Be still love {Snow} don't cry...

[~Deersong~]

( ♬ ) Her legs ached, her lungs hurt from her sobs, and her heart was broken. But even worse than all this; Deersong was scared. Because after the dust had settled and the news had been broken and the wailing stopped, Snowpaw still wasn't home.

She couldn't imagine, the weight of the guilt his little soul now bore. Her paws would carry her back to the battle scene, her paws trembling as the worst-case scenario played in her mind that he had been attacked after she had left him to aid Morningpaw. Why did she leave him there? Why hadn't she been more careful? Why hadn't she stopped him? As his mentor he was her responsibility, her charge to teach and care for, and she had failed him.

"Snowpaw?" She calls her apprentices' name like a wailing mother calling for her kit. Deersong reaches the space and the sight she sees breaks her heart all over again. Her beloved Snowpaw, simply sitting at the border and still covered in Morningpaws' blood. "Oh Snow..." Her voice fails her, wavering and thick with emotion as she hurries over to him and moves to curl around his form as if doing so would shield him from the cruelty of reality.

If he allows her, she moves to give his head a few apologetic licks, before meowing softly, "I'm here, Starchild...I'm here..."

//
@Snowpaw
​

( LET YOU BREAK; MY HEART AGAIN )

 

[Snowpath]

Time had stopped, he did not notice the shift in the lighting as the sky grew darker nor did he feel the cold intensifying around him like a vice. All he could think about was how much his fur itched and prickled as the blood had long since dried and the cut on the side of his neck from Lightpaw was finally starting to throb with pinpricks of pain; despite this all he stayed sitting where he was as if too afraid to move.

The weight of it all had not yet hit him entirely, not until he heard his name called in a sweet singsong voice and lifted his head up enough to see Deersong rushing toward him and said nothing as she settled down around him and he was buried in the warmth of her cream-colored form; looped in that long elegant tail. It wasn't until she licked the top of his head did he feel the ice crack, gave a broken and almost inaudible whimper of a sound because he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to be comforted, not after what he did-the blood was still all over his paw, the snow still red-the Snow still red.
"She's gone." It was a partial question, partial statement and he uttered it breathless as if unable to get the words out, he didn't need to hear it to know; she wouldn't have been coddling him so if Morningpaw had lived, she would have approached him with cheer and goodhumor to tell him his mistake had not been one of permenance.

​

 

[~Deersong~]

( ♬ ) Deersong almost doesn't catch the whimper, but once her brain registers she closes her eyes and curls around him tighter. He was so young, so vulnerable, why did the stars have to place such a thing on his shoulders?

She's gone

The words cause a sob to bubble up from her throat and she buries her nose in her apprentice's fur as she whimpers, "I'm so sorry..." The words she wants to say become planted in her mouth, choking her as she tries her best to figure out what the hell she was supposed to say. 'It's not your fault'? 'Don't blame yourself'? Useless, all of it. Words could never fix what had happened and while she did full-heartedly believe that Snowpaw had not meant to kill Morningpaw; it had happened regardless.

She sits there in silence with him for a long time, she dare not rush him as he struggled with what he had done. Deersong didn't even care for the cold, but only seemed worried that he would get sick if he remained out here. Without a word, the mentor would get to work grooming his pelt, fighting against the urge to wince at the dark red of his pelt. If he stopped her she would understand, and she knew that even with the physical marks gone, Snowpaw would see the red on his paws for the rest of his life.

"We need to go back..." She tells him quietly, but she watches his face and waits to see what he wanted to do. She would sit out here with him all night if he needed. ​

( LET YOU BREAK; MY HEART AGAIN )

 

[Snowpath]

Snowpaw didn't cry, not really, not often, and funnily enough the few instances had all been in front of Deersong. Being bathed and cleaned like he was a newborn unable to function on his own brought up the tears far faster than anything else could, because he thought immediately of his mother. He wanted Daisyflight, he wanted to run crying to her and begging her not to hate him, but he was too afraid to face her. Too afraid to face them all.
At the suggestion to go back to camp he felt his breath hitch in horror, knowing he would have to eventually face their leader after what he took him from, be marked as a killer for the rest of his life.
"It was an accident-it was! I promise!" Snowpaw's voice cracked, did she know? Did she believe him? "I was-I was clawing his shoulder-!"
He listened to his lessons, he knew the neck was fatal, as was the soft underbelly, he never wanted to kill anyone, he'd only been trying to get Lightpaw off his sister.
"...I can't…" He couldn't breathe, "I can't go back…I can't…" Why? To be exiled? Punished? What could they do to him that StarClan was not already going to…

StarClan…

Snowpaw had a horrific, gut wrenching realization then and there and it made him cry all the more harder. Where would he go? When he died?
How could he be allowed among the stars that Morningpaw now shown alongside?

​