private do you wanna waste your time | snakeblink

[salmonshade]

Tight-lipped, Salmon enters the camp after a particularly draining patrol with Ratpaw. There had been nothing bad that had happened and she finds herself more irritated at the small talk shared between patrol members rather than at Ratpaw herself. She dismisses her apprentice with a flick of her tail, a silent promise that there would always be tomorrow; Ratpaw probably knew it already, but Salmon had been finding herself more eager to get to working on her skills after her own talk with Lichentail. Right now, though, she wants to grab something and lay down in her favorite spot. She picks something off the fresh kill pile and makes her way over.

Only to find Snakeblink was sitting there. In passing, temporarily, or if he had figured out it was the best spot in camp to be sunned... She doesn't know. Her shoulders slightly slump but shes quick to fix it.

"Snakeblink." she greets, head tilting ever so slightly as she stares down at him, eyes squinting as she studies. Thats my spot, she yearns to complain but only a small sigh leaves her lips instead. Irritation from the patrol still burns under her pelt, a fearsome little thing, but it dies along with her mood to fight as she moves to settle down besides him, setting the fish down at her paws and craning her neck to take a bite.

She decides she is full as a wave of exhaustion washes over her. She can still feel the pulling of river current on her fur, a familiar sway in the waves that threatens to make her sick.

"Share?" comes an idle hum as she gestures a paw towards the fish, a now tired gaze settling upon the brown and white lead. She has no qualms with the higher ups but she had only ever interacted with Cicadastar in passing, and had only recently had a more in depth conversation with Lichentail. Does she want to get to know them more? She's not sure. "Patrol was good." and mentally she smacks herself. Snakeblink didn't need to know, and now shes making the same small talk that the other cats had made that had driven her mad.

₊˚.༄ info

• @Snakeblink
• 
  -> salmon ,, salmonshade
  -> cis female ,, she/her ,, 30 months
  -> warrior of riverclan ,, former marsh grouper
  -> fluffy & dainty chocolate tortie smoke with low white and blue eyes
  -> “speech, ff91a4” ,, thoughts
  -> lesbian ,, single
  -> smells like warm flowers & freshly cut grass
  -> image by @wrendoings [ disc ]
  

​

 

[Snakeblink]

MAYBE I'D BE A SAINT IF I WEREN'T ————————————​

Whether encouraged by others or self-imposed, Snakeblink tends to find himself alone in camp. A little less now that he has an apprentice; but still more than he would like. It may sometimes only be happenstance, but he’s not as much of an idiot as others may take him for: he knows much of his solitude is due to his own personality, his own words.

It’s fine. It gives him time to observe.

Such as now: a patrol only just returning to camp. His eyes follow the cats a few steps in, watching as the patrol leader smiles to the cat walking at their side; haven’t the two recently become mates? That would explain the good mood. Salmonshade walks in their pawsteps, shoulders tense, tail flicking with almost a jitter as she dismisses Ratpaw: stressed out or angry, it’s hard to tell from her resting expression. Should he ask? No, she’s the kind to prefer silence if he recalls correctly. Another cat passes her by, drawing his attention away as he finishes his check-in — no injuries, no visible arguments, and even some prey for the pile. His shoulders relax.

And immediately tense back up as he finds Salmonshade just a step away, staring intensely at him before uttering his name in the wake of a sigh. ”Ah, Salmonshade—” he returns, already stooping into movement to draw away from his spot and leave her in peace.

But then she surprises him by offering to share her meal with him, and furthermore by making idle chatter; smalltalk is hardly illuminating, but it speaks of a willingness — perhaps even a desire to engage him in conversation.

Almost too taken aback to be pleased — but deeply pleased nonetheless — Snakeblink settles back in his place. ”I am glad to hear that,” he says, quirking up his whiskers in some wavering approximation of a smile. ”Patrols can be a hassle in this weather: the heat puts everyone on edge.”

Casting for a subject that isn’t another inane comment on the temperature, he tries: ”How is mentoring treating you? I know it took me a moment to adjust to having a second, smaller shadow…”
​

——————————————————————————————————— so god damn lonely ​

ooc. information.

• 
  
• — Snakeblink • he / him. 43 ☾, riverclan warrior
  — a sleek, skinny tabby with long ears and a scar over his right eye.
  — gay, not actually evil, penned by @Kangoo
  
  
  

​

​

 

[salmonshade]

"Heat isn't too bad, the patrol talk is grating." she admits with a smaller lash of her tail, stretching her front legs forwards. It doesn't get rid of the tenseness in them, but at least it feels much better than before. "Try patrolling with those two lovebirds and you'll want to rip your ears off, too." she comments dryly, eyes narrowing to where the two mates had settled down at the other side of camp. Them and their stupid words of sweet nothings, it makes her sick. She could never see herself doing something like that. She finds herself happy, relieved to be mate-free.

And Snakeblink asks about mentoring Ratpaw. She remembers her own conversation with Lichentail, how... she wouldn't have said scared, but it was a new, unknown emotion that plagued her. She feels shame at her thoughts, vivid tellings of her own leader morph to Ratpaw skewered against the tree again, smoke billowing in the backdrop- she quite literally smacks a paw to her temple, trying to knock the thought out. She needs to stop it. She doesn't know where these thoughts come from and she doesn't like it, she had always had compulsive tendencies, doing things methodically. Perhaps its the lack of structure now that drives her mad, or perhaps that salmon she brought to Lichentail truly was an omen.

"It's fine." she finally settles on, eyes moving towards the sky like she did not just take a while to respond. "Ratpaw is a very well behaved apprentice. Ambitious when she needs to be, she stays silent during important border patrols. She takes like a fish to the water and loves to learn." and there it is again, that nagging fear that shes moving too slow with Ratpaws training, that shes messing it up. Had she always been quiet, or did I squander it from her? She never paid much mind to the kittens of the clan. Kittens were not her thing at all, no, but perhaps she should have watched more, not brush them off when they approached.

She flicks her ears again. "How about Carppaw? How is she treating you?" she'd ask in her unwillingness to let the conversation die off. Snakeblink was much easier to talk to than the other warriors, whiskers twitch in vague amusement. He would never hear it from her.

₊˚.༄ info

• 
  -> salmon ,, salmonshade
  -> cis female ,, she/her ,, 30 months
  -> warrior of riverclan ,, former marsh grouper
  -> fluffy & dainty chocolate tortie smoke with low white and blue eyes
  -> “speech, ff91a4” ,, thoughts
  -> lesbian ,, single
  -> smells like warm flowers & freshly cut grass
  -> image by @wrendoings [ disc ]
  

​

 

[Snakeblink]

MAYBE I'D BE A SAINT IF I WEREN'T ————————————​

Her irritation at the two so-called lovebirds has Snakeblink chuckling lightly”Not much of a romantic, I take it?”

He enjoys relationship gossip and the suffusing joy of clanmates in love, but he doesn’t tell her that: this particular idiosyncrasy of his would be lost on her. She seems of the stoic sort. But the underlying message — that she doesn’t care for socialization, but nonetheless chooses to talk to him warms him through as surely as the sun would.

Salmonshade is a deep thinker: he cannot read her every thought on her face as he could someone such as Mudpelt, but he can see the way her gaze both sharpens and darkens as she turns her attention inward to some unknown, unspoken consideration. He waits patiently, ducking his head to take a bite of the fish she so generously offered before nudging it closer to her. It does no one any good to think on an empty stomach. Stars know that if he started to linger on his mentorship without eating a meal first he would descend into stress-induced insanity.

Something in the way she carries herself, the tension in her spine, her voice as she expands on Ratpaw’s qualities has him tilting his head curiously. Perhaps he is not alone in going mad out of anxiety over his tag-along. ”She sounds like an ideal apprentice. I am sure she will thrive under your tutelage.” He can imagine how ‘quiet during patrols’ would be a trait that such a warrior appreciates; it makes him smile.

”She is very lively — I am enjoying her enthusiasm so far. Though,” and his whiskers quirk in a wry smile at that, ”I worry about my ability to keep up.”

It’s a poor way of describing the tenacious fear clinging to his ribs: that he will stifle her, or worse, leave her worse than she started off, like a young tree smothered by thick foliage and growing thin and twisted to make the most out of thin sunlight. He is a poorly-liked coward with unequal knowledge and little to no experience with being a mentor; who knows how badly he might fail Carppaw’s education? Worse than teaching her nothing: what if he teaches her how to be like him?

Shaking his head, he throws Salmonshade a commiserating glance. ”Surely even those we recognize as accomplished mentors now felt just as out of their depth at first… But it feels daunting nonetheless.”
​

——————————————————————————————————— so god damn lonely ​

ooc. information.

• 
  
• — Snakeblink • he / him. 43 ☾, riverclan warrior
  — a sleek, skinny tabby with long ears and a scar over his right eye.
  — gay, not actually evil, penned by @Kangoo
  
  
  

​

​

 

[salmonshade]

Not much of a romantic? "If that floats your stick, sure. We can both say that." though her words sound cross, theres a small smirk that plays at the corner of her lips. "Devoting yourself to someone, above all else, has never been in my interests." she sniffs, nose wrinkling just slightly. But what if it was, and what if it could be? Would she want a family one day, someone to come back to- she fought the great battle for the marsh cats, for the lack of food the pine cats had inflicted upon them. Would it have been easier if she had someone waiting on her to come back home safe, would it have been easier to fight besides someone?

Maybe she isn't even well suited for the likes of friends either. Shes been a woman with fangs and silent anger all of her life, Riverclan has dulled it but she still feels the itch to get away. He nudges the fish closer to her. She still feels sick to her stomach from her last bite, worrying about absolutely everything and nothing at all. She simply shakes her head, thankful for his attentiveness nonetheless.

"Hm?" she jerks her head up even though she knew exactly what he had said. "Oh, yes. Ideal indeed..." she trails off again because the little nagging voice that screams that she isnt doing enough is back again. Theres a taut string of anxiety around her throat that feels like its getting too snug against her skin. She looks over and Snakeblink is smiling as he describes Carppaw as lively and full of enthusiasm. And yet... "...Yeah. I get you." she responds simply, as if it were just a passing thought. Does he understand it, the crushing fear of failure? Unbeknownst to her, they're both thinking of the same thing. A parallel that should not exist, how funny would it be if she knew- two warriors, seasoned with what they've seen, stewing in their anxieties over something as simple as training. She is afraid of failing Ratpaw just as he is afraid of teaching Carppaw to be too much like him.

She finally laughs, but its softer, more like a breath of air. "They must put on a good mask, then. I bet you Smokethroat didn't even hesitate with Iciclefang... She's a good warrior." but Snakeblink would know more than she would, being on a council and everything. She doesn't find herself envious. Would she accept if she had been offered the same position? She isn't sure. She thinks her answer would be yes, for the sake of not looking dumb in front of a crowd. Or maybe it's a compliment, to show yourself so loyal that Cicadastar handpicks you himself. She's getting lost in thought again.

"Does it scare you, Snakeblink?" the words come out before she can stop it. She had been dying to know, and Lichentail didn't talk much about it. Though Salmon didn't exactly lead with it... "To be a known face for Riverclan? A lead warrior? So many look up to you, now, does it feel different than when you were a warrior?" and now shes made things awkward, Starclan help me. She's good at it, the lack of tact in her social skills serving her well when she has any conversation deeper than surface level. "Forgive me for my sudden question. You don't have to answer it." she tries to salvage it with a visible wince. Fox-dung, she bites her lip so hard that she swears she can taste the metallic tang. She's getting ready to rise to her paws.

₊˚.༄ info

• 
  -> salmon ,, salmonshade
  -> cis female ,, she/her ,, 30 months
  -> warrior of riverclan ,, former marsh grouper
  -> fluffy & dainty chocolate tortie smoke with white, blue eyes
  -> “speech, ff91a4” ,, thoughts
  -> lesbian ,, single
  -> smells like warm flowers & freshly cut grass
  -> chibi by pin
  

​

 

[Snakeblink]

MAYBE I'D BE A SAINT IF I WEREN'T ————————————​

Definitely not a romantic. Snakeblink understands, for all that he could not be further away from the sentiment: the thought of such care, both given and received, is… nice.Then again is it not already what he is doing with the clan?

(Oh, he ought never to voice that thought; he doesn’t think he’d like what Smokethroat would do to him if Snakeblink were to even suggest any kind of romantic undertone to his devotion to Cicadastar…)

”That does not surprise me. You hardly need that kind of attachment,” he agrees, not without admiration. If there’s longing in his voice — an unspoken unlike me — he carefully does not make note of it. What does he know, anyway? It’s nice enough already to have this: friendly conversation, perhaps even friendship.

She huffs a laugh and he lowers his head, quietly pleased. Yes; he is doing well with this interaction. (Something that is normal to think and possible to achieve). He nods to her assessment of Iciclefang: indeed, few warriors were as accomplished at such a young age as her. ”Ah, but Smokethroat is another thing entirely. I do not believe he has ever hesitated for anything in his life. Why would he? I am sure Fate itself is far too scared of his scowl to risk going against his designs.”

Again a pensive cloud passes over Salmonshade’s face. He watches intently as it cast a shadow over her thoughtful eyes; he wishes he could peer directly into her skull to hear her thoughts. He wants, more than anything, to know how everything his clanmates think and feel, every insignificant pattern traced behind their eyelids, and never is this desire so strong as with taciturn cats. He wonders endlessly how alike their flow of mind are, if they spiral in similar trajectories. This hungry curiosity is one of the nicer things that keep him awake at night.

Patience and focus are rewarded this time with an apparent non sequitur:

Does it scare you, Snakeblink?

Either on purpose or accident, she hits a very specific — and very real — anxiety of his. Her wince makes it clear the question was, if meant, not purposefully-asked: he quirks his whiskers, flick an ear, meaning it’s no trouble; I do not mind.

”Can you keep a secret, Salmonpaw?” He asks wryly, leaning in. He’s stalling a little. ”It terrifies me. The scrutiny alone — I am hardly an ideal role model, as you well know, though harder to criticize nowadays.”

He remembers — will not mention, but remembers — the distrust and scorn from other cats, in the marsh colony first and Riverclan in its early days. He has never been a trustworthy face and his often poorly-chosen words and lacking, often discarded social graces never won him any friends. It has changed lately, but not so much that he isn’t still keenly aware of how thin a line he walks: he gets a lot of goodwill from being something of an authority figure but he’s hardly popular.

”It is harder and more exhausting than being a mere warrior — but more rewarding, as well. I like...” How to say it in a way that doesn’t sound patronizing? It’s like having an apprentice, but different; frankly it seems easier, on account of being four leads and only one mentor, and of most warriors not needing to be taught how to not drown. ”… Being responsible for the clan. It is good to have something and be able to take care of it.”

His eyes find hers and hold, trying to communicate an openness neither of them, he thinks, are used to giving. ”What about you, if I may ask? Do you think you would enjoy it, the responsibility?”​

——————————————————————————————————— so god damn lonely ​

ooc. information.

• 
  
• — Snakeblink • he / him. 45 ☾, riverclan warrior
  — a sleek, skinny tabby with long ears and a scar over his right eye.
  — gay, not actually evil, penned by @Kangoo
  
  
  

​

​