private ALL THE WAY DOWN ☾ HAZECLOUD

[EVENINGPAW]

( SET DIRECTLY AFTER THIS THREAD )
@hazecloud ​

Night falls like it always does — moon replacing the sun, sky gradually losing its vibrant color, stars coming out to play —, but it does so without the peace it usually provides. The dark is full of monsters tonight, and Eveningkit sees them even if she shuts her eyes tightly enough to hurt.

This isn't how it should go. Lichentail shouldn't have returned alone, face screaming a story of shock and pain, mouth trembling as it recites what happened in broken symphony. A disaster, they say. They'll look for him, they say, they'll find him if they just send out enough patrols that the camp will feel emptier than when the Clan first moved in. Eveningkit doesn't find joy in rebelling against the adults' facts and gospel. If he's alive and breathing, then he should have returned home alongside his deputy.

Like how it usually goes.

The nest underneath her is full of prickly thorns. She's sure of it, even though none of her siblings nor momma move an inch. Gray fur lifts along her spine as she tries to settle and find her place for the hundreth time now, shifting and moving and burrowing deeper- all to no avail.

I need to go. A broken mantra that keeps repeating in her mind. She needs to leave, to be away from the air that's settled within camp like heavy morning fog. I need to go. A broken mantra that keeps her awake even when she's more tired than if she ran to the Highstones and back without stopping. I need to go. A broken mantra that agonizes her enough to have her breath hitch, her eyes misty, her lungs threatening to collapse if she doesn't let herself breathe.

She never cries. Hasn't cried since her initial arrival into this world, necessary and the only proof she was healthy and alive and kicking at the time.

Eveningkit's brows furrow further in concrentation. Why does she want to cry so bad? Smokestar is still alive. They all say he is. Lichentail especially, even though she is the only witness to his demise.

She wishes she could just believe them.

Legs move faster than her brain, carrying her body away from the warmth of her family — usually so safe and comforting, now suffocating — even before her mind catches up.

I need to go.
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[hazecloud]

—————————————————————⊰✿⊱————————————————————
It's a dreadful night not to share a den with her mate. The uncertainty of their speckled leader's life, how many he may have left, lost to anyone. Though the stars had not spoken anything outside of their flickering sparks across Silverpelt, Hazecloud was not convinced they were wholly silent. Hindsight had given her enough to begin the threads of her own vision.

The eclipse was no matter to wait for a medicine cats interpretation on the night of their half-moon meetings. It was more than some warning but an immediate call for attention and as the threads slowly intertwined and weaved themselves into something Hazecloud could comprehend she only found herself feeling... Disappointed. Enraged. Yet not surprised.

If the sun had been burned through right in the middle of the day while the moors were turned to smoking ash, what other way was she meant to understand it? WindClan had arrived at their border for protection, a debt that would undoubtedly go unpaid. Only for the rains to start, and Smokestar to lose his way down the gorge...

Her conspiracies had settled her into a light sleep. Light enough that she can feel one of the kittens are restless and in an attempt not to hover this once she didn't pressure whoever it was to remain still. The night had been a long one indeed, and the look on their mothers face was not kind. But then a quiet sob, and a cold spot made her aware of the vacant space left. When she's opened her eyes to look it's Eveningkit, tired body swaying, that's left the nest.

It's not easy maneuvering around sleeping young, but luckily Twinklekit and Horizonkit have wrapped themselves around each other that her parting warmth is not so much of a disturbance. "Are you headed somewhere?" Hazecloud murmured as she neared the girl. "Want to go together?"

✿ ———— I'll be your regular mama ✿ ————— And I'll put that gun away

•  
• 
  
  
  Hazecloud
  —⊰⋅ Queen of RiverClan
  —⊰⋅ She/Her
  "SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
  —⊰⋅ LH blue smoke with green eyes.
  

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[EVENINGPAW]

She's been caught.

Eveningkit freezes. It's abrupt and fast; even the inhale she started ceases to exist and gets swallowed by the night. Not even in moments of true mischief does she halt this quick at either of her mothers' call, when she knows she actually did something that warrants disapproval. It had seemed so easy, too easy, slipping by unnoticed... but that had either been an illusion, or Hazecloud is having an equally dreadful time trying to sleep, just with enough self-control to not toss and turn so violently as her daughter.

"I'm, I..." she stammers. Get it together, come on, come on, who are you? Her own inner voice punches her, over and over, punctuating her own dislike of this situation. Eveningkit promptly slams her rear to the ground like she is taking a stance- except it's not triumphant now.

It's an admission of defeat.

Round eyes take their time with rising, but they do it eventually, glancing up at Hazecloud with a few tears already escaping. Her breathing is shallow and hurried. Undignified. Not even the thought of pushing her face into Hazecloud's fur sounds appealing now. It's an embrace that would normally calm her down, but that requires at least some desire to be comforted... right now, she just feels like wallowing. It sounds fitting enough.

A hiccup of a sob. "I just... everyone is so sad." Eveningkit's striped side heaves with the effort of making her words actually audible and understandable. "It's- Smokestar. He's not, not coming back, is he?"
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