private ATTENTION, PROTECTION | marblepaw

[sneezeduck]

Loss is a prevalent theme in ShadowClan's history. Grief is their foundation, legacy their motivation. It is never-ending; for most, it is all they know. Why, then, has ShadowClan not adapted? Like the webs in their paws, the murky colors of their coats, their minds too should have evolved to foresee this loss, to process it, to move forward regardless.

After all they've endured, why do they still hurt?

Sneezeduck knows he does. As tough as he may act, he's always been particularly affected by death and disappearance. It is his own sorrow, but he also carries that of his Clanmate's. Especially attuned to their feelings, as he always was.. it was a blessing, and a curse.

He'd check on his Clanmates. The sick, the injured. He stood up for them - those they lost, and those that yet live. It was an odd job for a warrior, more suited for that of a medicine cat. But when the medicine cat fails, who else will take care of their loved ones? Who else will take care of them?

He dips into the medicine cat's den with a measly scrap of prey. It's all that he could muster amidst the cold- something that was already dying, starving or freezing or sick like them. The stench of herbs doesn't batter his nose anymore. Even after his wounds had healed, he had lingered, for his mentor lies ill within. He's not here for her today, though.

Sneezeduck drops the prey at Marblepaw's nest, nudging it towards her with his chilled nose. "How.. how are you?" he questions quietly, acutely aware of the resting cats still residing in the den. He'd be smart to not linger, lest he contract whatever ails them - but he can't shake the feeling that he has a debt to pay. Who will take care of you? he thinks, solemnly, Now that Starlingheart is...

WADE THROUGH WATER IN DARKNESS YOULL SOON DISAPPEAR ☾

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  sneezeduck. a young shadowclan warrior with a thirst for vengeance - a self-appointed justiciar. son of duckshimmer. brother to singeglare and swallowflutter. mentored by sharpshadow. mentor to none.​

• 
• ooc. @MARBLEPAW

​

 

[MARBLELEAF]

She'd come back from the border wounded and alone. Her leg is propped up against the bracken supporting her nest, suspended; the wound hadn't been deep, but it would take some time to mend, time she no longer had. Starlingheart would not be here to dress the wound. To scent for infection. To tell her to gather more marigold, for stars knew they'd always need a surplus. She'd dragged herself into a den that echoed when she cried. The sickly slumbered, or at least pretended to, and the cavern walls drank in her sobs until she'd worn herself into an uneasy sleep.

There's too much to do to grieve. She is the only one in the Clan, now, who can heal the sick, who can mend the injured. She has Sharpshadow, laboring away in his sickbed, ill with something she has never encountered, something worse than the whitecough she'd treated in her other patients. She has warriors injured from their valiant efforts to chase the badger from their territory.

Marblepaw has not taken any prey for herself. It's a penance. It's also because her appetite has dwindled into nothing. Scraps. Every time she imagines nibbling a bit of prey, she smells the blood on Starlingheart's fur, and she gags. She busies herself with other things. Harvesting feverfew. Searching desperately for catmint. Pushing slick green wads down Sharpshadow's throat, hoping desperately that something — anything — helps her improve.

When Sneezeduck enters, she starts; her fur bristles just a touch. Still, she does not stir from her nest except to peer blankly at the piece of prey he drops near the moss. Green eyes scrape their way up to his face — she has never seen the warrior look so uncertain. "How... how are you?"

She wants to hide herself from him. I killed Starlingheart. Surely he knows this — surely he hates her as much as she hates herself?

"I'm..." Marblepaw trails off. Her gaze settles on his paws, rather than this face. They are easier to look at. "Um... did you... did you need something from me?" Her breath hitches, but she does not cry. She only stares, miserable, at the cavern floor that lies between them.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Marblekit . Marblepaw, she/they w/ feminine and non-gendered terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 11 moons old, ages realistically on the 1st.
  — mentored by Starlingheart ; mentoring n/a ; previously mentored n/a
  — shadowclan medicine cat apprentice, formerly a rogue. siltcloud x lilacfur, gen 3.
  — currently mated to n/a.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh fawn tabby with dull green eyes. courageous, curious, introspective, observant, judgmental, snarky.

​

 

[sneezeduck]

Marblepaw's fur rises - if he blinked, he might've missed it. But he didn't. He doesn't miss the way she looks unenthusiastically at the prey, either. Or the way she refuses to meet his eyes when he speaks to her.

They're awfully avoidant, and Sneezeduck doesn't blame them. He'd been there before, too. Avoidant and angry, and all things bad; in a way, he still is. There's no resentment to be held when Marblepaw stares dully at his paws, then down to the cold ground. But there is empathy, and maybe a twinge of pity, that softens his brows. He'd never know what it's like to lose a mother, a mate, a sibling, or a mentor like so many of ShadowClan has, but he'd fight for them as if he did.

So, even if he is not upset with Marblepaw for refusing his offering, he is still persistent. "No," Sneezeduck replies shortly, deciding it'd be best not to press for an answer of her own. "But I'd like it if you ate something." Be it grief, wound, or sickness, they looked terribly thin these days. They all were.. but not all of them were so necessary to the Clan.

"I'm sorry, that -.." he pauses for a moment, letting his mouth hang open as he reconsiders his next words. It's too soon to talk about Starlingheart - and he's sure they've heard it all already. "I'm sorry that we didn't go searching for marigold like you suggested," he says instead. It would've been fun, in hindsight. Less than a moon ago, Marblepaw stood right where he is now, trying to pry a conversation out of his stubbornly clamped jaws. Cheerful and all smiles against the odds. He'd taken it for granted, hadn't he? They could've had more marigold for their wounds by now.

"I'd like to take you up on your offer once you're healed," he continues, tilting his head to appear thoughtful. There was more meaning than he was letting into the surface. It would do Marblepaw some good to be distracted, and to be in the company of a kind Clanmate. He's witnessed first-hand how this stuffy den can change a cat's perspective when they're the ones confined to a nest, processing their grief all alone.

WADE THROUGH WATER IN DARKNESS YOULL SOON DISAPPEAR ☾

• ✧ ✺
  ✹ · ✦ ·
  * *
  +
  ⊹ ✧ ✧
  ⋆ .
  * *
  ˚ ✫
  ✫ .
  . . ✧ *
  · · · ·
  + · ·
  . · .
  · ·
  * ✵ · · .
  · * ✫

  sneezeduck. a young shadowclan warrior with a thirst for vengeance - a self-appointed justiciar. son of duckshimmer. brother to singeglare and swallowflutter. mentored by sharpshadow. mentor to none.​

• 
• ooc. text

​

 

[MARBLELEAF]

Sneezeduck does not let himself be brushed aside. "No. But I'd like it if you ate something." Marblepaw studies the floor some more, but after a stubborn stretch of silence, she nods. "Okay." She pushes herself upright. Her joints pop lightly, used to being settled and stiff after so long in the nest. The mouse smells warm and inviting, and though it had turned her stomach initially, she realizes with a pang that she has not eaten since the day before.

They bend to take a bite. She'd expected it to taste like dust in her mouth, but it doesn't. It is rich, and soft, and imbued with the scents of the forest. It tastes like life, precious, sustaining. The life she still has. The life she is still expected to live, without Starlingheart.

By the time she has finished her meal — and it does not take her long — there are tears staining her cheeks. But she feels stronger, even if it is an affront to Starlingheart that she does.

"Thank you," she murmurs, and she lets herself meet Sneezeduck's eyes at last. They are clear and yellow and full of sympathy. I don't deserve his sympathy. But she does not push him away, not again. He continues speaking to her as though nothing has changed between them — could it be that nothing has?

"I'm sorry that..." And oh, Marblepaw thinks, here it comes. The condolences. The acknowledgment. But Sneezeduck finishes, "I'm sorry that we didn't go searching for marigold like you suggested." Her whiskers quiver with surprise. "I'd like to take you up on your offer once you've healed."

She thinks of the cat she had been when she'd asked him to go with her, full of naivete, innocence where there never should have been any. She thinks of the comfrey she'd woven into his nest, the way she'd played with the tendrils, the scent of the marigold on the air between them. I don't deserve his kindness. But I'm not in any position to reject it.

Because as much as she wants to punish herself, she wants Sneezeduck's friendship like a salve on her bleeding heart. She's selfish for that, maybe, but she grasps it in her paws. It may be fleeting. It may not be offered again.

"I'll... I'll need the extra set of paws," she murmurs, nodding. "Maybe in a few days, once this leg is better? We'll go out to that new strip of territory. And then you can..."

She closes her eyes, suddenly dizzy. The stench of badger invades her nose. The coppery tang of blood. Starlingheart's single green eye, full of warmth and understanding and love.

"I don't want anyone to have to fight for me anymore," she murmurs.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Marblekit . Marblepaw, she/they w/ feminine and non-gendered terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 11 moons old, ages realistically on the 1st.
  — mentored by Starlingheart ; mentoring n/a ; previously mentored n/a
  — shadowclan medicine cat apprentice, formerly a rogue. siltcloud x lilacfur, gen 3.
  — currently mated to n/a.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh fawn tabby with dull green eyes. courageous, curious, introspective, observant, judgmental, snarky.

​

 

[sneezeduck]

A small smile settles on Sneezeduck's maw as she finally gives in. And, stars, did she need it! He swears she almost devours the mouse in one bite, despite so stubbornly refusing mere moments before. It's disheartening, watching a cat eat like they hadn't eaten in days. How long had it been, since she last took care of herself?

When she meets his eyes, his smile dwindles. He'd been someone's shoulder before. He's seen cats cry, hurt, wail - but there's something about this time that's.. different. It's as if his heart aches in tangent, rather than for her - like he, too, had lost a mentor and parental figure when Starlingheart passed. It must be their friendship; he hadn't been friends with Needledrift or Smogstar's kits when their parents died and disappeared. It's easier to be a rock, when he didn't have to feel for them. It is empathy, not sympathy.

He does not cry with her, but there's so much heartbreak and regret in her eyes that he feels he could. Sneezeduck dips his head after her meek 'thank you'. "Thank you," he replies, forcing that small, wavering smile he's mastered to shine once more. "For not pushing me away. We're worried about you." No cat should have to suffer so, self-inflicted or not. They'd all suffered enough already.

He awaits for her stubbornness to come back in the form of a rejection. He fears the worst, that she would rather stay in her nest, suffocating. His eyes brighten, pleased, when they accept the offer instead. "Sure. I'll try not to become nest-ridden with injury in the meantime," he jokes poorly. Seems to be their thing - one in a nest, one not, and still making plans to look forward to as they switch places.

The joke isn't met with light laugher, and Sneezeduck's ears burn as a repercussion. Poor taste, poor timing. He was never the jokester of the family anyhow. Marblepaw speaks in forlorn murmurs, as if drawing upon memories that they long for as they speak. As if they feel weak, pitiful, useless. Sneezeduck felt like that, once - he was a naïve apprentice with his head in the clouds, seeing the world through eyes better fit for a kitten listening to a nursery tale. How awful it is, that they all must mature through tragedy and trauma.

"We're in this together," he reminds them, reassuringly, drawing his tail up to rest on their shoulder. "We keep each other safe, we fight for each other - it's what Clanmates do. But there's no wrong in wanting to stand on your own paws. I - we will help you."

You're really beating yourself up over this, aren't you? Sneezeduck thinks pitifully. He hadn't been there, though he wish he had - but he heard, in passing, what had happened. A badger attack; she needed help, and Starlingheart sacrificed herself. Fate it cruel, isn't it? He opens his mouth for a moment, to tell her it's not your fault - but closes it just as uncertainly. There will be a time for reassurances, for words of grief - for the moment, Marblepaw seems content with his distractions, and he's willing to comply.

WISH AWAY THE NIGHTMAREㅤ ✩ ☾ㅤINFO.ㅤ/ㅤ12/28/2024

• ooc: text
• 
  ■■■■■■ ✶ sneezeduck. warrior of shadowclan. ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ་༘࿐⋆｡𖦹°⋆.ೃ࿔*:･
  ☾ㅤamab cis male, he/him | undiscovered sexuality, single.
  ☾ㅤ14 moons old | ages every 2nd. created 2/5/2024
  ☾ㅤa young warrior, inexperienced in most things. | mentored by sharpshadow
  ☾ㅤLH chocolate tabby (carrying cinnamon, dilute)
  ☾ㅤunknown xx duckshimmer | brother to singeglare and swallowflutter
  ☾ㅤclose with marblepaw
  ☾ㅤwritten by ixora, ic opinions | tags‎

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