BLACK HOLES COVER UP MY EYES ⋆⁺₊ ☾ ⁺₊⋆ SNEEZEDUCK

[Swansong]

⋆⁺₊ ☾ ⁺₊⋆ 　Swansong has always been perceptive. She has always been one to watch, more an oberver of the world than a part of it. There are those who draw her attention more than others; among them are Duckshimmer's kits. They owe it to the dappled molly, for all the kindness that she shows then. Singeglare, a fire they are want to put out when it burns too hot. Swallowflutter, a selfish apprentice who they can only hope that they have shaped into a better warrior.

And Sneezeduck, quiet and shivering. He's always been their favorite, secretly.

"You have become... different," Swansong says without greeting or judgement. She meets him in camp, just as the sun is beginning to set. The last shreds on its light glint off of glassy eyes. She has kept watch of him, and noticed his quietude growing less gentle. She has spent enough time with the recluses of the clan to know the difference. "Glancing over your shoulder... What is it that you... wait for?" Because he is waiting, is he not? He feels it, whatever is coming. He feels the whispering of the spirits, the humming of the restless beneath the earth.

She can only assume so, at least. Perhaps she is wrong, but... She is not blind to what caused the change. Ever since Applejaw's death, he seems to be on watch for the next corpse to show up. "Does... Does death haunt you, Sneezeduck...?" The words are gentle. She knows the feeling well.

‎‎┌── BUT NO ONE❜S REALLY THERE ⋆⁺₊ ☾ ⁺₊⋆ DOES THAT MEAN IT❜S DONE IN VAIN? ──┐‎

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  "SPEECH"

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  SWANSONG　☾　she / they, warrior of shadowclan, eighteen moons.
  ★ a pale, silky-furred cream tabby with droopy blue eyes.
  ★ dreamy and detached, known for her perpetual sleepiness.
  ★ halfshade x smogstar, littermate to applejaw, garlicheart, & ashenfall.
  ★ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ★ penned by SATURNID ↛ saturnids on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

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[sneezeduck]

Sneezeduck had always been the quiet type. He had grown gentle and empathetic, a stark contrast to his rowdy siblings. He had a shadow of expectation looming over him always, spelling the reality of battle, defense and death. For moons, he had ran from it.

Now, he frequently looks over his shoulder and stares right at it, challenging it.

Chilledstar's death had been the first instance of a wake up call. Sneezepaw had buried himself in their bloodied fur, letting his pale paws stain crimson with little care. Then, Smogstar, a leader that Sneezepaw had just barely begun to accept, disappeared with nothing but mystery trailing after him. And now, the most recent, Applejaw's death at ThunderClan's border, plain as day but lacking vengeance.

Death is often too much for the faint of heart. Three deaths leaves him suffocating.

And so, like Swansong proclaims as she approaches him, Sneezeduck had changed. At long last, he had opened his eyes and conformed to ShadowClan's cursed atmosphere. It began to subtly and flowed so naturally that he had hardly noticed it in himself. When Swansong meets him, her pale pelt draped in the shades of orange and pink drawn from the setting sun, he feels ready to wave her away with a snort of dismissal. I know.

But it's not as simple as the gossip that flows on the cooling breeze. With Swansong, there is always something more. Like himself, she is observant and calculative, finding meaning in the most subtle of symbols. Maybe she is star-blessed, lucky enough to see their ancestors just like he saw Siltcloud. Why else would a cat care enough to face him on a personal matter?

What is it that you wait for? A suitable question for his recent behaviors. It pleases him to put it to word. Waiting. " Answers, " Sneezeduck replies quietly, leaning in close so that outstretched ears may not catch him. " Justice. "

The pale warrior's next question comes much softer, almost sympathetic. But within her tone, he senses knowing - that she knows something he doesn't, or that she shares his plight. It haunts us all, Sneezeduck thinks first, opening his mouth to speak it - before snapping it shut just as quick. He cannot believe that it haunts his Clanmates as much as it haunts him. He had seen death in its' face. He had trained with it. He will fight it, too. " It does, " the boy admits, just as lowly as before. Despite his apprehension to share with his Clan his fears, he feels a sort of comfort in that Swansong knows - for she had always had some kind of ethereal knowledge of everything, above that of his Clanmates. How long had he wished for someone to see him, to ask, for someone to bask in his troubles with him? " It haunts you, too. doesn't it? "

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[Swansong]

⋆⁺₊ ☾ ⁺₊⋆ 　Answers. Justice. How long Swansong has ached for those two things. She has howled her mourning into the night, recieved only the cold chill of the wind in answer. Why, why, why, she asks again and again. Why must her clan suffer while others prosper? While must she live with a body that feels hollowed out and broken as she watches her clan - her family - die around her?

Time and again, they have suffered. Never have they seen the bloom that is meant to come after such stormy skies. This is the nature of their curse; they are to lose and lose, until there is nothing left.

It has been a long time since StarClan has answered her prayers. Her paws wander in the dark, aimless and guided by forces who refuse to answer her questions. She cannot see their faces anymore, their voices slipping away as she wakes. Swansong does not know where she went wrong. As much as she begs, the indifferent spitits offer no answers. She tilts her head with a sad sort of curiosity. "Do you think that you will find them...?" The question holds little emotion, as flat and controlled as she can manage.

He is haunted. He admits it with a strange sort of vulnerability - and it is in this that she begins to think that her blessing is shared. Perhaps the stars are growing desperate.

Her eyes turn distant as she whispers to him. "Death... Yes, it haunts me. It has for a long time... Since the day it nearly claimed my body." She died that day, in the medicine den. She does not know which one, exactly; sometime when she was too lost in dreams to notice. She had been death-touched ever since, blessed and cursed in turn. "I hear them... In my sleep, I hear them whispering..." Her voice shakes a little. She wishes it was more than just whispers. She saw their faces once, joined them. Perhaps the connection has simply worn too thin, and she has become too alive.

Swansong's eyes refocus as they settle on Sneezeduck, unblinking. "Can you hear it too...?" There is something anticipatory in their voice, wanting. If he too has been chosen, then there is a chance that the stars have not abandoned them yet.

‎‎BUT NO ONE❜S REALLY THERE ⋆⁺₊ ☾ ⁺₊⋆ DOES THAT MEAN IT❜S DONE IN VAIN?

• 
  
• 
  
  

  "SPEECH"

• 
  SWANSONG　☾　she / they, warrior of shadowclan, eighteen moons.
  ★ a pale, silky-furred cream tabby with droopy blue eyes.
  ★ dreamy and detached, known for her perpetual sleepiness.
  ★ halfshade x smogstar, littermate to applejaw, garlicheart, & ashenfall.
  ★ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ★ penned by SATURNID ↛ saturnids on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

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[sneezeduck]

To endure so much pain, so much loss.. is not something Sneezeduck would wish on any of his Clanmates. And yet, he sees it plain as day as he looks at the molly's glossy, distant eyes. She ponders as they speak in hushed voices about their loss and their desire. As he senses her longing and wishing, he finds himself selfishly thinking, Stars, do not let this fate befall me, too.

But it is not up to them. Siltcloud had taught him that, when she first proposed change. By the stars' paws, it will be up to him. As much as he holds onto the self-importance that had been his own and his alone since that night, Sneezeduck feels almost drawn to share his potential with her. She knows about death, after all - who else is more deserving than a cat whom he shares a newfound ghastly kinship with?

" I will, " he vows in response. " One day. I have to search for it. I have to try. "

His efforts will be rewarded. He can only hope that it comes soon, before his kin's lives are inevitably on the line, too. Like everyone's.

He had nearly forgotten about Swansong's near-death experience. He had been too young, too caught up in his long forgotten daydreams and fantasies to fuss about what lies within the medicine cat's den. Perhaps it is best that he did not seek Starlingheart for mentorship, after all. Sneezeduck does not comment on her old illness, for what she says next is much more intriguing. " You do? " the boy inquires, leaning forward to discretely share in what he interprets as a deep secret.

He never heard it before, he could admit. Not for as long as Swansong had. There was no near-death experience like them, no spiritual alliance that bound him to the stars like Starlingheart. There was only the painfully average life of a boy whose head was forever in the clouds. Until Chilledstar died, right before his very eyes, and he finally woke up. Never had he questioned the origins of the cat who met him a few nights after, nor the starless landscape that she inhabits. It gave him a purpose to fulfill, one he had been longing for, for so long.

" I do, " Sneezeduck murmurs almost breathlessly in response. Swansong's eyes are expectant and star-like in an alluring way that drags the truth out of him, despite his hesitations to show her his deepest secret: that he, too, had spoken with the Stars. In that moment of discovery of a shared, buried knowledge between the two, he sheds his envy that he was not the only chosen amongst them.

There is no cat listening, no curious eyes watching a conversation that holds such secrecy. And yet, he feels more tense than ever to disclose this information. If it were not to her benefit, then he would never share. With the urgency in his eyes, he hopes Swansong knows that these words must never be spoken to another. " I spoke with them, " the tabby whispers in an almost dream-like tone, as if recalling the memories of their starscape and replaying them before his very eyes. " When I was an apprentice, I spoke with them. She offered to help me lift the curse that hangs over our loved ones. "

Sneezeduck pauses, allows her to process, and continues. " I wasn't ready then. But I am, now, and I'll see her again soon. " A small smile tugs at his lips. If Swansong had spoken with them, too, then perhaps she is also worthy of saving ShadowClan from doom. " Perhaps.. you could see her too.. "

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