DIVERGENT PATHS // Howling

Sunnyday

Sunnyday

THE FALLEN ONE
Sunningrocks [TC '23] Spring Prompts [TC '23]
Sep 20, 2022
275
24
18

☀ - WHILST MY HEART STILL BEATS
Life could carry with it a number of unexpected twists and bends, more than enough to catch even the most wary off-guard from time to time. Sunnyday seemed to find himself caught up in quite the whirlwind as of late. Tensions with ShadowClan, losing a friend through exile, having the arrival of an ex-kittypet rile up old and painful memories, and then of course finding an abandoned kit out by the bridge. The kit reminded him somewhat of Shallow, another kit he had found moons earlier. But he had let that kit go and now he wasn't sure how he was faring. Yes, he might have been in SkyClan last time he saw, but his condition hadn't left him feeling confident about his chances. Maybe that was why he felt more strongly about doing better for this new kit, as a way of atoning for a mistake.

But he didn't know anything about rearing kits. He needed advice and guidance from someone who had gone through parenthood.

The tom scanned the camp grounds for someone who he could turn to, and it was then that his gaze found Howling Wind. For a moment he felt himself hesitating, but ultimately his paws carried him towards the other. As he drew closer he offered a small nod in respectful greeting. "Howling Wind, have you got a moment to spare? I have something I wish to ask you, it's regarding how to raise kits."

// @HOWLING WIND ​

 
Howling Wind's ears prick, surprised to see the tom approaching her. While she once thought of him in high regard, her opinion of him as of late has...faltered. He had been one of the cats to show disapproval in response to Emberstar's banishment of their medicine cat. He'd left the camp as soon as it had been announced, and she hadn't forgotten. So it is with well-veiled suspicion that she watches his arrival, whiskers twitching thoughtfully, though her expression betrays nothing.

She nods yes, that she does have a moment to spare, but her eyes flicker wider when he mentions raising kits. My, my! She hadn't been noticing the tom growing especially close with any cat recently...who could it be that is expecting? Interest piqued, she trills, "Of course, but...if you don't mind me asking, whose kits?" Who's the pregnant one? ​
 

☀ - WHILST MY HEART STILL BEATS
"Er... well... it's a kit that was abandoned. Emberstar and I found him, and I plan to raise him." Sunnyday explained whilst a rush of heat found his ears. Had Howling Wind really assumed that he had found a mate? The chances of that were... well, none. Who would ever want a broken down ageing tom like him? And any feelings he had found forming for a certain she-cat had been firmly snuffed out before they could truly ignite, and if he was honest it left him feeling lost and lacking a purpose. But now there was a child who needed a new family, and it offered him a light to help him keep going. "Beyond helping to kit-sit for others I haven't been blessed with kits of my own. It's new... scary even." ​

 
Howling Wind's roaming eyes land once more on the warrior as he corrects her, brow raising. "Oh!" She mews, the realization hitting her with a small bit of relief. She wasn't sure the clan could handle yet another litter so close to Leaf-bare. He did seem awfully attached to the kit they'd found. Although...did he say he was going to raise it? Sympathy fills her gaze, but her voice remains level as she explains, "Sunnyday...please, let the queens do their job while you do yours. The nursery is full enough without a warrior trying to intervene. You can visit the kit in your downtime whenever you'd like, but the queens will be raising this kit. Don't overstep." There is a slight warning in her gaze, but she knows he only means well. Perhaps she could talk to Emberstar about the possibility of him mentoring the child when the time comes? She was sure that might appease him. But...no, he would not be in the nursery raising the child. That space is for queens and their kits, and them only. It's their safe space away from the bustling warriors. "Maybe you can babysit sometimes, to give the queens a break, too," She offers with a smile. "The kits often love to hear stories about patrols."​
 

☀ - WHILST MY HEART STILL BEATS
It's not the response he had expected nor wanted to hear, and it showed in the way that his expression fell. "Aren't the queens busy enough with their own kits? What if they don't take to him? Being shunned again could be disastrous." It was already a precarious situation as it was, he simply couldn't bear the idea of anything making it worse. "Besides, queens look after their own before they tend to other kits. With leaf-bare coming that will become even more apparent. The kit will eat better under my care considering I can't finish any of my meals." It's not like he'd blame the queens for favouring their own young, any sane parent would, but it left him concerned all the same. Then of course the usual scavengers of his leftovers would just have to get their own from now on. The tom could feel his frustration building but he tried to keep it mostly subdued, although his tail tip was beginning to twitch. "It's not like the other warriors need me. I can barely keep up with them." He added the last past more quietly as he dropped eye contact with the deputy, now consumed with feelings of shame over his admission of weakness. ​

 
While sympathy remains in her gaze, a pang of irritation finds itself there as well as the warrior argues. She lashes her tail and fixes him with a questioning look, immediately mewing, "The queens have always taken in parentless kits, you know this. They care for all kits equally, nurse each other's kits constantly. What are you talking about?" Does he not know the role of queens within the clan? There is a reason their job is so important - the care of all of the clans kits falls upon them, and this warrior would not be taking their job. "Kits are always fed first, the apprentices see to it that meals are brought to them throughout the day. You will stay out of the queens' way, do you understand? Like I said, you can visit in your free time, but your job remains patrolling and hunting like the other warriors, and their job remains taking care of the kits." The fact that he insinuates that Little Wolf and Sunfreckle would not care for the child irks her. If he steps on their toes, she'll see to it that he doesn't have the time to do so. They are good, caring queens who would make sure the child was as loved and cared for as possible. The deputy waits to see if the tom will argue further, although her gaze warns him not to. Know your role in the clan, and let them do their job.​
 

☀ - WHILST MY HEART STILL BEATS
Sunnyday listened but he was far from happy. The tom visibly bristled and he kept his gaze lowered whilst his ears pinned back. He longed to argue, to say that he didn't trust the queens to give the kit the best care, that he wouldn't accept being kept away. But he swallowed back the bile forming in his throat. Steady yourself. The warrior rolled his head back until he was able to stare at the sky above and he worked to even his breathing until he was feeling a little less prickly.

Exhaling, he then brought his gaze back to Howling Wind. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult the queens. I overstepped." It wasn't right to take his frustration out on the likes of Sunfreckle and Little Wolf, they were wonderful parents to their children. "Could I at least sleep in the nursery at night when I don't have night patrols? Please?" Surely it was a compromise they could work with, right? He wouldn't be on duty during that time and since everyone in the nursery would be sleeping he couldn't get underfoot. ​

 
Howling Wind relaxes as he concedes, and she gives him a nod in understanding. "It's alright, I know it came from a good place," She mews, blinking at him gently. She has to fight back a look of irritation, however, at his next question. Voice growing terse, the deputy remains calm for the most part as she states, "No. The nursery is a private space, meant only for kits and nursing queens. Random warriors can't just decide to invade their space and sleep in there. You can visit." She repeats it one more time, emphasizing it strongly. She couldn't imagine the discomfort of being a queen with her kits and having an unneeded tom place a nest next to her! With her daughter a current queen, she doesn't want to imagine it. "Give them their space, Sunnyday. I'm serious. It is not your den and not your job." She's not sure how else she can get him to understand how strange his request sounds.​
 

☀ - WHILST MY HEART STILL BEATS
It's made clear this time that his pleas were not going to be granted, no matter what he did. The tom lowered his gaze in defeat and exhaled a soft "okay" as he reluctantly accepted how things were going to be. He didn't like it but what else could he do? "I'm sorry for wasting your time." He lingered there in an uncomfortable silence, fidgeting with his paws as he tried to decide on what to do. It seemed rude to just walk away like some wounded apprentice, but he also still had questions and a curiosity to sate. "What was it like though? Being a parent?" ​

 
A heavy sigh leaves her as he seems to understand. She sympathizes, truly she does. She can't blame the tom for wanting to become a father. This just...isn't the way to do it, not when there are cats in the clan whose sole job is to care for kits. Maybe one day he'll get to have kits of his own with a nice cat, She thinks, hopeful. He's kind, he would find somebody! It's an optimistic thought, and kits are always a blessing for the clan. So when he asks his question, she blinks more patiently this time, sure that he now means for when he ever does have kits. "It's rewarding, very much so. But it's a lot of work. I never would have been able to do it without the colony in the marshes, with my litters. Gray Wolf - my mate - he helped a lot, too. At the same time...it's terrifying, having them in such a dangerous world. You'd do anything to protect them, anything."​
 

☀ - WHILST MY HEART STILL BEATS
Sunnyday listened with an expression of awe on his face, his mind clearly trying to grasp how it all must have felt when going through the experience of parenthood. The highs and lows, the joy and fears. All things he longed to experience, but it remained frustratingly out of his reach. He could be as nice and warm as he wished but it didn't erase the fact that he was marred with an ugly, large scar and a thinning form. Besides, the she-cat he had been yearning for was gone now, and he didn't have much in the way of viable alternatives. The clan was either too young or too old, and he was simply stuck in the middle. "It must have been quite the experience... one I imagine still continues on even with your children being adults now."

A soft exhale slipped through his nose as his ears lowered at the sides of his head as a result of his mixed emotions. "Thank you for sharing that. I... I guess I should return to my duties." At this point he wasn't sure what to ask next and he was sure that he had wasted enough of the deputy's time whilst stirring his emotions into a twitchy mess.​

 
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