private BLUE FEATHER | Icepaw

[Firefang]

Firepaw didn't know what to really do or say, a lot had changed since the raid and she has no doubt in her mind that Icepaw loathed her existence but she didn't seem entirely repulsed when she offered to take her out on what stupid mousebrained Snailpaw called a date. It wasn't of course! Snailpaw never had any clue what they were talking about and she'd already gotten her payback but with them dealt with her 'promise' was a lingering reminder in her head. She told Icepaw she'd show her the best place to look up at the stars above and she would show her, she just doesn't know why she lingers uncomfortably from afar watching the pretty tunneler from where she lays. She's hesitant, Icepaw did say she wanted to see but maybe she was just trying to be polite and had other intentions. Kindness wasn't without it's ulterior motives she believed, she could've just said she would to look nice in front of the other apprentices she could tell her to piss off now that they weren't around. She really couldn't predict what she'd do, Icepaw more frequently then not surprised her and maybe that's the reason she allures her so much. She's complicated a puzzle Firepaw can't help but want to solve, she could see just how often she was caught in thought that mind always racing behind those pretty blues, knew damn well even if she hated to admit it that Icepaw was talented nah more then that she had the makings of a hero she made a real difference while Firepaw fought like a dog, she was it too in those silent moments of victory and brimming joy whenever she earned praise from Sootstar or whenever Firepaw herself was scolded for teasing her. She's been teasing her since they were kits, always drawn to her and it's so strange to her to see how she's changed, it makes her feel so odd whenever she looks at her now especially recently. Icepaw wasn't the sniveling little pushover she'd been for so long in Firepaw's head, nah she'd changed and she felt so incompetent.

She takes a deep breath stilling her nerves before padding over, paw steps light, she doesn't want to wake the others she'd be pissed if her brother or worse Rainpaw decided to stir from their slumbers and ruin this for her. She's had enough of them stepping in playing protectors when Icepaw was fine on her own, also they smelled and were annoying but that wasn't relevant! She noses the sleeping Tunnelers side gently at first a huff of a ❝Wake up❞ coming out of her, she'd continue to nose her till she saw her begin to rouse from where she was curled. She stay close a nervously urgent and painfully vague ❝Come with me, I wanna show you somethin'❞ being the first words to greet the waken Icepaw.​

@icepaw
( PLACE ME IN MY CASKET TONIGHT ; BECAUSE IM ALREADY DYING INSIDE )

 

[icebreath]

TAGS — Her slumber is never deep during the winter; she's rarely comfortable enough for that, nestled into the snow and subjected to frigid winds. Every night they long for the safety of the tunnels, still cold and damp with mud but at least safe from the elements, but by some miracle their discipline keeps them in check. Sleeping underground would be rude toward StarClan, and so unbecoming of a WindClanner. Safer, too, under their watchful eyes. She'll trade a warm nest for that any day.

Consequently, it's not at all difficult to stir her — a benefit for Firepaw and perhaps a drawback for Icepaw, depending on how you look at things. The first nudge merely elicits a muted groan from the little apprentice, still half asleep as she shifts a little bit before going still again, but it's impossible to ignore the continued prodding for long. They jolt awake once they realize what's happening, raising their head with a gasp and wildly glancing around to find whatever enemy attack has awoken her. Fortunately, it's only a moment before the camp's silence registers in her head — it's peaceful. The sight of Firepaw's dark figure accompanies the realization, and as their pale eyes lock with her burning ones she can only find herself irritated at having been roused by anyone other than Nightmareface, who she'd never let herself question. Or any warrior, she supposes. "Wha...?" she mumbles groggily, rubbing her eyes with a dainty forepaw. What in the name of StarClan could she— oh. So she had been serious. To be honest... Icepaw doesn't know what to make of that. Admittedly, she'd only agreed to stargaze together to keep the peace; Firepaw's never given her a reason to want to hang out, nor has the rude molly ever indicated that she wants a friendship herself. Icepaw shouldn't even assume this is about to be a stargazing trip, actually. She'd only said she wanted to show her all the best sleeping spots; this is probably about to be a brag-fest, isn't it? Or an excuse to get her alone to threaten her...? Stop being so paranoid. There's no way. Firepaw's not like that, as hotheaded as she is. She's a respectable WindClanner — or at least she tries to be. She's not malicious.

What if this actually is supposed to be a date? the molly wonders suddenly, thinking back to Snailpaw's teasing. Somehow that's more alarming than any other possibility. Then she's doing a bad job, waking me up like this instead of just finding me before I went to bed and asking if I wanted to tonight. Despite her bitter musings, there's nothing negative to in her expression; she just looks tired and frazzled, her heart pounding. Why would Firepaw want to ask her out on a date? Or anyone, for that matter? But especially Firepaw. She's always picking on her! Maybe this really is an apology for how she's treated her in the past, an attempt to make amends. So it could be platonic. Firepaw had vehemently denied the date allegation, anyway, and she doesn't strike Icepaw as someone too self-conscious to beat around the bush with her feelings, especially considering how freely she runs her mouth. It's platonic. Which is for the best. Icepaw can't imagine how stressful having to reject her would be. Rainpaw would definitely eat that up if she told her, though.

With a yawn, she rises slowly to her paws and stretches, flexing her claws. "Okay, I'm up," they whisper. "What exactly do you wanna show me...?" Just in case they've somehow deluded themselves, and this isn't even about the stargazing offer in the first place.
​

 

[Firefang]

Her anxities temper whatever impatience she may feel, Icepaw is very different to Snailpaw and whilst she wasted no time in pulling the older moor-runner up by his scruff if he rolled back over to sleep, she wouldn't dare try it with Icepaw. She watches as their face contorts as they stir from their slumber, those pretty eyes flitting open casting up at her as they blink the sleep from them. She shrinks beneath them averting away to stare towards the tangle of gorse and heather that lined the camps boundaries. She doesn't seem mad, maybe that would've been better if she'd just hissed at her to go away then she could just pretend this never happened like she never asked in the first place and if Icepaw asked about it she could tell her she was only dreaming. But didn't she want her to come with her? that was the whole idea of all of this she should be happy, but every nerve in her body still feels like it's vibrating with the pressure of simply leading the other apprentice to a sleeping spot with her to look up at the stars. she shouldn't care this much she was just fulfilling a promise nothing else to it, she was getting worked up like a big dumb kit as if she actually was taking Icepaw on a date. That was just ridiculous! Whatever feelings stirred in her weren't romantic, she knows Icepaw would never look at her like that anyway, she had a brain behind those pale eyes something she cannot say about many of their peers. She wasn't blind to the fact she was never quite completely kind to the Tunneler, for so long she was the object of her attention for worse more then better. There was no chance.

Firepaw knows better than to let fantasies tread into her mind. She damns them to dark forgotten places, she just finds her attractive there was nothing more to it. She found many she-cats attractive, she wasn’t special. Yet do they make her startle at just the rumble of their voices, she turns to look at Icepaw fur raised at just her voice as she tells her she’s ready. She smooths it down taking a deep breath before forcing a wobbly smirk, somehow with no one watching even so much as teasing her felt hard. It wasn’t made better by those eyes baring into her again. ❝Took ya long enough sleepyhead❞ she could do better really? Sleepyhead? she gulps turning on her paw again tail flicking to tell Icepaw to follow. ❝Just follow me Tunnel-girl, try to keep up. You won’t regret it❞ she mraows before padding off slowly at first then into a brisk jog to gain momentum until the Tallrock was just in front of her. She leaps, claws extending and she has to use them to pull the rest of her body up until she’s sat on top of it.

This was her spot. At least in the darkness of night when the clan was asleep and no prying eyes could catch her up here. Surely even if they did they wouldn’t snitch! Well the apprentices wouldn’t anyway, other than maybe Smokepaw. She huffs looking down to see if Icepaw was below her, her paw would reach down in a silent offer to help her up. She doesn’t expect her to be able to make it on her own, she’s so much smaller then her and isn’t likely used to leaping not like the Moorrunners are.

​

( PLACE ME IN MY CASKET TONIGHT ; BECAUSE IM ALREADY DYING INSIDE )

 

[icebreath]

TAGS — Sleepyhead, tunnel-girl. Neither are real insults, nor do they sound like anything close to one. She's so used to ignoring all sorts of stupid, demeaning names smugly flung her way, and though they have been subsiding in their intensity since the raid (because she assumes Firepaw has at least a bit of respect for her now)... this feels especially different. Even when she compliments Icepaw it's always backhanded, and she still manages to leak some disdain into her tone whenever they speak in public, even if she isn't directly insulting them. The apprentice has lost her spark; it feels like she genuinely just wants to hang out. It's weird.

They start off after their companion, wondering what part of the territory they're about to trek to and really hoping it's not far; she hadn't even thought about how annoying it'd be to wander this way and that in the frigid darkness, fully exposed to the elements of the sweeping moors. Icepaw has to stifle a groan when Firepaw starts jogging — she does not feel like running on top of everything else. But then it occurs to her that she's not even leading her to the camp's exit, and in that same moment she watches through wide eyes as Firepaw ascends the Tallrock! Is she insane? The blue point watches in stunned silence, staring up at the boulder with an incredulous look on their face. Only Firepaw! Seeing her up there feels blasphemous; that's Sootstar's sacred perch, after all. Not some fun little mound to climb!

She looks so tiny up there, peering down at Icepaw from atop what feels like a mountain. Only after a few moments do they process the paw reaching out for them, an offer of help. Stars above, what's happening right now? Her first instinct is to ask if they can go someplace else, but the thought of being made fun of and called a buzzkill is stressful, as is the prospect of risking the peace between them. But does that outweigh the stress of what feels like trespassing on Sootstar's private, divinely granted property? What if StarClan takes offense? Or worse, Sootstar herself? But also, it's just a quick, one time thing, and who's going to see them all the way up there? Sootstar certainly has no reason to call a meeting in the dead of night. And the wind or some snow will probably cover up the mollies' scents soon enough. I hope I don't regret this. She's supposed to be a dutiful apprentice, not some adventurous little rule-breaker! But no one needs to find out. It'll be fine. Sootstar and Badgermoon like her, and there's no explicit rule about this, right? It's not like she's rebelling like the exiles, or shirking her duties like Snailpaw. Just having some harmless fun.

Leaping is not her strong suit, Firepaw's right about that. Scaling the boulder is looking to be a bit of a daunting task, but the other apprentice's paw is too high up for her to grasp at without climbing at least a bit. After a few moments she steels herself, taking a deep breath before gingerly stepping up and onto the rocky base. It's a clumsy effort and she struggles to find her footing here and there, but it's not too long before she can reach out with a forepaw to accept Firepaw's aid. It's a strange feeling, relying on her like this. Sneaking around, being kids together. She doesn't even get up to these kinds of activities with Rainpaw or Smokepaw, cats she actively enjoys hanging out with. Yeah, 'cause they're actually responsible, like I should be right now. Then she gets nervous all over again, fretting about the morality of this activity — but the view she's greeted with once she scrabbles to the top of the rock quickly takes her mind off it. She can easily see right over the gorse and heather walls encircling the camp, and out into the vast expanse of moorland. Rolling hills, tall grasses shifting with the breeze, streams reflecting the stars above. And with that thought, her pale gaze drifts upward to the glimmering lights, her expression full of wonder. "Wow." She looks back at Firepaw after some time. "Okay, you were right. The Tallrock has such a nice view!" A little smile tugs at her lips. "Feels weird being up here, though. I feel like Sootstar."
​

 

[Firefang]

Is she insane? She's heard such a question before, she'd always been so bold even more so when she was still getting used to being called "Firepaw" in the first place she went wherever her paws dared her to go, had a yearn to explore and experience everything around her that kit like wonder had for the most part died within her with the rumble of a collapsing tunnel but in many ways it lingers. She still goes where others may not follow, always eager to surpass her peers to know more then them, to be stronger then them and even see and experience things moons before they ever would if they ever got the chance or had the bravery to do as much. It was impossible to call her rebellious she was loyal to the core, she would live and die on these moors and serve Sootstar or whoever may follow until it was her turn to run towards the night sky to join the stars and become apart of silverpelt. This isn't a slight against her leader, no she'd never dream of that but her respect and love for her wouldn't stop her from from enjoying this view, it hadn't back then the first time she'd climbed the high rock in the dead of night curious as to what it'd feel like to be just as strong as Sootstar was. She wanted just for a single moment to understand what it was to hold so much power in her paws, to not just live but rule and oversee the moors but she hadn't discovered some mystifying secret of power up here. No she felt the wind blowing in her fur and got look over the moor she grew up on shadowed by the silverpelt above, it'd been mystifying in it's own right it was beautiful.

She hares it with Icepaw, shares a secret she believed she'd keep to herself. It's a habit she never wished to be caught doing but now willingly takes this other apprentice up here with her, to bask in the starlight and feel the rush of of awe in her veins as Firepaw did. She pulls her up gripping as tightly as she can before she can duck down to grasp her scruff to pull her up with enough strength that she almost falls over. It was easy to forget just how light many of the Tunnelers were, she'd outgrown them so quick even Icepaw who had a moon on her felt so tiny in comparison. She never really thought to hard about their difference in height but now as she rights herself and tilts her head down curiously at the other molly she begins to appreciate it. She doubts Icepaw could've made it without her, thinks hard on the fact she trusted her to help her up in the first place. Her brows knit as she studies her features, at first she seems to be escaping into her own little world probably fretting instead of looking to the stars. SShe about to say something to bring her out of it when finally those blue eyes light up, a glimmer in them that matched her own moons ago. Icepaw looks out into the territory and Firepaw finds herself looking more at her then the sight she loved so much to wish to share with another.

She settles herself after padding towards the edge of the rock, sitting a mouse length away from her. Her tail curls around her paws to preserve her warmth as the leafbare chill continues to buffet against them, it's not as harsh as it'd been but it still nips at her fur threatening to freeze the skin beneath. She ignores it, it's easy to with the sound of Icepaw's voice making her avert her gaze finally, looking up towards the speckled sky. ❝I told you❞ she meows chest puffing out proudly as if she had any doubt at all Icepaw would dislike it up here. She can't help but let out a laugh at her following words, like Sootstar huh how familiar did that feel and yet she misses the similarity instead opting to 'tease' her a grin finding it's way onto her face one that lacks it's usual sneer of malice or ire. ❝how could'ja feel like her you're way to cute to be that intimidating krahahaha!❞ she snickers, unaware how her little jab could be well taken.​

( PLACE ME IN MY CASKET TONIGHT ; BECAUSE IM ALREADY DYING INSIDE )

 

[icebreath]

TAGS — It's cold up here, closer to the wind and sky and further from their clanmates' body heat — especially with their short fur. She finds herself feeling envious of Firepaw's longer, thicker coat as the molly takes a seat so very close to her, watching through the corner of her eye as the breeze stirs her dark pelt. There's a very faint temptation to press against her and seek out some warmth, but the idea is laughable when she remembers who she's with. Under different circumstances they'd roll their eyes internally as Firepaw proudly puffs out her chest, irritated by her cockiness (even if this isn't necessarily overly cocky behavior, it's hard not to feel annoyed by everything a generally annoying cat does). Now that they're here, though, and sharing in this illicit bounty, they understand and their smile persists. Her laughter is kind, too, bearing no resentment or haughty disdain. For as long as they've lived together on these moors, she's never felt this at ease around Firepaw before.

Not that she's entirely free of any nerves; that doesn't even feel possible, truth be told. She can feel her anxieties lurking within the recesses of her mind, threatening to shatter the childish wonder that's taken hold of her. They do their best to ignore them, to squash them completely. No responsibilities, no concerns. Those can be a problem for tomorrow. For once, they just want to feel and be normal. Please.

That suddenly feels much harder when they process their companion's snickered remark. Cute? Owlish eyes turn to fully stare back at the other after a moment, heart pounding as her cheeks grow warm despite the weather. Oh. So... this is...? An awkward laugh forces itself from her maw whilst the corner of her lip twitches upward in the beginnings of a half smile. The expression is entirely reflexive, creeping onto her face before she can even think too hard about it. "I-I can- I can be- uh..." 'I can be intimidating' is what she'd like to ironically suggest; an attempt at matching what has to be a stupid joke with one of her own. Her gaze drops sheepishly to her paws as she flounders like an idiot, her anxiety returning with a vengeance and mounting quickly, forcing her to sputter out. Oh stars, what if she was just making fun of me and I took it too seriously and she thinks I'm dumb? What if she tells everyone I have a crush on her? What if she makes fun of me for this forever? The frantic thoughts go on and on; all hope she has of recovering is lost.
​

 

[Firefang]

At ease; Firepaw can't ever say she's been that way around Icepaw for as long as she can remember some part of the other apprentice always made her throat tighten and skin itch. It annoyed her and she'd always acted out because of that, always unsure about the own stirrings of her body and the complexities of her emotions it was always easier to act out and she'd been truly cruel moons in the past without the filter of maturity and empathy to temper her roaring flames. Their relationship had always been tumoltious reliant on her own annoyances and 'grievances' with the pretty tunneler; her insults always lackluster as the moons passed lacking their cutting edge while she spat her ire without any apprehension at some of their more deserving peers. Icepaw had always been an exception, always important in a way she cannot justify. She would not have asked anybody else to share this view with her, she knows that even if she doesn't understand exactly why she cares so much about what they think.

It's never been easy for her to hide her emotions, she doesn't bury them like her brother beneath a stiff face and smirk she's never held the talent of having such a façade. She relies on her bravado and the fear and loathing some of the others hold for her, she lets them build her up in her mind and acts the part and yet those constructions were never far off from the way she acted. A spiteful spitfire who hated weakness and didn't need anybody, someone who would hurt and insult those in her way to get what she desired. Firepaw the bully, Firepaw the foxheart. It was easy for her to be angry, to let her rage roar enough to make her claws shine, sometimes she wondered if she was ever not angry. Yet here she doesn't feel the itch in her claws or the pounding in her brain that reminded her of who she was and everything she'd done wrong. Right not her heart is beating fast and her the skin beneath her skin feels warm but it's not caused by a blistering rage, she's anxious in her own right distracted by the very clanmate who'd she'd always felt different around, a cat she'd desperately tried to stay angry at, always trying to butt heads with and scare off but still sat right here with her as if all of that was nothing more then leaves in the wind.Why?

That smile remains as she watches Icepaw react to her words, a trickle of worry itches at her however though it's tamed as she looks into their eyes. She doesn't mean to but they're easy to be drawn into, they reflect the hues of the open sky clear and perfect they're different then her own that swathe with the fire she was named for. However they always seemed to be clouded, as well as Icepaw seem to hold some of their emotions at bay she knew when they were slipping into their worries. She'd watched them throughout their lives together, had seen them reflect hurt and annoyance and of course the signature anxieties that plagued them. That smile of theirs isn't missed and she gulps the dryness in her throat. They pull their gaze away to look at their paws and Firepaw's grin softens.

❝See? Way too cute!❞ she laughs and maybe part of her understands what she's saying but the gravity of it doesn't yet tear at her insides or make her brain scream at her to knock it off. Nobody was around, she didn't need to hear Snailpaw's insisting that this was a date, didn't need to worry about any of that but just enjoying the night and silverpelt above with Icepaw. She looks back up at it ❝I mean like even i'm not intimidatin' enough to be anythin' like Sootstar❞ she would claim shifting slightly where she lay tail swishing and accidentally brushing against Icepaw's own before laying close by. ❝One day though. Maybe you can be too I guess❞ she's still doubtful the idea is absolutely hysterical to her, Icepaw just wasn't built like that. ❝I'd have to give you pointers though❞ she smirks only for that expression to die on her lips as a particularly cold breeze buffets against them.

Her body would shake despite her own protests, longer pelt or not she wasn't immune to it. She wouldn't complain, would just silently shiver and continue to stargaze. ❝I just wish I could get stronger quicker, make her proud. Even make them proud❞ she gestures with her nose up at the sky she pauses before more words come out in a softer dulcet tone ❝I wonder if they're watchin' us right now too❞ ​

( ✦ )

 

[icebreath]

TAGS — She waits to be made fun of in self-conscious silence; the moment's probably very brief, but her raging thoughts drag it out and make it feel like an eternity. If she was worried about ruining things before, she's terrified now — and what an embarrassing way to do it! At least getting teased for this would be leagues ahead of the actual harassment she'd been subjected to in their youth, something she's noticed has been gradually subsiding these days, or at least lessening in its severity. Firepaw's always been persistent as a fly; Icepaw doesn't expect that to change anytime soon. But even she seems to have learned some respect after the reprimands she's been given for picking on the blue point, and in the wake of Icepaw proving her meddle with the herb raid. Being defended by the likes of Juniperfrost had been such a rush; watching Firepaw face the consequences even more so. It's always a satisfying, vindicating reminder that the other apprentice's comments aren't true, that her ire is baseless. They're not a weakling, they're not useless. They're... a valuable part of WindClan; even Sootstar herself thinks so! As much as Firepaw loves to scorn the tunnelers, at the end of the day their beloved leader is one, too, and her opinion will forever outweigh Firepaw's.

But now Icepaw's actually given her a viable reason to pick on her. Great. Why does she have to be so awkward? But, for all her internal dooming, the moment does pass quickly in reality. "See? Way too cute!" For the millionth time, they wonder what on earth is happening; this is so unlike Firepaw. In the past, she probably would've responded to the comment — that they felt like Sootstar — with such derision. 'You're way too small and useless,' feels more apt for her. But she doubles down on this cute thing, and doesn't even seem to understand the implication of it! StarClan, she is dense. It's a thought Icepaw's had countless times, although this time her obliviousness comes as a bit of a relief; it means she definitely just made a stupid, thoughtless comment and isn't romantically interested, which saves both of them a lot of awkwardness and embarrassment.

They're beyond content to move past it like the moor-runner does, though internally she chides herself for being such an overthinker. Why in the world would Firepaw have feelings for her, she muses again. What a self-centered thought, and an insane one at that. Smokepaw and Rainpaw would definitely laugh at her if she shared the suspicion with them — assuming Firepaw hadn't dashed it right away. And they'd be right for that; there's no way in the world it would ever happen. I'm so stupid for even thinking it for a second. A very, very small part of her is a bit disappointed, to be honest. Not because Icepaw wants Firepaw to like her (even if it would be a vast improvement from the harassment). Not because Icepaw herself likes her (even though the gentle touch of Firepaw's tail sends a crackle of electricity through her). It would just be nice to be liked in that way after a lifetime of feeling so stunted and awful at even making friends, much less anything deeper.

It's funny to hear Firepaw speaking humbly like this, but then again she holds a lot of respect for Sootstar — as any good WindClanner should — and at least has the brain to temper her cockiness in this context. Given the way she throws her weight around with the other apprentices, though, she certainly acts like she feels comparable to their leader. Icepaw's entirely opposite, so it's funny when Firepaw extends the comparison in a way; again, so unlike her. She just has to accept that this is a friendly context, which she's just not used to being in with her. But, as weird as it feels, it's a good thing! Maybe this will continue into the next day, and the next, and then everything will be normal for once. They exhale an amused huff. "Yeah, I doubt that," they reply, "but... maybe I'll take you up on the pointers sometime." Icepaw definitely used to be intimidated by the other when they were younger; these days she's just an irritant. They do wonder how the younger apprentices view her, though. How do they view Icepaw? Probably not in any significant light.

The windchill is especially intense for the tunneler; her small size and short pelt are a bad combination in this weather. The molly shrinks into herself, pale fur fluffing up, muscles tensing, and teeth clenching as she braces herself against the cold. Stars above, she is so excited for newleaf. Ironic, given the nature of her name. In a way, she's almost disappointed that she can't appreciate her namesake's season, but she hates it. The cold, the hunger, the sickness, it all sucks. At least she gets to feel extra special thanks to the tunnelers' importance during such a prey-scarce time. "Hey, you'll get more paws-on practice if SkyClan strikes back," she remarks with a humorous but slightly uneasy tone; retaliation's been a long-standing fear of hers. Why'd she even bring it up? Now she's just going to feel anxious about that on top of everything else, which she doesn't need right now. "You're strong." Truth be told, Icepaw has no idea if that's true; she's never seen Firepaw fight outside of that one group training session, which feels like forever ago. But it feels like the right thing to say. Even though she had lost to a young kittypet. "You're, like, so eager and stuff. I mean, like, uh, how you helped chase out the exiles and stuff. I bet Sootstar was proud of that." Though after the Silverpaw fiasco, Icepaw gets why she'd worry.

They follow her gaze skyward and let their own eyes remain there; they'd almost forgotten this was a stargazing trip. "StarClan's always watching," she confidently replies. "Except while tunneling. I try not to think about that when I'm down there." Immediately she regrets bringing up her job, wondering if it's opened the door to judgmental comments.
​

 

[Firefang]

Firepaw has never been too kind, never the most mindful of the anxieties of her peers. she would always see them for the most part as weaknesses that held them back just as she wanted to claim her own did. It's hard to comprehend such turbulent emotions, ones she cannot control but manifest almost as easily as her rage does. She's always pushed others around, used force even when it wasn't necessary, she knew to many she could be labeled intimidating someone who caused anxiety around the more softhearted of her peers. Some part of her believes it's for the greater good, hey needed someone to push them besides their mentors they'd just laze around all day like Snailpaw without he around. She wasn't the glue that held them together but the fox that kept all the rabbits close and warm in the warren. Ironically causing anxiety distracted her form her own. She's still harsh on so many of them but Icepaw no, her punches are pulled and they've been pulled for possibly a couple moons now. Even before the raid that'd dubbed Icepaw a hero she wasn't as vicious as she'd once been, though she'd still wanted to hurt her see that pretty face distort in offense and hurt. It never brought her joy but she had always continued it but now the thought of those pretty blues staring at her hatefully worries her, she doesn't want to see them again as if she'd never been the one reflected in them many times before.

Her issue with the Tunnelers in general was a complicated one, it wasn't a hard stretch to guess why she meets so many of them with ire and the crippling taste of envy in the words she spits at them. She'd lost the position had always been destined to leave the dark labyrinths beneath the moors behind, if only she'd abandoned them on her own terms if only she didn't know the taste of soil in her mouth and the spark of regret in her heart when she watched her brother emerge carrying wounds that'd last a lifetime. She's sure Icepaw blames her for that as well doesn't she just like him, just like her mother just like herself... She longed to be one watched them with so much hate for so long wondering why she'd never walk the same paths wondering why regrettable why it was Smokepaw instead of her who continued to live the life promised to them, surrounded by the friends she couldn't make. Stealing the attention of Icepaw while she focused on getting strong whenever she wasn't busying herself taking out her frustrations out on the very apprentices she once temporarily worked besides.

She's always been wrong when it came to the Tunnelers her hatred of them is as hypocritical as hatreds could be, so often did she throw it aside and subjectively ignore and praise those who walked the paths of the depths while damning others. Sootstar was one of them after all. She would always be proven wrong because even she couldn't say she believed her own words, maybe she never did yet she still spat them as if they brought her comfort. They didn't. Icepaw had proven herself likely long before she brought catmint back to the camp, but Firepaw never bothered to care always focusing on what she represented and amalgamation of frustrations she thrusted upon her to notice. She'd noticed now.

She's dense to just how much her words affect Icepaw, they hang in the air like the small flakes of snow that fall on their pelts. She could swat them away but they'd still come blissfully falling from the clouds above. She'd brought them upon the both of them and densely didn't understand how they blanketed them both. They were beneath the same sky, both of their heads rushing with emotions and thoughts they couldn't quite act or speak on. Firepaw merely relies on impulse trying so hard not to think so hard on the past and undeniable reality and she'd always fail at that
but Icepaw's soft voice distracts her so easily it always has regardless if the thoughts dancing in her head were about her and the history they shared. She doesn't run away, doesn't grow silent and hope for Firepaw to lose interest, doesn't hide any more then averting her gaze. She can still see her in the corner of her eye as she speaks and as she does the fur on her neck beings to prickle uncomfortable a warmth spreading beneath it and through her face.

She agreed to take pointers. Had she lost her mind? Did she actually want to spend more time with her? Nah no way she just wanted to get stronger, she wouldn't overthink this. She swallows the dryness in her throat hard and makes herself cough a sound she tries to mumble by sticking her muzzle into her paws, that cough only grows louder as Icepaw continues and instead of denying her strength or ignoring her all together she compliments her. Her ego is stoked, it roars like a blaze and yet all that heat pools in her face. This was just obvious wasn't it, she was strong Icepaw was just stating the obvious and of course their leader had to be somewhat proud and yet it's not the leaders pride she's so flustered about. Her tail twitches against Icepaw's almost banging against it all the energy in her body seeming to go to it. She's still trying to bite back the sound of her coughing and eventually it would die down ❝Augh shit!❞ another painful cough ❝Yeah I uh....❞ she forces her head back up but still couldn't look Icepaw's way. Why was it she wanted to hear her praise so desperately, she wasn't even a strong fighter she'd have no point of reference so why should she accept compliments. She wasn't strong enough to deserve them quite yet some part of her mind nags. ❝try my best... I'm gonna be like the um❞ her ears flatten on her head ❝strongest Windclanner ever one day.❞ it sounds so kittish saying it in front of her ❝I'll be able to take every last Skyclan dirt-mucher on one day and kill em all easy❞ she boasts but it's halfhearted and forced she clings onto it however trying to reclaim her pride.

She silent for a moment looking back at the stars, her tail slows and rest where it had started her ears prick as she listens. She always expected Starclan's vision was obscured beneath the earth, she doesn't know if it's true she supposes no one did but it seems that opinion is shared by Icepaw. She frowns and deliberated for a moment before just saying fuck it and saying it ❝That's why it's not a job for everyone, only the bravest can do it❞ she pulls her gaze back away from the stars and a lament of a chuckle croons from her ❝I couldn't handle it, pathetic right?❞ she cringes claws unsheathing and itching against the stone ❝I was meant for the moors, I'm not a danger to anyone but those who deserve it up here.❞
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