sensitive topics CAN YOU FEEL MY HEART? // dev

[VULTUREMASK]

That day something just snapt inside of the dark pelted apprentice when he spotted that kittypet on thier moors, hunting thier prey. Leechpaw had his eyes locked at them as he was hiding inside the grass, eyes wide with livid emotions. There was no secret what he thought about them. When Sootstar had allowed kittypets in before closing the borders his voice had been the loudest over his disapproval over to let such pathetic vermins join their ranks. He had hold himself back by forcing himself to coexist with them despite how sick it made him feel on the inside. Kittypets didn't belong on the moors. His opinion on that had never changed. But today...he felt something entirely different. Just chasing them away wasn't good enough. It was the first time Leechpaw felt the need, the want to hurt them and he wanted to do it badly.

Leechpaw wanted them to feel pain, to suffer just like that hawk had when he had helped take it down. He wanted to feel again what he had felt back then. Powerful, in control for once. To have control over somebody elses life, to have it lay underneath his paws. For the first time in his life Leechpaw had been the one standing over a life and not the other way around. He wanted it back. The control. To see the fear inside of this kittypet eyes just like that hawk had.

If they wanted a leech, then he would give them the worst leech they had ever seen.

Leechpaw sprinted himself out from the tall grass heading straight towards the kittypet who had just captured a mouse. With force and power he lunged himself at them with a battle cry and both went to the ground, tumbling around before the kittypet manged to kick Leechpaw off from them. With a vicious snarl Leechpaw was quick back up on his paws again and rushed after the fleeing kittypet who was trying to get away. He increased his speed pushing his own legs to its limit as he with speed dashed through the moors kicking up leaves and dirt that come in his way. Eyes where locked on his target and he come closer and closer until...

He made a jump for it, remembering Echolights training as well taking advantage of what he had learned when hunting a prey...this kittypet was his mouse and he was the cat. The predator. Leechpaw leapt and landed on the other cats back, making them trip and fall over as his teeth sinked into the back of their scruff. A cry came from the kittypet, pleading and begging for them to stop but it reached nothing but deaf ears. Leechpaw was lost in the moment, he was no longer in control of himself. It was like somebody else had taken over his body. Possessed his mind.

He used his teeth to force the kittypet around so they would lay pinned underneath him with thier underbelly in a vunerable spot for him. " Did you really think you could get away with hunting on our moors, kittypet?!." he would spat at them through a snarl. His eyes where dark and cruel as he glared at them, taking in the fear in the others eyes with hunger. It was dangerous what he felt. Leechpaw was dangerous in that very moment. " Please..please i'm sorry, i wont do it again, i-i promise!." they would beg, but all Leechpaw did was to snort at them, and his snarl grow wider revealing all of his teeth. He used his paw to press it down at thier throat, so they would choke for air... " Oh you wont. I will make sure you never will again!." He raised the same paw, claws ready to not only hurt but to taint it down with blood. In that moment he only had murders thoughts. Because this was who he was meant to be, what everyone thought of him.

It was about time to embrace it.

@Echolight .

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[Echolight]

Kittypets were something that didn’t often cross Echolight’s mind- spare for the couple she sometimes came across on their territory, but usually they were nice and left, or they had just gotten lost. The only aggressive kittypet Echolight could recall was the one Sootstar had fought- and he had been a stubborn old thing.
When she had gotten word that Leechpaw was out and about in the moors, it was initially concern that tugged at her heart strings, she didn’t like when her apprentice was alone. He was still hurting, and adding isolation on top of grief was never good.
So, she immediately set out for him- hoping that perhaps they could even do an activity together. Despite his rough edges, Echolight actually quite liked his peaceful company.
A cry rings out, but it is from a foreign voice. Apprehension prickles along Echolights spine and she is immediately bounding towards the noise.
It doesn’t take her long to come skidding to a stop, a mixture of surprise and fear displayed on her scarred expression as her jaw drops.
Leechpaw, his paw raised for a killing blow, and a terrified kitty pet pinned under him.
”Leechpaw!" Her calling is much more commanding then she intended, but she does with it. Quickly, she closes the gap between her and the fighting duo.
She looks down, angling her head slightly to get a better look at the kittypet before her blue gaze is flickered back upward towards him.
"Get off of them, now." Her order may be viewed as pathetic by her more bloodthirsty clanmates, but she couldn’t bring herself to care what an audience may think. She knew Leechpaw, he wasn’t a murderer, and she simply wouldn’t let him become one. Her apprentice, her responsibility- one she gladly embraced the day he was assigned to her.
Hopefully, by now Leechpaw would have stepped off of the kittypet, who’d still quivering on the ground with fear.
"You! Get up and leave- and if you ever come back, I’ll let him finish the job!" Her voice is icy, low, and demanding. Never before had she treated a trespasser with such ferocity, but she could only hope that would scare the kittypet enough to scramble out of there so she could tend to her apprentice.

"Speech."
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[ WHAT A TIME ]​

 

[VULTUREMASK]

Claws was shining in the sunlight ready to do the unthinkable. At that moment there was no rational thought just blinded in the heat of the moment. But then came the call, the name that commanded them into a freeze. Leechpaw!. The apprentice stood still, shocked back into reality as the paw got lowered down. He blinked his eyes but there was no remorse in his gaze as his livid wide eyes fell upon his mentor to stare judgingly at them. She orded them to step away, to let the kittypet go, and for a moment there was no reaction, no respond. Leechpaw just stared at his mentor like she had said the most outraging thing. If she hadn't been his mentor he might even have chosen to ignore her demand. But out of respect he eventually did what he was being told to do but not without disapproved hiss.

The moment he got of them the scared kittypet was quick to get up on thier paws to flee the scene, Echolight not needing to warn them a second time. Leechpaw stared after them with claws digging into the dirt, lips curling into a unhappy snarl. " Why did you interfere?!. I had it all under control!." he would start snarling at his mentor, his eyes locked back on them now his anger directed at them. Hissing again he would start to walk back and forth without leaving his eyes on Echolight even once. " If Sootstar hears about this...she will take that second eye of yours!." Was it a warning?. It could have been. Leechpaw's emotions was too much all over the place for the young tom to really think twice about what he said. It could all be empty words or a threat. But he was pissed - pissed at her for stopping him!. What right did she have.

[/FONT]
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[Echolight]

Barely had she spun around to look at him before anger fueled words are spat at her.
Her hard gaze softens slightly, and she parts her maw to speak, if only she could-
If Sootstar hears about this...she will take that second eye of yours!
Almost instantaneously her jaw snaps shut, and only stunned silence hangs in the air.
Something prickled along her spine, perhaps her own anger and hurt over such a hateful comment- but she shoved it down.
She sits then, her one eyed gaze trailing Leechpaw’s pacing.
A frown tugs at her maw but she resists it, trying to calculate her response. She knew what it was like to be blinded by rage, by grief- what she didn’t know was how to deal with it coming from another.
She straightens her back, looking away from Leechpaw then.
"You have it all under control? Then go. Go kill that kittypet, Leechpaw" she finally says, her tone is heavy without betraying her own feelings.
"Before, however, tell me that you’re ready to take another’s life, to feel their blood flowing at your paws. To take someone’s child, sibling. Or, better yet, to take the life of someone who couldn’t even stand against you" she continues, raising her chin to look at Leechpaw in a side-glance.
"If you can tell me you’re ready to do all that, and live with it, go. You’re quick, smart… you could catch up to them"
Would Echolight actually let her apprentice run after them? Probably not, with any luck the kittypet would have made it out of the moors by now.
She’d give another pause then, letting her words sink in before speaking once more. "I won’t apologize for letting you become someone you’re not- someone I don’t think you are, but I am not your leader, or your dictator, so I’m giving you a choice here."
Please, Leechpaw, prove me right.
"Speech."
​

[ WHAT A TIME ]​

 

[VULTUREMASK]

Silence. Nothing but silence came from his mentor. Not knowing how sharp his words had cut Leechpaw just continued on to walk back and forth with that snarl left untouched. If she didn't say anything soon he might really lose it!. And then she did.. telling him to, what?, go after the kittypet to finish what he had started?. Now he came to a stop to stare at his mentor with cold confusion. Just a moment ago she had stopt him from hurting that kittypet and now she was urging him to run after them?. If anything that was not what he had been expected to hear.

There was a moment when his gaze would drift over towards where the kittypet had run of to like he was seriously consider it now when the permission had been given to him. But then a low hiss escaped his throat knowing it was too late. That the kittypet already was far gone. Up until now he hadn't been thinking much about the aftermath, about what would happen afterwards... Echolight spoke again and this time a cold shiver got send down to the apprentice bone.

"Before, however, tell me that you're ready to take another's life, to feel their blood flowing at your paws. To take someone's child, sibling. Or, better yet, to take the life of someone who couldn't even stand against you"

HIs face turned pale and his eyes widen into terror. Ready to take another's life?. All breath seemed to get taken out from his lungs and his gaze slowly sank to face his own paws to stare at his claws. But what if his claws already was tainted?, tainted by the blood of his own littermates... It was not until now he realised how close he had been to actually...the anger had once again cloud his better judgement changing him into someone he couldn't even recognize.

"If you can tell me you're ready to do all that, and live with it, go. You're quick, smart… you could catch up to them" Echolight's words contunied to break him apart, shattter and leaving him into pieces. To make him remember...to make him question everything. What was he doing?. Or better yet, what was he becoming?. Leechpaw's breath grew heavier, he found it more difficult to breath. He was in distress, the emotions inside of him starting to spin and getting out of control. He could no longer think, no longer...think rationally. Everything was a mess. all he could see was the faces of his own littermates...Rosepaw...everyone he had lost. " S-shut up..." he mumbled the shaky words out, it might even have been unhearable for the warriors ears to hear.

"I won't apologize for letting you become someone you're not- someone I don't think you are, but I am not your leader, or your dictator, so I'm giving you a choice here."

" SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!. " he suddenly yelled, unable to hear anymore... He was shaking but he had no idea why he was even shaking so much. Clenching his teeth the apprentice finally looked up at his mentor with a look that only could be described with one word and that was desperation. " Then who the hell am i suppose to be then, huh?!." he snarled with agony, his lip starting to tremble. " I'm sick and tired of feeling this way all the time to feel so angry but i don't know how to make it stop!!." he just started to yell it all out, letting out everything he had been keeping in for so long. " I just want to make it fucking stop!!"

Leechpaw lifted up his own paw to place it across his chest. " Do you even know how it feels like to get suffocated by your own emotions...to...not even being able to control what you feel. How it makes me sick. How painful it is to the point i cannot even breath!! " The strength was leaving his voice, and his claws dug tightly into his own chest. His vision started to get blurred not even realising the hot tears that were starting to stream down his face. Leechpaw had never felt this defeated before, never having spoken out what his bleeding heart felt before. Lost his gaze fall to his own paws, blinking as his tears hit the ground. " I...never asked to become like this....i....don't even recognize myself anymore.. " Lost. He was lost and falling, falling into an cold and dark place and he was sacred - scared of himself and who he was becoming...
[


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[Echolight]

The horror that pales her apprentices face causes Echolight’s expression to pinch together, her brow bones furrowing and her teeth sinking into the inside of her cheek, something subtle for her to keep a grasp on her emotions.
He yells, both at her and into the moors that surround them. Echolight stays silent, not budging from where she sat except to shift to be facing him again.
” Do you even know how it feels like to get suffocated by your own emotions...to...not even being able to control what you feel. How it makes me sick. How painful it is to the point i cannot even breath!!”
The desperate words resonate with her, and she shakily inhales. "Yes, I do." Her response is simple and voice unwavering despite the emotion that has plastered itself to her expression.
"Leechpaw, sit down for a moment a breathe now, just focus on your breaths" she’d instruct, waiting for Leechpaw to do so before she’d approach him, refraining from touching him still, but sitting so if he were to lift his head, she’d only be a rabbit-length away.
"I know you didn’t ask for this, for your flaws and imperfections- nobody does, but they don’t have to control your life, do you understand? You learn to cope, you surround yourself with family- and I mean your real family, by blood or not. You persevere. There is no sugar coating this life shit, there’s no quick fixes. Look at me Leechpaw" her tone isn’t harsh, nor cold, but it is firm. "You are so much stronger than you think, and you are not alone, you know that. I’m always here, in your corner, and I promise you I’m not going anywhere. It will stop, but you have to meet your emotions in the middle, it’s work, it’s hard, but you won’t always feel like this" she assures, letting a pause hang in the air for a few moments for her words to be able to register in the youths mind.
"Come on, you’re gonna work this shit off. Hunting or sparring, it’s up to you, but we’re doing something, we’re much too small to keep such big emotions trapped inside us." With that, she’d get to her paws and take a step back, gesturing with her head to the open moors before them.
Perhaps, one day she’d tell the tom about her own life, her own scars. Right now however, her priority was getting him through his wounds.

"Speech."
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[ WHAT A TIME ]​