- Sep 15, 2022
- 157
- 27
- 28
((TW for self loathing))
When feelings of self loathing become so strong that Yewberry can't stand his own pelt, he goes outside the barn to a secluded spot to vent or cry it out. Nobody hates him more than he does. He could go over the same tired thoughts as to why, but they give him a headache now. His mind will travel the same beaten path and reach no conclusion for what he should do with himself. It leaves him exhausted and with a headache. It's pointless. After one such excursion, Yewberry comes back to the barn with dull, sullen eyes that are incapable of holding the same warmth or light they once did.
He still can't keep his fur flat when he sees the windclanners around. They would have killed him without a second thought not so long ago. Is he really safe here? He thinks about this daily. Once they take back the moors, will they turn around and kill him? Honestly, being dead sounds a lot less complicated than having a mind that doesn't stop thinking until it cant anymore. Sometimes he prays a rock will hit him hard enough to knock him out.
But he is not blessed with a rock this afternoon, so he is unfortunately conscious.
Even as he walks to the barn he can't stop the negative thoughts raging in his head. How he hates himself, how his reflection makes him sick, how his name, ironically, is poison on his tongue. Sad, useless, pathetic, spineless little bastard.
He can't take this anymore. He can't keep living like this. When he spots Sunstride, he quickly but still cautiously makes his way over. He doesn't stand too close, but he is close enough to have a conversation.
"Sunstride..." His voice rasps. "I want to talk to you, if you have a moment." He says.
A new start. He wants to shed his skin and be someone new that isn't who he is now, a terrible friend, terrible father. If he wants to take it all and shove it behind him..... He will need help, and a new name. A new pelt would be nice too, his being all scarred, but. That is not within the realm of possibility.
@SUNSTRIDE
When feelings of self loathing become so strong that Yewberry can't stand his own pelt, he goes outside the barn to a secluded spot to vent or cry it out. Nobody hates him more than he does. He could go over the same tired thoughts as to why, but they give him a headache now. His mind will travel the same beaten path and reach no conclusion for what he should do with himself. It leaves him exhausted and with a headache. It's pointless. After one such excursion, Yewberry comes back to the barn with dull, sullen eyes that are incapable of holding the same warmth or light they once did.
He still can't keep his fur flat when he sees the windclanners around. They would have killed him without a second thought not so long ago. Is he really safe here? He thinks about this daily. Once they take back the moors, will they turn around and kill him? Honestly, being dead sounds a lot less complicated than having a mind that doesn't stop thinking until it cant anymore. Sometimes he prays a rock will hit him hard enough to knock him out.
But he is not blessed with a rock this afternoon, so he is unfortunately conscious.
Even as he walks to the barn he can't stop the negative thoughts raging in his head. How he hates himself, how his reflection makes him sick, how his name, ironically, is poison on his tongue. Sad, useless, pathetic, spineless little bastard.
He can't take this anymore. He can't keep living like this. When he spots Sunstride, he quickly but still cautiously makes his way over. He doesn't stand too close, but he is close enough to have a conversation.
"Sunstride..." His voice rasps. "I want to talk to you, if you have a moment." He says.
A new start. He wants to shed his skin and be someone new that isn't who he is now, a terrible friend, terrible father. If he wants to take it all and shove it behind him..... He will need help, and a new name. A new pelt would be nice too, his being all scarred, but. That is not within the realm of possibility.
@SUNSTRIDE