backwritten can't i even dream ღ addervenom

[whitedawn]

Since her youth, Whitepaw was always the gentler sort. She tended to shy away from most forms of aggression and wasn't the best when it came to confrontation. It was an unfortunate truth that when it came to Windclan, Whitepaw was amongst the few that simply didn't fit in. She would always view Windclan as her home, but it didn't deny that there were cats much more suited for life in Windclan, cats who have perished due to yellowcough. "you, a walking curse, still live!" Snakehiss's words still rang in her ears, despite it being numerous days since that encounter. It was the first time such words were ever said to her, even when Badgertooth bullied her when the tom was an apprentice, she hadn't ever been called a curse. She had tried to ignore the words and the feelings they brought along, but it was getting hard too with disaster after disaster happening. Before Snakehiss, her mentor had gone missing in a cave-in, and now rogues had chased them from territory to territory. The marshlands of Shadowclan weren't the moors, they felt wrong. She longed to return home. She had walked off from the Burnt Sycamore with a weak smile, the expression fading the further she went. She settled by the edge of the territory, sitting and facing the direction of Windclan's moorland. Her ears drooped and she began to briefly knead the ground before stopping, discomforted by the softer ground. She sighed, more of her estranged kin's words rung around her head, her heart hurting and body tense for those lost. "Rosepool should have received the lungwort, not you! She should be standing here, not you!"

She blinked, eyes glossy with tears as her ears perked up with the sound of approaching paw steps, lifting her head and turning towards the sound. "Oh... Hey Addervenom." She greeted softly, wiping at her eyes with a paw as she tried to offer the tom a tentative smile. "Is everything okay?" She asked quietly, trying to dismiss her own messy emotions.

// @Addervenom ​

[I'M BREATHING]​

 

[Addervenom]

His mother took great pride in revealing that these marshes were the very ones she grew up in. In her face he put on a vigilant air of prestigious acceptance, but within his heart he despised the spongey, sodden ground and dim lighting caused by gnarled trees. Somehow shadowclan managed to be worse than thunderclan in design. The silver chocolate tabby rose to his paws with the intention to make conversation with his littermates, to pick their brains a little over the unfortunate situation they've all found themselves in. That is until a flash of white grips his attention, fleeing the gathered clans to wander elsewhere. A minor frown decorates his visage before ultimately deciding to follow her, giving a dismissive flick of his tail toward another warrior calling out to him. If Sootstar was not calling for him then it could wait.

Weaving through the darkened forest he eventually catches up with her, watching as ivory ears lower in the midst of kneading paws. She greets him once she realizes he's there, her smile, though wavering is ever present and a question is presented. Although he chooses to answer her question with one of his own. "I am inclined to ask you that very question." Addervenom muttered with a twitch of his whiskers, gazing into glassy eyes. Something was clearly wrong and it irked him that he did not know what. "Something is bothering you." He states finally, as if the comment would help coax the reason out of her. ​

»»———- windclan warrior / ten moons old / he/him ———-««​

 

[whitedawn]

It was only a few moments before her question was turned against her, the tentative smile she had melting away as she turned away from him. "...A lot has happened to be bothered by." She responded softly, her ears drooping once more as soft-colored eyes focused on her paws. "I want to go home." She added quietly, and it was a common wish shared amongst the gathered group. No one was exactly joyful about the current circumstance, not with four of the five clans all sequestered in one area. It was exhausting, and yet still not the thing that bothered her the most. But how did she even go about expressing that? Should she even do so? Addervenom was one of her dearest friends, one she feared to lose. In a way, Snakehiss and Addervenom were much like an unflattering reflection. Both lost a parent to yellowcough, a parent that could've been saved if there was lungwort left. Snakehiss made his feelings towards her clear, but the anxious question was did Addervenom feel the same? She was scared to know truthfully, but at the same time, wouldn't it be better if she did? "Addervenom, can I ask you something?" She brought up a moment, taking a moment to spare him a hesitant glance, debating over her next words. "When...When Weaselclaw died," She paused, her face scrunching up, almost scared to say the words. "Did you wish that someone else died so he could have had the lungwort?" Her words were almost wobbling as she curled her tail. Her emotions felt like they were bursting at the seams. "I... Before the rogues came, I went to talk to Snakehiss about Rosepool since she passed... I wasn't close to her but she was still kin to me too. Snakehiss... Snakehiss got angry," She stammered, her words turning into an almost distressed ramble. "He said that I was a walking curse and that I shouldn't have had the lungwort. That Rosepool should've. And...And I tried to ignore it but I kept thinking about it along with everything else, and I started thinking that what if y-you or Cottonpaw thought the same thing with Weaselclaw?" She sniffled, rapidly blinking her eyes as they got blurry with tears. "I.." She fell silent, seeming to shrink in on herself. "..I keep thinking what if Snakehiss is right, that I don't deserve to be standing here over someone else who does." ​

[I'M BREATHING]​