BURNT BRIDGES ❁ CLOUDY

[LICHENPAW ❁]

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SOMETIMES I CAN'T BELIEVE IT

Lichenpaw has been avoiding Cloudyfur for a while now.

They were avoiding most cats, for a while now, but it's different with Cloudyfur. He'd thought they were friends, maybe, before he messed that up. There's a shame that burns behind his eyes when he looks at her.

But... he doesn't want to leave things like that. He catches her on a quiet day in camp, pushes down his nervousness and puts on a smile.

"Hey," he starts, more subdued than usual. "Cloudy — er, uh, I mean, Cloudyfur, I — I wanted to." He swallows, eyes flicking elsewhere. Gathers his courage. They haven't properly spoken since she was an apprentice. "Wanted to — I, I never thanked you. When I should have." The words tumble out too fast, crushed beneath bruised pride for moons, clawing for an escape from his throat. He clears it.

Continues. He should explain, he knows, it's been far too long. "When me and your sister, um. When we got into a fight. I meant to, to thank you for helping me, for getting her off." He doesn't meet her eyes, paw tapping away nervously, grin half-ashamed. He still remembers the way his heart dropped when he saw her come to help him, the words he couldn't take back hanging heavy in the air. "You, you um, didn't have to do that. I know I - I said — I know I shouldn't have — I - " His words catch, now. Their courage always fails them at the wrong times, only reliable when they need it least. When they're making things worse.

He wants to mend that, now, but apologies do not come easy. He dances gracelessly around addressing his own mistake, settling on an awkward display of gratitude. "Just. Um. Thank you. I appreciate it, that you did that." He finally looks back at her once he's finished speaking, uneven grin shaky and head ducked low.

I'M MOVING PAST THE FEELING !
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.°❁ info ; visual

• // @Cloudyfur
  ​
• LICHENPAW named for the lichen on the trees of his home.
  — he/him or they/them. 13 moons.
  — thunderclan medicine cat apprentice, mentored by berryheart.
  — bears a near-permanent nervous grin.
  
  primary character, high activity. penned by saturnid.​
• "SPEECH"
  ​
• 

​

 

[Cloudyfur]

CLOUDYFUR / 14 moons — up in the sky Cloudyfur blinked when she saw Lichenpaw approaching her. Blinked again when he spoke. "Oh. Hey." Her voice was quiet, almost gentle. As if speaking too loudly might scare him away. She knew he had been avoiding her, but hadn't wanted to press him about it. It had made her sad that they didn't talk any more, but she hadn't really known how to fix it. Part of her, silly as it was, had wanted to apologize to him. Even though she knew she didn't need to. She hadn't done anything. So, instead, she had done nothing at all, just fretted silently whenever she saw him.

Aside from her greeting, she didn't say anything at all. Just listened silently, patiently, as Lichenpaw said what he wanted to say. She watched as he stumbled through his words and shuffled in place. Even by his standards, he was a mess of nerves. She tilted her head sympathetically.

She knew the feeling. Stars, did she know that feeling.

For some reason, seeing him so nervous put her strangely at ease. "Well, thank you for saying that. And you're welcome." Cloudyfur told him

"I'm sorry too. For Stormy, that is." She added after a moment. She knew her sister well enough to know that she would never apologize, and - to be honest - Cloudyfur would never ask her to. This was just something she wanted to say. She felt a little bad about her sister's reaction, however justified it had been, and it would make her feel better to get that off her chest. "You said some things you shouldn't of, but that doesn't make it right that she attacked you."

tags​

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[LICHENPAW ❁]

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SOMETIMES I CAN'T BELIEVE IT

Cloudyfur's words are soft, gentle, reaching tentative like he's some skittish and wild thing that might startle and run if she makes the wrong move. He's not wholly sure that he wouldn't but he holds his smile steady like an anchor and does not let his nervousness draw his paws away.

"I'm sorry too. For Stormy," she says, and the apology comes easy to her lips while their own remains stuck to the roof of their mouth. Stormywing herself hasn't apologized, wouldn't apologize. Maybe the words stick the same for her — or, maybe she just doesn't regret it. He gives a nervous chuckle, sound spilling softly past his lips.

"No, it's — it's okay, uh —" recalling the fear, the panic he felt as he was pinned feels like pressing on an old bruise. "You, you shouldn't have to. To apologize for her." You're not the one who should be apologizing, he thinks bitterly. Of the three of them, she's got the least reason to do so. "That doesn't make it right that she attacked you," brings a twist to his mouth, a furrow to his brow. No, that's — that's not right. "I mean, I should have expected it, really, heh. I was — you're right, I shouldn't have. Said that." Brushing the edge of apology; he flicks his eyes away.

Shuts them. "I'm — sorry," spills ugly, unbidden, clumsy. Maybe he should be saying it to Stormywing instead. Selfishly, a part of him doesn't want to. "I didn't — I was just. So angry. I wasn't thinking, wasn't — didn't mean —" a frustrated, strangled sigh. He looks back at her. "Stormywing had every right to — um, to be upset, I guess." You have every right to be upset, he doesn't say. " Maybe not like that, but... we both did things we shouldn't have. You don't need to be sorry."

The anger, the fear, is easier to deal with than this patience. He feels wrong-footed, in the face of it.

I'M MOVING PAST THE FEELING !
————— ❁ —————

.°❁ info ; visual

• //
  ​
• LICHENPAW named for the lichen on the trees of his home.
  — he/him or they/them. 13 moons.
  — thunderclan medicine cat apprentice, mentored by berryheart.
  — bears a near-permanent nervous grin.
  
  primary character, high activity. penned by saturnid.​
• "SPEECH"
  ​
• 

​