private BAD IDEA, RIGHT? &. singepaw and bloodpaw

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

brief mentions of blood //

this wasn't how their first time out of camp was supposed to go. they only had a pawful of sunrises to wait, and they'd be right out of camp, besides mentors and other warriors alike. cats that could protect them. they wonder... would this have happened if they just waited for them to turn six moons to let them out of the nursery? with how excited singepaw had been to be an apprentice in the first place, to stretch his legs and leave camp, they just don't know. all they do know is that these apprentices were hurt and it was their fault. they should have watched them better. told them more of the horrors. waited for them to be six moons, as the code now declared. but they didn't. and now the blood sat on their paws about what happened. they're not dead, no, but it doesn't hurt any less.

anxiously, they've awaited for the young cats to awaken from their sleep. they figured they could just rest for a while. chilledstar was biting back just screaming at them right now. bloodpaw and singepaw... what happened to them out there? their stomach twisted at the thought of them never coming home ever again. frantic searching leading to the discovery of bodies. they'd have to talk to pipitclaw and smogmaw all the same. while the apprentices were the responsibility of every warrior within camp, their mentors should have been watching better.

"how bad is the pain?"

they know what it feels like. just weeks ago, they came to camp the exact same way. difference was, they were both allowed out of camp and they were protecting the medicine cat apprentice from their own father. they could scoff at the thought. blood meant nothing. blood only gets spilled.

"i am so angry at the both of you. disappointed and angry. i mean, I'm pretty sure I was clear when I said you were not to leave camp, right? and you still did! you still did and now you're hurt and I can't–!["

they cut themself off. they take a deep breath in, pinning their ears back.

"you're too young to be out there by yourselves. you've barely been taught how to defend yourselves or each other. the marsh has never been forgiving, and it won't start being forgiven because two young knuckleheads decide they know better than their leader does."

they scold, moving to lick bloodpaw and singepaw on the tops of their heads with a soft sigh.

"i... am glad you're okay. relatively speaking. do you want to talk about it? what happened out there? i know what the both of you feel like and i was worried when you came back so... hurt. that's not what I ever want for you."


// @SINGEPAW @BLOODPAW

———————---***ALL OF MY FEELINGS ARE GONE***———————---​

I LEFT 'EM ALL ON THE FLOOR✧ MAN WHO'S TO BLAME IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME NO MORE

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• — black feline with a white marking across their face, a white chin, a white right front paw, and blue eyes. chilledstar is covered in scars, the most prominent ones being the one across their face, and the one across their neck.
  — 44 moons old; ages the 3rd every month
  — they / them pronouns
  — aromantic / homosexual ; currently not looking / looking
  — child of JAGGED and RAVEN
  — shadowclan ; loyal to shadowclan ; other info if applicable
  — mildly difficult to befriend ; trusts barely anyone; trusts no one outside of shadowclan
  — "speech", thoughts, attacking
  — peaceful powerplay allowed

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[SINGEGLARE]

*+:｡.｡ This wasn't how it was supposed to go
Singepaw ached in every square inch of his body and soul. It hurt. The wounds, his failure, the humiliation, the scolding...the guilt...It hurt so bad he wanted desperately to just cry. Wail, weep, howl at Starclan itself. He wanted to fling his arms and legs in a tantrum expressing the inferno of white-hot frustration! To hug himself close, clawing for comfort against the tumultuous storm of emotions, many of which were self-deprecating. He wanted to plead to anyone who'd listen what he had done wrong- how could he have failed!?
More than that, what was he supposed to do now?

He wanted to act, more than ever, like the child he was...but all too quickly, he felt he no longer had the right to.

SO he kept his expression as neutral as his pinched brows would allow. If it wasn't for the faint glow of his burning eyes, one would've thought the child asleep as he lay, sprawled due to the discomfort of curling into himself - despite desperately wanting to - as his wounds continued to hiss, muffled though thanks to the bandages. He was thus helpless to avoid hiding away from Chilledstar's lecture when he caught their scent and tell-tell paw steps approaching the medicine den. Emotions welled up, harsh in the back of his throat, and it was all he could do to keep himself from swallowing bile, lest he disturb his bitten neck again. He could already imagine what Chilledstar would have to say. Foolish, idiotic, impatient! You wanna grow up so fast, then go to the elder's den! The only place in all the forest where you won't manage to hurt yourself and others for once!
I'm baffled thinking I could ever trust you with a promotion, Singekit.

Singepaw sets his jaw, determined not to cry as Chilledstar's shadowy form pushes their way into the medicine den, sealing his fate.
"How bad is the pain?"
A moment has to pass before Sin realizes that the first word spoken wasn't a reproachful snarl.

Static fills his ears as he's left in a haze of his own built-upon tension. He feels like a dam already prepared to burst filling with even more rainwater, yet denied the alleviation of breaking apart. Chilledstar speaks coolly, but not coldly. When Sin looks up from this paralyzed angle, all he can see is their scars. Brutal marks marring their vanta black pelt that had looked so fierce and cool before Singepaw understood what killing blows truly felt like. That was the world he'd wanted to be part of so badly with full ignorance of the cost. THAT was the world Chilledstar had tried to hard to protect him from. That was the world he'd convinced Bloodpaw into participating with him.

His eyes snap up to Chilledstar's face when their rising voice suddenly skids to a halt. A lance of fear suddenly races through them, the smell of ozone just before a storm breaks filling his nose as he searches Chilledstar's pained expression for...for...for the right words, really. What was he to say that could fix things? That...that could explain why he'd thought any of this was worth it - any of this was a good idea? How could he find those words when his wounds burned and Bloodpaw was hurting?
When Chilledstar was hurting?

Chilledstar's words sink into their flesh like Granitepelt's claws had. The truth of it rattled his bones with how obvious it was. They had every right to be angry, and disappointed, and hurt by Singepaw's actions - they had told him all of this when they'd given him his name and still...it took wasting herbs and hurting a clanmate for him to trust in his leader's word. When Chilledstar approached, Singepaw prepared for a cuff over the ears, or an ending declaration that he would never be allowed outside again. He was even ready to accept both punishments.

Instead, he was dealt an arguably more painful blow - their gentle, almost parental touch of comfort making Singepaw's expression crumble with despair.
"I'm sorry" he choked, wincing at the pain incurred by moving his throat enough to speak. But he pressed on, "I'm so sorry Chilledstar." There were no words. Still, the dam broke anyway leaving him a blubbering, pathetic mess as he clawed at the ground in frustration, "I thought I could prove to you that I was ready for more - I thought - I thought I was ready I - I'm sorry" He squeezed his eyes shut when Chilledstar prompted him to talk about what had happened. His small body quaked at the memory, how quickly it had all happened and ended. "I thought I could win" was all he managed to whimper out, his voice strangled as he recalled those teeth around his neck, digging deeper the more he writhed.

*°:⋆ₓₒ Updated 3/21/24

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  GENERAL:
  ☄ Singepaw
  ☄ Cismale — He/him — Questioning sexuality
  ☄ 5 moons — Ages 1 moon every month on the 2nd
  ☄ NPC x Duckshimmer (brother to Swallowpaw, Sneezepaw)
  ☄ Shadowclan — Kit
  ☄ Apprenticed to Pipitclaw
  
  
  
  
  COMBAT:
  ☄ Physically easy | mentally easy
  ☄ Attack in bold #b8312f
  ☄ Can be power played just ask
  injuries: Throat bite, flank scratches, various cuts [pained until 04/03/24]
  

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[BLOODWING]

Pained claws angrily flexed in the freshly prepared bedding beneath her, orange eyes staring at a particularly dark corner of the medic's den as if she expected the shadows to move. Even without the poppy seeds, she was too tired to cry, almost all the girl's strength had been used trying to find 'herbs' for Singepaw. 'They didn't do anything,' she self-flagellated as she took a sneak peek at her friend, finding the sight too upsetting to stomach for more than a moment. 'I let you down ...' She'd suggested venturing past the territory, now, her regret was in her nightmares and her memory, weaved into the tapestry of her life and too young to be able to see the bigger picture. When the villain of their story had entered the stage, Bloodpaw had attacked back, but she couldn't remember much outside of the blood and the too-many teeth of their attacker. There'd been a pull at her ear at one point, punishment for refusing to let go of the paw that'd struck down Singepaw, and if she pressed her head for answers, she swore the other had tried to chew her back off. Luckily, he'd only settled for a bite before the pair had managed to run away.

Something warm and wet on top of her head caused her to blink profusely - when in StarClan's name did Chilledstar get there? She looked to the entrance of the den, then to her leader and tried playing back the last few moments in her mind. They'd been talking to her about... something, something that made her friend squirm in the den next to hers. She blinked firmly in hopes of ridding herself of the daydream she'd been trapped in, though there'd been nothing so peaceful about it. Singepaw's sudden sobs caused her last remaining ear to pin back, the corners of her eyes crusted over with tears that refused to fall themselves. "The grey beast w-went for his throat... like... like the killing bites mama taught me." For prey. That was all she and Singepaw had been to the creature, it made her shiver meekly before that anxiety turned into something that burned hotter. Her mamas had always seemed so in-tune with their emotions, even when they proclaimed otherwise, they were adept compared to the cinnamon tabby. She longed for the same clarity passed the buzzing in her ear, but all she felt was rage, both at herself and the stranger.

"B-But... he was a dummy, a big stupid dumbhead, he... he didn't- I was able to..." The words were caught in her throat, she wanted to run around the den and regather her thoughts, but she was pinned in place by exhaustion. Orange eyes wearily glazed over the flame point again, squinting until the reds of his face became blurry embers. "I'm... sorry, Singepaw." 'It's my fault you got hurt. I should've shut up, about everything.'


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