dizzy on the comedown ♡♥ smogmaw

[Halfshade]

Pristine white paws carried her over to where the tabby perched, a brief discussion was being had with another clanmate and a patrol being sent out, so she waited patiently for them to be dismissed before finishing her approach with a smile. He had taken to it very well, hadn’t he? This new promotion of his. It had never occurred to her to seek more from ShadowClan than the minimum required to survive but Smogmaw had always been more ambitious than she was. Halfshade had been content in their shadows, but if a spotlight was to be placed then she would happily stand alongside him in it.

“Aren't’ you a busy little bee, my dear deputy~” She purred, head tilted to the side to nudge him in an affectionate headbutt as she stepped inline alongside his flank before giving an affectionate shove with her shoulder, “If you’re not so caught up in being very important would you take a walk with me?”
It had been a moment since they’d been able to have some downtime, what with his new duties and her own sudden interest in keeping up with the clan politics and actual duties born of a genuine desire to integrate rather than a necessity. Life had picked up since leafbare finally released them from its clutches and she was keen on moving forward from those darker days.
“I wanted to talk to you about something.” Or rather, talk at him about something, really she was going to be doing most of the talking most likely and it would be a lie to say she was not a touch nervous about it. Even so, it was worth having a chat and she did miss having him to herself. The clan was more needy than she expected it to be, patrols and hunting parties, organization and upkeep. Halfshade wanted to make a joke of him taking to his new parenting duties like an old pro but she had bit her tongue on that and let the cheeky remark go unsaid.
If he offered no objection she would take the lead, curly furred tail twining around his only more slender whip-like one briefly before striding forward into the dark shroud of the surrounding marshlands; it would be dark on their walk, but the moon was high enough to light the path and the forest itself offered plenty of lumination if you knew where to look. Even as she strode forward she could see the flickering and glinting light of the fireflies in the distance ahead.

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[Ooc]
- [x] @smogmaw
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[smogstar]

// retro to the attack AKJSDLK

When he speaks, his words become law to those beneath him. Every instruction, command, decree, and whim that carries in his breath must be upheld, lest whoever's listening would risk gambling on the consequences. It is an ambrosial amount of power. Merely observing the outward-bound patrol is enough to gratify his yearning. Though it be a mundane task, the warriors leave at his command. They go where he tells them to. Because he carries the power to make it so.

A sugary tone he's all too familiar with would break him from his numbness, yet he cannot react in time to reciprocate the skull sweeping across his midsection. A chuckle escapes him then, and then a purr, as he shifts his weight aside to welcome her presence. "I try," swoons the tom, the indulged smile on his maw morphing to that of an affectionate one. If there exists one drawback to his elevated position, it is being robbed of the opportunity to spend unlimited time with his beloved. As he basks in Halfshade's company for the moment, he feels a pang of longing for all he'd taken for granted. He should have spoken to her sooner, expressed his affections more openly, and even now, he regrets not making more time for his mate amidst his schedule.

He nods at her request, though he can ascertain from her reservedness that something is afoot. The half-toned moggy is not the type to hold her breath, nor seek consent to speak her mind. "Anything," responds Smogmaw, leaning into her touch and savouring every second of it. "Is something the matter? Did I do anything wrong?" In his mind, he doubts so. There's little he could have done to invoke her displeasure, especially so soon after forging a bond as strong as theirs. ​

 

[Halfshade]

Running a clan was hard, she did not even him his new duties as it seemed quite the mess to deal with between kitsitting their leader's emotional outbursts and getting these fools arranged on proper patrols; structure was a struggle, but if he was up to the task then who was she to deny him that? There was an added benefit to his new duties she had not quite come to terms with but in the longrun it did mean ShadowClan would be all the more pleasant to exist in. The comraderie born of leafbare was fading, something needed to hold the strings together before they frayed and split. Stars knew she didn't have the patience to play peacekeeper most of the time, mothering a bunch of a grown cats had no appeal to her.

Did I do anything wrong? It was almost kit-like as far as questions went, but the fact he had to ask brought a laugh of amusement upn from her in reply, "Oh, of course not! Nothing's wrong! Just walk with me for a moment." A lean guided, a nudge pushed, she didn't want to be in camp a moment longer and once they had strolled out a fair distance from the briar walls out onto the swampy territory with its looming trees she paused to admire them; they seemed to almost be bowing from the weight of their own branches, long ringlets of leaves billowing down to gently kiss the earth. Sometimes ShadowClan's territory was pretty, especially at night. Blinking both mismatched eyes she pauses a moment, there's several ways this can go down and she has handled the worst of them before so it was nothing knew, but it was hard to deny there was no sense of worry gnawing at her over it. Things did have a tendency to crash down when even a single piece was pushed out of place.
The torbie turned, plume of a tail raised high, "I'm expecting kits." A smile lit up her usually coy features, genuine delight replacing the usual indifferent expression. "I want to say...not quite a full moon? Perhaps a little over half now?" Which meant she was not long before she showed more properly, her long curly fur could only hide so much and the nursery was her soon to be new residence in no time. The molly's tail curled down, tucked to her side in silent anticipation. Halfshade's blue and orange gaze honed in to the tabby's face intently, searching for any kind of response no matter how subtle as she waited a reply.
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[smogstar]

Though his query was sportive at worst, Halfshade's disavowal would elicit a relieved exhalation from the tom. Knowing that the matter at hand isn't a difficult one puts a little more pep in his step. His heft shifts, permitting her sublime physique to caress his own, before the tempo of his pawsteps lessens so he may trail her outside of camp. They leave the hollow in their dust, and in doing so, they isolate themselves from the earshot of their fellow clanmates. Manifesting as he walks is a flurry of possibilities, each one enticing in its own right. Was she steering him toward a gift of some sort? Or, perhaps his mate had something to confess to him? Whatever the case may be, Smogmaw remains heedful, holding the same smile that infected his mouth whenever he was graced by her presence.

When the molly comes to a halt, so does the tom. A hare's-length away from her hindquarters, he watches intently as she appears to consider her next words. The anticipation in his chest is palpable, but it's subdued by the sheer extent of her own beauty. At least he can always find solace in that.

Halfshade pivots to face him, and the declaration departs her maw swiftly.

Marinating inside her belly are their kits, their soon-to-be-born children. Before the end of the season, he shall be a father. The news hits him with the force of a falling tree, and he can only blink slowly as it's processed.

This isn't the first run-in he has had with the concept of fatherhood. In a previous era, when he carried a dissimilar name, the tabby found himself at the behest of an expecting she-cat. What she told him then was nigh on identical to Halfshade's words, and in return, Smogmaw's response at the time was just as inadequate; a wide-eyed gawp which bespoke his disbelief. Desertion came shortly thereafter, abandoning the she-cat to the recesses of his subconscious, never to be pondered on again.

As he scours Halfshade's confession, he becomes acutely aware that the past's mistakes cannot be repeated. While he wasn't prepared for fatherhood then, just as he isn't now, there lay too much at stake for him to reject this responsibility yet again—and as he reflects on the unalloyed happiness in her tone, he too realises that he wants this to happen. To have a family with the love of his life, to watch their kits grow, and to pass on his legacy to the next generation; a daunting prospect, truly, yet one which instils a sense of purpose and profound pride.

He reciprocates the joy present in her features, which engenders an abnormal expression for the deputy's profile. "Halfshade..." he trails off, before stepping before her and pressing his forehead into her own. "Halfshade," he says again, "I love you so much." His head then pulls back, and he beholds his beloved with warm eyes. "I can't believe it. Us. Parents. Have you known long enough to think up any names?"

The rate and intensity at which his heart pounds is unlike anything he'd felt before. In his prolonged existence, which was strangled by obscure anxieties, obsessions, and fears, he for once has something to look forward to. A goal that didn't have to do with self-gain. A hope, a genuine hope, for the future. ​

 

[Halfshade]

The silence is deafening, her tail lashes behind her in a rare anxious gesture and she maintains her smile strained now despite her unease. It takes far too long for the other to finally speak and when he does she can breath again. She would be absolutely lying if she didn't think for a brief second that the alarm would become abandonment, as much as she thought better of the tabby tom before her she knew many a cat who would simply walk away from such a thing; she'd met them many times before. But to her relief and delight, the surprise shifted to warmth, her head dipped to meet his in a gentle touch and the smile widening across her maw caused so much tension within her jaw that it was nearly painful.

"I love you too, I'm so glad you're as excited as I am." Genuinely, most toms didn't care much about fatherhood in her experience; she didn't even know her own father who had sired kits and then fled long before their birth. It was certainly a welcome new change of pace to her time in two-leg place where she-cats were considered more like property than living creatures; bearers of kits and nothing more. ShadowClan had been a struggle to adapt to, but her own misplaced feelings on his failing leaderships aside were not enough to ruin the comfort of her new home nor the nest she would eventually prepare herself in its nursery. They would bring new life to the marsh clan, new little one day warriors.

"Truth be told, I haven't really thought much about them past knowing they're there." She wouldn't admit it but her excitement on the kits had been fully dependant on his response and now that she was assured of him being equally enthused and present she could actually enjoy her pregnancy without worry. The only real downside was having to share a den with Betonyfrost but frankly she and the molly were on neutral enough terms it shouldn't be too tiresome. "Why? Did you have ideas? I might think of a few but..I want to see them first."
Would they get a handsome little blue tom like his father? Would any of them match her own colors? Have her odd mismatched eyes? Many possibilities lay ahead. She didn't know how many she'd have, she didn't know what gender they would be, she knew for a fact Starlingheart would be less knowledgeable on the topic than one of the other queens but she already decided she'd go to the medicine cat anyways. Maybe Bonejaw had taught her something to help the process, anything to ensure her kits would be healthy.
"I'll probably need to move to the nursery soon..." She mused, quietly, slightly bothered at not being able to be active but also looking forward to the break from duties in the interim.
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