DARK DAWN [ sparrowpaw ]

[SILVERSMOKE]

Auburnflame's apprentice was a curious one. Silversmoke had not been there for their joining, his attention likely wrapped in Bananapaw's assessment or Chrysalispaw training or whatever other thing the clan's youth needed him for, but Sparrowpaw already had a host of attention around them. They were the timidest thing that Silversmoke had ever laid his eyes upon, a feat when he shared a den with Butterflytuft and a great contrast between the circle of apprentices that the tabby was used to bickering with. To have a scar like that so young spoke of a tale that Silversmoke had no business learning of, though, it helped him form his own theories about Sparrowpaw's unfortunate demeanor. Had they been overseen by someone else, the chocolate tabby would've likely never garnered the Lead Warrior's attention for more than a few minutes, but Auburnflame had been given one helluva first apprentice to train and he wanted to make things easier for his calico friend. Giving himself time to settle down after Slate's disappearance, it wasn't until sunhigh the next day that the maine coon was ready to approach Sparrowpaw.

With their mentor not in sight and Sparrowpaw seemingly on their lonesome, Silversmoke took the opportunity. He moved closer to the tabby on quiet paws, circling around them until he was face-to-face with the apprentice. Silversmoke tried to remain a tail length apart from them, his ability to show off his proud maine coon heritage marred as he relaxed his limbs and lowered his head to be at eye-level with the younger cat. Apparently, he was good at terrifying kittens... he would try not to do that here. "That was quite the reaction to have for a cat you don't know." He observed in an even tone, a tufted ear twitching as he ran through his memories of the announcement. Such panic was unsettling and worsened his own that he tried to keep beneath a veil of stoicism and pride. Even now, memories of snapping twigs and a red coat clawed at the corners of his mind, threatening him to relive the emotions of witnessing his rival's unearned defeat. Silversmoke shook his head, his striped tail swaying at a velocity to suggest irritation, though he didn't know what on earth was bothering him the most. Everything seemed to be going wrong at the moment, at least he could try and make one thing right here. "Are you alright?"

@sparrowpaw!
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[sparrowsong!]

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Sparrowpaw hadn't seemed to quite recover from that day's ordeal until the following morning, doing their best to lose themself in the comfort of their friend and mentor until they could be ushered to the apprentices' den for privacy.

Even now they were surprisingly quiet, mind plaguing them with events that replayed over and over, with the fear that it was all for naught and they would be next after all. They didn't want to die. Yet if they thought about it, did they deserve to be here now, after fleeing it all? What could they have done against them?

The tabby had been staring blankly at their paws when Silversmoke approached, expression that was crinkled ever so slightly the only thing to betray ongoing thought, unpleasant of not. The sudden scent that hit their nose was enough to make them jolt, glazed eyes suddenly alert as they snapped up to the silver feline.

Uncertain as they took in his gruff expression, Sparrowpaw's ears tilted back a few degrees. His comment had them pressing back further, watching him lay so that they were eye level. He was... talking about yesterday. Their jaw tightened ever so slightly.

Are you alright?

Eye contact broke, and their gaze drifted to their paws, which tucked closer to their body. No, they... they weren't sure that they had really felt alright in a while. Sometimes, they wondered if they ever would again. While their shoulder had almost entirely healed, the scar it left behind was a grim reminder.

There was a pause between his question and their answer, but at last it came, quiet and watery. "I don't think so." They wanted to be, but at the same time, they didn't want to be. How could they be? Nothing was normal anymore. They liked SkyClan. They liked the SkyClanners, but they didn't want it to be their new normal. They wanted to go home, to snuggle up with their family and laugh and play games, but every thought of Twolegplace made their stomach do flips and their breath catch in their throat.

Sparrowpaw seemed to be struggling to find their next words, teeth worrying their lip and head turning to the side. "You can't go," they sputtered weakly at last. "They'll- they'll take you all too they'll hurt you, they'll- you won't come back." Their voice cracked then, and they lapsed into silence.​

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[SILVERSMOKE]

Sparrow didn't think they were alright. Silversmoke's ears angled back briefly, suddenly, they realised they hadn't quite thought this deed through. His advice in the past had seldom been helpful for anyone but himself, an emotional disconnect from most of the solutions in favour of something that would benefit the clan the most - except, that wasn't always easy when emotion was the clear solution. Paws shuffling uncomfortably, subconsciously matching the energy of the frantic apprentice, Silversmoke slowly regained some of his height. He blinked incredulously as they got their words out - what was it with cats trying to explain what he already knew? Did he look like some thuggish rogue who didn't know how anything worked? Silversmoke steeled his temper against the budding irritation, reminding himself that Sparrowpaw was a newcomer and... their words seemed less directed at him and more at themself. There was little power in their voice, and had his hearing been worse the Lead Warrior may not have heard them at all. "We'll get turned into kittypets? Become playthings until we die of starvation or injury?"

His mouth was dry as he spoke, his words mewed as if rehearsed a dozen times over already and his twitching tail becoming agitated the longer he dwelled on the thought. It was much more than a dozen times he'd come to that conclusion. Life had been good with a Twoleg, until it hadn't. The switch had happened faster than a lightning bolt, beyond just Ashenclaw or Twitchbolt or even Slate, he feared everyone's twolegs changing at some point or another. They were unpredictable creatures that left his fur coarse and ruffled at the mere mention of them alone. "I'm not the one who can make that decision, anyhow. Our lives are in Blazestar's paws, trust him to guide us correctly." It was rare for the Ragdoll to be wrong from the tabby's perspective, perhaps too forgiving and sentimental, but hardly wrong. Quieter teetering came from the Lead Warrior's white paws as he spun them on the spot, left and right and left and right, cursing the awkwardness. Jaws clenched, he struggled to find the words that would abate Sparrowpaw's fears. He would tell them they were not alone in fearing the cursed beasts, had it not been for the questions that could be posed by such relatability. Silversmoke didn't need the clans looking down on him for what he once was.

Clearing his throat, he enquired, "That mark on your pelt, is that twoleg doing?" Was that too insensitive? StarClan, he hoped not. "You shiver and speak like someone who has experienced their methods first paw. I don't need an explanation if you can't give one, just a nod or shake of the head is fine."
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[sparrowsong!]

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Beneath Silversmoke's scrutiny, Sparrowpaw seemed to shrink further and further into themself. They didn't know why he was asking them about it. Did they do something wrong? They didn't know, if they had- it wasn't on purpose.

The larger tom drawled on with dry words, chocolate ears inching closer to their skull. Did twolegs truly do that, too? They could feel the growing heat in their breath, the tears beginning to prick at their eyes.

He wasn't the one to make the decisions, he went on to say. It was the job of Blazestar to determine their fate, a statement that settled an intense dread into their belly. They couldn't help the intense doubt they felt at the idea of one cat being in charge of everyone. It seemed wrong, strange. Nobody at home had assumed such absolute control before. Even so, SkyClan seemed to have the utmost faith in the massive tom. He was not to be challenged, something they had already been told.

In the end, Sparrowpaw didn't respond to the comment, doubt after doubt filling their skull. Surely Blazestar could see that it was dangerous? He wouldn't make them all go, risk them to the same fate? They bit back a thin whimper.

The following question jolted them out of their thoughts, round eyes that brimmed with tears flickering up to the scarred tom before twisting around to peer at their own. Healed now, but they could still feel the white-hot burn in their memory. The tabby's throat was tight, and they swallowed. His question was plain, hanging in the air. It didn't require a response, yet felt like a demand all the same, mismatched eyes burning into their pelt.

"They didn't even touch me," came their eventual admission, strangled and thin. Then, searching for words, another gap broken only by a hiccup. "I don't understand," they choked. The twolegs had been so kind, giving food and speaking soft words as they passed and stroking them with their strange paws. They gave gifts, sometimes, bright colored toys and soft pelts to sleep on. What did they do wrong?

"They were nice, but they were mad, and I don't know why but they were mad and they grabbed us and hurt us and they were yelling and everyone was screaming and-" Drained of their breath they sputtered to a halt, sucked it back in with a shudder. A forced recollection of themself. "They didn't even touch me," they whined again, and tears dripped from damp cheeks. "It was louder than thunder. I don't know what happened, I ran and then I was hurting and I was scared. They were mad and now everyone is gone."

That was it. That was all it took.

Sparrowpaw had sunk down to the earth, pale paws crossed over their face to hide it from the world, shoulders shaking with soft sobs. "You can't go," they begged once more. "You'll bleed too, you won't come back."​

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[SILVERSMOKE]

"Something loud was thrown at you?" He pointed his peach nose towards the air and contemplated momentarily. Louder than thunder, untouched by human paws. Silversmoke had heard rumours of such things and as he lowered his cranium and tilted his brows, he pondered if Sparrowpaw was referring to what he thought they did. "Do you mean a thunderstick got you?" A long twig that could pierce a cat's ears just as easily as its skin. Some elder's tales were hard to believe, Silversmoke couldn't help but feel at even the most outlandish tale was true when it concerned his enemy though. He cleared his throat. "Apologies, we don't have a proper name for it. It just feels the most fitting." Pensive, the Lead Warrior's silence grew stifled once more. There were no right words to say to someone who had told you secrets dire enough to cause bile to bubble in one's throat, except for three very hollow ones that couldn't even begin to convey what it meant to be trusted with such a thing. "I am sorry." He wished he could sink his black claws into a twoleg's eye, but the beasts were too intimidating. Silversmoke didn't think such an action would even phase one of the giants, their skin was soft but there was so much of it that nothing seemed to stick for very long.

His feathered tail poofed out the more the Lead Warrior brooded. He nearly recoiled as Sparrowpaw curled in on themselves, his brain growing cloudier and cloudier as he searched for a response to such a display. 'I guess I deserve that, he remarked grimly. He'd seen how frail Sparrowpaw was and still pushed them. "Oh for StarClan's—" He raised a paw, briefly pressing it to his broad muzzle as he worked to steel himself against the wave of negative emotions that wanted to push itself towards Sparrowpaw. Silversmoke wondered how stupid he must have looked to the average cat, for so many of them to try and explain basic concepts to him. It'd been Johnny at first, telling him that coyotes were like dogs, and now it was Sparrowpaw, repeating themselves after Silversmoke had already insisted that he had no authority on whether he stayed or went. The mane of fur around the Lead Warrior's neck rose and fall with each calming breath. 'They're scared... they're scared and they're not thinking straight. Don't be mad.... don't be mad...'

Silversmoke sighed sharply. "If you're going to become a SkyClanner, you'll bleed for a lot more than just Twolegs. We have enemies in every corner of these woods, too many of them would hurt a cat like you without so much as a second thought." It was incomprehensible that someone had not told the newcomer that already, or perhaps that had, and that was why Sparrow looked as despondent as a lost puppy. "But, I have no death wish. I'm not going, not unless I'm asked to." He promised, awkwardly trying to nudge Sparrowpaw's head with an ivory paw. He waited until he caught a glimpse of their sad blue eyes peeking past their paws before he spoke again, firmer this time. "I am going to let you in on a little secret - I know what it means to be betrayed by Twolegs. I know what crossing them means. I can't say I know your fear, but I am sure I have felt something like it at one point. It doesn't get easier to carry that burden, but you are surrounded by good cats. They can't carry it for you, but they'll be there for you the entire time. Trust in them, trust the process."
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[sparrowsong!]

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Silversmoke's contemplation as well as the suggestion of thunderstick was met with nothing. Silence hung in the air between them, broken only by Sparrowpaw's erratic breathing and the background chatter of the SkyClan camp. He apologized, and they shook their head near frantically.

Words of barely suppressed frustration hiss from his maw, and still they do not raise their head, claws lightly sinking in as if to hold themself together. One by one they would all be taken, never to return. Would there be anyone left, by the time it was their turn? Would they be well and truly alone in their final moments? They didn't want to die. They didn't want to be alone.

Silversmoke sighed abruptly, and Sparrowpaw flinched. His following words were far from reassuring, with only a twitch of their ears a sign that they'd heard. There were far more things that would hurt them than just twolegs, none of which would bat an eye about drawing blood. Why? How could anyone possibly be driven by such hatred? What did they do? The questions were trapped in their throat, too tight to do little more than suck in air with a shudder.

They just wanted to go home.

A paw nudged them then, and their breath caught itself, body going stiff. Thoughts scattered. After a moment's hesitation they shifted, watery eyes no longer hidden and hesitantly turning up toward the silver warrior. A secret, he offers. Part of them didn't want to listen; part of them wanted to go back to curling up as tight as they could, willing everything away until it was all okay again.

Even so, they listen, and he tells. He tells of betrayal, of fear and similar pain. Sparrowpaw lowered their eyes again, shoulders shaking with an involuntary hiccup. It won't get easier, he says, but they hadn't ever seen how it could. How could it? How could they move on, continue living life as if it hadn't happened in the first place? Maybe that was part of why they were afraid.

They were doing it even now, even if they were still scared, still sad. Living, even smiling and laughing, when they never would again, when they couldn't do it with them. Was that wrong of them? If they died one day, would the same happen? Would everyone move on, would the world continue like it had never noticed their presence to begin with? Eyes scrunching shut, fresh tears rolled down their cheeks.

They were surrounded by good cats, Silversmoke said, and Sparrowpaw could only offer the smallest of nods. They'll be there. Trust the process, trust in them. "I'm sorry," they said, and their voice was tiny.

A moment's pause, and a wet sniffle to break it. "'M sorry," the chocolate tabby repeated. They just... "I miss them." Then their voice cracked, and that was it.​

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[SILVERSMOKE]

Silversmoke never thought silence could have been so damning, its presence like a vice as he tried to give Sparrowpaw some much-needed perspective. He couldn't determine how recently they'd suffered, and as much as he'd said that time did not make things easier, perhaps he should not have admitted such a thing had the incident happened within the last moon. 'I might have made it worse.... Auburnflame.' He thought in silence, his brows creased together as he closed his eyes. 'Pray forgive me if I have, friend.' It was a relief when they spoke again, but their words caused him no fewer doubts. Staring incredulously at the chocolate tabby, the Lead Warrior raised a paw to his broad muzzle. "I don't even think you know what you're sorry for. It's fine, whatever it is." At the very least, Silver was clueless as to why the apprentice was apologising. It was one thing to try and pacify a situation with such words, or to sincerely feel guilt, it was another thing entirely to say it without meaning. Just as soon as he tried to make sense of it, there was another apology. His ears flick as if maddened by a fly, and the rigid posture of the Lead Warrior loosened.

I miss them. Those earnest words gave the silver tabby pause for longer this time, partially out of fear of the upcoming waterworks and partially out of recollection. His murmur was as quiet as snow, meant for himself instead of Sparrowpaw. "I don't doubt it." At least Sparrowpaw had closure, that was more than what most cats could say, more than what he could say. He didn't know how to mourn someone who wasn't truly dead, or if grief was even possible for someone he didn't know should he find out his family had fallen. It made the Lead Warrior's head hurt, and deciding that focusing on himself would do him no favours, he instead forced his thoughts onto the other tabby. 'Just no more lectures, one of us is going to die if that happens and I cannot tell who anymore.' "Why don't you tell me about them, then?" Memories were an intimate thing, best shared only with those closest to you - but Silversmoke always had been the exception to his own logic. Besides, some leeway always had to be considered, especially if it was to help a very good friend.

Guilt momentarily panged in his heart. Right, he wasn't even doing this for Sparrowpaw, was he? He bunched his paws closer together, gnawing his own tongue at the selfishness. "Again, only if you want to. It makes no difference to me if you trust me with that information or not but... I guess I am trying to help. I don't know. Maybe."
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