"BE GOOD TO ME," I WHISPER | lightningstone

[BUCKGAIT.]

MY NAME IS BRUTUS AND MY NAME MEANS HEAVY ✧​

if there is a singular truth; it is that buck is not a woman to be trifled with. she had came into this world bloodied, she fears she will leave it the same way. in the time of her rest, idle moments filled with torturous thinking, the woman had come to a simple conclusion. if lightning will not spare her a second of his time, she will force him to look upon her. corner him where he cannot escape and look her in the eye. look upon what he has neglected.

buck had held this horrible thought, that their time, albeit forced, meant nothing. when he had stared at death's fangs for her, it was not due to his care for the woman, but rather his duty to his leader. she knew she would have preferred death had it been the case. it seems the end does not want her yet. to be just seen as a duty and not as some acquaintance. he should have cared. he should have been worried seeing her bleeding out. she's never considered the tom to be much of an actor, but if he were to fool her like this, then he must be a star. she is aware of the cruelty of man, had been closely intimate with it. and now she is forced into it again. to what degree of heartless must a tom be to ignore a molly after learning her tragedy? to not even visit her while she suffered for his damned leader. to not look upon her as she is named his deputy.

her tongue grows heavy in her mouth, a sickness in her grows. she is fine being nothing to many, but to be seen as nothing by lightning is a new ailment. something she cannot handle. she does not want to think as to why this abandonment hurts. had it been in their earlier days, she would have laughed in his face. called him every name under the sun and thrown dirt upon him, happy to go about her days without his constant breath down her neck. now she misses his scowling face, or the closeness of their nests. the most simple of things.

she catches him alone, to where he cannot find the safety of a crowd to shield him from her gaze. to shield him from her. "enjoying your new freedom, i see." the woman closes the distance between them, encircling him as she watches for any reaction. any signs of guilt. "i noticed you hadn't visited me while i was healing...care to explain to your deputy on why you are suddenly avoiding her?" it's cruel, her eyes upon him and her voice as sweet as she could make it. yet she doesn't bother to hide the anger, how it coats her tongue.

"speak to me."

@LIGHTNINGSTONE
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[LIGHTNINGSTONE]

He is a weaker tom than he thought. Never had he believed he would feel thorn-like claws scraping his heart at the sight of anyone but his own kin bloodied and broken. He had known from a young age that this world was a cruel place; his mother taught him that well. Even when Rain had taken he and Brook into his colony and cared for them as if they were his own children, he couldn't let himself truly love him like a father. For he knew this merciless world would steal him away, would always take, take, take. So he won't care. He doesn't care. Even as he spends his days hunting and fishing and patrolling for RiverClan, he won't say he loves them. It's him and Brook (and perhaps his new little brother) against the world, just like it always had been. He doesn't care what happens to the rest. If only few can survive, it'll be his kin, the clan be damned.

So why did he choke when Buckgait stumbled across those stepping stones that night? Why was it so difficult to breathe as he gazed upon her beaten form, saw the pain in her eyes? He didn't care what happened to her, he would tell himself. She's just another RiverClanner, just another cat. She's not his family and not his problem. Yet every day, he felt the pull towards the medicine den, the desire to see her, talk with her like he'd gotten so used to doing. The newfound freedom he'd been granted by her injury has been deafening, her absence from his side easily noticed. And yet, he stayed away, instructing apprentices to make sure bountiful prey is brought to her but never doing it himself. He fears if he looks upon her again, that unfamiliar sting in his heart will return.

He spends most days now out of camp, either training, or patrolling, or hunting. He's found a quiet little spot upon a riverbank, between a pawful of willow trees where the reeds thin out. On this day, he is sparring with an imaginary enemy, approaching on fast-moving paws as he deals blows to the damp bark of one of the trees. He pivots, turning to swipe again, and again, before dancing back to make another attempt. Before he can, a voice halts him. He's misses that voice, but the anger in it doesn't go over his head.

Pausing, Lightningstone straightens himself and turns his head to look at her, ears angling back against his head. Hazel eyes narrow as he stares at her, noting the wounds that have scarred over, the cobwebs and poultices no longer wrapped around her. "You've healed up well," He comments at first, tone dry. The silvery tom turns to full face her and tilts his chin up when she uses the word deputy. She is his superior now, he hasn't forgotten. Jaw clenching, he doesn't know how to respond at first. He eventually averts his gaze, turning his attention back to the scarred tree as he states, "My services were no longer needed. You are free of me and I, you." He faces away from her now, a scowl upon his face as he hesitates. Closing his eyes, he adds on, "Is there anything else you need, deputy." ​

 

[BUCKGAIT.]

MY NAME IS BRUTUS AND MY NAME MEANS HEAVY ✧​

his voice is grating, teeth grinding together with every sound he made. buck has never cared for gentleness, lacking the grace of her mother to keep a calm and even tone. never the one to live and let live, to take a higher ground. it is not within her. buck is a brutal woman, claws burrow into the flesh of every beast that has faulted her. lightningstone will be no different. she says nothing to him, standing before him no longer as his lesser. the earthen molly is still, stiff and firm and muscles pulled taut. her expression cools from its anger, replaced with a nonchalant air. this is until she raises her paw and attempts to cuff the tom in the face, claws tucked away to avoid much damage to him. even though her face must be marred and split open, she can keep his closed. his fate will be to stare upon her.

"you aren't free of me. i will assure you of that." to haunt him, to know that if either of them survives long enough, he'll have to answer to her. there's a flare in her chest, ever-consuming. her mother always said she was prone to some unholy rage, she has never disproved it. especially with how she aims to knock lightning into the gentle earth, a full-body shove to try and knock him off balance. she is tired of looking up at bastards, for once they can stare upon her. feel the same dread she has felt for too many moons.

her breath is ragged and eyes wild, she feels much more of a wild animal than some sort of refined deputy. although, she has always felt more beast than girl. something poorly confined and now allowed to roam without supervision. now she turns upon lightning, yet she can't find it within herself to hate him. she could torment and haunt him, but never out of hatred for the stone-painted tom. something more out of hurt, and confusion. "tell me what it meant. tell me it was out of duty." buck does not allude to what, but she's sure that lightning is no fool. there's another emotion that's raw and raspy in that voice, something pleading and woeful. the sound of it sickens her, but she needs to know if that night was out of duty. if saving her was out of duty. if every night spent with mere breaths between them was only out of duty. she needs to know before she tears into him.
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[LIGHTNINGSTONE]

Lightningstone utters a growl as a sheathed paw strikes his face, his ears pinning against his skull. He takes a moment to breathe, still refusing to look at her again before squaring up with the tree once more. His actions speak louder than words can. Go away. But before he can continue his training, a force shoves him to the ground. He hits the dirt with a grunt before her words hiss into his ears.

Frustration bubbles up within him but he still doesn’t say anything. His teeth grind, as if forcing in the words that threaten to fly out. She wants to spar? Fine, he’ll spar. With a half-hearted hiss, he narrows his hazel eyes before launching himself back up towards her in an attempt to tackle her. His claws remain sheathed, for he has no desire to truly harm her. Duty. No, it wasn’t duty. What a foolish she-cat.​

 

[BUCKGAIT.]

MY NAME IS BRUTUS AND MY NAME MEANS HEAVY ✧​

he stays silent again, a foolish choice. nothing deters her, once her teeth sink in there is no escape. no remorse. no survival. she watches him akin t a predator watching its chosen prey. she thinks she feels she should be salivating at this, is this not what she's always wanted? to prove her strength as undeniable? yet her throat goes dry, knowing fully well who her opponent is. she is quick and light upon her feet, accepting his tackle with her own. paws upon his shoulder, and she's staring up at him. his soft underbelly exposed, a vital mistake to one named buck. she will do as her name suggests, and with precision, the woman puts her strength into her forepaws, lifting powerful hindlegs and delivering a harsh kick to knock him off his legs. hearing him hit the unforgiving earth, and creating distance. not that it had a chance of staying, as buck is quick to climb atop him.

her paws planted squarely on his shoulders, and he has no choice but to look upon her. bear witness to something as horrid as her. there's no ignoring her. no turning away. no longer pretending she is nothing more than a gust of air. "tell me," her beath is winded, but her limbs do not bend or sway. pushing him further into the gentle dirt, a showcase of strength. "that's an order, lightning." she hopes he ignores the heaviness that surrounds the word of command. as if she truly has some authority over him. as if she isn't still the same young girl by the river, wishing to be believed. wishing for the world to look upon her and see her more than her brother's shadow.

she ignores the gentle ache that resides in the cage of her ribs, something that tries to put her in the wrong. some can only be reasoned with this way. through cruelty. she's far too aware of the similarities shared between the two, but had it been him in that clearing...had it been him dirtying the entrance in his blood...she would not have turned away. faced him and seen him for what he was. and that is where their differences start. she would have never shown him the cruelty he had her. teeth bare at the rememberance of abandonment. watching him through blood-soaked vision, how he turned his back to her. left her to rot. she presses his shoulder further, prompting his speech. she'll take anything, even if he told her he wished her dead. it would be better than his continued silence.
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[LIGHTNINGSTONE]

When he brings her to the ground, he thinks he can hold firm. He's never been an emotional tom. Like his namesake, he stands strong, sturdy. He doesn't waver and never has. But as he pins her and sees the white-hot fury burning in dusky blue eyes, it's enough. His bared expression falls momentarily, and he wavers. And of course he should have expected her to leap on the opportunity. Hind legs kick up powerfully into his vulnerable stomach and he's thrown off with a pained grunt. He hits the dirt, tossing up a cloud of dust and lays there with the breath knocked out of him. The tornado of a woman wastes no time in placing herself atop him, holding him to the ground and providing no escape. He is forced to look up into those eyes, a snarl of his own across his muzzle. His forepaws immediately kick up, gripping her sides out of instinct in an effort to remove her, but it fails.

Tell me. And her grip tightens, holding him down harder with her paws pressed into his shoulders. What does he tell her? It's difficult to find words for something he won't even allow himself to think. "What do you want me to say?" He finally shouts up at her, voice raw and ragged. Now that he's looked at her, he won't look away, hazel gaze boring into her own because it's been far too long since he's let himself see her. "Do you want me to say I couldn't handle the thought of you getting hurt? That it was far easier to put myself in front of its fangs than you? Did you want to hear me say it?" Nose wrinkled and teeth bared, his tail lashes against the ground. He's started now and he won't stop, surprising even himself with his words and admittance. "Do you want me to say that I see you, always? I can't sleep because I see you. I can't escape. I'm finally free of the most infuriating, stubborn, hard-headed thorn that's been stuck in my side for moons but you still haunt me."

His grip on her sides finally falls, his paws collapsing onto his chest. His lashing tail stills, previously tense body submitting. He's tired of fighting down what he knows to be true but he wouldn't let himself believe it. He loves her. He loves her. With every breath and every fiber of his being he loves her. The thought spins around in his head and it's a relief to let it be free within the confines of his own mind. He's done fighting.

His snarl has fallen by now but he hasn't torn his gaze away yet. After a shuddering breath, he grates, "No one scares me. No one. But when you came back to camp that day...I was terrified." How could one she-cat strike so much fear into his very core? How could she hold so much power over him, a warrior who never falters, and never has faltered. He's cold, he's calm, he's detached - that's what makes him a survivor, a protector of his kin. She was never, ever supposed to have this control over him and now that she does, it's inescapable. Tired eyes blink slowly up at her, waiting for her response. Half of him expects to be smacked, and the other half expects her to get off and walk away. He can't blame her for either.​

 

[BUCKGAIT.]

MY NAME IS BRUTUS AND MY NAME MEANS HEAVY ✧​

his words are haunting, and buck is actually fearful. not in a way that a kit grows scared of the dark, or an apprentice grows worried at their progress. no, it something far different, something that worries buck. when her heart skips beats and halts its steady rhythm, trying to disguise her stuttered breaths as anything else. the heavy weight she puts upon him lessens with each word he spits at her. the way his voice lifts with certain words, becomes raw with others, a once stoic man being reduced to this...scares her. she can't match it, can't even dare to think about her need to be seen by him.

he's staring at her, but it's far more than that. it is not simply beholding her, but seeing her exposed and vulnerable. she may be above him, his neck and underbelly exposed, but she's never felt more powerless. the quiet voice begging for her to look away from him, fearful of what he could be seeing.

she releases him from her. buck had gotten what she had wanted, even if it brought worry into her conscious. a tom should not be speaking of her like that, should not sound like buck is anything more than what she is. especially someone like lightning. her eyes are heavy upon him, and the distance brings her comfort. still quiet from his words, and she'll wonder if he'll take pride in finally rendering her speechless. if, one day, he will hold this over her. she does not dare to hope that her future will be kind to her. that there was any chance of...she does not think of it.

if she had been younger, as fearful and desperate, she'd had run from him. in the same cowardly manner that buck ran from anything that truly scared her. something she cannot ever truly put her trust in. she had not stayed with that tom out of love or duty, but due to a lack of strength. now there is one far different from him, and far more gentle, and he frightens her even more. she cannot flee from him. drive him from his home. ruin him to ensure that she is safe.

he must be bearing witness to the quiet panic, but she wonders if he is aware of her turmoil. the deputy straightens, avoiding what she truly wants to say to him. pushing away the desire to stay near him, her breath calms and voice levels. but she is fully aware of the faux calmness to it. she knows lightning would be able to catch it. "you don't ever need to worry about me. i've survived foxes and twolegs and everything else." slow and quiet, as if she's assuring herself more than him. there should never be worry for her well-being, if she was not meant to fulfill some hidden task, she'd be dead. her brother would have slain her.

"thank you....lightning." she halts, because what is there to even say? {i]i'm scared of what this could mean[/i]? i'm scared of what could happen if i let this continue, i'm scared of what i could lose if i don't? she thinks she would rather be torn apart than to tell him. "next time, don't leave me alone. i...have to leave, i have other responsibilities to get to, make sure you greet me the next time you see me. " don't let us be strangers.

she thinks she'll try and inch his nest closer to hers.

//OUT
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[LIGHTNINGSTONE]

She does nothing for a long while. Just...stares at him. His own gaze doesn't falter, not even when she retreats and releases him from her hold. A breath flows from him, as if he'd been holding it. A small huff escapes as he climbs to his paws, but he still watches her with an eerie calmness. He's said his piece - he has no regrets, not anymore. He's tired, he's so tired. Longer still, she stands there, eyes wild, looking as if she's a cornered animal. Half-lidded eyes blind slowly as they remain on her, and finally she speaks.

A flick of his ear is all the reaction he gives her words. She's backing away now, saying she has to leave for her other responsibilities, and still he just watches her. There are no words he needs to speak to her now. She's asked him to greet her, and he will. By the stars, he won't allow himself to shun her any longer. Within moments, Buckgait has gone, disappeared into the reeds, and suddenly Lightningstone doesn't have the energy to continue his training. He heaves himself onto his haunches and draws in a heavy breath. Finally.​