ALL THE KIDS ARE DEPRESSED - granite

[Starlingheart]

She mourns her old name as much as she mourns the loss of yet another family member. From now on she would no longer be considered an apprentice like her brothers and sisters, like the other cats her age. There would always be this certain distinction between them that she had not thought of when she had first taken up the mantle of Medicine Cat Apprentice because why would she? She felt moons older now, though she was still the same Starling- who had left for the moonstone the other day.

The den feels so big without another body. She pauses in the threshold and takes it all in. The nest where her aunt had, until recently, slept still remains. She cannot bring herself to rest her eyes on it, and she cannot bring herself to destroy it. Conflicted feelings make her stomach curdle as they clash in brain, twisting her heart. If she had any more tears to give she would but she is drained, physically and emotionally.

The black and white she cat collapses in the nest she calls her own, curling into a tight ball. Perhaps if she pretends she can fool herself into thinking that she is back in the apprentices den, surrounded by den mates and cats who are her equal but she stares with half open eyes at the entrance and knows there is no use.

// @GRANITEPAW
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[GRANITEPELT]

( ¡! ❞ ) Granitepaw mourns the cat who had left for the Moonstone with Pitchstar, too. He mourns a cat who felt like his equal, a cat he felt he must protect at all costs, a cat who would become a warrior by his side. Upon her return, she'd had more than a new name. She'd had a wisdom glowing in her uncertain green eyes - for despite her fears, her anxieties, her youth and inexperience, she had walked with StarClan, and StarClan had blessed her with a new name. A new title. New responsibilities.

He feels the rift immediately, watching her with low, burning anger as she disappears into the cavern of Bonejaw's den. He imagines how immense and lonely it must be inside, surrounded only by herbs and memories.

I can't let her go that easily, he thinks, blinking as the shadows gather and lay over the camp. I can't let her go at all. Would she want him with her? Were they still friends, despite everything that she is now?

Granitepaw hesitates at the entrance of her den. Not Bonejaw's, he reminds himself. Starlingheart's den. Her new name is an insult, but he pushes that thought away. He peeks inside, green eyes flashing in the gloom. "Starling...heart." He grimaces. He'll get used to it eventually, he supposes, but it feels unnatural. "I wanted to see if... if you need anything." He waits, fidgeting.​

( TOOK YOU HOME, PUT YOU ON THE GLASS ; I PULLED OFF YOUR WINGS, AND I LAUGHED )

 

[Starlingheart]

Starlingheart would not pretend like she wasn’t excited to see him. She raises her head upon his entrance, green eyes shining in delight. He came. Perhaps she was not as alone as she had previously thought. Perhaps the new rift that had opened between herself and her peers, her siblings did not apply to the gray furred tom. The idea that he does not look at her as something more than what she is, the same cat who had left for the moonstone the other other than a name, it sends a thrill down her spine. Wether or not it was true was inconsequential because he was here.

She pushes herself to her paws so that she is sitting up in her nest and she smiles at him, soft and hesitant though it was around him she finds herself most comfortable. She had been comfortable around her aunt too, at one point, now look where they were. Still, she trusts him. He had saved her life, after all. "A-a n-n-neeeeeew a new men-ment-mentor wuh-would be nice" she jokes lightheartedly with a dismissive shrug of her shoulder though there’s a tinge to her voice that suggests she is bitter about Bonejaws leaving. "I I I shou-should’ve I should’ve listened to uh to you" she admits "a-a-aaalll all of Shadowclan shuh-shuh-should’ve" the last words are spoken quietly, regretfully. She never should’ve trusted her aunt.

Her eyes return to his after a moment of quiet contemplation, reflection. This den was so lonely, so empty. "D-do do you wa-want do you want to stay he-he-here tonight?" she asks suddenly then gestures to her aunts bed. "Yuh-yuh you you could move uhm m-move her bed aaaand s-s-sleep sleep th-th-there" she looks at the ground and picks at her nest, afraid she had come off too strong, too desperate for his company. "If if yooouuu if you wanted" she adds quietly, refusing to meet his eyes.
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[GRANITEPELT]

( ¡! ❞ ) Oh, the way Starlingheart looks at him is enough to send the flesh beneath his short gray pelt burning with warmth! She's the only cat in the Clan, besides an apathetic sister, who does not look at him with trepidation, fear, or disdain, and his tail curls with pleasure as he drinks in her emerald gaze. He can forgive her blind trust in Bonejaw, he thinks to himself; after all, she wasn't the only one in Shadowclan duped. Now RiverClan, too, will get to learn how incompetent and cold-blooded she is.

He pushes into the place he'd once hated, dreaded, the place he'd wanted to burn to ashes during the fire. The scent of herbs had seemed bitter to him then, playthings of a cat who could not use them to save a dying sibling -- but with Starlingheart here their perfume is intoxicating, almost sweet and heady.

"No one can blame you for trusting your kin." He sets his jaw, ears flattening. "I made that mistake, too." Thinking of Sandra, of course, the pathetic mother who'd abandoned him and Siltpaw for Twolegs... he resists the urge to sink his claws into the earth and instead shakes his frustration away like fleas.

Her offer almost blindsides him. Granitepaw smiles, a warm, genuine smile that reaches his eyes. "I'd love to stay and keep you company, if you don't mind,"[outline] he murmurs, throwing a glance over his shoulder. A gloating glance meant for anyone who would've overheard, though he's sad to see there's no one. "But it's so cold today... I'll bring my bed in tomorrow, but maybe we could share your nest tonight? Just for warmth," he hurries on, eyes glinting. He has no ulterior motives, truthfully -- it is dreadful at night in the marshes. But his paw pads tingle at the idea of sleeping so close to his friend.​

( TOOK YOU HOME, PUT YOU ON THE GLASS ; I PULLED OFF YOUR WINGS, AND I LAUGHED )