private brink of blasphemy ] woollykit

HOWLPAW

listen to me whine
Aug 4, 2024
40
9
8
Howlkit slinks out of the nursery on quiet paws, its amber eyes narrowing against the soft, filtered sunlight. The air outside feels too empty, too wide, after the close quarters of the den, and it can't shake the feeling that too many eyes are watching, even if most are too busy with their own tasks to notice the small, dark figure slinking along the edge of the camp. Its movements are quick but calculated, its body low to the ground as it skirts past the bustling warriors, unnoticed for now. It hates being around others for too long—the constant noise, the press of bodies, the weight of expectation. The nursery feels suffocating. It's too much. Everything is too much. It grits its teeth, jaw clenched tightly as it slinks past, scanning the camp with a sharp, wary gaze. No one seems to be paying attention, but Howlkit doesn't trust that. Its eyes flicker, always searching for the slightest hint of threat.

As it reaches the far wall of the camp, it spots what it's been looking for—a small crevice nestled in brambles, half-hidden by the overgrowth that clings to the camp's walls. Perfect. Without a sound, Howlkit slips into the narrow opening, feeling the cool shadows envelop it, hiding it from view. Thorns tug gently at its fur, but it's a small price to pay for the security of being alone. In here, no one can find it. No one can bother it, or so it thinks. The silence is comforting for only a moment before Howlkit's ears prick, detecting the soft sound of paws nearby. Its hackles immediately rise, a growl bubbling low in its throat, though it keeps its body pressed tight against the stone, hidden. It waits, muscles tensing, as the faint pawsteps draw closer. They're quiet, but not quiet enough. Howlkit's lips curl back in a silent snarl, its sharp gaze darting toward the source of the disturbance.

It's a kit. The faint scent is vaguely familiar, but Howlkit's mind is too clouded with irritation to place it. All it knows is that it's been followed—and it does not like being followed. Howlkit waits until the intruder is close enough, then strikes. Its body lunges from the shadows, teeth bared, a quick snap of aggression, the sound more animalistic than it intends. "Why are you following me?" Howlkit hisses, its voice low and venomous, the words spat out like a curse. The idea that someone else is so close to a place it deems safe makes its fur bristle, and it glares with all the intensity its already rather large body can hold. If the kit responds, the large kitten doesn't hear it, but then again, Howlkit isn't listening for an answer anyway. Its gaze is sharp, almost too sharp for a kit its age, and it feels the familiar burn of frustration bubbling up again. Its breath comes in quick, shallow bursts, and for a moment, it feels like it's back in the nursery, surrounded, trapped, suffocated. The thought claws at its chest, and it bares its teeth again, though it makes no further move to attack. It unsheathes its claws, though, and that allows it to settle itself somewhat.

"Just leave me alone," Howlkit mutters through gritted teeth, its voice quieter now but no less edged. Its tail lashes behind it, flicking sharply against the brambles as if to punctuate the statement. It knows it's being irrational, knows this kit probably doesn't mean any harm and couldn't do any harm even if they did, but that knowledge doesn't stop the flood of anger and fear that courses through it. Everything feels like a threat. It always does. "Go away," it mutters again, though this time there's a tremble to its voice, just beneath the surface. Its claws dig into the ground beneath it, and it pulls itself back into the crevice, deeper into the shadows where it feels safe. Its heart is still racing, pounding in its chest like it's being chased, even though it isn't. Why does everyone have to follow it? Why can't they just leave it alone? It presses itself deeper into the thick brambles, trying to make itself as small as possible, to hide from the world that feels so heavy and overwhelming.

@Woollykit
 
So far, Woollykit had been quiet in her new fixations, not wanting to scare the objects of her attention away or weird them out if she was ever caught. Howlkit is one of these fixations. Odd, perhaps, because she has never shared many meaningful conversations with it before, the two of them simply shared a den. But, when she was suddenly left alone and with nothing, Woollykit found her gaze on it often, watching as it vanished to wherever it liked to hide, and waiting for it to return. So far, she hadn't quite gotten the courage to see where exactly Howlkit liked to vanish off to, but that's going to change today, she's certain of it!

This is a chance to show off how good her future sneaking skills will be once she's an apprentice, so Woollykit follows behind Howlkit from a fair distance, using the dens or even other cats to hide behind - just in case it turned around and spotted her. It feels sneaky and dishonest, and that makes her skin crawl, but she's not sure it would ever tell her where it disappears to if she bluntly asked, so Woollykit is resigned to this underhanded approach of sorts.

For just a moment, Woollykit thinks she's seeing things - did it just vanish into the bramble wall?? What? How'd it even do that?! Alarmed now, Woollykit completely forgets that she's supposed to be sneaking and instead openly - but still cautiously - approached the area Howlkit merged into. And, suddenly, it's lunging out at her, teeth bared in a snarl, and Woollykit practically springs backward two tail lengths, fur puffed up, startled.

"Oh!" She exclaims, alarmed at the hostility (though maybe she should've expected it). "I- um," stammering, she tries to come up with some excuse, something she can say so it won't be as mad at her... her mind draws a blank. Momma always imposed on her the importance of telling the truth, though, and she wouldn't want to upset her, so Woollykit puts on a very brave face, squaring her shoulders like she's preparing to go into a fierce battle...

...and says nothing for a good few heartbeats.

WHY IS THIS SO HARD?? WHY IS HOWLKIT SO... INTIMIDATING?? Okay, okay, just say it! All quick and in one breath! Like plucking a thorn out of a dried up paw pad. Steeling herself, Woollykit screws her eyes shut tight, unable to meet Howlkit's gaze, and says in one breath; "I think you're cool and wanted to know where you disappear to!" Phew, okay, all out there! ...nervously, she cracks one eye open to try and gauge Howlkit's reaction.​
 
It watches her, teeth still bared, feeling the way its hackles are bristling. Its heart is hammering, pounding in its chest as if to remind it of every bad thing hiding in its memory. Why was Woollykit even here? And why was she following it? That unsettling, prickling feeling that crawls along its fur only intensifies as she stands there, stammering. She just stares, mouth working around some excuse she can't seem to say, and that only makes Howlkit's unease deepen. Does she think it wouldn't notice her shadowing it from behind dens, crouching behind other cats? Howlkit notices everything. It has to. Baying Hound had taught it that much.

Its stare sharpens, growing colder as Woollykit keeps trying to muster up words. She's never spoken to it like this before, with so much wide-eyed alarm like she's facing down a fox. The wary anger in Howlkit's amber eyes softens just a fraction as she finally squeezes out the truth. She thinks it's cool? That jolts Howlkit more than if she'd yelled or laughed at it. Its snarl falters, lips twitching as it grapples with this—admiration? Interest? Why would she feel that way about it, of all cats? For a moment, Howlkit is silent, scrutinizing her with suspicion, trying to figure out if this is some game. Cool? Who's ever thought that about it? Woollykit shouldn't find anything remarkable about it, not when most of the Clan only seems to look at Howlkit with wary eyes and whispered warnings. After all, why would she be sneaking around following it, if not to trick it or test it somehow? But she looks nervous—maybe even a little scared—and there's no trace of mockery in her eyes. Just… genuine, awkward honesty.

Its expression shifts, just slightly. The barest twitch of an ear, a small pause. It doesn't want to let her see that its heart has skipped a beat, or how the praise, quiet as it was, felt like someone opening a crack in its walls. It swallows, giving a scoff to cover up the way that vulnerability tries to sneak its way through. "What does it matter where I disappear to?" Howlkit mutters, voice low and edged with a prickly defensiveness. It shifts its stance, still blocking the way to the little hollow it's carved out for itself, a place to hide from prying eyes, from the rest of the Clan. "That's just… what I do." It narrows its eyes, looking her over, still wary but softening just a little. "Why would you want to know anyway?" Its words come out sharper than intended, like it's challenging her, testing the truth of her claim. Part of Howlkit doesn't really want to push her away, strange as the thought is, but trust isn't something it hands out freely. And even if her reason is innocent, it still feels raw and too vulnerable to have been found at all.​