private Am I a Joke, Your Knight, or Your Brother? || Silversmoke

[Chickbloom]

Eggshellbloom hoped that talking would’ve helped things. When the skittish Scottish Fold tried to leave camp and all intervened, he’d thought that simply explaining his emotions, his point of view, would have drawn some of the poison from the wound in the whelp’s heart. Instead, the small amount of solace he’d gained from Owlheart and Duskpool was offset by the guilt he felt after speaking to Silversmoke.

Well, Speaking wasn’t quite the right word. Shouting would be more appropriate, or perhaps spitting. Whatever way to describe it, Eggshell felt awful. He’d lashed out, hissed hurtful words he only meant in the moment. Of course, the crybaby was completely aware that the stern warrior had much thicker skin than he, but that didn’t make the boy feel any better.

Silversmoke had said hurtful words of his own, he’d been saying them practically since the Scottish Fold joined Skyclan. Passing remarks about Eggshellbloom or his Housefolk. The former he didn’t mind so much (the daylight warrior didn’t have much self-esteem, after all), but the latter really got under his skin. Perhaps Silversmoke deserved it, but that still didn’t make it right in the doormat’s mind. “He’s helped me so much, maybe that makes him being mean okay? Sort of like a trade. But…I don’t think friends act like that.” Were they even friends?

Sometimes Eggshellbloom felt like Silversmoke’s comrade, sometimes like an annoyance, and other times like a pet project, a broken toy being fixed because there was simply nothing better to do. It grated against him, all the mixed signals. The whelp wanted to set things straight.

“S-Silversmoke?” Eggshell mewed, catching up to the other cat in the woods. It was the first time he’d spoken to the stern warrior since his outburst, and he felt supremely awkward. “Um, I just - I’m s-sorry - I just, I j-just wanted to apologize for what I said the other day. It wasn’t acceptable.” A deep bow of his buttery head followed, concealing a self-annoyed scowl. Eggshell still believed Silversmoke’s insults against his housefolk were unacceptable, but it was the way he’d reacted that upset him. Lashing out for an instant, so focused on a single goal that he was blinded to the consequences…An anxious mind briefly remembered his twolegs, clutching wounds Eggshell had inflicted.

“It’s the same.”

// @SILVERSMOKE​

 

[SILVERSMOKE]

Arguments with clanmates were not new to the Lead Warrior, whose morality and lawfulness was as unwavering as a tree trunk in a forest that favoured chaos. When voices had been raised around Eggshellbloom, keeping order had not been the intention - too quickly had the tomcat internalised the other's visit to home would be the last time he'd see him, too promptly had he realised that he wasn't keen to see him disappear again, too quick he had been to show aggression instead of vulnerability in the face of such a possibility. There was shame in softness, an inherent fear of snide comments that made such things impossible before a crowd. The Daylight Warrior had experienced the worst of it that day, anger born of worry, and a mouth too dry to admit such a thing even days after the argument. Keeping himself too busy to think about it for long, the sudden interruption to his day was met with a sharp swivel of his cranium, glare lost the moment his odd eyes found Eggshellbloom. 'No hiding now, I suppose.'

A single brow raised as he stared down the other, frown soft as he tried to deduce the emotions behind the look that Eggshellbloom seemed to offer thin air. After a moment Silversmoke cocked his head, then, a silent 'oh' escaped his muzzle as he recalled what the other had said. "It's fine, you don't need to apologise My feelings weren't hurt." He knew he cared, though he sought validation for many things, emotional approval had seldom been one in the spotted tabby's life. There was an awkward shuffle of the earth beneath his paws, black claws writhing in the soil like worms without a grip. "I guess I must've hurt yours though, I've never seen you stand up for yourself like that." His ears twitched as a small pit settled in his belly, guilt; even if the tom felt as if he'd been right to question the other's choice, perhaps he had gone about it the wrong way. The idea made his feathery tail lash behind him, his glare planting itself on the scored ground below.

The thump of his heart drowned out the birdsong in his ears, his voice growing monotone not out of indifference, but because he likely couldn't admit his feelings otherwise. "Sorry, I should've tried reasoning with you instead of hurling insults, I... got upset, and didn't think about my words." He was a Lead Warrior of SkyClan, it was his duty to keep his clanmates safe. When someone put themselves in danger, it was difficult for him not to see red - a disaster of another's making did not absolve the spotted tabby of blame for not doing more to stop them. He tilted his head upwards, voice growing grave. "Will you visit them?" 'The ones that hurt you?'

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[Chickbloom]

Always one to assume the worst, Eggshellbloom was thankful that his apology wasn’t met with venomous words or a smack in the face. As expected, Silversmoke had practically shrugged off the coward’s comments. Nevertheless, anxious eyes studied the other’s, reading each small movement as if they were passages in a book. The daylight warrior could detect no hidden meaning there either, and yolk-drenched relaxed as the boy concluded the stern warrior really wasn’t mad at him.

Quite the opposite, actually. Folded ears briefly flicked up like leaves fluttering in the wind as Silversmoke expressed…was that a hint of pride? The skittish Scottish Fold suddenly turned sheepish, looking quite different from the a few days ago. “Y-Yeah, I guess…s-sorry again.” Eggshell paused a moment - inwardly chastising himself for apologizing when his better deemed it unnecessary - before continuing. “It’s just - I g-guess I have a lot of good memories with my h-housefolk. I l-love ‘em, so it hurts when people - y’know - t-talk bad about ‘em, even if they…” The tomcat trailed off, preferring to leave their deeds unsaid. Silversmoke already knew what happened, repeating it would just reopen those wounds.

Amber eyes widened for a half-second at Silversmoke’s next words. Eggshell liked to think he knew the stubborn cat reasonably well, so he was more than prepared to not hear an apology, expecting solemn silence at best. So when the warrior actually said the word ‘Sorry’ (even if his tone didn’t quite convey it) the coward couldn’t help but step back. “Uh, y-yeah, apology accepted…I wasn’t thinking about what I said either, so…s-so I guess we’re even.” His small joke to lighten the mood like a candle in the dark was suddenly snuffed out by Silversmoke’s question.

Eggshellbloom was silent for a moment, strangely thankful that the stern warrior hadn’t used an insult this time. Though his voice was grave as ever, the coward thought he detected a hint of concern in it. Slowly, he shook his head. “N-No. You and e-everyone else talked me out of it. I still want to - I still want to see them, b-but I know it won’t be g-good for me.” A buttery paw swept across the collar he still had on in quiet contemplation. “If I - y’know - If I e-ever get like that again, and t-try to leave, I’m r-relying on you to t-talk some sense into me.” A small smile crossed yolk-stained features. For now, at least, his head was clear, and Eggshell was grateful there were cats who would help him keep it that way.​

 

[SILVERSMOKE]

Silversmoke wasn't a cat who would ever know what 'good memories' with Twolegs were, even if he had the opportunity to make them, he was certain he would rather go out as Daisyflight had - a wild cat to the end. Within SkyClan, he only ever heard of the bad things, the ones ex-kittypets and Daylight Warriors alike wanted to vent about. Never had they told him about how they'd cuddle or love or feed fresh food, it was only about the dryness of their kibble or the loneliness of the days... or the abandonment and neglect some owners put their pets through. His own experiences with Twolegs did little to quell the scepticism at Eggshellbloom's words, his taught-throated silence the bare minimum compliance he could offer the other at this time.

His ears were angled towards Eggshellbloom, intently twitching at the end of each sentence. There was a widening to his eyes like that of a sad puppy as the fold confirmed he wouldn't go, his posture slacked in relief. After the argument, he'd expected Eggshell to be contrarian, but if Silversmoke's words hadn't been his magnum opus, then at least another clanmate's had seemed to be. Odd eyes tracked the paw that seemed to hover over his collar like the wings of a butterfly - he'd be reminded of his choice every day if he didn't remove his owner's mark, that much was certain. I'm relying on you to talk some sense into me. Silversmoke blinked quickly, his gaze briefly meeting Eggshellbloom's eye. He was quiet, contemplative, surprised even that the other would want his help after revealing the extent of his severity. Tentatively, he reclined on his haunches, a feathery trail sweeping over his white forepaws.

"When Blazestar was insistent on going to the Moonpool alone after WindClan took it over... I threatened to break his legs. I wasn't actually going to do it, but in that moment, I was so angry that he would put himself in danger that I said anything I could to get him to stay." Some of the others weren't exactly impressed with his tactic, but blinded by safeguarding, he hadn't even realised the words left his mouth until after the council meeting had concluded. Though the ragdoll may have meant it more lightheartedly, there was a sudden severity to the tabby's expression that suggested it was a pious oath he was about to declare. "I don't know if it's sense I'll talk, but I'll do my best to keep you safe if that's what you want. That's my promise as a Lead Warrior, and as your friend." 'As your friend? Ugh, this softness doesn't fit me.' He scuffed the earth with a paw, hoping that, at that moment, it could swallow him up.

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