BUNDLES OF JOY | lightning

[BUCKGAIT.]

MY NAME IS BRUTUS AND MY NAME MEANS HEAVY ✧​

she cannot hide it. this feeling has been with her before. this feeling has brought her life such horrible, horrible joy. and thus, she cannot fight off the gnawing anxieties when it dawns upon her. well, rather, she learns to hesitantly accept her fate. her pregnancy with fawn had led her daughter to ruins. the earthen molly was born of a curse, as her parents would tell her. and she cannot help but think that this curse is on her womb. barren, it should be. to let her lead a life alone, and without the joy of children. or to suffer, and bring suffering to her kin.

she should be excited, and most of her is. yet it is hard to not dwell on her own failures. one wrong move, and she could repeat her history. how horrific and cruel it would be, but how fitting. it is with her thoughts comes this incessant staring, right into the back of her lover. it was joyous and beautiful to behold him and finally allow them to admit to their vulnerabilities. and what a beautiful nest she had built for them. she knows it will have to be destroyed when they move back into the camp, but it does not hide the fact that it is still there. and she can let the world look upon it and see every feeling she has towards lightning woven so delicately into the finest bed.

she toys with the idea of how to tell him. in fact, she could never tell him. she could slip from camp more so he won't notice her growing belly. she can blame it on her over-indulgence in fish. and when she appears with kits, she can say she found them. but buck was never a good liar, nor would it feel right. it is her cowardice speaking, fearing his rejection of her, and ultimately, their kits. the deputy wishes she could delve into his mind, see if the very concept would over joy him. or if it would terrify him. some toms are not destined to be fathers, she knows. but she cannot bear it if lightning were that tom. if she must live through this experience alone, once again.

the molly could outright say it. tell him plain and simply, i'm pregnant. leave no room to argue and just to accept that he will be a father. she doesn't need a healer to tell her what she already knows. but maybe if she could get beesong to mention it to someone, have the news spread by gossip. but that wouldn't be right.

the dappled woman sits silent, yet clearly troubled. still staring, and still blanking on how to change his life further.

@LIGHTNINGSTONE
​

 

[LIGHTNINGSTONE]

For the first time since he can remember, the tom feels utterly and truly happy. His days are no longer filled with self- or other-loathing. Bitterness no longer lies on his tongue, threatening to be spilled out at any moment. While he still remains that aloof, blunt warrior, he has finally chosen to let love into his life. He has taken Buckgait as his mate, and finally he may feel content.

Or, content as one can be with their partner's gaze boring into them. The fur along his neck rises as he feels eyes upon him, and he shifts to peer over his shoulder only to find the deputy sitting across the way. She clearly has something on her mind, but she's staring at him with such intensity he can't help but flinch slightly. For a moment longer, he only returns her gaze, waiting for her to make a move, do something. Finally, he can't handle it. He squirms with discomfort beneath her scrutinizing gaze and the silvery tom climbs to his paws to approach her. "Buck?" He mews when he reaches her, gruff voice softened only for her ears. "Is something...wrong?" Uncertainty dances in hazel eyes as he beholds her, growing nervous by her unsettling body language. Whatever is on her mind is clearly difficult for her.​

 

[BUCKGAIT.]

MY NAME IS BRUTUS AND MY NAME MEANS HEAVY ✧​

is something wrong? she isn't sure. it is always with these uncertainties that worry and frighten the molly. she does not flinch or break from his contact, only continues her game of staring. it's clear enough that she is unsettling him, and perhaps a molly of a more clear conscious would realize that and stop. his words replay in her head, if something was wrong. she's happy about this. she is. it is simply telling him, and forcing herself to see the outcome, that prevents her from truly enjoying it.

buck had wanted this for so long. she had dreamt of a family since kit-hood. perhaps it was ingrained into her by her parents, but this want feels completely her's, to the point she cannot feel any shame in it. she had longed for something good, without the need to dismiss or belittle. a loving family, complete with children and a doting father. when she was younger, buck had worried it would have been too much to ask for. too much to hope for. she had settled with her dreams and fantasies, creating wild stories of simple domestic life.

and it was now within her grasp. she can hold it and feel its warmth. she can fall into lightning and trust him to keep her. she's sure he is saying something at this point, but it goes beyond buck's ears, fading into the background. it is with a suddenness that buck moves towards him, never breaking her contact with him. "i'm pregnant." and that's it. her eyes rapid in gauging his reaction to it. looking for any sign of fear, of unwanting to be a father. of rejecting a life with her.
​

 

[LIGHTNINGSTONE]

Just like that, his world is flipped upside down. Two little words have the power to do so much, change so much. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. The words are repeated over and over in his skull. He feels lightheaded suddenly and takes a small step outward with a forepaw to provide some stability for himself. He mulls over the news, slack-jawed, glassy-eyed.

He never wanted this. Never in his life did he have the desire to bring kits into such a cruel world. He didn't want to love them, plain and simple. He didn't want to nurture them and bring them up and watch them grow into cats of their own. And that's where the fear comes in - he knew he would love them. Even more so because they weren't just his, but Buckgait's kits. The kits she's so, so desperately wanted.

A shaky breath leaves him before he steps forward, a harsh swallow forcing moisture into his mouth. "You're pregnant," He whispers, hazel eyes boring into her blues. "Okay...okay." He needs time to process this. Fatherhood never suited him, but he is just going to have to figure it out, isn't he?

And like the mouse-brain he is, he realizes she is waiting for a better reaction. She's wanted this so badly, and he's failing. As if struck with a jolt of electricity he straightens himself and leans forward to brush his muzzle lovingly against hers. "We're having kits," He sighs, a breathy laugh fluttering past silver lips. "You're going to be wonderful." And Lightningstone knows it to be true. She will be the best mother he's ever seen.​