darkness is not their friend. never has been, never would be. all that lies in wait within is pain and uncertainty– two things that the apprentice has never been a fan of. they don't know a lot, truly. they're not old and wise, nor do they have experiences of life that make them all the better. but they do know enough to know that they do not like the dark. they have enough life experiences to know that bad things happen in the dark. and darkness plagues their mind. often. more than light does. it leaves them bitter and snappy. some may even say it leaves them to be ungrateful. who knows if that's true. who knows how true that is.
stagpaw finds herself waking up after yet another night terror forces her awake. nothing like a scare to drive away any small semblance of sleep that she was getting. isn't this how it always happened? happened when she was a kit, too. only difference was now she cannot run off to her mother and ask to be soothed. no. she's nearing warrior aged. she cannot let her mother know that she is still having these night terrors. they always end the same, too. no matter what variant... she always ends up dead. is stagpaw afraid to die? she's not sure. she does know more than anything that she is afraid of the uncertainty that comes with the possibility of death. everyone always talks of starclan, and how that is where they will go when they die but how could they possibly known that?
they hate that they're looked at crazy when they question these things but stagpaw never has been the one to put a lid on it. they always speak their mind. a lot of cats in the world are untrustworthy in that way. lying. whether it be because of malice or to make others feel better, they don't know. but they don't care. they'd never do that. they'd never lie to make someone feel better, or worse. they do enough to making cats feel bad just by being honest. it works out in their favor.
with a grunt, she stands up, and walks over to where her enemy lays. they look so peaceful, and it seems unfair. they don't even do anything! lazy, day in and out. never working. only ever pretending. why is it that stagpaw, who does so much around here, can never get a full nights rest while she of all cats can? unfair. and she's going to make it very well known just how much she hates it. with a flex of her claws, she aims to shove houndpaw right out of her nest. had she been successful, she would climb right in, stretching out and propping her chin up upon her paw.
"your nest looks a lot more comfortable than mine. it's mine now."
Houndpaw often found herself out until the later hours of the night, wanting to train with her mentor under the cover of stars. There was a preference for StarClan being the only ones to witness her actually trying. It was never ridiculously late when she finished but the moon is always high in the sky by the time she returns to her nest. Her slumber is always deep and usually uninterrupted, a hard reset before she wakes up when the sun graces the clan.
That's her usual routine anyways. Tonight dramatically alters from her usual course as their self dubbed ‘beauty sleep' is interrupted with a brutish show of force. They blink hard, squeezing their eyes shut for a moment to try and combat the blurriness that accompanied her when she's freshly awake. Sure enough, their eyes don't decide them, lounging in their nest rests a very smug looking Stagpaw. Arrogant, brutish, overworking, burnt out Stagpaw.
“That's because the combination of your clumsy big paws and small mind means you don't know how to weave a proper nest.” Her words are kept quiet, a scathing hiss following. She was aware of where they were, the last thing she wanted was their foolish actions waking up any den mates and getting them in trouble as a result. They find their footing again, clumsy half awake paws staggering ironically enough like a newborn deer as she steps towards her nest.
She raises a paw to attempt to cuff Stagpaw behind their ears greeting her with a sneer. Wherever she's successful or not she will try to shove them back, attempting to move her just enough so she can squeeze part of her body into her nest. “Someone finally put thorns in that shabby nest of yours?” She finds herself asking even though she just wants to scream at them to go back to their own so they can go back to sleep.
stagpaw's ears pin back in frustration as houndpaw speaks of the way that her nest is made. truth be told, her nest was probably more comfortable than theirs was– stagpaw just wanted a reason to get on houndpaw's nerves. and besides, if they had to be awake then so did houndpaw. she grunts as she's pushed and being as dramatic as she is this late, she stumbles fully out of the nest. with a low growl, she hops back up on her paws, shaking her pelt out and snorting.
"my nest is only uncomfortable because i didn't make it. you'd know that if you paid more attention instead of letting the sun burn what's left of your brains."
they snort with a lash of their tail. they lower themself to sit, scratching the ear that houndpaw managed to cuff before just nudging them again. no way they're letting them stay awake now. not a chance in hell.
"get your lazy tail up. no one put thorns in my nest. but I need a new one. or I could just steal yours and give you that fucked up one over there. actually yeah, that's a good idea. and then I'll wake up everyone in here and make sure they know it's you."
There's an exhale of air in satisfaction as Stagpaw actually moves back when they were successfully shoved back. She was happy to know that she was still capable of shoving them around when she wanted to, much to the annoyance of the other apprentice. “Someone woke up on the wrong side of their nest” They usually don't like to be so chatty, the chimera just seems to know what to say to have her bite back.
They close their eyes momentarily, foolishly hoping that she would leave her alone after getting whatever outburst this was out of their system. It would seem that she couldn't be so lucky, a tired groan leaves her as Stagpaw nudges them again. “Maybe I'll change that for you” they grumble with a huff as she rests her chin against daintily crossed paws. Trying to think where they could find some stray thorns laying around.
“Is this your way of asking for help to make a new one? at this hour?” She lifts her head up to glare at them. There was no way that she would ever be able to actually steal her nest, Houndpaw was certain that no one would even believe them if they tried to pass off her nest as their own. With a long, dramatic sigh they push themself up, not moving away from her nest but giving their rival her attention. “So? Are you going to move or do I have to do all the work for us like usual?” She asked with a playful tease in her tone. They both knew that Houndpaw doesn't do any of the work, it was all Stagpaw and presumably it always would be.
there is a brief moment in their mind that they seem to wonder. her words drown out and they find themself just staring at her. woke up on the wrong side of the nest. the cold depths of their gaze seem to heat up and boil to just irate feelings. they don't get how she manages to provoke them so easily. they don't understand how someone like her in all that she has to offer the world could so easily crawl until their skin. or maybe she wasn't crawling at all. maybe she was crouching like a beast in wait. waiting for the perfect time to sink her very sharp fangs into the neck of the perfect prey. stagpaw happened to be thst prey.
she can't escape them. no matter what she does, or if she even tries to. the circle of life always brings her back to them. to those fangs. to the very being that gives her a damned headache everytime they speak and somehow that's become comforting, in some fucked up way about it. maybe it's because life is so uncertain. nothing is every guaranteed. but one thing she csn count on is houndpaw messing with her. always around her. purposefully taunting her. she hates to say that she'd miss them if they had ever disappeared.
their eyes widen at their inner thoughts and they give a rough shake of their head with a lash of their tail and a growl leaves them as they push her out of the den.
"tch! you know what–"
she stops herself, with a low grumble. her ears pin back and she lowers her gaze to the ground.
"stars you're annoying. no wonder you don't have any friends in the clan. let's go before our mentors see us and we get in trouble. rather not be caught with a good for nothing lazy bump on the log like you."
Ears prick up as she hears the start of one of Stagpaw’s tirades, they liked to make a game out of trying to predict what they might say. Would she say that she hates them? Would they make some dig at her being so lazy again? That one was getting old, maybe she should give them new material to work with.
Instead, Stagpaw stops herself. Disappointment is clear on Houndpaw’s face as all of their guessing was for nothing. The chocolate smoke pushes herself out of her nest, presuming that she would agree long before they actually did. Hearing the chimera agree to her demand for them to move brought a blooming smug grin, satisfaction nestling quite happily within the apprentice. She brushes her shoulder against their rival and leans in to make sure that Stagpaw couldn’t look anywhere else then at her.
“That’s not true, we’re friends aren’t we Stag?” there’s a pout as she drops the paw suffix, a term a little too endearing for what they were. Whatever they were, the official ruling was rivals but some days Houndpaw found that didn’t quite fit. She moves away with a quiet laugh, tail flicking the apprentice's nose as she moves to leave the den. The moon light welcoming her once again, she gazes up at the stars and sighs, if anything they looked kind of soft under the night sky, Houndpaw for once looking like a wistful and happy apprentice rather then the tired witch that she was sure Stagpaw viewed them as.
She looks over her shoulder at them, caught off guard that despite the scowl that seemed permanently etched into their features they looked kind of pretty. At least, she would think that if they were any other she-cat that wasn’t Stagpaw. “Well, lead the way then. This is your moss for your nest that we’re fumbling around for.”
"don't- don't call me stag. my name is stagpaw. stagpaw."
they think they're being so funny, don't they? trying to guilt trip stagpaw into saying something with a wide and wobbly smile upon their face, akin to the fact that they're friends. they truly could not believe their ears. them? friends? with anyone in this clan? as if. they may very well have risked the pelt on their back for any one of their clanmates without a second thought, but not because they're friends. friends slowed them down. friends prevented them from being their best. they could not be their best when they're worried about houndpaw. i don't worry about them. they remind themself. i am just looking out for them like a good clanmate. that's it. no worry... or anything like that. we aren't friends. it's a lot easier to lie to themself, as they are honest first and foremost. there is little guilt when the lie is internal.
"we are denmates, as we always have been. and you still remain a thorn in my side. a prickle that I cannot quite reach or rid myself of."
that's the truth, at least. she's annoyed by houndpaw, and thus refers to her as a prickleberry under a paw pad. annoying but always there, even when it's not. that phantom pain doesn't go away. she never goes away. and somewhere in her mind, a voice reminds her that she doesn't want houndpaw to go anywhere. she's only ever so slightly scared that the feline might get herself killed without stagpaw watching out for her. her tail lashes as she rolls her eyes, scowl fixed back on her face as she walks forward. moss. right. for her nest. as if this would somehow fix her nest. it didn't last time. it wouldn't now. her nest isn't the problem. stagpaw is. like a broken piece in a puzzle, it just doesn't fit, and neither does stagpaw.
"yeah, whatever. come on. I know the perfect spot."
they turn their attention briefly towards houndpaw to make sure the other cat was following behind before just sighing and walking along.
"i don't get how you fall asleep and stay asleep. don't you spend most of your day sleeping anyways? how are you tired enough?"
and how come she's not tired enough after working herself to exhaustion, she wands to ask. but that was beyond houndpaw's scope of knowledge... as was much of everything.
“Hm, well I'm sure if you tried hard enough you'd be able to get rid of the prickle or thorn in your side”She playfully jabs the apprentice's right hind leg with a light laugh to follow it. “I doubt it though, since you haven't been able to yet.”
There was a routine to it at this point, part of Houndpaw's day to day activities had become dedicated to making sure that Stagpaw was bothered enough throughout their day. The idea of just being den-mates offended her, they wouldn't pester just anyone... mostly. She would like to think that there was something deeper to it than just being den-mates. Friendships or anything further than that wasn't something they sought out, if anything they preferred this level of mutual distaste they carried for one another.
They rolled their eyes when the chimera looked behind them to look at her, did they really think she was that slow? Maybe trying to come off as lazy was working too well here. She decides to take that as an indicator that Stagpaw wanted her to pick up the pace and she decides to heed that call. Moving her tempo a little faster so they could step alongside them.
“You're supposed to stay asleep when you fall asleep, you know that right?” She tilts her head, looking at them confused. Their tone was condescending, like they had to explain the basic concept of sleeping to her like she was a kit. It did amuse her that she genuinely thought they spent all day sleeping, as if they could possibly get away with that!
For the second time tonight they find themself rolling their eyes “I don't sleep throughout the day, you know my eyes are open. If you need pointers on how to sleep you could just ask, you can always cuddle up next to me!” She teased with a coy smirk, a spout of laughter stopping her from walking as she tried to cover her maw before she woke anyone up.
stop touching me! their inner voice straight up protests. they feel anger when they feel the jab against their leg but... it's houndpaw and thus they let it go, so that the anger may fester. leaving it to seep and boil. either houndpaw would be at the worst end of it, or someone else would. but for now, they're shoving it down with the rest of everything else. as they walk, they find themself trying to subconsciously walk the way she does. not in a sense of the way she sways, but in step. right paw first, and the rest following. it takes them a moment but they do indeed change step to mirror the movements, a slow blink as they look over at her.
"of course I know that mousebrain! don't you think i know that!? if i could stay asleep I wouldn't–"
her voice dies down in her tongue and she only closes her eyes. wouldn't be asking your stupid tail for advice. idiot. mousebrain. squirrel-brained fool! she wants to scream. usually she would but it's late. they shouldn't even be out right now but once again, they are. because of her. because she can't do something as simple as falling asleep and staying asleep. houndpaw was better at that, too. like they were with everything. always better than her always on upping her. why? why did it have to be them? and why do they constantly give that stupid smile everything time. burned into her memories. lulls her to sleep. comforts. she hates that, she thinks.
"right. like I wanna cuddle next to you. you take up entirely too much of your nest. and besides, I don't want to be touched at night. or at all."
they insist but they both know that's not exactly true, is it? or maybe it is. and somehow, someway, houndpaw can just get away with it. like she's always done, since they were young kits. it's never enough for stagpaw to truly deny her.
A mock gasp is all Houndpaw can give at first. She stares at ground, keeping her paws steady. “My nest is made for me of course I'm going to take up too much of it, mousebrain” how could Stagpaw be so idiotic? She huffs to herself. She could just turn around, go back to bed. Stars did she want to sleep again. Genuine fatigue seeping into her bones, not the one that she masqueraded with during the hours that the sun was high.
Despite her silent seething her paws don't turn around, she keeps moving forward. “And yet you keep letting me, we both know you could easily swat me away” they both knew that Stagpaw let's her get away with too much. They have seen how they get whenever others get too close, the way she can snap if touched by anyone who wasn't her. Sure they can hiss and seethe over her doing it but they've found that they were all bark and no bite around the smoke.
They would rather not push their luck though, while she feels the urge to nudge her they hold themself back. “How's your training anyways? Any better at hunting yet? If you're still lousy you can always pretend the moss is prey” Houndpaw hadn't been around them while they hunted for a while, the most she got to see of her training these days was the glimpses of sparring that they held with their den-mates or mentor. For some reason she finds herself trying to fill in the gap of conversation, the attempt gnaws at her. They usually hate talking so much and yet here she was, always unable to stick to her golden rule of being quiet when it came to them. She blames it on the fact that they're so annoying.
"and hear you whine and complain about how much of a brute I am, and how mean I am to you? yeah, right. sure."
they snort with a lash of their tail. they'd gotten so used to her complaining and teasing them, that it's almost like a weird day if they don't hear the snide comments from the wide smiled apprentice. they roll their eyes at the inner thought of it. it sounds ridiculous. they only growled trying to push the thought away, turning away as they slowed their walk, looking around before slipping out of the camp, taking a moment to close their eyes and breath in the air. it was nicer out here. more free. their ear only flicks when houndpaw speaks, and a low hiss seems to fall out after they hear the full sentence.
"bringing up a moss ball again? sore loser."
the one thing she could occasionally best them in. she pinned her ears back, gritted her teeth, before just digging her claws into the ground and coming to an abrupt stop. she spun to fully face houndpaw, teeth bared and claws scrapping against the dirt.
"don't ask like you care. let's just go get some moss and feathers for my nest so I can go back to sleep."
they snap before spinning away and walking further into the territory. for all they knew, she just wanted to rub it on their face thst she was better than they were. she always did. she always was.
“You’re not saying I’m wrong though, are you?” Houndpaw deemed it rare to hear Stagpaw snort, she thought of it a sign of good luck, especially if they were the one to cause it. A superstition made mostly in part as a kit to highlight how rare it is to see them be anything other than upset with her. These days it just became part of her general beliefs, her equivalent of a four leaf clover. She walked fluidly as she strode out of camp, a stark contrast to her usually slow paced movements throughout the day while the sun shone proudly,
A light laugh escapes them despite the fact they would rather glower at the other apprentice for directly bringing up the moss ball game. “I want a rematch one day, you were cheating.” They held onto a lot of things, grudges came like second nature to them and they liked to let it linger so she had reasons to seethe. These grudges did go back to her kithood, as indicative of the moss ball game.
Her tail lashes in the face of the brunt of Stagpaw’s snap, their biting remarks always held bark, no bite. She was used to facing it at this point, when they were younger they would flinch but now it was no more than an annoyance to her. “Stars forbid I actually care about how you’re doing.” Houndpaw makes no effort to conceal her words, despite her grumbling. Moving to walk alongside the other apprentice, the last thing they needed was for Stagpaw to throw a tantrum and run away in the middle of the night. “My training is going fine, thanks for asking by the way.”
they twitched their ears back and forth as they rolled their eyes. they cheated, she says. yeah, right. no they didn't. the one thing they evenly matched houndpaw with, and it was simply because of skill. still, even now, they hate mossball. even seeing kits play with it, it makes them think directly of her. insane just how much she fogs their thoughts and takes up space. interestingly enough, she does that in camp too. takes up space.
"i'm not a cheater. you're a sore loser."
the same could absolutely be say about stagpaw. anytime they sparred and houndpaw won– which was more times than not– she was absolutely beside herself. she would train for days after to the point of literal exhaustion, until her paws were bleeding just for a single moment of feeling like she was good enough. for her parents to give her the praise she so desperately craves, but they don't. it's a moot point. they're too busy with their own apprentices to worry about their failure of a daughter. she is taken away from her thoughts when houndpaw speaks again. to be honest, she wasn't expecting them to speak again. they usually don't... so what was it that makes them so chatty, now?
"tch... why would i believe that you do? all you do is piss me off. on purpose."
they leave out the fact that sometimes it feels like their own parents don't even care so why would the very cat that clearly hates them more than most? they just twitch their nose puffing out a sigh, as they keep walking.
"i know it is. that's why i didn't ask. and i just don't care."
Sore loser? Houndpaw? She scoffs at the idea, they accept losing with grace and humility. That’s why she still gains a new headache whenever she thinks about losing to Stagpaw. They decided that if she was considered a sore loser then Stagpaw must be a grievously injured loser, ready to be put out of their misery soon. The chocolate smoke was convinced that if they tried to tally up how many times the other apprentices mood had plummeted once they lost to her then her head would start spinning and she would wish they never counted again.
Despite all of her hatred towards them she can’t seem to muster another bark in return to her retorts. They sigh, exasperated, not wanting to run around in circles but if Stagpaw needed the fact that Houndpaw wasn’t so heartless all the time drilled into their head then she was happy to walk around those circles instead. “I am a lot of things, a liar isn't one. I wouldn’t lie about caring about how you’re doing, mousebrain” she growled, gritting her teeth with a lash of her tail. They wouldn’t raise their voice, the chimera won’t push her that far.
“If I wanted to piss you off I could ask other things, so I ask again, how’s your training?” She tries again, not bothering to hold back how tired she sounds, there is an uncharacteristic softness to her tone despite that sleepy edge. They frown at her reply to her declaration, how was Stagpaw supposed to know that it’s going fine? She debates complaining about it, what was there to complain about though? That they don’t care? Why would she be upset over that? So instead she falls silent, letting her mood sour.
the sudden shift in her tone makes them stop walking. they stare at her for a moment, gaze narrowing as they try and figure out if she's lying. is she lying to them? they can't tell. they don't know if they really want to be able to tell. is it so bad thar for once they wanna feel cared about? that they wanna feel like they're good enough to be cared for. they shaking their head slightly as they keep walking, eyes closed and no longer searching for moss to line their nest with– at least not with their eyes. they're trying to think of something to say to houndpaw while also soaking in the feeling. she cares. she cares. she might be lying. she might be faking it. but she cares, and right now they swear that feels better than anything ever has. better than their first catch. better than their first win in a spar. better than... they perk back up. what are they doing?
"fine i guess."
she opens her dual colored eyes, wincing slightly as the moonlight sweeps into her gaze. she moves to a fallen tree trunk, picking up a few bites of moss, soft enough to line her nest. she doesn't even know why she's doing this. her nest is fine. it's her that's fucked up.
"can you just grab some moss? i don't want to be out here anymore. I don't want to talk anymore."
they have to push away that moment of bliss. none of it matter. she only wants to know so she can say how much better she's doing than they are.
"sure your mentor will be worried if they wake up and you're gone. or something. I don't know. don't care either."
“You guess?” She smirks at their comment but ultimately decides to let it go. If Stagpaw wanted to be so stubborn after she made it clear as day then she wasn’t going to stop them. That was something they both enjoyed and loathed about her, that stubbornness was endearing to an extent. It served her well when they were having an argument, those often lasted for hours and whenever Houndpaw thought she would stop they managed to find a new way to throw a curve at them.
In moments like these, that stubbornness was frustrating. Unable to have a normal conversation without it devolving because of that stubbornness and pride. Houndpaw laughs at their own frustrations over how their rival acts. The laugh itself holds nothing malicious, Stagpaw could even believe that she’s just being happy at this moment. If the chimera could even think of her as being capable of that. “Sure, I’ll just grab some moss.” They agree easily enough and brush her side against theirs for a moment, not thinking anything of it. Usually when with Houndpaw if they were bothered enough to actually say something then it was serious, they knew better than to press on it right now.
Wandering ahead slightly to a large tree trunk ahead of them, moss growing along the side of it. Delicate care goes into biting it off from the source, not wanting to damage it. This was for a nest after all, even someone as horrid as them deserves a good sleep. Stars know she won’t actually stop during the day to rest, so they were willing to try and help. Their ears twitch at her words, would their mentor worry? Probably, they were nice enough. Things were strictly business, no love lost or gained. They may just be more upset over the idea of what it would look like for them if their apprentice was missing.
“You know, if you didn’t care you wouldn’t ask.” They chuckle, returning to their side with moss in tow. “Would your mentor be worried right now? Is this enough moss by the way or would you like more?” She looks at her curiously, this would probably be the most helpful that Houndpaw would be to her for the rest of this moon cycle.
that's not true, they think. just because they're asking does not mean they care. they don't care, is what they tell themself. they truly must believe that they just don't care. their tail curls as they think, mind wondering to try and think of ways they can convince her that they don't care but she seems insistent. her persistence is something to be somewhat admired... at least it would be if it wasn't so damned annoying. and then she asks two questions. questions that don't have real answers that they're sure of, but they answer anyways.
"all my mentor cares about is if I wake up on time for training and patrols."
her mentor isn't bad. no. they're good at training them for the most part. but they're distant emotionally. to care about their apprentice past making sure she becomes a damned good warrior was just not in their books. she doesn't care. if she's good enough at being a warrior, then that's all that matters. any emotions she might feel only gets shoved down and aside. she could feel something more than anger when she becomes a warrior. when she earns it. she's not yet earned it. she wonders if houndpaw has. she wonders a lot of things about them, doesn't she?
"probably. let's go. sure you're dying to get back to your nest so you can laze around all day tomorrow."
This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
