sensitive topics doctors knew before I did // dev.

[Periwinklebreeze.]

This post contains nightmares and breif depictions of suffocation (colored text) and panic attacks/vomiting (main text).

ATOMS AND LOW SELF-ESTEEM,
IS THAT ALL THAT I'M GONNA BE ? ​

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periwinklebreeze ❀ 27 moons ❀ demi-boy ❀ windclan lead warrior ​

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Snow crunches underpaw - each step crackling loudly no matter how carefully the tom tries to step. Each little noise sends fur prickling, ears twitching - Quiet, he needs to be quiet. Breath paints clouds before him - jaws parting with a puff, blue eyes watching the spirals dance higher and higher until he can no longer see them amidst the sy of white. Wind buffets pale coat, sending snowflakes scattering like little glittering stars - and it'd be beautiful, if it wasn't so eerie, this endless white.

Blackened paws draw to a halt with another stuttered crunch, tail flicking at the deadened silence that follows. " H-Hello? " comes shaky voice, but there is no answer - only stillness. There is nothing, nobody - not a single chirping cricket or singing bird to be found. " Hello? Wh-where... where am I? Is.. anyone th-there? " anxiety coils taught in his belly, throat tightening in fear when there is no answer.

And so he continues on. He walks through snow-covered hills, beneath a sky painted white, presses on through clouds of snowflakes. He walks, nd he walks, and he walks, until he runs. Limbs amble clumsily against the rising tide of white, slipping against slick-surface again and again, and yet he can't bare to stop. Lungs ache and burn - as though the cold has made its home in his chest and is tearing it's way out.

Panicked eyes roll wildly, and then he is drowning, sinking into the drifts until he can't find his way back out. Lungs struggle to breathe, he can't breathe, he cant- snow fills his nose and his mouth until there is nothing left but cold and wet and white and-

Periwinklebreeze wakes with a gasp, entire body shaking where he lays beside his mate. As eyes adjust to the sudden darkness, stomach rolls - and he has to scramble to his paws, fleeing shared nest and camp itself before bile splatters across the ground. Shivering, eyes shut tight against the rolling sway of his belly - and the nightmare that seems to follow him to the waking world, the chill of ice stinging his aws and his lungs. When h settles, he hauls himself to trembling legs - stumbling like a fawn towards winding trails he has run so often.

'It was just a dream' - tattered mind tries to soothe itself, but throat only feels more swollen, swallowing like eating stones. 'A dream, ' he wonders, ' or a warning?'

It's not the first time he's questioned if starclan has had messages for him, but he is no medicine cat. Instead, he simply quickens his pace - as though he can outrun the fear that hounds him like a dog. Paws only drift to a halt when he reaches his destination, staring down at his soot-stained reflection in the water, mismatched eyes blinking slowly. He forgets, sometimes, just how different[ he looks now - his survival by the skin of his teeth painted on display for all to see.

Paw touches carefully, hesitantly against flushed-pink scars - wincing at the tenderness the cold has brought them. Head shakes again, and tongue turns to lap against still-warm water - eyes closing in relief. At least windclan can still count on the sunwarmed pools warmth - though he's not certain for how long, with how early leaf-bare has sprung.

When breathing has returned to normal and rabbit-heart has settled, he turns to leave - until a familiar scent catches his nose, and head snaps to attention. Paws move carefully along, near-silent, towards a clutter of plants he'd nearly walked straight by - bitter-scent and golden petals painting a familiar scene in his mind. Of all his clanmates, he has perhaps spent more time in the medicine den then anyone beside the healers themselves - and mind helpfully reminds him that this is a plant he knows, even if he's not entirely sure its uses. Teeth crunch carefully through a few stems - 'never all of it,', a voice that sound suspiciously like his friend reminds him. 'Oh thank the stars!'

Pace quickens when he returns to camp - stars still glittering overhead and the sun yet to make it's appearance when he carefully presses his way into the medicine den - eyes falling on blue-furred frame with a wince. " C-cottonsprig, " he hisses through mouthful, tail tapping gently. " This is m-marigold, isn't it? "

━ actions & " speech, " & 'thoughts/quotes' ━

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W H A T -D O E S - M Y -L I F E -E V E N -M E A N ?

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// This is combination devshot and event roll.
Herb Roll: Finds rare herbs worth 2 points (fever or infection treatment)
Points Earned: 2

@cottonsprig - idiot man just woke you up at 3am with herbs have fun