deja vu | luckypaw

[SCORCHSTORM]

There are too many emotions to name swirling in Scorchpaw's chest. There has not been a reason to smile since even before her departure with the rest of WindClan's chosen saviors; her last few days in camp had been tear-littered and hard to bear. The loss of her mentor; the loss of her father; the loss of her credibility when she spoke out of turn for him. Was it really so easy to be disloyal? As her cream-dipped paws stalk across foreign land, she thinks of Cherrypaw; as the nights grow long, she talks to Cherrypaw; as the sun comes up in the mornings, she feels paralyzed by the idea that falling out of grace could be so easy. Had Badgermoon wanted power as she wants the companionship of the opal-furred molly? Where even was he? None of the journey cats had spoken a word about the tuxedo tom or his partner among their ranks. The fact enrages her. It heats her grief into malleable anger that she can form into points and turn on others.

They've set up camp for the night and Scorchpaw cannot sleep. The trees crowd Silverpelt, and she loathes the way it makes her feel claustrophobic. She wonders if Luckypaw feels the opposite, forced out into the open after working primarily underground for so long. It's been so long since they've really talked like they did when they were kits. Ever time she has looked at him lately, she has felt the sharp claw of jealousy stab through her tender heart; he was quickly outrunning her, with his rabbit catch (when was the last time she'd caught prey?) and his confidence (how had he spoken up for this journey before her?) and his mentor who was still around (what more can be said there?). But they have at least one thing in common, now: they have a traitor's blood in their veins.

She'd wager to say they have more than that in common, and it is that search for comfort that draws her near her paler-furred littermate now. The journey has already been hard, and it is made harder by the grief they both must carry. But other thoughts mingle at the back of her skull, and it is those that she wishes to voice. The ember-furred girl nudges Luckypaw's ear with her nose. "Are you awake?" she meows quietly, no room for a smile on heavy black lips. Whether he answers or not, she curls into place beside him, their pelts sharing some small, comforting warmth. "I can't sleep."

/ retro to river crossing! @LUCKYPAW

𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒 𝐌𝐎𝐈 𝐋𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐔𝐆𝐄 ✧ 𝘼𝙁𝙏𝙀𝙍 𝙈𝙀 𝘾𝙊𝙈𝙀𝙎 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙁𝙇𝙊𝙊𝘿

• 

• 
  
  — scorchkit . scorchpaw
  — she/they ; apprentice of windclanclan
  — short-haired tortoiseshell she-cat with low white and orange/yellow eyes
  — "speech" ; thoughts
  — penned by meghan
  — chibi by giinya, ref & profile art by me

​

 

[LUCKYPAW]

┌─────────────────── ☽【❖】☾ ───────────────────┐​

With so much going on around, so many new experiences and worries new and old alike, it would almost be easy to forget about everything else left behind - almost. If only he could be so lucky, like his namesake, to start this journey as a blank slate, without the knowledge of the events of the last few days weighing him down, as though he were slowly being crushed beneath dirt-packed walls, his heart caged in and restricted at all sides. The very ones who would know what he's feeling are either left behind back at home or reminders of what has passed, though he wouldn't trade Scorchpaw's or Scorchstreak's presence alongside the other WindClanners for the world - really, truly, he doesn't think he'd be able to do this without them. Any of this - the journeying, or the processing, even if it's done silently and privately. They're both going through the same thing, he tells himself, even when they don't seem to falter; especially when they don't seem to falter, not after what he's taken to calling that day. Where his pawsteps are uncertain, Scorchpaw's are decisive, filled with intent and purpose, and it's always been like that, hasn't it? She'd always had more drive, more focused skill, and he could almost convince himself that's what it is - that she's simply doing what she does best, working through things with much more ease than he could ever muster, if he hadn't been there on that day. If he hadn't seen her, hadn't heard her.

It's soil in his mouth, he thinks, a rock wedged in his stomach, to think of how passionately she had tried to defend Badgermoon, only to be struck down from all sides; is that what would have happened to him, too, if he had done anything with his own incredulity other than uselessly standing there, jaw slack with horror and mind refusing anything but spinning? All this and more has plenty of time to fester as they travel up and across the countryside, encountering things he'd hardly dreamed of. Perhaps in a different lifetime, it would have even been a little exciting amidst the unnerving nature of the sprawling foliage, but in this one everything still feels ever-so-slightly dulled after the shock of his life being turned upside down in one day - just one moment, one decision. What if Badgermoon and Curlewnose had succeeded, he wonders to himself, when left to his own devices - what if they had set out on this journey not under Sootstar, but under Badgerstar? The idea is raw, like a wound being scrubbed against the dirt, and it's these moments that he starts to tune into those around him, listening idly to the chatter of the WindClanners and any of the other Clan cats that dared wander from the seclusion of their own Clans. If he were lucky, there would be some discovery made, some new thing to draw his attention away from his festering thoughts long enough to focus on something more productive, but he never forgot completely. Never again would he feel so blissfully naive, he thinks; things might one day get better, even if it doesn't seem so just yet, but they'd never quite be the same.

Walking day in and day out, you'd think he'd be exhausted; if it's possible, he feels even beyond that. A dull ache thuds through his paws most of the time, and so far the sleeping arrangements haven't done him any favors. Too different from WindClan, any rest he gets is fitful at best, and tonight finds him no different, curled beneath a star-dotted sky that he can hardly see. If there weren't the scents of the other Clans around him - if there weren't the sounds and smells of strange lands - if things were different, entirely so, he could almost imagine himself back in camp. Despite any troubles they might have had, troubles that ring hollow and acrid now after that day, his and Scorchpaw's nests were still piled next to one another, back in camp, and here, too, their makeshift sleeping arrangements are tucked close to one another. If he wanted to, he could reach over to where she would be lying, stretch his paws out and graze her pelt - but he doesn't, the chasm between them cracking and crumbling but still there, in some form. In fact, he doesn't even realize that she's not already tucked away for another restless night until she's suddenly right there, slotting herself against his side with a soft question. No greetings are exchanged, he can't tell if that feels terribly wrong or terribly right anymore. Frame uncurling ever so slightly, relished the feel of another body beside him before finally the silence stretches on too long for him to wait any longer to reply. "Yeah...I can't really, either." It's not much, but it feels almost like an admittance. Perhaps it's the soft pelt pressed against him, perhaps the stress of being away from home, or perhaps he's just been keeping it in too long; either way, his next confession comes slower, even quiet than before. "I haven't been sleeping well since the journey was announced. Especially not after, well - you know." The rest of his words go unsaid, though he's sure his littermate knows exactly what's in his heart in this shared moment.​

i'm falling into place, but still the timing's not right (☘) yeah that's a fire i just can't seem to light

• OOC: --​
• 
• 
  - Luckykit Luckypaw
  - He/him (AFAB)
  - 5 moons (Ages on the 1st)
  - Kit Apprentice of WindClan
  - Small blue tortoiseshell with white spotting & green eyes
  - Art by myself & meghan respectively! <33
  - Minor powerplay allowed!
  - Penned by Hijinks​