private AFTERNOON DELIGHT; CINDER

[Frog's Croak]

His lungs ache somethin' fierce, a burn that seemed ever-so-slightly worse with each passing day, despite how long he's had to get used to it now. No breaks, never respite— it's thick since the fire, only worse by the day. It's a miracle that he could even drag himself here, on the cusp of the territory, bordering something entirely new. Blankly, he gazes out to the unclaimed land, wondering whatever it was that when on out there, a world entirely different from there own. Hell, it still felt as if he already was. He's lost in it all, the springing of new groups around them, all as prosperous, if not more than they were here in the swamp. A new leader, borders and the like.

He's just so tired.

With a low grunt, he settles onto the land below. No longer is it marsh, or the dryness of the surrounding forest. Maybe... something in between. And it here he settles, half-tucked into mud. His eyes slip closed in hopes of relaxation, something tranquil, a rest from it all. The thunderpath is far enough not to assault his senses with sounds and smells. The rumble of monsters is occasional, and quiet, though the tang still lies underneath it all. Can't be much worse than what's already in his lungs.

The sigh he lets out hurts more than it should. Peace is what he strives for, but his brows still strain under the weight of his thoughts. The sun begins its dive, lower into the sky. He has some time before sunset yet... The afternoon shines tauntingly bright.

[ @cinderfrost ]​

 

[salamander]

Sunken eyes communicated to the world what she could not: feelings of betrayal, regret, self-loathing, bitterness, and utter exhaustion. She stumbled upon burnt paws with protruding ribs and an oddly round stomach. Eating had become a chore that she desperately sought to avoid. However, they needed the nutrients.

But she was so, so tired.

Paws dragged sloppily against the ground as she swayed side to side, front to back. It felt like her heart had been misplaced; moved to her head rather than her chest. It kept pounding a painful cadence.

Every day she wondered if her father and nephew knew of her failure. After all, that's all she was capable of being. She failed to protect Leaping Toad and left them in that dirty, corrupted swamp. They probably knew given the recent full moon. Which meant they surely wished to sever ties with the blue mink. All she did was ruin the family name.

Questions would soon receive when sullen teal eyes spotted a familiar figure. "Frog's Croak?" she tentatively called out. Closer she hesitantly crept. He wasn't lurking here to see her. He-

He looked like shit.

"Father? What's wrong? her voice raised as she frantically tried to shake him. The former medicine cat did not like the way his shallowly breathed nor the way his once powerful frame looked so tiny and weak.

"Daddy, wake up! You're okay, right? You're healthy, right? You.." Fear caused her to break down and in seconds she was crying like she once did as a kit. In that moment, she wished she knew nothing about healing or the intricacies of illness.

His chest still rose and fell with each breath but the panic inside only increased. She needed to - needed to get something to help his breathing. Beesong had taught her what to give when RiverClan acted as a safe haven for ThunderClan. She just needed to get to her den and-

It wasn't her den anymore. It wasn't her home anymore. It was Berry's. The areas she once gathered herbs were off-limits. They belonged to the clan. Forgetting the growing life within her, she stubbornly noted that she'd take the risk. She wouldn't - couldn't - let another family member die right in front of her.

Wait, no. He wasn't at death's door so why was she thinking like that? Denial overwrote logic. Yes, that's right. He's completely fine. She's just hallucinating due to sleep deprivation. That's all that was happening here.
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[Frog's Croak]

He doesn't expect to see her.

No, it's the very last thing he expects, Salamander found on the edge of their territory. Salamander, who had left all those moons ago after renouncing her old name (and this—he cannot accept. The notion, ridiculous then, was just as ridiculous now.) Salamander, who's been rumored to still be prowling around, in thunderclan of all places, under the leadership of a pine cat, that Salamander. His daughter.

In his bleary state, he nearly thinks it a dream, and wouldn't anyone? To close your eyes and reopen them to the sight of your long-gone daughter. But she jostles him and... it's very real. His eyes flutter open, wide, but tired. It almost seemed like they didn't want to, a fight his bodies desires, but they do, and... "...Sally?"

Before he knows what's happening, she's crying. Her voice is high with panic. His heart jumps in his chest. "Sal, I'm—" dull eyes open and squeeze shut. He's only just seeing her again, and already— "Salamander, breathe, I'm fine, I'm..." his chest heaves despairingly as he inwardly pleads, for her to relax, for her not to worry... He reaches a paw towards her own, to still her with a physical touch. He allows her silence.

He's been holding his breath, he realizes, when he exhales. His eyes are soft, a contrast to a furrowed face and war-torn features. "...What are you doing here?" he asks. blinking slow. She's the same, and yet, so different. Tired, fragile. There's a swell in her belly he nearly doesn't acknowledge.​

 

[salamander]

The blue mink always did what her parents and authority figures asked. At this moment, though, she wanted to protest. How was she supposed to calm down when StarClan was, surely, eyeing his soul? They couldn't take him away. She'd fight off the ghostly spirits if she must.

"I'm not Salamander and I'm not Cinderfrost." she hiccuped. Did her father truly not know the extent of her crimes? Rumors would have spread like wildfire (too soon?) if he attended the gathering. However, given his current state, he probably remained at camp. Besides, he'd never been one to care for such events.

Which meant she had to personally tell him of the heavy grief she carried and the blood on her paws.

She focused on her paws, the frayed nerves causing them to tremble and twitch. "I'm a monster. An unwanted, unlovable murderer. They're all right. I was wrong. I just wanted to.. I wanted to avenge Ash and Leaping Toad. I've.. I've lost myself. I don't know who I am." she paused, struggling to swallow the lump in her throat.

"When Bone arrived at the medicine cat gathering, she mentioned resigning from her duties." The fire in her eyes dimmed. "She refused to acknowledge us. Honey was forced to leave her home, her mate, and have her children be trapped under that.. that tyrant's paw. The stars didn't protect her. They should have scolded WindClan for banishing their chosen one. Honey isn't like me."

"I came to ask.. why did she ruin Honey's life even further? Why couldn't she have just blamed me? Honey had just tried to yank her back, to stop her from leaving, while I.. I disrupted and she refused grief like she had done that to me." She could practically feel Bone's jaws wrapped around her neck. But the most painful experience that day had been the betrayal that pierced her heart.

"Why, Daddy?" she asked suddenly, her voice a meager whisper. "Pitch demanded my banishment despite.. When the roles were swapped, no one.. no one cared." The scar near her jugular pulsed as the memories flooded in. "I'd always done what had been asked of me. If they said jump, I said how high. I went to war for them and lost so much because of them. So why, why was justice not at the forefront when Bone attacked me? Why only when I attacked her? It's.. It's not fair."

The tears withheld from the sight of others finally couldn't be stopped. "The nepotism, the favoritism. It made me realize that I never meant anything to the colony. I tried so hard.. cared so much for you all yet.." Despite her damnedest, they overlooked her achievements and shunned her. They called her to blame for Bone's attack because, in their mind, calling someone a warmonger was punishable by death. They wanted her head mounted for all to see but turned a blind eye to the female who started it all.

She knew she couldn't blame Bone for her actions. What she did was wrong - even if she felt betrayed. Still, despite knowing it in her gut, learning the truth from Pitch's rage left her a husk of herself. She began to reclaim herself, ever so slowly, in ThunderClan. And now? Now she had nothing, had no one.

No, she had Honey by her side. But, every time she looked at the gentle she-cat, guilt overwhelmed her. It had been her fault that she'd been expelled from the moors despite giving up so much. Why hadn't StarClan intervened? They knew who Honey was- they knew she instantly regretted it.

"I'm no healer. I was stupid to think I could ever be a competent one. But.. Daddy, you don't look good. You probably don't want to look at me or - or you'll think I wish you harm. Like Howling Wind even thought.. But I can, I can find Honey for you!" Whoever the new medicine cat of ShadowClan neglected her father's health as much as Bone did.

Consumed by emotions, she forgot the main reason she'd stalked the borders and prayed to stumble upon a member of her family. Well, either one of them or Bone to ask the aforementioned question. Her swollen belly had been completely forgotten.
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[Frog's Croak]

He can only frown at what she says. I'm not Salamander, it's a foolish notion, that a name is something to earn and maintain, that it's something you can return like a token or a prize that's lost...

And it's a lot at once, everything she tells him. He can barely make sense of it. All the names he doesn't know, but settled on her tongue with bitter emotion. He cranes his neck up at her, puzzlement plastered on her paw as she goes through it all. "Hold on, Sal," he grunts, brows furrowed in the attempt to understand. He takes a breath.

'I wanted to avenge Ash and Leaping Toad.' So she's done something. He's nearly afraid to ask.

'The medicine cat gathering,' so that rumor was true. Salamander chosen to heal for Thunderclan. The how and why of it all... he supposes that isn't up to him. And who was this Honey she spoke so fondly of? He keeps his paw firmly atop her own, a frown set on his face at the display of her sadness. Just what has he missed all this time? "You wanted to avenge Leaping Toad," he repeats, careful. "What did you do?"

His face twists of her retelling of this medicine cat gathering, Bone announced her resignation, supposedly ruined this 'Honey's' life. It doesn't click, not until she says when the roles were swapped. Frog's Croak blinks. "You attacked Bone?" he asks, nothing more than a genuine question. Spats happened, sometimes a few swipes at the nose were deserved, needed to knock the cotton out of someone's head. Though, with how the first argument had happened, jaws nearly clamped around her neck, he can't help but think it was more than that. "You didn't agree with her resignation," he concludes, looking to her for affirmation. They've never gotten along, he knows, but...

Another breath, though it's shallow. He clears his throat with a gutteral sound. Honey, "Who's... no," no more questions. One at a time. "Survived plenty long without any star-crossed medicine cats. It'll clear up," he insists, airs another shaky breath.​

 

[salamander]

"What did you do?" An easier question would be what hadn't she done. "I took Emberstar's life. On the way back from the Moonstone. She was chipper and bright despite - despite the role she played in Ash's death. She protected a grown cat, let that damn molly kill Ash. And then.. Leaping Toad's killer. She let him join." For a split second, the deep hated and anger she previously experienced raged. But then it was gone: tightly pulled facial muscles drooping into an expression of regret and exhaustion.

"Before StarClan cut me off, Ash came to me in a dream. He looked so disappointed and claimed vengeance isn't what he wanted." Back then, she couldn't comprehend why but after seeing herself in Pitch.. "I didn't attack him. I managed to stop myself. I - I planned on asking Ribbit what he wanted me to do but the fire - there were so many injuries that I didn't have a chance."

Oh, this stubborn old fool. Denying the medicine he clearly needed. Understandable, though. Her actions must have disgusted him so that he wouldn't dare eat anything she offered. Like Blinding Star. She couldn't allow that to happen again. Blinding Star died because of her.

"A lot of cats died from infected rat bites and unknown illnesses back then, too." Her tail instinctively brushed against her stomach as she paused. "Please, see Bone or whoever the new medicine cat may be when you return to camp. You.."

She hesitated. If she said those words, if she stated that "I'm pregnant", would he be even more ashamed? Especially when she didn't even know the father, leafbare was fast approaching, and her state of being was barely stitched together. "You need to meet your grandkittens."
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