private ART OF WAR ☾✩ lightpaw

[nightbird]

after the skirmish, nightbird didn't find it difficult to get back into the swing of regular clan life. a new air of grief hung over the camp following the death of morningpaw, but that did not mean the prey hunted itself. she found herself less injured than some of the others on the patrol, so that meant picking up their slack. while the pain in her leg had barely subsided, still she went about business as usual. it wasn't a new feeling. she had dealt with it for moons and it finally seemed to get better, but it being wedged between a tree and a massive skyclanner was quite counterproductive to her healing.

the smoky warrior was up early that day, the sun had barely peeked through the trees. it was out of character for her. she much preferred the soft glow of the moon to blinding beams of sunlight, but she had plans today. ones that didn't include hobbling through the forest searching for a sign of prey. today she was going to try and have as civil of a conversation as she could with lightpaw. since their last interaction on the skyclan border, she had avoided the apprentice. giving both of them some space to cool off. she knew she needed it before speaking to the young tom again.

nightbird was up out of her nest, walking to the fresh kill pile. any cats that were also awake were ignored. any questions or remarks about the fight would only rile her right back up again. she selected a mouse and grasped it firmly in her jaws before making her way to the apprentice's den. silver eyes landed onto the nest where lightpaw slept and she made her way over, tossing the skinny mouse at his head. a peace offering and a wakeup call. how efficient of her. she wouldn't wait to hear his gripes about how early it was before speaking. "eat. meet me outside when you're done, we're training." she said before turning around and promptly exiting the den.

she sat outside of the den, tail wrapped tightly around her paws. snow was beginning to fall lightly and she had to hold herself back from yelling at him to hurry before she was buried in the cold flakes. the training today would not be too physical, she wasn't stupid, they were both healing. however, the way he had been blinded by rage in the fight had forced her to take a different route for today's session. one that called for the awareness he had lacked in battle. fighting on the high of adrenaline and anger could only get you so far until you make a fatal mistake. nightbird hoped to help before he had the chance to do that.​

[ ☾✩ ]​

 

[LIGHTSTRIKE .]

❝ WE HAVE YET TO CRASH ✧°.☀ ————————————
Lightpaw wasn't stupid. It was obvious to him that Nightbird was avoiding him. Not that he cared. He was too caught up in his own air of misery, mind replaying bits and pieces of the fight over and over again as if to taunt him. Each time, the painful truth stuck out to him more and more. He was pathetic. Morningpaw had died because of him. Because she got in the way.

Some of the memories had already begun to blur as time wore on, lost to the haze of the adrenaline and emotion. That moment, however, would remain starkly clear, each second that had passed almost in slow motion. Turning as Snowpaw leaped for him, claws outstretched. Morningpaw, faster, diving in. That idiot.

A mouse tossed at his head was enough to pull him from his unpleasant dream, sucking in a startled gasp and head jerking up before the grogginess settled back in. Lightpaw was surprised to see Nightbird standing over him, already barking orders before he could even register the fact that he was awake. What time was it? The tom squinted, still trying to formulate words, but she had already turned and left.

Green eyes trailed down to the mouse haphazardly draped over the edge of his nest. Eat. Training. With a huff, he tucked into the pitiful prey.

Lightpaw had bothered to lick out at least some of his nest-rumpled fur before stepping out into the early morning light, squinting at the sky. Nightbird was sitting off to the side, and the fluffy tom looked at her. With his dream fading in the face of the unexpected wake-up call, he wasn't in a particularly bad mood despite the time. Even so, his words carried that familiar half-hearted bite. "Couldn't have picked a better time to suddenly decide on this? Like, I don't know, not the crack of dawn?" His expression was somewhere between tired and disgruntled, although not hostile.

Outside of the warmth of the apprentices' den, Lightpaw shivered and fluffed up against the cold. "If your newest training regimen involves freezing stiff, don't worry. I've already got it down."

[penned by its_oliverr - ☀]

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[nightbird]

she watched him exit the den out of the corner of her eye, only turning her head to face him when he spoke. the warrior brushed off his complaints with a flick of her ear. she didn't quite enjoy being awake this early either. it was evident in the tired look they shared. however, the look on his face when she woke him nearly made it worth it. "good morning to you too!" she drawled sarcastically, bringing herself to her paws. "maybe leaf-bare will do me a favor and freeze your jaws closed next."

nightbird began moving through camp, as fast as she could at least. she pushed her way through the gorse tunnel, only checking to see if lightpaw was following after exiting camp. the molly shook away the snow beginning to build up on her pelt and kept making her way to their destination.

nearing the windclan border, she looked around for the looming oak tree that would serve as their training grounds for the day. it was rumored to house an owl, but she had never seen it in her time here so she wasn't concerned. with an awkward gait, she made her way to the base of the tree, sitting down in the snow. she would make herself comfortable before breaking her silence with a simple "we're here."

"make yourself comfy," she said, although it was just to tell him that they would likely be here a while. she was fully prepared to sit under the owl tree until one of them froze to death if it meant knocking some sense into that thick skull of his. "explain to me, in detail, your surroundings." easy right? she would sit waiting, tail tapping the ground ever so slightly.


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[ ☾✩ ]​

 

[LIGHTSTRIKE .]

❝ WE HAVE YET TO CRASH ✧°.☀ ————————————
He didn't reciprocate the sarcastic greeting, although his expression crinkled just a bit further. "I think I preferred it when you were leaving me alone," Lightpaw muttered half-heartedly.

When Nightbird abruptly stood and began to make her way to the tunnel with haste, it took a moment before he began to follow, but not before letting out a harsh sigh. He could only wonder what the plan was while he trailed behind. Stamina and speed? Would she make him run until he begged for mercy? It wasn't as if she was the best runner to begin with, he mused as he watched her limp ahead. She didn't pick up speed, though, and they carried their brisk pace through the territory.

Lightpaw sourly noted that it had begun to snow again, followed by their sudden stop. Alright, they were here then. It wasn't the training hollow, so what was her plan? His gaze had wandered when his mentor instructed him to get comfy. Whatever that meant, he didn't like the implications, stare snapping back to her. He slowly sat down. It was too cold for this.

What came next was entirely unexpected and he stared, dumbfounded. "What the fuck kind of training is that?" came his outburst, but he shook his head. Fine. Whatever made her happy.

With a sigh, the golden tom dragged his head around to look, head tilting upward to squint at the tree beneath which they sat. "Isn't this the uh, that owl tree or whatever it's called? So we're near the WindClan border." At least, he thought so.

Green eyes flickered back to Nightbird, gauging her expression. Okay, so that clearly wasn't what she was looking for. The fuck did she want, then? "Alright, fine then. It's snowing, and snowy as fuck, we're near a stream, and there's trees everywhere." What stood to be gained from all this, exactly? Maybe this was her belated revenge to that whole leaf pile thing. He wouldn't be surprised.

[penned by its_oliverr - ☀]

———————————— ☀.°✧ BUT WE STILL MAY AS WELL ENJOY IT ❞ ​

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[nightbird]

she answered his outburst with a not so subtle yawn. what kind of training was this? a valid question, but it would get no reply. instead, she waited patient as ever for his compliance. lightpaw pointed out the owl tree, and she gave him a bored stare paired with a dismissive ear flick. her tail began to tap slowly on the ground as she waited for an acceptable enough answer from the apprentice.

he pointed out the trees, the snow, the stream, good enough. "snowy as fuck, how observant of you," nightbird poked, but didn't push any further and instead took in his confused expression with a small grin. the warrior paused for a moment, taking in the peace of the snowy morning. it was quiet, almost too much so. she could fix that.

"did you notice any of those things when you were slashing that skyclanner?" her face was blank as she delivered her question. "i mean it really was brutal, kid wasn't even fighting back," she added, explaining the events like he wasn't the one executing them. was it a low blow? maybe. but she wasn't searching for comments on her honor. "did it make you feel better?"

the smoke sat back, leaning against the tree to take some weight off of her leg. however, her eyes did not move from his. they burned into the apprentice's own, almost taunting him to respond with the same angry outburst she witnessed on the skyclan border. "let me ask you another question," there was barely a pause for his confirmation or denial, "what kind of warrior do you want to be?"​

[ ☾✩ ]​

 

[LIGHTSTRIKE .]

❝ WE HAVE YET TO CRASH ✧°.☀ ————————————
Lightpaw hadn't been smiling to begin with, but his expression sank. He jerked back as though struck. "What the fuck does that have to do with anything?" he snapped. He was immediately on his paws, now leaning in as his muzzle crinkled in the beginnings of a snarl.

"No, because it didn't fucking matter! And I don't care! So what, maybe it did! Morningpaw wasn't exactly fighting back either, but hey! That sure didn't seem to matter, did it?" Lightpaw lashed his tail, pulling away to pace a few steps in his newfound restlessness. No. It hadn't made him feel better. But it should have, and that's what pissed him off more. His head jerked up to meet her icy silver gaze again. "Maybe I did it because he deserved it! At least I didn't kill him, because Morningpaw sure didn't have that mercy, and he was trying to kill me!"

He was back to turning away again, fixating his anger on anything but his mentor and her infuriatingly calm stature. Following his rant, he reclaimed his breath with a hiss through his teeth. Before he could continue, she dropped yet another question on him, and he whipped around to face her. It had taken him off-guard; it showed in his eyes. His fury did not relent.

"I don't know, maybe one that doesn't get my fucking Clanmates killed!" Lightpaw shouted. His voice cracked, and in the same instance he jerked his head away once more, no longer willing to look at her. Back to pacing a few steps, halting, and pacing some more. As if to remind him, to taunt him, his shoulder had begun to sting again. He stopped. Although his jaws parted, no words came out. Lightpaw clenched his mouth shut and glowered down at the snow.

[penned by its_oliverr - ☀]

———————————— ☀.°✧ BUT WE STILL MAY AS WELL ENJOY IT ❞ ​

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[nightbird]

her decision to stray far from camp for this was quickly proven to be the right one as he erupted. maybe this was a bit unconventional, egging your apprentice on until they were furious. surely most of her clanmates would disprove of her odd method, but it would be extremely out of character for her to sugarcoat anything about this. maybe the others would coddle their apprentice, help them grieve with kind words and a soft paw. she didn't find that productive in the slightest.

nightbird just watched as he paced angrily. the anger rolled off of him was met with silence. they were a lot alike in ways that she would refuse to admit. she could think of times in her life when she would have reacted the same way, but where did that get you? it got uncertain stares and hesitance from those close to you. it got hushed remarks, fear filled glances, family and friends walking on egg shells, scared they would be burnt by an uncontrollable flame.

"since you don't know, i'll tell you where you're headed," she said, breaking her silence with the same level tone as before. the warrior didn't say it to be mean or poke fun at the pale apprentice, she was just preparing to deliver the truth. "you let your emotions cloud your judgement. it makes you unreliable. how can your clanmates focus on their own opponent when they're worried about you doing something that will get you killed?" her tail lashed once. she could feel her voice raising, but couldn't do much to ease it.

"you were right to feel angry, but you lost it out there, let it blind you. it made you dangerous to thunderclan, not the enemy. that will only get worse." by the end nightbird would nearly match his volume, standing up and still burning holes into his head although he refused to make eye contact.

she released a frustrated sigh, collecting herself. the last thing she wanted was to preach about staying collected whilst screaming. her gaze was cast to the cloudy sky for a brief moment before she brought it back down to lightpaw.

"i will not allow it to happen again. your skills are not the issue here. you just have to learn to channel that anger without giving it total control, it would make you unstoppable. i will not give up on you, but you have to be willing to work on it for me to help," her eyes were no longer being used to sear into the apprentice. they held a sincerity that could be confused for warmth.

she was back sitting, leaning against the tree, when she continued. "if you're not, go to emberstar and demand a reassignment. i will not be the one who failed you."​

[ ☾✩ ]​

 

[LIGHTSTRIKE .]

❝ WE HAVE YET TO CRASH ✧°.☀ ————————————
She was speaking again in the wake of his own silence, and oh how he willed for her to shut up. He grit his teeth, refusing to look into eyes that he could feel boring into his pelt. As her volume slowly rose, his claws sank into the earth. Unreliable. So that's how she saw him, then? Lightpaw jerked his head up. "I'm not—!" began his shout, but she cut him off, and for once, he didn't fight to voice over it, although his stare now held her own.

Although Nightbird's conclusion carried a softness beneath the bite, it did little to ease the flurry in his mind, shutting it out in favor of locking onto bits and pieces that struck deeper than he was even aware of. "I'm not fucking unreliable, Nightbird!" he shouted, volume strained by a throat that tightened against his will. "But I'm glad you seem to think so!"

Lightpaw's tail lashed again, once again averting his gaze to hide tears that had begun to well and quivering whiskers. Even so, his voice now carried a waver despite the overlaid anger, the fur along his spine bristling. "I don't have a problem. Maybe you're the one with an issue if you can just sit there calmly while your fucking Clanmates are murdered in front of you!"

His lips curled back in the beginnings of a snarl, but he was losing steam. "I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you," he accused, now far quieter than before. "Get Emberstar to fork off your failure onto someone else so you can have someone you think is better."

[penned by its_oliverr - ☀]

———————————— ☀.°✧ BUT WE STILL MAY AS WELL ENJOY IT ❞ ​

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[nightbird]

he just had to keep pushing it. deep breaths filled her chest as he just flat out denies her words. "what would i gain from lying to you?" came a half-hearted hiss. "you want me to fill your head with false praise? applaud you for the bare minimum?" voice once again on the rise, but she didn't make an effort to stop it this time. "get real. it's not my fault that you're unwilling to accept the truth."

'maybe you're the one with an issue if you can just sit there calmly while your fucking clanmates are murdered in front of you!'

her ears shot back as she bit hard into her cheek. any hold she had on her self control was threatening to come undone with these words. the taste of blood danced across her tongue. "i do not have to explain myself to you." she said sharply. nightbird cast her gaze away, reminding herself that it didn't matter if lightpaw or anyone else regarded her actions as cold. acting with a level head, no matter how much she wanted to do the opposite, was an important skill. sure, she could have jumped in on the apprentice who took morningpaw's life, but it wouldn't bring her back. wouldn't do anything but cause more problems between the clans.

that was what she kept telling herself. it was a smart decision, avoided more conflict. no matter how much her claws would ache for the killer's blood, her brain always justified remaining calm. her job was not to kill, it was to protect. in that moment, there was no threat. she didn't do anything wrong. words once again entered her ears, but they were almost lost to the wind. the words swimming in her head were much louder. when her gaze was brought back, there was something else mixed in with the cool hardness they defaulted to. hurt was seeping in through the cracks. one hard blink managed to quell it from spreading any further. the skirmish did not call for more frantic shouts. she had done good by remaining calm.

"i wouldn't," nightbird's words came after a long pause. they were quiet and strangled, after another pause she eliminated the restraint of vulnerability. "it would be a shame to watch your potential get wasted on someone who can't see it. i want to push you to be great," the warrior was practically pleading for him to understand, but still spoke clearly and devoid of any emotion that had seeped into her last statement. "i'm only trying to tell you that if you're unwilling to work with me to get there, something has to change. if you feel like you need someone who just wants to train mediocre warriors, then that's fine, but i cannot be that."​

[ ☾✩ ]​

 

[LIGHTSTRIKE .]

❝ WE HAVE YET TO CRASH ✧°.☀ ————————————
Lying. Unreliable. A disappointment. A burden.

That cold, naked truth was finally laying itself out in plain sight with each wretched word that was uttered from her mouth. Lightpaw was nothing to her. He never had been.

The next breath he sucked in hitched involuntarily, sending another spark through his chest. He couldn't force it down, but stars, he was trying. The last thing he wanted at that moment was to cry in front of her. All it did was drive it all home.

His claws sank deep into the earth below, body tensed in every line and nearly quivering with the force of it all. Get real. Unwilling to accept the truth. Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic. A disappointment. An embarrassment. A hazard. To ThunderClan? No, to her. Even now, he refused to meet her eyes again, wanted to sink to the ground as she begun spouting about wasted potential.

Lightpaw tried to speak, but it was strained and hoarse, and he broke off to swallow and try again. Eyes that brimmed with tears flickered up to Nightbird from his hunched position, a stark contrast to the rage he had fixed upon his face. "Fuck you." His words were quiet, little more than a rasp, but filled with venom. With hurt.

The golden tom swallowed again, a tear finally making its journey to the ground. "Fuck you." His second attempt was clearer now. "I'm not a disappointment." He was. Oh, he was. Did his Clanmates feel the same way? How bad did he have to be if his own mentor deemed him a broken failure that needed fixing?

With a lash of his tail, he slowly shook his head, for once straining to find words, unable to pick them out from the storm in his mind. "That's all I am to you?" he hissed, struggling to speak steadily. "A statistic? A-a— A way to make yourself look better?" Bite back. Bite back. Bite back. His thoughts were at a standstill. His thoughts wouldn't stop. He couldn't think.

[penned by its_oliverr - ☀]

———————————— ☀.°✧ BUT WE STILL MAY AS WELL ENJOY IT ❞ ​

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[nightbird]

this situation was spiraling, and quickly. he met her gaze, tears threatening to fall, and she suddenly wished this whole day had never happened. the angry yelling of insults or obscenities was fine, she could handle it. but now, here he was, crying, and she felt like she was traversing a foreign land.

poisonous curses flew from his mouth but for once, she had nothing. no quick-witted response or sarcastic remark. for possibly the first time in her life the confidence she oozed seemed to drain away. all she could do was force herself to watch. looking away would be a weakness nightbird couldn't afford, but frustration was quick to build up and an uncomfortable shift of her paws did little to subdue it.

a disappointment, a statistic. neither were words she had uttered, but he spit them out regardless. her eyebrows knit as she tried to think of a way to recover this. she had been as vulnerable and straight forward as she could, yet he took what she said and spun it wildly in a different direction. "stop crying and just breathe for a second," no malice tied into her phrase, however she just sounded tired. the cold from the snow was slowly seeping into her bones. if only it could numb her racing mind as well as her body.

nightbird gave him a long moment, just hoping he could bring himself to think clearly. "please," there was a pause after she uttered the word that was so unfamiliar to her tongue. "slow down and listen to me. you're not a disappointment or a statistic. i didn't bring you out here to break you down. whether you believe me or not, i find no joy in watching my clanmates suffer." a slight jab at his earlier accusation managed to wedge it's way in.

"you don't have to fight me all the time, i am not the enemy. you're my responsibility and i don't take that lightly. nor do i resent it," she didn't know if she could make herself any clearer. usually the molly wouldn't waste her time over explaining, but because of how he liked to warp her words, she felt it necessary in the moment. "if you need to head back to camp, then you're free to go. we won't get anything done if you're stuck in your head," she added, the words nearing an exasperated sigh. nightbird didn't want them to part again on hateful terms, but sitting out here in the snow was becoming less and less appealing. they weren't getting anywhere, she was giving him another out. a small part of the dark feline hoped he wouldn't, she would much prefer to face this head on, but if he wasn't ready then that was that. ​

[ ☾✩ ]​

 

[LIGHTSTRIKE .]

❝ WE HAVE YET TO CRASH ✧°.☀ ————————————
Something on her expression shifted just then, Lightpaw's eyes widening ever so slightly. For the umpteenth time he jerked his head away, like a kit caught committing a misdeed, nearly turning his back to her entirely in favor of hiding from her prying stare. The young tom planted himself upon the cold earth, shoulders hunched, occasionally shaking with stifled sobs and hiccups.

Nightbird was practically pleading to him now, a complete change of tune for reasons he couldn't begin to guess. Didn't bring him out here to break him down. Rich. He had half a mind to tell her she was full of shit, but remained in stony silence.

The conclusion to her speech, even the offer to end it there, was met with nothing. Far before she had suggested it he had considered getting up and running, although to where he didn't know. Even now it sat there, temptingly, yet he made no move to stand. It was only an ear cocked to the side that suggested he had listened to her words at all.

Silence stretched out. It was broken only by the occasional sniff, or the shift of his paws as he lifted one to furiously scrub at his face. Finally he turned his head, only just enough to look back at her from the corner of his eye, the glare that remained fixed there now decidedly mismatched against the mess of it all. Lightpaw looked away.

"What's your deal?" he managed at last, swallowing back the hoarseness of his voice. "What do you want from me?" He didn't know what answer to expect, much less what answer he wanted, if any at all.

Sucking in a breath that hitched involuntarily, he wearily continued. "You sit there and call me fucking unreliable," he nearly spat the word, voice cracking, "tell me I'm wasted potential, and have the gall to turn around and- and— Now you sit there and try to backtrack?"

Lightpaw had to fight back a second wave of tears as his throat tightened again. "...Always acting like you're better than everyone else," he growled. "Like you're the definition of what it means to be a warrior." He turned his head back for that, to fix her with another, far colder glare. "Not everyone is fucking emotionless like you."

It was then that he felt a twinge in his chest, a warning that he was possibly taking it too far, but he shoved it down. She had gone too far the moment she opened her mouth to shit on him. Scratch that. It wasn't as if she would care anyway. Not about this, not about him, not about anything else. He was only her responsibility. Nothing more.

[penned by its_oliverr - ☀]

———————————— ☀.°✧ BUT WE STILL MAY AS WELL ENJOY IT ❞ ​

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[nightbird]

silence answered his questions. she had been telling him what she wanted, made it as painfully clear as she could. he continued on, seemingly very stuck on her claim about the apprentice's reliability. probably rightfully so, she wouldn't be happy about that either. a darkly tipped ear flicked at his next statement. "backtrack? she echoed, fighting back a sneer. "i stand by everything i said. you're not willing to accept my honesty. i'm simply giving you a reason to leave until you are."

he didn't leave though. she knew he was stubborn but this was a new length. kid was sobbing before her a few minutes ago, yet still wanted to stay and argue. it might be respectable in a different situation. one where he wasn't making her want to claw at her ears.

lightpaw's next statement made her tilt her ears back sharply, slightly narrowing her gaze. called her egotistical, conceited. her tail tapped twice before settling into the snow. growled that she was emotionless, if he truly believed that, why try and hurt her feelings? the frustration subsided, gone was the pleading tone from before. all was replaced with a ticked jaw.

"i'm sorry my personality isn't to your liking," she said slowly, teeth snapping with her sarcastic words. "but your opinion on me is unimportant." it almost came as a mockery, but if he already believed she was cold-hearted and arrogant, she wasn't going to plead her case. especially when he seemingly set on making a monster out of her.

"from here on, your training will be focused on hunting and tracking. you will not do anything that involves fighting until you're ready to listen to me. we will meet at dawn every morning," nightbird met his chilly gaze with her own. "you can have two days off to rest your injuries, but after that i expect to see you before first light. you're dismissed." maybe if she weren't so emotionless she would have given him a few more days to fully recover, but his words only fueled a fire to prove him right. ​

[ ☾✩ ]​

 

[LIGHTSTRIKE .]

❝ WE HAVE YET TO CRASH ✧°.☀ ————————————
His thoughts wouldn't stop clashing, mind beyond burnt out of the feelings still gripping at his heart but vying for the final word all the same. She didn't answer his question. Good. Not good. He wanted her to shut up, but why didn't she answer? Why was he still humoring her? Why didn't he just leave? Well, he didn't want to get up, for one, but he didn't want to be here.

Clenched both from the cold and his own agitation, Lightpaw's jaw was beginning to hurt something fierce. Yet when Nightbird finally answered, he grit his teeth again. Not willing to accept my honesty. He almost bit down on his tongue then, nearly snapping at her just to cut her off as she continued to speak and speak and speak. His opinion was unimportant. "I didn't fucking ask," he immediately spat. Just to say something.

Then came her decree, and his eyes widened in outrage, already springing to his paws before he even had words to say. "Oh, sure!" Lightpaw bit, tail lashing. "Sit here and bitch at me about how awful I am, so let's make it worse!" He bore his teeth in a snarl. "I've been doing nothing but listen to you nag and bitch, so see if I care anymore!"

Oh, how terrible he was in that fight, a disappointment to his Clanmates and a hazard to all! Let's fix it by never teaching him how to fight! That would sure show them! Nightbird told him to leave then, and as much as he had already wanted to, that alone almost made him sit right back down just to piss her off.

For a moment he stood there, tense, a growl rumbling in his throat, but he whipped around and began to storm off. Pointedly not in the direction of camp. Last thing he wanted was to talk to his Clanmates either.

[penned by its_oliverr - ☀]

———————————— ☀.°✧ BUT WE STILL MAY AS WELL ENJOY IT ❞ ​

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