DEJA VU ;; private, dawn.

[Fireflyglow]

@DAWNGLARE

It's grown peaceful, the quiet of the medicine den; the High Priest and his soft hymns a momentary comfort from reality. His sister was missing, and he couldn't do anything about it except hope to the stars that she's alive. He thinks momentarily about leaving camp without telling anyone just to search for her, but knows it wouldn't result in anything beneficial for him. He'd probably get lost, too. Never to be found again, struggling in the wild by himself when he can barely fight to defend himself. His humming stops soon, Fireflypaw turning his head in the direction of his mentor to examine what exactly he was up to. Rustling around the herbs, claws raking through flowers and stems. It smells good, at least.

"Hey, Dawnglare? D'you ever think about having your own mate?" The boy asks, curious. He wants to believe even someone like Dawnglare was capable of love, though the meaning may be twisted to suit his own needs at times. Dawn wasn't heartless, just a bit odd.. Perhaps someone as odd as him would be a good match. Fireflypaw lifts up a dandelion sprout, holding it out to Dawnglare with a smile. "I'm a bit too young to think too much about it, but I think.. I think I might like toms. Is that weird?"​

 

[DAWNGLARE]

Busying yourself in the face of disaster would never be easy, but, flesh and blood as they were, the collective would always try. In the face of the apocalypse, they would still spin frivolities. In the face of sickness, they would only make themselves worse, dragging themselves to the sky before they were quite ready to. Fireflypaw was no different– and of course, Dawnglare would never forget his roots. He does not expect much less.

He himself is blank-faced to Howlpaw's disappearance, an expression woven from unwanted weakness and the mutterings of disaster. He had expected something– anything– and foolishly; it was not met with all of the urgency it should have been. Even then, he had not expected...

With a blink, he is within his den again, and Firefly is pestering him with questions unrelated. He would turn with little more than a bored look, eyes slightly pinched in his incredulity. "What?" A mate. With the word, he pauses, lips pursed. It is unfamiliar, weighing upon his tongue; but the wind whispers images of moon-shine fur, a smile that rivals the stars, and clipped short cotton tail. Appropriate, then, he suddenly finds it. A lopsided smile twitches onto his face. Dream-like glaze crosses over his eyes, for a moment. Yes, sure... Absentmindedly, he takes the sprout. fiddles with it with claws unsheathed "I already have one," plainly, he tells him.

It only connects later, just what kind of plant this was. And, eyes suddenly flaring wide, he would promptly tear its leaves off one by one, teeth peeking sharp in a grimace. The love-drunkness is gone with the vision of the snake within SkyClan's walls. The blaze in his eyes does not die out, even as he lifts them to his apprentice once again. He frowns at him, bored by the very question. "Why would it be?" Flatly, he asks.​

 

[Fireflyglow]

"Already have one?" He echoes his mentor's words, eyes wide with surprise. Why hadn't he seen this mate yet, then? Where was this mate that he spoke of? Perhaps it was secret, but the way his mentor snuck off some nights with half-hearted excuses made it a bit obvious now what he might have been doing. Nonetheless, Fireflypaw waves it off in favor of his curiosity. "You deserve someone who preserves your happiness- I hope you're happy with them, Dawnglare." His paw smooths over a leaf, listening as Dawnglare shreds the dandelion. Firefly knew his hatred for the WindClanner came through the most in that moment. With a sigh, Firefly sweeps his tail across the ground to clear the dandelion debris before settling once more.

The High Priest doesn't seem to mind his confession. In fact, he seems a bit flat about it- responding in such a curt manner. His shoulders roll then, joints cracking with a sigh of relief. "I remember when Huckleberry and Baguette both confessed to each other. That.. It made me think, y'know.. What if I can be with a tom, too? Even though I don't.. Really understand romance all that well." My mama moved on from my dad, so how can romance be any different for me? What if I get hurt, too? He huffs softly to himself. "Besides, newleaf is here. With all of these mates coming together in the Clan, it makes me wonder why it's so important to tell someone you like them. What if they deny you?" This seems like a weird topic for him, he'd think. Perhaps Dawnglare would grow sick of it and move on from this topic.​

 

[DAWNGLARE]

They are surprised, and Dawnglare wonders, for what? Was it so unbelievable that he too, could sleep beside another? That he could tuck himself within whisps of ivory-white and forget, for just a moment. He is not so unlovable– far from it. Loved by both the earth and the stars; shined upon by the sun. Were he not here, all life would surely burn– all life would surely freeze; a cycle of suffering, for those who deserve it, redemption in his presence, only. He scowls at the implication, but it is wiped away a moment later. Replaced by a half-lidded gaze and a foggy-eyed look. What else would he be, but happy? "Certainly" he drawls. And there, it is left.

He does not answer his question, either, but it is wiser to drop, anywho, if he had no such answer. He mentions a name he could hardly remember, and a name that he does not at all. Confession, though, and he can only remember one pair who had done so as obtrusively. Dawnglare hums in dull acknowledgment, eyes idle elsewhere.

The question he asks is childish, but in many ways, he still is one. Why pray? Why tell? He shudders at the thought of denial. A frown– part contemplation, part something else, crosses his face. His love is his first and only. He would not pretend to have such experience, but may infer from life as it always was. "Anyone who denies you would not have been worth your time to begin with, dear." Slightest purse of his lips. "You tell them because you want them to know. If they're any good, they will have known, already."​