private don't hold your breath // lilacfur

[✧ Siltcloud.]

♡​♡ SOLD HER SOUL AT SEVENTEEN ♡♡​

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siltcloud & 15 moons & female & she/her & shadowclan warrior​

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Siltcloud is a mentor now. It is a strange revelation, one that leaves her quivering with nerves and uncertainty despite her rigid posture and ever expressionless face. Her own mentor had been lacking - hell, if the thunderclan dogs had not gotten to her first, starclans punishment for her betrayal, well, silt can't say she wouldn't have imitated her brother, ended flickerfire with her own paws. And... she wants to be better, do better than her own ever had - she wants to shape catterpillarpaw into something more, something greater.

But she doesn't know if she can. For one, the child is blind - something that had left her assuming she'd be given to forestshade if anything - not her. Why her? She doesn't know, and she doesn't like it. She spends her waking moments planning, plotting - mind jumbled with a thousand thoughts of how and why and what had she wanted as a child. And still, she wonders if it is enough. If it ever will be.

Anxiety shakes her mind even now, as she walks alongside her friend - and what a strange friendship it is indeed, knowing what she does, having done what she has. But... she feels no regret - what lilacfur does not know cannot hurt her, and it's not as though she ever will. Green gaze glance up from the ground for a brief moment as she pauses, slipping across pale furred frame as she parts her jaws to speak at last. "Its... strange, isn't it? That we're warriors now... that chilledstar has begun to give us apprentices," she hedges around the real issue, her insecurities going upspoken for now at least.

Its a dangerous topic, she thinks - her faults, her flaws, her shortcomings. The things she would rather leave buried deep beneath the soil where they can never see the light of day.

— a beautiful and broken mess ♥

• Actions && "Speech," && ' Thoughts/Quotes '
  
  ooc: @lilacfur
  tw/cw: —
  
• 
  — a dust hued cinnamon tabby with white markings and sage green eyes. her fur is dull and unkept, her figure frail and slight. she's usually quite passive, and rarely makes eye contact or speaks above a whisper. she has five toes upon all four paws.
  
  — physically medium && mentally hard
  — non-violent powerplay allowed && healing powerplay allowed && minor injury powerplay not-allowed
  — please attack using [b][color=#905d5d]action here[/color][/b] and tag account

 

[lilacfur]

There is an itchy irritation that's settled itself under Lilacfur's coat. It clawed it's way up her spine like a creeping vine, sinking roots bone-deep. Chilledstar had graciously granted an entire dens worth of apprentices to both the warriors she had graduated beside, yet saved nothing for her. She felt it was done so pointed, so deliberately, and there was little room to wonder if it were for her family tree.

Being Briarstar's kin had quickly lost it's shimmer that had sparked before her birth. Lilacfur wondered if the snowball had been her father, Amber, and her family line quickly descended downhill into the sad mass it is today. Her mother so brutally taken, Boneripple defecting to RiverClan (Lilac fur can't peel the disgust from her name if she tried), Pitchstar's mind deteriorating before their eyes, and now the sudden loss of her dear brother, Chittertongue. The pale she-cat knew only time would tell how Starlingheart would come out of the shroud Granitepelt cornered her into. Or even her kin that he spawned.

So deep in thought, Lilacfur hardly caught that Siltcloud was speaking. The cinnamon-furred tabby brought a nostalgic comfort to her, their friendship stretched across many moons sharing dens together. No matter how upset she was at her predicament, she couldn't feel bitter about Siltcloud's own achievement. Gaining the opportunity to share what Flickerfire had taught her. Amber sights rest on the other warmly and nodded her head.

"It feels like a mix sometimes. My nights as an apprentice feel so long ago, but when I patrol with Skunktail or Clearheart, I feel so inexperienced compared to them." And stars knew how hard Lilacfur worked to imitate her older peers. From their posture to their tones, to the words they spoke at the sight of the other Clans. She was an obsessive perfectionist in everything she did.

"Does it feel any different, being on the other side now? Does it make more sense, the things you would hear from your own mentor?"​

[ sad hello's and mad high low's ]​