sensitive topics ASHES AND GHOSTS 𖦹 sabletuft

[ASHENFALL]

˚⊹₊‧ 𖦹 It's after the fifth time being pinned by Sabletuft that his breath begins to quicken, chest punctuated with short gasps and vision tunneling beneath the gaze of the warrior. He couldn't shake his mind off of the smell of oakmoss and viscera, nor could he ignore the phantom blanket of blood soaking his fur and the crimson sheen of sharp, butchering teeth.

He wiggles wildly beneath sturdy paws in an attempt to scootch out from under Sabletuft, appearing visually as something akin to a thrashing blue-belly. Whether he successfully climbed to his paws or not, Ashenpaw would make a sorry attempt at sounding casual as he said, "I-I think I've got it down now. Let's uh, be finished and go hunting or anythingelseIdon'tcare." Ashenpaw's tail thrashes with nerves as the ice-and-slime feeling continues to writhe around in his gut, and his eyes dart off to avoid fixating themselves on the warrior before him again.

FOLLOW THE TIDE ˚⊹₊‧ 𖦹 WITH THE MONSTERS ON YOUR SHOULDER

• OOC: @S A B L E T U F T
• 
• 
  — ashenkit . ashenpaw
  — ftm transmasc. he/him. 7mo apprentice of shadowclan
  — gay ; single ; not looking
  — longhaired muted blue torbie with heterochromatic pale blue and amber eyes
  — smells like rainsoaked ferns and swamp milkweed
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — fullbody by tropics sticker by saturnid
  — penned by eezy
  — currently in an era of grief and anger, approach with caution. all ic opinions!

​

​

 

[S A B L E T U F T]

can we leave it behind? — With Swanpaw still needing time to recover before throwing him back into a fight, and Ashenpaw out of a mentor, Sabletuft had taken the step to take over the toms training. Just until Swanpaw was back up on his paws and another warrior was officially assigned. In the meantime, the black-and-white tom found it useless to leave Ashenpaw's opportunity lost to general patrols and den repairs. He had seen the boys reaction in the face of death, watched it form him into something that would only bite his tail later.

He sought to help Ashenpaw avoid the path his fears would set him on by rushing back into the air of a fight. Conflict was still constant under the stars even after the battle among Fourtrees. He couldn't expect himself to avoid it all for long, the fighting, the death (and did ShadowClan have a long list of that).

"The only thing you've 'got down' is keeping your blindside open." Sabletuft flicked his tail dismissively to the others idea of moving on. He almost laughed at the suggestion. "You're succumbing to your own head, Ashenpaw. If you let this eat you, might as well bury yourself next to Snakefoot. Or, you can listen to my lesson and turn these fears into strength." His words were blunt, never one to sugarcoat even in the most tender moments. But what was the point when their life was essentially a competition for survival? — tags​

 

[ASHENFALL]

˚⊹₊‧ 𖦹 He watches the ground where Sabletuft's feet meet as he's lectured by the tom on just how easy he was to kill in this state—as if that was something he needed to be reminded of. He spoke of not allowing the fear to eat at him, and turning it into strength instead, but how was he supposed to do that? It was impossible, at least for him, perhaps Sabletuft had a heart made of granite, so things like this came easy to him.

"I don't want to die," he mumbled, an admission that was common enough to not bat an eye to, but it made him feel vulnerable saying out loud anyways, "But I can't just... stop thinking, or whatever." Did that mean he was destined for an early and gruesome death a few sunrises ahead of him? Was he doomed to be just another splatter of gore left on the ground because he couldn't do what Sabletuft needed of him?

FOLLOW THE TIDE ˚⊹₊‧ 𖦹 WITH THE MONSTERS ON YOUR SHOULDER

• OOC:
• 
• 
  — ashenkit . ashenpaw
  — ftm transmasc. he/him. 7mo apprentice of shadowclan
  — longhaired muted blue torbie with heterochromatic pale blue and amber eyes
  — smells like rainsoaked ferns and swamp milkweed
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — fullbody by tropics sticker by saturnid
  — penned by eezy
  — currently in an era of grief and anger, approach with caution. all ic opinions!

​

​

 

[S A B L E T U F T]

can we leave it behind? — Ashenpaw's admittance reminded him of a much more fiery tom that took stubborn pride in his weaknesses. That accepted them with little resistance and insisted he would always be as he was.

"Do you remember Loampelt?" The name felt like ichor in his mouth. "I trained him, before you and your siblings left the nursery. But before even that, your mother was his mentor." If anything were to get his attention, Sabletuft would assume it was this.

"He wasn't given to me in poor shape. He snuck around pretty well without a trace. Could disappear, fast, and he used that wherever he could. But you can only imagine how many times you can try and disappear from your enemies before it doesn't work anymore. And then what?" Grueling late nights trying to instill any sense of drive other than being a witty prick gone to waste. Maybe it was his fault he turned out that way more than Loampelts.

There was a few moments of quiet. A long pause where Sabletuft wasn't sure where he was going, bringing up his former apprentice. He hadn't talked about him at all since his death, and before even that Sabletuft refused to speak a word the day he had become a warrior.

"No one else can fight the battle in your head except you. But it's not a war easily won." The monochrome tom thought of the nights spent in the dim of a tunnel. Actively fighting the guilt, the fear of being caught. Knowing it was wrong. "You stay in control of yourself, first. When you're alone, you tell yourself you're capable. You're better, working to be even greater. Deflect every bad thought with one that helps put you in control." Sabletuft rose to his paws to close the distance between himself and Ashenpaw, placing a firm paw on the torbie's shoulder.

"You're going to be stronger. You're going to be braver. You're going to be amazing. Say it louder and louder than whatever's telling you different until it's all you can hear." He released his grasp to plant his paws in front of him again. "When you can do that, we'll try again." — tags​