brave boy, don't look back ;; adderpaw

[leafhusk]

it is a picture perfect day, flowers had begun to boom at the edge of the sandy hollow, and the sun parted through the trees; cascading the clearing in a warm newleaf glow. today, leafhusk will brute force the day going well— and the next, the next, so on. an overworked brain does wonders for trauma, it seems, the barking inside her head has been quiet the last few days. her warrior duties were almost tripled with their warriors either six feet under, or tending to their newborns.

today, leafhusk asked another warrior to chaperone antlerpaw today. it didn’t feel good, but they’re all overworked, so one warrior can see how it is to handle two apprentices. adderpaw was behind, anyways, the wolves had slowed down training, they could catch up but every second was now crucial.

still, she felt awkward asking him to do work after all… this. many moons ago, when she was his age, she spent her days sunbathing and batting a jingly toy around. it’s the most off putting realization about taking on an apprentice, she just doesn’t understand them. leafhusk—susan, then—squealed with delight as she chased around a mechanical mouse, while adderpaw kills one alive between teeth and claws.

"alright, that’s enough. you can stop." it is between late morning and early afternoon, a good time to take a break from fighting stances. in a perfect world, that’d be enough for today, but their job is never done. not until you’re lifted towards the stars.

a scab itched in her mind during the early morning training session, something she should’ve asked days ago. the distant look in his eyes, the general nerves, how had she missed it?

she sat down, curling her tail around tawny paws. a relaxed posture, hopefully enough to signify her next question. "the wolves. they were a lot. are you doing okay, still?"​

 

[ADDERSNAP]

An uncomfortable feeling began to ebb into Adderpaw's muscles, each fiber tearing with growth as he worked. It wasn't grueling work, but stars did it take a lot out of him, each breath a little more shaky than the last. Today, they were focusing on fighting stances and how they should be performed with the upmost ease -- but even with ease the apprentice found himself stumbling over more times than he would appreciate. He had been working on improving his hind length strength outside of training and it was paying off, albeit maybe a bit too much. Often jumping over his intended target of a makeshift leaf pile dummy, Adderpaw found himself scooping up more crumbling leaves to add to his pile -- again -- as ears perked to Leafhusk's words. Immediately dropping what leaves he had been carrying around with distaste in his jaw, he shuffled on over to the warrior with a bit of an excited gleam in his eyes. Maybe she'd compliment his strength!

However, a fluffy tail slowly lowered and tucked itself between back legs with pinned ears. The wolves were... plaguing his mind, to say the least. He had become infatuated with the idea that they could still be out there, that maybe they missed a few from their pack and they were planning their revenge slowly yet calculated. A paw lifted to his chin to irritably scratch at it, half lidded eyes narrowed to slits as he cleared his now hoarse throat. Why did she care about him when she had her own traumas to try and focus on? He never understood the idea of selflessness in others -- and he used to think it was weak before seeing Leafhusk display it time and time again with promise of reaping rewards. Pawing at the ground with one unsheathed claw, he looked his mentor in the eye with slight shame. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" he muttered just loudly enough for the molly to hear his words, the ground almost melting away under his paws as he continued to dig little by little at the soil with unease.

Adderpaw knew where Leafhusk was going with this. He was about to be lectured on how he should feel again, or on how it's okay to feel and the idea of it left a pit in his stomach. Do others usually talk about their issues to get over them? It seemed extremely inconvenient to rely on other cats when the only one you really need to trust is yourself. Hitching a deep breath, he exhaled with a tone filled with nervousness. "I don't know. I mean, I don't really know how I should feel about with all of it, I guess. It was... a lot." If talking with her made the warrior feel better, then Adderpaw wouldn't mind being able to put her mind at peace for a little if it helped. Putting his paw back down on solid ground and lifting his gaze from where it had lowered to the same spot, an ear flicked as nerves swam in his stomach from anticipation, waiting for her answer.​

 

[leafhusk]

trauma has tethered her into the ground, thick vines flourishing from the ground below to constrict her limbs. mornings, afternoons, dusk, it lets her roam free to do her job, anxiously waiting in her nest for her return. somehow, she’s able to sleep at night, the thoughts and flashbacks of the past moon exhaust her well enough. the aftermath is present like an old friend, which is strange, because no other predator harmed her like the wolves had. all of the other incidents, the pain, hurt were had been easy. so, leafhusk thinks she’s done processing it— a quick cry over some bodies is enough, right?

some people, however, aren’t done. she’s unsure the brown tabby before her has even begun. leafhusk watches him shuffle about, a frown tugging at the corners of her maw. she can… make this quick, painless, as well. it’d eat at her alive— too soon —if she doesn’t say something because my stars the behavior is so obvious. his awkward, sharp utter made her bite back a sigh from the disrespect. leafhusk’s tail-tip twitched, allowing a tense silence to hang over the pair to see if he had anything else to say. leafhusk wanted to know where adderpaw was going with this. apprentices are so erratic, unpredictable, and it secretly frustrates her because the uncertainty doesn’t sit well right now. after a few moons of getting to know each other, she’ll have a better understanding of him, but now, she’s lost.

"it was." she murmured, then realized she needed to act professional, and adjusted her tone. "you’re young, and that was an awful first encounter with predators."

leafhusk takes note on the way he pawed at the ground, the awkward body language radiating off him. this is just as awkward for you as it is for me. sorry. she thinks, shaking her head.

"you can tell me how you feel. we just started working together, i know, but i need to know if you’re not doing okay. it’s alright to be upset. i was." the solemn crease between nonexistent brows softens into a more gentle expression. she couldn’t push him, it’d be bad for him as well as her. stress doesn’t handle physical activity well, and she doesn’t want to look like a bad mentor so soon.​

 

[ADDERSNAP]

"It was."

The words had come as a shock to Adderpaw, knowledgeable of the fact that she was a kind soul but a strict teacher -- it warmed his heart for a moment that she was truly worried about his feelings on the wolves. He hadn't had much to rely on as far as support in general in his life, so coming to terms with his own emotions proved to be harder than expected if he had more parental figures in his life. In a way, he was thankful for the discipline and care that Leafhusk always made sure to bring with her in their training sessions, seemingly understanding of the unspoken internal turmoil that plagued his mind. Bobbing his head up and down slowly in agreement at her following sentence, he managed to bite his tongue before the words "Yeah, no shit" found his way past his teeth in a scoffing matter and instead remained silent with a twitch of his tail making it easy to tell he was holding himself back. But Adderpaw found no satisfaction in creating arguments, keeping what he could to himself before the temptation arose even more.

"You can tell me how you feel. We just started working together, I know, but I need to know if you're not doing okay."

A shaky wheeze exhales through his nose at the idea, deep yellow eyes closing as he thought of what response he could possibly have for her. The nerves still ate away at his stomach as he contemplated his next words, eyes almost reflecting the same back and forth movement his mind was making as he raked at his imaginary list of responses -- unfortunately, it didn't seem like he had one already thought of before this. He mentally cursed at himself for not having anticipated this sooner, but since the wolves had been "gone" for a little he supposed he had gotten comfortable with the idea of never getting his anxieties off his chest. "We- were you scared?"

The words caught in his throat, feeling as though sand was choking him with how gratingly dry it felt. Adderpaw seemed surprised at his own question, yet his eyes reflected the same terror that had filled his voice just slightly. That event had led to the most horrifying night of his life, and it was obvious that he just couldn't shake the fear that entered his body at any mention of the wolves or what had occurred during those couple weeks. He had been avoiding the forest as much as he could, every scuffle heard near him causing the tom to tuck his tail between his legs and turn back to camp, somehow running faster than he ever had in his life every time. It wasn't how he wanted to keep living, he wanted to feel safe in his own home again yet he didn't think that it could ever be done. No amount of consoling could fix that -- at least, that's how he felt.​

 

[leafhusk]

the young tom doesn’t have much of a support system, it’s easy to spot distant parents in a clan that values blood. leafhusk enjoys a secret session of hushed gossip around the warrior’s den, but she can never bring herself to gawk at parenting skills. it is simply too much information on her mind. she grew up with an elusive mother, a healthy set of littermates, and absent father; the kittypet special. the long fur molly would show herself during feeding time, lick their faces clean then toddle off to watch from somewhere else. if leafhusk wanted attention, she’d look up to the sky and search for hands. before she believed in the stars, she believed in the face on the ceiling.

were you scared? always. she hasn’t stopped.

leafhusk almost abandoned the medicine cat den, which is a wild thought to her now because she values gentlestorm’s work (a coward that’s shocked she is a coward). in that moment, she didn’t really care what could’ve happened. the adult were outnumbered by the injured yes, but the ones there were capable. stronger than her. something carried her over there, that forced her to help carry stormfeather up the ravine. for days, her muscles burned and ached from overuse because of that. atop the ravine, however, she felt useful. she thought it was merely the adrenaline talking but no, she was proud to help her clan. it’s about time leafhusk started to repay thunderclan for allowing her to stay.

she wants to apologize for not checking in on him sooner, but what’s done is done. sadly, it doesn’t feel like that big of a deal— he’d tricked her into thinking everything was fine. or the buzzing in her head is just that loud, really, she’s unsure. whenever she lays eyes on a piece of fresh kill, she doesn’t see a mouse or bird, only deer carrion.

a thick silence washes over the pair while she thinks. it’s inappropriate to be fully honest with the kid, but she can’t lie. adderpaw doesn’t deserve that kind of disservice, he is a lump of clay that’s waiting to be morphed into something special. or a cocoon, perhaps, he likes to stare at bugs, right?

"of course." leafhusk finally settles on. "every cat goes through life expecting they’ll never see a wolf. i hope we never have to go through that again."

— a hyacinth scepter ⚘ ˖*°࿐

• 
  ◆ thunderclan warrior / / former kittypet・38 ☾
  ◆ mentoring adderpaw
  ◆ cis woman・she/her & bisexual
  ◆ peaceful & healing powerplay permitted・all opinions ic
  ◆ won't start fights・will try to end fights・won't kill
  ◆ excels in stealth and tracking & average at fighting
  ◆ written by maxine ♡ dogfriends. on discord

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