mother. Instead, what she does say is that she met her birth mother.

Flycatcher's eyes widen and he takes a moment to process this news. Like many who had lived in ThunderClan for many moons, he is well aware of Roeflame's backstory, of how she was found abandoned on their territory. "I can understand why you'd be uncertain how to feel," Flycatcher says, unable to imagine what must have been going through her mind when she came face to face with the cat who had given birth to her, and assumedly abandoned her on their border. "I imagine that would be a lot to take in for any cat."

There is a question on his mind that he wants to ask. Flycatcher is torn between asking it or leaving it, but he wants to know. He's not sure if Roeflame would be comfortable telling him or not but assumes that by her seeking him out, she's ready to talk about the situation. "Who is she? Is she a clan cat or a loner?"​

 

[ROEFLAME .]

ROEFLAME — break the air to feel the fall.
Roeflame is almost relieved when Flycatcher begins to speak, thawing at the frost that had begun to creep up her throat.
His words are a small but meaningful comfort, the tabby is no longer carrying the heavy knowledge between her shoulders all on her own.
By simple nature, Flycatcher asks a follow up question, expected but hard to answer all the same.
"She’s from Shadowclan." Roeflame feels her nose instinctively scrunch before she forces it to relax. "She saw me at a gathering, apparently. I ran into her on the border, once. She thought I was dead all this time." The end of her sentence is laced with a breathless laugh, as if she was still in disbelief.
"My father was from the pine colony and she the marsh. She was scared for our future, so she faked our deaths in Shadowclan. Thought Thunderclan was the safest place for us after the clans formed." Roeflame doesn’t catch the us in her words for a moment, her frown deepening when she does.
"I had siblings you know, they’re gone now. She said she didn’t mean for them to die, it wasn’t her intention." Her nose crinkles again, feeling the flickering rage spark in her chest the same way it had that night.
"She just seemed so detached from it all… like she wished I was a ghost. I told her she was going to stay dead to me and ran off." Roeflame doesn’t mention it was the night her no-breath had flared up, that if she hadn’t run out of air she may have pounced on the marshland queen right then and there. "It’s a lot, sometimes I feel like the stars just like throwing things at me to see what I can handle." While meant to be a lighter touch on the conversation, Roeflame can only sigh.
Instead of speaking again, the amber molly just shakes her head and shrugs as if she didn’t know what to do with all the information she had just spilled to the poor tom who just wanted to share a peaceful meal with his former apprentice.
"speech"

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[Flycatcher]

Flycatcher listens quietly, letting Roeflame get out everything she needed to say. He had thought the information to be a lot before, but with the further information she discloses, his mind feels as though it's reeling. His green eyes look at Roeflame sympathetically when she mentions that it feels as though the stars were throwing everything they had at her. "Not many cats your age have gone through what you have," Flycatcher conceded. "Not many could come out of it at the end as you have."

Flycatcher has a thoughtful expression on his face, considering the information that he now knows. "I can't agree with the notion of abandoning your kits to an unknown fate but I can emphasise with why she did it. The time after the Great Battle was full of uncertainty what with the loss of so many and the formation of the five clans. I can see why the stresses of that time might have weighed heavily on a vulnerable mind." The blue tom shakes his head. "I'm sorry you had to learn all that, Roeflame. I recall you being a bit out of character before you fell ill, I take it this was why?"​

 

[ROEFLAME .]

ROEFLAME — break the air to feel the fall.
While Roeflame lets the deputy process everything she had spoken, dusty green eyes are steady on him, quietly hoping to sleeping stars that he did not see any different, any more fragile or pitiful.
No, instead he says that there are not many that could go through what she has and come out the other end like she is.
Am I on the other side?
The thought is there, but Roeflame let’s herself accept the blue warriors words with an outward nod, subtle as he continues to speak.
While Roeflame wouldn’t argue his thoughtful point of the Great Battle’s fearful time, she cannot find it in herself to nod along, her head stilling for a moment before he gives his condolences, asking if Dewfrost was the reason for her strange behavior even before the sickness.
Now, all Roeflame can do is shrug dappled shoulders. The Shadowclan queen hadn’t been the only reason, Ragwortpaw and Snowpath’s deaths had shaken her like never before, her reunion with Dewfrost had just sent her teetering at the edge. "Things had just been really dark, for awhile." She answers instead, her questionable friendship with the Skyclan warrior something that would still be tucked close to her own heart. "I’ve only come out the way I have because I have pretty great support systems." The last sentence is said with a lighter hearted smile, gratitude gradually blooming in pale optics.
"speech"

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