private Dreaming of spring now // Drowsypaw

[Glimmersun]

Glimmerpaw had mulled over her feelings about gender for awhile after the talk with her sister and clanmates. She knows she mentioned talking to one of the older cats about how they came to the realization that the gender they were assumed to be wasn’t actually them, but she couldn’t find the motivation to do it. In the end, she decided that talking to a cat that’s more around her age would make it more comfortable. Plus, they would most likely be able to word it better, or at least in a way she could understand.

Drowsypaw has seemed down in the dumps since his mother left, and she understands. Orangeblossom being one of the most important cats in the clan meant that she could see her influence almost everywhere, and it’s definitely not the same without her mother. And with the sea of thoughts of how uncomfortable she is just…being a she starting to drown her, she needs that fresh breath of air. Maybe he needed someone to talk to as well.

She seeks out the tom, and when she finds him, she hesitates before speaking. How do you even approach something like this? She shakes her head before she spends too long in it. “Hey there…how are you doing? If umm…if you’re up to talking, could I ask you something?”

// OOC : @DROWSYPAW ​

 

[DROWSYNOSE]

I'VE LEARNED TO LOVE YOU, HONEY!​

---

he's far from okay. too much was happening all at once and it was just so much easier to hide away with training, than to face the music of it. everyone was dying. his mama had to leave. his siblings were sick. and what was wrong with him? he was a little sad? if anyone deserved to be sad, it certainly wasn't him. so, he focused on training. trying to hunt and practice fighting from potential looming threats. he had to do something. he had to be useful. he couldn't help bring lungwort. he couldn't save his siblings from the aches and pains while they were sick, even if they erred on the med. he couldn't save anyone... not yet.

he returns from a session with an npc, given his own mentor had left with his mom, and he wants to do nothing but sulk in his nest, away from everyone. it was so much easier to be upset when no one was watching. but seeing as he was being approached, he quickly perked up his ears, gently casting a softened smile glimmerpaw. she wanted to talk... he could do that. just this once.

"hey, glimmerpaw. i... would much rather talk about how you're doing. you look a little frazzled... but of course you can talk to me."

the signature tired blink of approval. he could talk to glimmer. that was no problem at all.
​

 

[Glimmersun]

Glimmerpaw is not too shocked that Drowsypaw would rather not talk about himself, but hearing that it’s obvious that she’s out of sorts makes her feel a certain way. Was it that obvious? She doesn’t exactly like that; at least no one has actually brought it up to her. Either way, she’s glad that he agreed so she can get this off her chest and finally make peace with herself…even if she isn’t a her anymore.

“No worries,” the torbie reassures him. “I just…wondered how you came to the conclusion that you’re a tom? She-cat has never really felt right to me but…I dunno.” Her voice trails off as she starts to feel the disconnection between herself and her gender set in. She’s still not confident in the way she’s wording her question too, and it makes her feel even more awkward. “I don’t think tom is exactly right either but…it’s just so confusing.”

She really does envy those who know themselves so well, and wishes she had that kind of self-realization. When she thinks about who she is, it’s like there’s nothing there. Like it’s all a lie or that it’s only what others see of her, not what she really is.​