pafp CITY OF STAR SHINE [ ✦ ] vigil

[Starlingheart]

// set retro to Granitepelt’s attack on her

A young life, taken from them too soon. Too close to the moons that they needed every able body in order to keep them fed, in order to keep all of their heads above water. And now she was gone, the fire in her soul extinguished so quickly, by something so avoidable. Her green eyes shift then, to Ferndance by her side. She had insisted on helping. For what end, Starlingheart is not certain. Guilt, perhaps, for what else could it be? She watches as the cinnamon brushed mollies tongue swipes over blackened fur, cleaning bloodied stains from the apprentices pelt and effectively hiding the wounds that had been her end.

She will not judge, not in this moment, not while they are saying goodbye but she does wonder. Had Ferndance not trusted her? To deliver her kits safely. She would have. She would have done everything in her power to make sure they had been born into warmth and light, that they would have only known joy in those first breath. Not pain and cold and death.

There are no herbs in ShadowClan’s territory that can mask the scent of death and the flowers that she would have woven into the fur of the departed had long since withered and died in the wake of the frost of leaf-bare. So she had nothing. The vigil would have to be swift, lest the scent became overwhelming and began to linger. Sprucepaw’s body is laid bare before her clanmates, cats gathered to say goodbye as she lays in the middle of the camp. With her eyes closed, it almost looks like she was sleeping, like she would wake any moment and turn that sharp tongue she had become so known for any minute on them. Burying her was a burden that Starlingheart wished was not hers to bare.

"Goodbye Sprucepaw, may you find peace and-and good hunting in the stars" she murmurs softly as she presses her dark nose into her fur one final time and then she steps back, motions to Ferndance who had stood beside her "If you would like to s-say a-a few words do it-do it now" she advises, a warning in her low voice. Now was not the time for jokes, or affronts to StarClan by using the name she had tried to bestow upon her in her final moments despite not being a leader blessed with nine lives. She does not say it though, instead she allows the queen this moment. To apologize, to make peace with the cat who had paid for the cost of her mistakes, whatever it was that she wished to do here.

// please wait for @FERNDANCE

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[FERNDANCE]

"Fernie, I can't stay. You've seen the way pops looks at me, mama can't even do that. It ain't fair, but life ain't fair."
"You didn't mean to do it... can't you say that? Can't you say it was an accident?"
"Don't matter... I got her killed, end of."

It was nature in the ephemeral world to find patterns and try and make sense of the chaos. She could acknowledge it, but she was not above it; once upon a time, a sibling had taken the blame for someone's death and fled, now, it felt as if she was a part of the same story. Only, there was no fleeing what had happened, not when four innocent souls lay at her belly every night, not when her life had fallen into their paws, no longer her own to control until the day they flew the coop. She wanted to be with them every second of every hour of every day, the nursery feeling like less of a prison and more of a hunting ground for any creature that would want to hurt them. It was difficult to ignore that Starlingheart's mate had contributed towards that feeling, thankfully, it had not stopped her from reaching out to the medicine cat. If she could not run from the pain, then she would stand her ground.

Fussing over Sprucepaw's fur as if the apprentice was her own kitten, Ferndance's eyes grew heavy as she worked. No amount of licks or head bumps could bring her back to life, so she settled for trying to hide the wounds instead, breathing like the rattle of a snake's tail. Sleep was a coquette the Queen had managed to ignore for what felt like an eternity. After the vigil, she would rest, she told herself, though whether such a reality could occur was beyond her imagination. Too much had happened, thoughts too restless and shadows too dark, only if she could sleep with a friend by her side did the idea seem truly plausible. Starlingheart's voice broke the ticked tabby out of her thoughts and her large ears swivelled backwards.

'Sprucepaw doesn't fit...' Ferndance thought with the coil of her whiplike tail. 'She was braver than any warrior...' A prompt came and her gaze shot back instinctively, a warning of her own. The owl-like swivel of her head back towards Sprucepaw's corpse was slow, drawn out - stalling. It was not that she didn't want to say anything, it was just that there was too much to say. They had been near-strangers, even if it was only duty to a clan that made the apprentice act the way she did, it didn't change how grateful she felt for the sacrifice. They would meet again, until then, all Ferndance could do was keep her memory alive through her kittens. Bloodkit, for what needed to be spilled to keep one's family safe. Bonekit, for the only thing that would remain of one's life in the forest if cats did not share their stories (Needledrift had not been keen to keep the other two's names, Carrionkit and Foxkit, further reminders of the things she had seen and learned). "I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do. It's... oh I don't like the way this is making me feel." Her paws were shaking, the cold she wanted to blame it on - it would be so much easier than confronting the grief.

Ferndance's stomach twisted in knots as she sat back to admire the corpse. They'd done their best, given ShadowClan's absence of anything. Most importantly, they had made Sprucepaw look peaceful - if one did not try to find the slashes within the dark fur, they may have never known that she was killed in combat. The feline's voice, usually singsongy and high-pitched, grew husky as she spoke next, as if she had somehow worn it out screaming despite never uttering a sound. "You've returned to your true self, bathed in perennial starlight. I don't plan on seeing you again for a long long time, but when I do... you can have one of my bestest trinkets." Ferndance would just have to decide which one that was.

With that, the molly closed her eyes, swaying softly in the wind as she fought off the exhaustion.

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[Frostbite]

He sits quietly, looking over Sprucepaw's body. He feels a roiling inner turmoil at the whole situation. He fought with himself in an endless back and forth over how he felt about it, but he managed to keep it on the inside. He wouldn't let such negative emotions show during a vigil, no matter how easy it would be to shoot a cold glare towards Ferndance and verbally eviscerate her. This was not the time or place for it.

He keeps calm, and his eyes never leave Sprucepaw's body.

"You didn't deserve this." He says quietly. This clan failed her. She would still be alive if Ferndance had stayed put, yes, but things could have gone different if the clan hadn't been so negligent about her whereabouts in the first place and had her mentor been with her like she was supposed to. Looking at Sprucepaw fills him with a sense of near hopelessness. How will he ever fix this clan to be better? There were so many points at which Sprucepaw's life could have been saved, and they missed every one.

"You deserved to live longer. To live a full life, find joy and happiness....And it was all taken from you too soon." He continues. He wishes he could say he would avenge her, but strong as he is, he cant kill a fox. Unless he got extremely lucky, and luck does not dwell in the marsh. "I hope you can find these things still, in Starclan."

"We will do better. This will not come to pass again." He finishes. Despite the dull, hopeless look in his eyes, he manages to muster just a little bit of confidence into his tone. He can't let himself succumb to the hopelessness that keeps growing inside.​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

DON'T YOU GIVE ME UP, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP​

---

there was so many cats at fault for this. this was an avoidable death. this was something that could have been stopped but it wasn't. mapleberry, her mentor, has stupidly sent here there. saying they needed to split up. and now... they'd never remeet. there would be no report of the patrol because that report dies with sprucepaw. and if ferndance hadn't felt so compelled to leave, for whatever reason she tried to justify, then this wouldn't have happened. two adults made decisions that led to the death of an apprentice, and could have gotten the kits killed too. it hurts to know they can't really do anything but watch in agony.

"may you find peace in the stars..."

they murmur quietly.
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