private BRIDGE TO NOWHERE 𖦹 applepaw

˚⊹₊‧ 𖦹 Ashenpaw should've died too, he knew this. There was no good reason for Siltcloud to have ripped apart Comfreypaw enough to make her keel over and die before even reaching the entrance of camp while Ashenpaw got away from her with only a stupid-looking cat-bite on his shoulder. It was nothing but a matter of luck and unluck, a mockery of divine judgment.

Whatever. Comfreypaw was his den-mate — had been since they were kits. More importantly, Comfreypaw was his sister's best friend. And now she was dead — murdered, actually, and for no reason.

"Applepaw, you're not busy," he strode up to her on that particular evening, "Help me with this real quick, yeah?" He would allow no further questions as he nosed over a raven feather toward her before picking up the few dried mushrooms he'd been carrying and swiveling to leave camp, hoping she'd have the sense to follow him.

They would walk only a short distance before reaching their destination, Ashenpaw's paws following a well-worn path he could walk with his eyes closed at this point. The sky was quiet tonight, there was no wind ruffling tortoiseshell fur when they reached Shadowclan's burial grounds, only the soft drift of snowflakes to fall lazily onto blue and cream. He dropped his offering of mushrooms onto the graves he'd become most familiar with, Halfshade's and Dreamkit's, but he would continue walking to reach another. He would look back finally to see if Applepaw had followed him with the feather, it was for Comfreypaw.

"Haven't seen Smogmaw come around here," he said, breaking the stillness of the frigid air between them, though he would turn his face from her to idly observe the snowflakes stick to the ground. Ashenpaw left the information there without any further indication of judgment for their father. He couldn't place how he felt, but through his periphery he would watch Applepaw's reaction for any indication that she felt any kind of way about it. "'Course, I haven't seen you around lately either so..." he shrugged, simultaneously bringing up and then dismissing his concern.

"I didn't want it to be a whole, you know..." he gestured vaguely, feeling out of his depth. He didn't want the thing that kept Smogmaw away to latch onto her too. The thing that kept Smogmaw away as if he would fall headfirst into his own grave the moment he stepped a foot into this place was something Ashenpaw could not confront for him. He thought perhaps it was the same thing that forced him to return nearly every night, a polarized magnet this graveyard was. Ashenpaw wished he could say something comforting to his sister, or offer her anything more substantial than a frigid trip to a depressing burial ground.

Instead, he cleared his throat and muttered, "Sorry."

  • OOC: @APPLEPAW
  • designfluffyneck2_by_jrentropy_dg93zrs-pre.png
  • — ashenkit . ashenpaw
    — ftm transmasc. he/him. 9mo apprentice of shadowclan. mentored by smogmaw
    — muted blue torbie w/ pale blue and amber eyes
    — smells of rainsoaked fern and swamp milkweed
    — all ic opinions!
    — “speech”, thoughts, attack
    — icon by nya, fullbody by tropics, sticker by saturnid
    — penned by eezy
 
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It is a bold assumption, she thinks, that she wasn't in fact busy. Ashenpaw himself— no, she'd venture that all of her siblings do little more than meander through life. She imagines that she could busy herself in ways Ashenpaw couldn't hope to imagine, too used to his own sorry way of doing things.

...But in this instance, he's right. Applepaw indeed is up to nothing, and has little reason to defect from whatever it was he wanted. Applepaw lifts an inquisitive brow, and her brother would only nose a raven's feather to her as an answer. It is no good mood that has her following behind without question. Applepaw did not often have the kindest things to say to him, but perhaps this was how she paid homage as a sibling— following him when he asked her too.

She thinks she knows this path; thinks that she may understand, but she does not question him yet, even when steady beat of her heart turns to a painful, frantic thumping. She would not show this on her face— could not, for she was a future warrior of ShadowClan. For she was not like her brother, who spoke his emotion too loudly at times; all of the time.

They are at their mother's grave. Their mother and... her other child. Applepaw has come here once, twice, and then never again. Her grieving need not drag on her paws to and back between graveyard and nest. She acknowledges it to let it embolden her, and nothing else. Applepaw looks on with blank eyes, as Ashenpaw takes pause. The air frosts with clouds of her shuddering breaths.

Once, she had been proud to share her mother's face, but that too had been taken away from her eventually.

They continue past their mother then, to the grave of her once - friend. While Halfshade's cold corpse had seen her visage some pawful of times, Comfreypaw's has not had the same pleasure. Ashenpaw looks upon her then, and she is silent, the raven's feather held tightly in her jaw. To relinquish it would be to relinquish her acceptance of it all. She has come to terms. She has, no matter what her brother thinks.

The observation means nothing. Not for their father. Not for her. Her voice is steady, " I suppose you spend every waking moment here, then? " Even though he is right. He is right, and he deserves no ire for being so. He drops the subject as quickly as he brings it up. She is grateful for this. The feather almost falls when she speaks, but she cannot let that happen.

" I don't know. " Her voice is strong, not scared. A statement of fact, nevermind the wetness at her eyes. She shakes her head. " ...I don't. "

They shouldn't have come here. Sorry, is what she deserves. Comfreypaw owes it to her in just the same way.
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  • ( CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M THE WORST, SO I ALWAYS ACT LIKE I'M THE BEST ) APPLEPAW. apprentice of shadowclan. eldest sister to swanpaw, ashenpaw, and garlicpaw. ( + thornpaw, halfpaw & laurelpaw )
    —— she / her; confused by the use of others.
    —— currently 9 moons old as of 12.20.23. ages every 17th.

    longhaired blue torbie with a white chest, paws, and underbelly. A young cat you would describe as " bossy, " Applepaw is quick to take charge of any situation she sees herself as the probable head of. Naturally talented, and for the most part, a rule - follower. She thinks herself better than the majority of her peers. Not ignorant enough to think herself above a warrior, but seeks to gain that status as quickly as possible. Intensely self - motivated to be the best in a mixture of blind, childish desire, and wanting to fix what has been broken. Intensely closed off to close emotional connection and outwardly cold to most.