camp don't leave me ;; apologetic

[hyacinthbreath]

She can see the looks given to her, feel the glares on her- there were some willing to accept her, cats she had befriended. But there were also the cats that had disdain for her; Clearsight's death. It was because she had killed Juniperfrost, the war started because of her inability to control her temper. She could never admit it, could never tell anyone the full story for fear of being rejected. She was no monster, was she?

"I'm.. So, so sorry.." She speaks softly to nobody in particular, eyes narrowed until they almost shut. She looks defeated, tired- the wound on her cheek aches so intensely, and yet she feels like she deserves such a pain. If only it had been her, instead of Clearsight- would everyone be happy, then? Sure, some would mourn her. Her son would be motherless, her daughter without her mother as well. But she'd be able to be with Wisteriapaw. She would see him again.

"I'll turn myself in. I'll.. I can't just let.. I don't want anyone else to die. I love RiverClan, I.." She can barely hold herself up, she wants to cry right now- but she has no right. No right. "I'm so sorry, everyone-! I'm so sorry!"

// ic opinions ofc for everyone! understandable if some cats go off on her; so don't hold back. <3​

❝ there are wounds inside me, gaping holes of disconnect.
can you drown inside your own body? can you suffocate within this mind? ❞

 

[DogTeeth]

Death clung to the wind, as if it were the seedlings of a dandelion- we were all so fragile in the end. A good warrior, slain and taken from their lives was Clearsight. Clayfur the playful and full of heart, a warrior who could bring a smile to anyone's face would now suffer something worse than a broken heart. A shattered soul perhaps? Starclan give him the strength. Dogteeth sits in it all with respectful silence. Jaw slack with wordless breaths in it all. What’s to be said? for the quiet, the anger, the sadness, the uncertainty. The reeds painted with the deeds of war.

Hyacinthbreath’s apology sings into the orchestra of woe. Dogteeth’s eyes wield nothing toward her as they turn to where she broke apart before them all. She wanted to give herself in, to the tyrant and her wicked warriors. The blonde shakes his head. " they’re… forsaken… moral-less devil-dogs" Dogteeth speaks toward her and everyone.

Maybe the only thing that can battle evil, is evil itself. Dogteeth wonders to himself.
​

OOC INFO REF

• —
  
  
• — Dogteeth
  — twenty-five moons
  — 2023 VOICE & ACCENT
  — warrior of Riverclan
  — gay | crushing on n/a
  — small curly-furred blonde and tan tom with blue eyes.
  — very gentle soul / easily upset and sensitive
  — deals a nasty bite
  BIOGRAPHY——— ✧
  
• 
  
  

​

 

[RAVENSONG]

Coming down from the high of fury and anger that had driven his paws to cut into Gravelpaw, all Ravenpaw wanted to do was lick his wounds in peace. Clearsight remained etched into his mind—a soul for a soul. Although the anger had subsided, his head felt stuffy as if it were suffocated in water.

Hyacinthbreath's words, unasked for unprompted, make his head whip around toward the source of the pitiful, apologetic she-cat. His eyes narrowed as he struggled to hold his tongue. Does she think pity will spare her? He thought angrily, wondering if she really would walk to her death to WindClan if they asked of it. The former WindClan cat had the audacity to act like this after everything that had happened, after anything she did.

"Too late now." Ravenpaw turned his head away after Dogteeth spoke. He did not want to hear another word.

​

 

[CRAPPIEPATCH]

It is clear to Crappiepaw that Hyacinthbreath does not belong in the river territory, is here against Cicadastar’s own rule—an exception, her joining RiverClan was. And then she had gone and killed a WindClanner, and now a RiverClanner lies dead. Crappiepaw blames her, but no more than he blames the howling mongrels of WindClan.

They understand their own position within RiverClan—they are but a child in the eyes of most, their opinion not worth much of anything. They are not one who she should be seeking forgiveness from. They had hardly even been hurt, not like Ravenpaw had. Not like… others. "You made a mistake," they say, their tone carelessly neutral. Their words can be taken with malice or with comfort, they do not care. They only hope that this never happens again.
​

[ FORTUNE LOVES THE BOLD ]​

​

 

[SMOKESTAR]

"Ravenpaw is right. It's a little late for such regrets..."
It is too late for anything. There was nothing that would unspill blood, return the dead and unmaim the wounded. Apologies only got a cat so far. He wanted to ask her what really happened at the border, if it was true the tom trespassed, if it was true his threats rang with such certainty she felt no choice but to fight to kill. To defend. But none of it mattered now. RiverClan had made their stance clear and WindClan had shown their claws without a moments hesitation, anything said would not change the course of things. Would not alter the way their river flowed, but he was not to ignore the uncertainty carrying in his chest. Filling him with dread. If Hyacinthbreath truly wanted to make amends then she knew what was needed of her.
The dark tom stalked forward, a shadow passing through to loom over the much smaller cat; it was a rare instance where he didn't care for appearances and restraint, the snarl set on his maw twisting new scars into a macabre lacework. Single orange eye glazing with outrage. He offered Dogteeth only a briefly glance, Crappiepaw another though his head tilted into a faint nod to the sickly young tom.

"Fight for us. Tenaciously, to the last breath, for the river, for the losses. Do not waver again. Do not offer sympathy to the moors. Do not weep for the outcasts who made their choices. SWEAR IT!" She had put him in a poor spot a moon before, weeping over bloodied bodies at their border they had to send away, they had no choice, they could not continue to pick up WindClan's scraps. He was tired of seeing RiverClan cast in shadows by wayward cats who fled their own clans for new lives with shaky loyalties. She either made her stance clear now or he chased her out himself.

Smokethroat barred his teeth at the silver molly then, "SWEAR IT NOW!" His voice was a bolt of lightning, had he screamed it upon the gathering he'd not have missed as StarClan had. He did not often show his anger this way, did not scream or shout or make a scene of it all. It was more Cicadastar's style to go into maddening rants, it was more Buckgait's style to yell just for the sake of yelling. Smokethroat was generally an alarmingly calm if not callous cat. But he felt backed into a corner, he had vouched for this molly and if she crumbled apart now he would be the one sweeping away the dust.
​

 

[Cindershade]

It wasn't long ago that Cindershade had succumbed to darkness, her figure crumpled and and lifeless along the floor of the clearing as blood gathered in small pools of crimson around her open wounds. One would've thought she was dead at a glance unless you studied her, and the ragged rise and fall of her flank giving her away. She had woken not too long after Tigerfrost had left, as if the stars breathed back into her. She had managed to drag herself to Clearsight's dying form, to lay her chin upon his soft fur whilst he began his journey to the Starz. At least she'd like to hope so.
She's resting by the medicine den when Hyacinthbreath speaks out, her call apologetic and full of grief. She aims to turn herself I'm, to which Cindershade's head lifted slowly from her paws. Others comment, but Smokethroat's outraged voice pierces above them all. The rosetted molly feels her velveteen ears flattening at his fiercoity as if she was the one being screamed at. She can't help but to agree with him, her fellow lead warrior flashed his teeth before the silver molly. SWEAR IT! "Smokethroat is right, Hyacinthbreath." Her rasped voice is uncommonly cool, but her chartreuse gaze burns in a pool of green hell-fire against black features. She pulls herself up, gritting her teeth at the throbbimg pain from her shoulder. She should be resting, as Beesong had fretted over her. But the warrior was always too damn stubborn for her own good.
"You pulled us into this war, you've shown where your allegiance lies. Now is the time to solidify that. No more moorland scrap is to be brought here. I know your son resides in that clan, but he has chosen to stay there and you have chosen to be here. You must place your clan first." Her staggered stride pulls to stand beside her dark counterpart. "If you turn yourself in, all this would have been for nothing. Clearsight's death would have been for nothing. So take it in stride and learn from it, my friend. You are RiverClan now." Cindershade holds her head aloft and stares down the bridge of her nose upon the smaller molly, her voice growing stronger and more clear with each word. She shows no emotion, for she is too tired. All she can give is an stone-etched expression while her tail lashes back and forth, waiting for her answer to Smokethroat's command.
​

[ SILENCE IS DEAFENING ]​

 

[HOUNDSTRIDE.]

There'd never be a reason for him to think of her as a clanmate. Hound's come to know such things well and true. Even Wasprattle, odd a situation as the other'd been, was a RiverClanner now. But when he looked at her– there'd be no mistaking what he saw. A WindClanner who'd lost her way. One who'd been more than happy to sell out one love when things went wrong. Right as she may've been to do so, too many questions float in his mind. Who's to say she'd not do it once more? And who could say that her ties to that place, to all those that still lived there, would not drag the into mess after mess again?

She's already let her heart get in the way of her clan. The fleeing pair, a murder. Deserved as it may have been, true as her love for those clanmates could have stood– what'd she ever brought to them but harm?

She's no RiverClanner. The lead warriors offer it, a lifeline as she drowns. Houndstride's all the more tempted to take it from them. To shout that she should do it, that at least then it'd spare them the future's trouble. How he'd trade her for Clearsight in a heartbeat. Clay'll never be the same. And for what? Anger and pain bubble up through him, rising and spitting like snake's venom, and yet the warrior's dead silent as he approaches the others that'd spoken up. His shoulder presses to Smokethroat's, no thought to how well received it be, but hopefully steadying nonetheless. Watching and waiting. Biding, until everyone's finished their speeches. "Your words'll mean nothing to most of us," he finally deadpans. "Maybe one day you can prove it."

﹥ˏˋ〘  OOC NOTES INFORMATION 〙ˊˎ﹤

• ooc: hound has this filter, helpfully labelled "repressed and grieving," which turns everything he says Incredibly Rude™. i'm so sorry.
• ──── houndstride. trans male, he - him - his pronouns.
  ──── over three years old. born late december of 2020.
  ──── bisexual but with a heavy masc preference; single.
  
  ──── a chocolate tabby with ( stylized ) low white and intense lime eyes. lean and lanky,  with whiplike musculature and a long, quick stride. hound's notable features include his impressive height, the long scar across the left side of his face from nose to jaw, his very deep, dense fur, and the confident manner with which he conducts himself.
• "speech"

​

 

[GILLSIGHT]

Though his wounds from the battle are healing, Gillpaw's grief is still ever present - a whirlwind of emotions hanging over the boy, ready for destruction.

Clearsight is gone, and nothing will ever bring him back. Nothing - no matter how much he cries, how much he begs the stars. No matter how much Hyacinthbreath apologizes. And as she announces her love for RiverClan, how she's so, so, so, sorry, Gillpaw can only feel anger. Clearsight would still be here, if it weren't for her.

And yet, they urge her to stay. And yet, they call her a RiverClanner, give her an opportunity to redeem herself.

Gillpaw isn't one for hatred, but grief is a strange storm above his head, looking for a place to strike.

"D-Did you k-know," he starts, once bright gaze locked onto Hyacinthbreath. "D-Did you know that, my mother a-abandoned me?" Something he doesn't talk of much - something he's never been aware of how many RiverClanners actually know - but something he's been thinking of a lot lately.

"She.. She n-never was the m-most present, but, the day C-Cicadastar closed the b-borders, she hadn't come back. A-And I, a kit, ch-chose to stay here, i-in case she came back for me." His tail flicks behind him, gaze lowered to her paws. "C-Clearly, she never did. B-But the borders were closed. Sh-She probably wouldn't have been l-let in anyway. M-Most aren't... U-Unless they're running from a different c-clan, I guess."

Eyes narrow like daggers as he looks back at the former WindClanner. Maybe his mother had tried to come back for him. Gillpaw would never know.

"D-Did you know, th-that Clearsight is... Clearsight was a-all I had?" Gillpaw asks, stepping forward, nearing the feline. How dare she look as sorrowful as she does! How dare she look for pity! "He... He taught me e-everything I know. He w-was my mentor. My family. And... And you..!" His claws dig into the ground, seek for a distraction amidst his rage.

"Y-You killed him! You! You!" he shouts, eyes welling up with tears. "Y-You caused all of th-this and now my family is gone!" Sharp pain sits in his ribs, and he takes a breath. His wounds are healing, still. The boy shakes his head, tail flicking behind him once more in dismissal.

"T-They might call you a R-RiverClanner, but you never w-will be."
​

 

[hyacinthbreath]

A tale spun of woes and misery spilled from her eyes, and yet no sympathy is garnered- rightfully so. She doesn't expect those around her to cry for her; no, she knows Smokethroat's fuming anger was enough for her to realize what she'd done wrong. Her temper had won out once again, destroyed her hopes for acceptance in an easier light, fresh with time. Swear it! He snarls in her face, and Hyacinthbreath stands tall; expression warped into something so similar to regret. Regret that she had caused Clearsight's death by extension, regret that she couldn't get a handle on her temper when it was expected of her. Where sadness laid, rage took its place.

"I swear it," She hiccups, and yet he shouts again- demands her loyalty, to choose her side. Hyacinthbreath had chosen her side the moment she launched into battle with the others. "I swear it! The tides are my home!" She shouts back, sniffling away her tears. She wants to remain together, wants to not fall apart in front of her friends. Cindershade reminds her of her place, of who she needed to be. No more pitying her son. He was WindClan now. "I know.." A soft breath leaves her, though the breath chokes in her chest as Clearsight's apprentice walks over.

D-Did you know that, my mother a-abandoned me? No, she didn't. She hadn't been here long enough. She wished she couldn't understand what it's like, to leave ones children behind- but she had done the same with Periwinklepaw and Aspenpaw. With Wisteriapaw, Cloudpaw. Spiritpaw hadn't even been around often, but she knew her adoptive daughter wouldn't have approved of her decisions. D-Did you know, th-that Clearsight is... Clearsight was a-all I had? He makes eye contact with her, and Hyacinthbreath sits up straighter, expression falling. Grief was a changing emotion. She wondered if Gillpaw would ever heal from this tragedy. "I know apologies.. Apologies won't bring back Clearsight. I know. I'm.. I'm-" Y-You killed him! You! You!

Hyacinthbreath sucks in a sharp breath, eyes shutting as she fully prepares for the words that were fated to leave his lips. A grieving child had no sympathy for a traitor, even if she was no traitor to the river. She'd done something horrible, so honestly horrible- something that could have been prevented if she didn't take words so seriously. If her son wasn't her weakness.

T-They might call you a R-RiverClanner, but you never w-will be.

That was it, the words that broke the camel's back. Hyacinthbreath looks down at her paws silently, wills herself to remain upright and not crumble. She can take this much. This was expected. She would always long to belong to a group like herself, but perhaps her time would come later down the road. Perhaps, in the future, she could pay for her sins. But for now, she would endure this- repay the things she had stolen from those around her. She'd learn to live again, maybe.

// hya is still in the thread but i think this will be her last response!​

❝ there are wounds inside me, gaping holes of disconnect.
can you drown inside your own body? can you suffocate within this mind? ❞

 

[SMOKESTAR]

Cindershade's words are more insightful, speak more authorty and truth than his spitting and hissing could, but he finds them bland in comparison. He did not want to talk, he wanted to scream himself into a voiceless abyss.
His belly fills with fire, the ache running along his underside from the wound still red and seeping there leaves him agitated more than he can stand. He wants to scream more, louder, he wants to indulge in the carnal wrath he had so often seen their leader display upon lofty stone perches and mounds of shells; he wants to yell until he can't, until it hurts. What stops him is a bump to the shoulder, he feels his breath catch and his single eye hones in on Houndstride at his side, blunt as an untempered blade; callous but truthful. It stops the burning in his chest now, the urge to continue cursing and swearing. It hurts, but his claws grip the ground for support and he remains rigid in face of her swears, her pleas. Houndstride is right, it means nothing, and Gillpaw's broken voice nearly launches him back into a tirade.
I TRUSTED YOU. He wants to scream it. YOU HAVE HURT US WORSE THAN SHE HAS. Sootstar was a wretched creature and deserved to be usurped but even his fight with Weaselclaw over a rabbit had not garnered the retaliation and hate that Hyacinthbreath's actions had.
"Gillpaw." It is a voice without animosity, there is no scolding tone to be had because the hurt had to come out somewhere and he could not redirect the apprentice's anger as he could Iciclepaw's; she would be comforted with the thought of claws and blood but Gillpaw had always been softer, quieter, like his fallen mentor had also been. "We should both be back in Beesong's den before he realizes we have left." A tail flicked, a careful gesture for the other to walk ahead of him.
"...time will tell Hya. Nothing but time will prove anything. Not even your words can, but for now they have to be enough." Don't make me regret it, he wanted to whisper, to warn. Because if it came down to it he would kill her on the spot. Mourn her with his teeth. She would not put his clan at risk again, friend or not. If he spared not even a thought to murdering his own leader if his reign became tyrannical then she had not even a drop a leniency as well.

---

[Ooc]
Out! Trying to convinced @GILLPAW to come with to the medicine cat den.
​