private AT LEAST WE’RE MOVING // sharpshadow

[FORESTSHADE]

// @SHARPSHADOW

Forestshade isn't quite sure what pulls her towards the border today, but the call of the rain-drenched wilderness and the low, rhythmic patter of droplets against the marshy earth beneath her paws feel like a rare reprieve from the routine grind of clan-life. The scent of damp pine needles fills her lungs as she silently pads through the forest, drawn by the quiet solitude that ShadowClan’s territory offers. She must be pretty damn distracted, because it takes her way too long to notice the pawsteps behind her.

With a soft snort, she pauses, not bothering to turn around. "Are you trying to escape the mess we've got back at camp, too?” She utters dryly, though even she can feel the sharp edge of dissatisfaction creeping into her tone. Her ears flick sideways, the distant rustling of foliage as rainwater pools beneath it catching her attention. Normally, she thrives in this environment, but today, something about it feels suffocating. As Mapletuft’s story buzzes in her mind like a distant, faded echo, her mind begins to wander.

Is this really all there is?

A familiar restlessness churns in her chest, the same feeling she's been pushing aside for moons now. Forestshade, who once took pride in her accomplishments, in being the clan’s most skilled hunter despite her blindness, now finds herself feeling…confined. ShadowClan's traditions, its rigid expectations, the cycle of leadership that won’t stop, the endless duties of hunting and patrolling - they're all starting to feel too small. Too repetitive. She can't shake the nagging feeling that she's outgrown it all.

Forestshade's paws shift uncomfortably against the sodden ground. "You ever feel like we're stuck?" She asks abruptly, her voice quieter than usual, as though the words are testing her. "Like we just keep doing the same things over and over again? Hunt, patrol, defend…repeat. Every adventure…is boxed in by borders." She shakes her head, her frustration simmering beneath her calm exterior. "There's a whole world out there, Sharpshadow. Sometimes I wonder why we're content to stick to just this corner of it."

Finally, she turns around to face her dearest friend. Her tail flicks with apprehension, though her voice softens. "I mean, here we are, walking the same paths every day. Hunting the same prey. Facing the same problems. I know this marsh like the pads on my paws. I’m bored.“

There's a brief silence, broken only by the rain and the quiet stirring of the wind through the trees. The patched she-cat lets out a sigh, as if admitting the restlessness to herself is both a relief and a burden. "Maybe I've been in ShadowClan too long," She murmurs, almost to herself, blind green eyes staring off somewhere beyond her companion. "Maybe it's time I found something more." The words hang in the air between them, raw and unguarded.
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[SHARPSHADOW]

It's natural at this point, to trail after Forestshade... She could be unpredictable— that's what he tells himself. And maybe it was pretentious of him to try and believe he was the only thing between the tortoiseshell and a set of teeth in her throat. She didn't really think she could stop it from happening if that's what was written in the stars, or whatever... but she'd like the change to try to, at least. That notion of what's the point? was not mutually exclusive with the desire. Caring enough to try mattered more than some realized.

...But of course, that's just what he tells himself. Reality, more like, is that he clings onto cats that he feels he can afford to, even if they annoyed him to no end. He'd thought that about Smogstar... and then what had happened?

" Maybe, " is what she tells her, as unsatisfying as ever. There's truth in the single utterance, though. There could be a thousand reasons why she's here. It was just as likely that there were none at all. Foresetshade was here, so he guesses he is, too. They could have similar senses of humor, sometimes... but her voice carries a heavier note than it typically did. She's bothered. A part of Sharpshadow is relieved... and it really doesn't make much sense. She was as much of a ShadowClanner as he was, grudges against any -stars be damned.

The question catches him guard. Sharpshadow finds himself coming closer to hear her more clearly. The answer is easy. " Yeah. " Even Smogstar had felt it, way back when... It had terrified her, finding her new mentor on the edge of this place. The thread was common amongst cats like them, apparently. What did that say about ShadowClan? He remembers thinking as an apprentice... why hadn't we gone anywhere else?

Forestshade turns to him then, and Sharpshadow beholds this side of her as if he may never have the chance to again. I'm bored. It's nearly childish, Sharpshadow thinks, and for some reason, he isn't angry. Had it been his apprentice, maybe... he would've told her that's how it is. You can think that way, feel that way, but there's no changing it, is there? Just... do what you can.

But she knew this already. She didn't need scolding like a kit. Sharpshadow's blink is slow. He regrets not having more to say... but it was a lot, to let her know he saw her. Forestshade had explained it ages ago— the reason why she'd turned on him, that day. Only now does he feel like he believes her.

Rain falls against the short hairs of his chest. He isn't sure what he's waiting for. Maybe I've been in ShadowClan too long. Forestshade looks beyond her, but that's normal, isn't it? Maybe it's time I found something more.

She had really thought they were the same for a moment. It hits her all at once— the reality that maybe, just maybe, Smogstar truly had left them behind. Fears face that she's worn so prevalently this moon... It had softened for Forestshade. Now it returns, wide-eyes and a deep-set frown. " Forestshade, " it's pathetic, really. She ought to scold her, but she doesn't. " You- You're ShadowClan, " she breathes. ( What meaning did that even have, anymore? ) Could she say in good conscience that she was meant to be here? She doesn't think that she could. To do so would be nearly be to condemn her to death. " ...What if there is nothing more? "​

 

[FORESTSHADE]

Forestshade tilts her head slightly, listening to Sharpshadow's quiet words through the rain. His hesitation, the way he breathes her name, catches her off guard. There’s a tremor of uncertainty in her voice. She's so used to her guarded remarks and sharp responses, but there's something different in her tone now. Her blind green eyes don't meet his, but her ears are attuned to every nuance of his response. "I am ShadowClan," She agrees, the words tasting bittersweet on her tongue. "But…" She trails off, frowning as she searches for the right way to explain the restlessness churning inside her, the feeling that no matter how deeply she's rooted here, something is missing. “But what if I can be more than just ShadowClan?”

What if there's nothing more? Her question lingers in the air and pulls her deeper into thought. She stands in silence for a moment, the rain soaking into her patched fur in cold bites. She knows Sharpshadow's right in a way. The world outside their borders is unknown, wild, dangerous - and maybe there really isn’t anything more out there for her.

But the doubt creeps in like the brisk rain. What if staying means being stuck? What if the greatness she once aspired to within ShadowClan has already passed her by?

"I don't know," The torbie admits finally, her voice quieter now, softer. "Maybe there's nothing out there. Maybe this is all we've got. But I’ll never know unless I try.” She flicks her tail, her frustration simmering beneath the surface, tempered only by the knowledge that she's speaking to Sharpshadow - the one cat she trusts with these thoughts.

"You could come with me." They’re soft, the words that spill from her mouth. A faint smirk pulls at the corners of her mouth. "You've always been the one keeping me out of trouble, so why not keep doing it? Out there?….Together…?” Her smirk fades, replaced by a softer, more vulnerable expression. She isn't just talking about the adventures they might have. She's talking about him - about them. About how, no matter how close she may have been in the past, there is still an invisible line she hasn’t crossed, never knowing if she quite felt the same way.

She takes a step towards her, head tilting just slightly. Though a bit nervous about putting herself out there, she is fearless if nothing else. If she doesn’t make it known now, there may not be another opportunity.
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[SHARPSHADOW]

Forestshade's lucky, he thinks, that she can even fathom the possibility of being more than just ShadowClan. It sounded awfully important, put that way. It probably shouldn't feel that way. It probably shouldn't make her stomach drop, to think of being anything but the perfect soldier in a garbage-filled kingdom. Didn't that just sound like the lowest bar imaginable, too? ...And yet it consumes her whole life. And yet she feels like she'll never get there. If she can't even crawl atop the carrion pile, what hope would there be for her to reach for the stars?

If he didn't believe in himself, could he at least believe in Forestshade? ...He doesn't really have an answer, and guilt gnaws at his ribs. It's not like he owed her belief. It's not like he owed her that at all. They share their uncertainty, it seems. I don't know, lingers in the air. How stupid is it to throw everything away on the whim of I don't know? I don't know. A little ruefully, he thinks it's a very Forestshade move to make. Not once has he ever been able to reign her in. Even if she desperately wanted to clamp onto her, hold her tail between his teeth and not let go. He's never been able to keep her from anything, so why would it ever work now?

( Why she even wants to... It's- It's status-quo, isn't it? Stars, she annoyed her. Couldn't stand her carefreeness, her thick-headedness... But something that's always been here should keep being here, right? Was that how it worked? )

" Okay. " Given up easily, and maybe Mirestar would hate her for it. She hated herself for it. She probably looks like a kicked kitten right about now. A drowned rat. It's stupid to think that one word means anything, that it's done anything, and yet she feels like everything's changed, all of a sudden. Smogstar, then Forestshade... How much of ShadowClan was really left? What hope was there for him, if even they had been worn down?

You could come with me.

Like he's been struck with lightning, a sunken face lights up in surprise. Shoulders snap straight. She's smiling. For whatever reason, she's smiling. Doesn't she know how impossible this is? Out there. Together. " You- you don't want that, " he stumbles. He's telling the truth. She... She'd get sick of him; he'd ruin it; he'd have to... to learn everything again. ...What were they talking about? On the tortoiseshell's face is something she couldn't possibly understand, could she? Forestshade steps forward. Sharpshadow's maw is agape. Suddenly he's terrified. Suddenly he realizes she's the closest thing he's ever had to a friend. Suddenly he's sorry.

" I can't... " he breathes. ...There was nothing for him out there. Maybe there was nothing for him here, either, but at least there was normalcy in that delusion. " I can't. " She wishes she could say more. She really, really does.

Could he admit that he'll miss her? ...Not with words, maybe. Forestshade deserved better than that.

Sharpshadow matches her step, presses a Thank you to her nose with the touch of his own.​

 

[FORESTSHADE]

Forestshade's ears swivel slightly at her words. She doesn’t want to admit it, but she’s…disappointed. There is a part of her that truly believed Sharpshadow might come with her. As the rain cools her pelt, the ache in her chest grows and pushes her forward. She hears him grow closer, too, and the touch of their noses draws the slightest breath from her.

She pauses as the rain falls harder now, blind green eyes falling half-closed. The air between them suddenly feels charged, or is it just her own anticipation? Swallowing, her tail sweeps the sodden ground behind her, and she laughs lightly. “I know…your loyalty was always your best trait.” Her voice drops lower, as if sharing a secret. "But if I don't go, then I think I might lose the best parts of me." Who will she become if she lets this part of her die here in this marsh?

She takes a step closer, brushing her flank lightly with her tail. "There are things here I'd miss. More than I could ever put into words. But I need to know, Sharpshadow. I need to know if there's more than this.” Her soft expression breaks as she cracks a familiar smirk. "And if that makes me reckless…or stupid...so be it." Suddenly, she knows for a fact she’s not just talking about out there. And she wonders if he knows it too. Holding her breath, she waits, ears trained on her companion with a hummingbird heart in her chest.
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