COUNTING THE ZERO | wormwatcher

[FERNDANCE]

The lizard caught between her teeth tasted like ash, the thought of eating it felt awful. Her patrol had promised it to her, perhaps feeling something because the she-cat had thrust herself back into work so soon, but it wasn't a handout she wanted. Though she knew it shouldn't, it annoyed her... almost, that they did not blame her for what happened to Needledrift. So much in ShadowClan had been her fault, the one time such a sentiment felt true, where a moment of hesitation had cost a clanmate their life, no one had anything to say but 'sorry'. She didn't understand it, didn't like it; why did no one hate her for being partway to blame for the loss of her precious Bug? She didn't even know if she wanted to be ostracised, but the idea that she wasn't was something to focus on other than the horrible red that stained Needledrift's neck, the feeling of unspeakable rage whenever she imagined ThunderClan's Deputy standing proudly over her corpse.

Her blood ran cold.

It was pure coincidence the first animal she encountered was her long-term friend and former apprentice, at least, that was what she wanted to imagine. Unadulterated chaos, the randomness of it, the joy it could bring not knowing what came next - it was what she was, to imagine herself seeking some sort of normalcy with a confidant was... so unlike herself, so unlike what she wanted to be. But perhaps chaos wasn't so strange after all. No matter how the paths wound, everything had an end, from a fox's burrow to the very tip of the tallest tree. One day she would meet Needledrift again and share regret that their paths had diverged so soon.

Sluggishly, she dropped the lizard in front of Wormwatcher, blinking wearily down at it. "It's cold... you need to keep your strength up," she mewed to him, refusing to meet his gaze. An unspoken conversation starter danced between them, but Ferndance didn't want to be the one to break it open.

[ @Wormwatcher ]
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[Wormwatcher]

Wormwatcher's never been touched by death in the capacity many of his clanmates have been. He has seen so many grieve, all in their individual ways varying from recklessness to downright despair; he's been a witness to it all. He'd seen Ferndance's heartache over Splashdance's disappearance and tried his hardest to close the distance imposed between them as she and Needledrift raised their kits. She is always there for him, as he is for her but he worries there is nothing that he can do for her. He can not take away the memory of Needledrift's murder, all he can do is try to soften the throes of her grief and be there in whatever way she'll need.

The tom hadn't been assigned to the hunting patrol Ferndance and it had been by pure coincidence he'd happened upon Ferndance; maybe his subconscious guided him to her. Unseen forces have always prodded them together like magnets. "Ferny?" Wormwatcher shoulders his way through some fronds and approaches slowly. He hasn't been so concerned for her ever before. He tracks her movement as she sets the lizard down at his paws, head lowering with hers and rising as she does. It makes him uncomfortable to not make eye contact but he relents as she evades it. He'd normally rush forward to greet her with affection but hesitates.

The lizard at his paws remains untouched as his eyes scan over her, scrutinizing each stray piece of fur but also her flank. '...you need to keep your strength up, he doubts she's keeping her strength up either. Worry now gnaws at him when he considers how she may not be taking care of herself at all. He doubts she has eaten much and wouldn't even blame her. Wormwatcher recalls having the same concern for Forestshade as she mourned Chilledstar and he'd subtlety- or not so subtlety- shared a meal with her to be sure she'd been getting some nutrients. Wormwatcher tenses his jaw and then falls back on his haunches and sighs, "I will have a nibble, heh? You will have the rest."

He has his bite and immediately slides it towards Ferndance. "Eat, preferably before it freezes or something." His shoulders hunch forward as he considers what to say, or if he should say nothing at all. "Fern, you know I am always here. I'm not sure if... if you want to talk about Needledrift..." He knows it is normally expected to share a memory about the deceased to comfort their loved ones, but he can't think of any... Stars, he really was detached himself from anyone who mattered for so long. Wormwatcher's tail taps uneasily against the snow before he curls it around his forepaw.

"Needledrift wouldn't want you to waste away. Your kits don't deserve to see that either," He doesn't want to see it... just seeing the surface level pain of her lost crushes him. He doesn't like to be so frank with Ferndance, it's strange to seemingly speak down to her. "Nothing can heal your pain. Ignoring it is a disservice to her, an invalidation of everything the two of you had, could have had. You need to speak about it or you'll rot in your regrets. You need to promise to me that you will not throw yourself into danger on purpose or do anything ridiculous." Wormwatcher shrugs and sways his head as he falls silent, weighing his own words and considering what to say next.

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something lost and never seen ⋆⁺₊.𖥔 ݁☾⋆⁺𖥔₊.⋆ ──.✦ SOMETHING TAKES A PART OF ME

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  sorry for the late reply!!! <33
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  WORMWATCHER
  —— a tall, slender and angular 50% oriental shorthair black/blue chimera with low white with pale blue eyes.
  —— shadowclan warrior
  —— he/him ⋆ homosexual (closeted)
  —— 31 moons ⋆ ages every 10th

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